Step funeral etiquette
lamom
13 years ago
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ocarina
13 years agoRelated Discussions
Funeral Etiquette
Comments (29)Tina, the will is "share and share alike" and my dh is the Executor. For legal reasons I don't understand, there is no need for probate. We own her home and car, all that's left is her personal belongings. Plus, dh is an attorney and he knows the legal ways of probate. SIL did not "share and share alike." With both brother's permission, SIL and I did divide my MIL embroidery stitchings and her depression glass. We didn't want those things to go to strangers. (We're going to auction off her personal belongings like furniture and stuff) My MIL had about 5 or 6 items that were antiques that came down through the family. Those are the items that are important to share evenly. But SIL didn't do that. She took two items without even talking to my husband and his brother! That doesn't include stealing the flowers. DH was around her today at MIL's house. He said SIL was in a very "sour" mood towards him. Which means she did get a new one ripped from her dh, and that she's mad she got caught and I didn't "cover her back" like she asked me to do, and that I also ratted on her. Why she feels like she and her daughters are entitled to these things just baffles me. I gently tried to explain all of this to her on the phone Saturday morning, how it's not up to she and I to divide ANYTHING, that it's up to the brothers. She just didn't get it. In fact, she kind of cussed to me. lol. One of the items was a handstitched quilt that my dh's grandmother did (she's like a Saint in our family) years and years ago, and she also stitched her name in the middle of the quilt. SIL took it without permission! When I mentioned this to her on the phone (again, I was very gentle and nice and tactful to her) she said to me, "Well I'll just bring the f***ing quilt back then." She said that several times. I kept telling her "No, keep it, what's done is done." She didn't bring the quilt back nor the antique butter churn, after my husband told her specifically to NOT take the butter churn until he and his brother sat and figured out who gets what. But she still took it, the day after my MIL died!!!! Brothers are doing fine now, doing great in fact! My problem is she was my best friend and she sees me as ratting her out and not having her back. My dh said, "she wanted you to betray your own husband!" and he was nearly in tears when he said that. So I'll be the scapegoat to what SHE did. She can't admit what she did was wrong. I took a couple of things from the house (maybe $10 in value) on Monday, and when I got home I apologized profusely to my dh for doing it and I had no problem in returning the things. He said it's okay but he was very appreciative of me owning up to it and seeing how wrong I was. My SIL simply cannot do that. He said I ought to call her. Huh uh. I'm too chicken. She is MAD! lol...See MoreWedding - Dress Etiquette - wearing white
Comments (55)auntjen, DH (and therefore I) have had to go to a couple of not-particularly-liked co-workers' weddings purely for office politics. He didn't give crap one about the co-workers (and I wouldn't have known them had they stopped me on the street and kicked me in the shins) but had he not shown up things would not have gone very well for him in the office. Some workplaces are just lousy like that, if you don't participate in the "office culture" you're sunk at review time. There were other "unwritten-but-really-required" activities like the bar-hops and expensive restaurant lunches (of course not paid for by the employer) for stuff like birthdays and departures that contributed to his leaving that job. Things like that added up very fast, and DH was the lowest-paid person in the office by a BIG margin - like there were several people in that office making 10x what DH did. At the time I had ONE nice dress, and it was the standard all-occasion, all-season "little black dress" with princess seams and elbow-length sleeves. I wore brightly-colored accessories - shoes, purse, and chunky vintage jewelry from Goodwill ;-) - and didn't get any guff from anyone....See MoreEtiquette - sympathy cards for inlaws?
Comments (17)Curious. The responses more so. Where do you all live? You saw her often..so you are a pretty tight family. I would think the family would be rallying and a card/flowers seems rather impersonal to me. I have always thought those sort of things come from people outside the inner circle to the family grieving. It has never been my experience that the inner circle would gift each other with sympathy cards/flowers. Not saying it is wrong--this is just very curious to think about....See MoreFuneral visitation etiquette
Comments (12)I think if you are a close enough friend to have been connecting directly with the bereaved prior to the visitation/service, it doesn't really make a difference if you are there at the start time or just arrive with a little buffer before the service begins. My husband's brother died 2 weeks ago, and from the family's perspective much of the formal commemoration was a good opportunity for people who hadn't been in close and ongoing contact to let my SIL and niece know how much my BIL had meant to them, share happy memories etc....See Morefinedreams
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