The Polite House: On ‘No Shoes’ Rules and Breaking Up With Contractors
Emily Post’s great-great-granddaughter gives us advice on no-shoes policies and how to graciously decline a contractor’s bid
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Lizzie Post is the great-great-granddaughter of etiquette author Emily Post and president of The Emily Post Institute. Needless to say she’s seen her fair share of dilemmas when it comes to etiquette around the home.
To kick off a new series, here she responds to a classic, and hotly debated, etiquette topic: shoes on or off in someone else’s home? She also dives into how to appropriately let a contractor know when you won’t be accepting his or her bid — a situation where silence is not golden.
Feel free to chime in with your own thoughts and etiquette questions in the Comments section!
Lizzie Post is the great-great-granddaughter of etiquette author Emily Post and president of The Emily Post Institute. Needless to say she’s seen her fair share of dilemmas when it comes to etiquette around the home.
To kick off a new series, here she responds to a classic, and hotly debated, etiquette topic: shoes on or off in someone else’s home? She also dives into how to appropriately let a contractor know when you won’t be accepting his or her bid — a situation where silence is not golden.
Feel free to chime in with your own thoughts and etiquette questions in the Comments section!
No matter which side of the issue you’re on, be ready. Bring a pair of “clean” or “indoor” shoes to change into. This way you’re set, no matter what’s requested.
When you first enter a home, it’s always polite to ask if the owner prefers shoes on or off. During muddy and wintery seasons, it’s especially important to be aware of how dirty your shoes or boots may be.
As a host, it’s always considerate to have simple, clean slippers in various sizes available to offer guests who may not have come prepared. You don’t want visitors to be embarrassed by holey socks or less-than-manicured bare feet.
Tell us in the Comments: What’s your shoe policy at home?
When you first enter a home, it’s always polite to ask if the owner prefers shoes on or off. During muddy and wintery seasons, it’s especially important to be aware of how dirty your shoes or boots may be.
As a host, it’s always considerate to have simple, clean slippers in various sizes available to offer guests who may not have come prepared. You don’t want visitors to be embarrassed by holey socks or less-than-manicured bare feet.
Tell us in the Comments: What’s your shoe policy at home?
2. It’s common practice to get three bids from contractors for a remodel, and to interview multiple interior designers and architects. What’s the best way to notify a home professional that you’re declining a bid? Do you even have to say anything?
It’s not just considerate, but it’s also incredibly important to notify the pros who have submitted bids to you that you have chosen to go with someone else.
Although it’s not fun to have to call and tell people that you aren’t going to hire them, it’s the respectful thing to do considering the time they’ve invested in assessing your project gratis.
Not only does it give them a chance to find out what was unappealing about the bid — maybe it’s something they could change, or maybe it’s just helpful feedback to hear — but it’s also important because you don’t want them to hold a spot for you, thinking that this job may actually happen.
It’s not just considerate, but it’s also incredibly important to notify the pros who have submitted bids to you that you have chosen to go with someone else.
Although it’s not fun to have to call and tell people that you aren’t going to hire them, it’s the respectful thing to do considering the time they’ve invested in assessing your project gratis.
Not only does it give them a chance to find out what was unappealing about the bid — maybe it’s something they could change, or maybe it’s just helpful feedback to hear — but it’s also important because you don’t want them to hold a spot for you, thinking that this job may actually happen.
You need to let them know so that they can move on to accepting other business. What you say, of course, will vary based on your reasons for not choosing them. If you’re nervous about rejecting someone, practice some simple sample language.
For example, if the person was great, but you simply had a better bid: “Jeff, thank you so much for submitting your bid. Hank and I truly appreciated your thoughts and ideas. We’ve decided to go with a different contractor for the job, but I’d be happy to recommend you to friends who are looking to remodel.”
If the plan was good, but the quote was too high: “Kate, thank you so much for submitting your bid. Cali and I appreciated your ideas, but another bid fit better with our budget. Thank you again for your time.”
The most basic: “Thank you for your time and thought. We have decided to go with another contractor.”
In all cases, using a friendly tone and thanking the person for time and effort spent are key to ending on a positive note.
Your turn: How have you handled these situations? And what are your burning etiquette questions?
More
Learn about estimates versus bids
Get more contractor tips
For example, if the person was great, but you simply had a better bid: “Jeff, thank you so much for submitting your bid. Hank and I truly appreciated your thoughts and ideas. We’ve decided to go with a different contractor for the job, but I’d be happy to recommend you to friends who are looking to remodel.”
If the plan was good, but the quote was too high: “Kate, thank you so much for submitting your bid. Cali and I appreciated your ideas, but another bid fit better with our budget. Thank you again for your time.”
The most basic: “Thank you for your time and thought. We have decided to go with another contractor.”
In all cases, using a friendly tone and thanking the person for time and effort spent are key to ending on a positive note.
Your turn: How have you handled these situations? And what are your burning etiquette questions?
More
Learn about estimates versus bids
Get more contractor tips
Shoes on or off is a huge debate in the United States. Huge. There are valid and strong opinions on both sides of the issue.
Dirt and germs that shoes may bring in certainly aren’t appealing. Yet dressing nicely for a dinner party and then being asked to walk around in socks, stockings or bare feet also seems odd to many Americans.
So what’s the etiquette? First: Be prepared. Second: Ask your hosts and follow their lead or request.