I like to send flowers directly to the homes of the mourners, as soon as I hear of a loved one's death, in this case mother, aunt and SIL--something bright, cheery, and pretty for them to enjoy, as DH's grandmother did. I always get an immediate tearful phone call of thanks. I don't care for cards unless it's for an acquaintance. In any case, kindness is never wrong, and you seem to have that base covered. Flowers can be expensive, but you are buying a pleasant memory during one of life's most painful events, and it will only endear you to them more.

I think sending personal cards to her blood relatives is a sweet idea. I don't think you can ever go wrong with kindness and tenderness. I'd think hubby's mom would love a note that "you feel so sad about Grandma Elizabeth's passing, she was such a sweet woman, you'll miss her, too. " or some such. To anyone you feel inclined.

Family provides flowers for funerals all the time, so yes to sending flowers. I can't imagine anyone thinking anything but good thoughts about the cards and the flowers. The rest of the family will be able to enjoy the flowers after the funeral.

What a nice sentiment. If it were me, I would send card to Mom from both of you, even if you see her frequently. There is something special about the written word. Flowers always good, In my DH family there is a "central" person that receives and shares b/day, sympathy, etc. cards, flowers, food with rest of family. I wouldn't need to send diff ones, but if I had an in law of whom I am particularly fond, I would.

Robo, you are sweet to consider this. Personally, I have never done this one if is a close relative. We are all grieving.

You certainly can't go wrong by being thoughtful and kind.

I'm sorry for your family's loss and I agree that if you are moved to send a card of sympathy to any who loved and will miss her it will be appreciated.

I received an easy-to-care-for plant in a nice pot from some of DH's work colleagues when my mother passed way. None of them ever met my Mom but I still get a nice feeling - 3 yrs later - when I water it, remembering how they reached out to me in kindness. So I'd suggest maybe a plant sent to the home of the caregivers.

I'm so sorry, I think I recall you mentioning her here.

When my Dad passed we had the most gorgeous flowers, really very special and not at all funereal ... think english country garden. He loved flowers. I would do it again. It is in part a recognition of who they were.

For close family, I would write letters, especially since you knew her well.

I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I think a hand-written notecard (not a greeting card) would be the way to go. Either one is a lovely gesture, but there's something more special IMO about a notecard written in your own hand, without pre-packaged verse or sentiment. Make it as personal as possible. I assure you it will be appreciated - treasured, even. You have a kind heart.

You can't go wrong with either sentiment. If you are sending flowers, I concur with sending a plant. If either your MIL or your husband's aunt are gardeners, consider a plant that can go outdoors. When my mother died in 2002, I received a gardenia from my husband's family. I planted it outside, and have since split it into four plants. If the climate works, maybe a plant that Grandma particularly enjoyed.

You can't beat a handwritten note, and he flowers sent to the home would be lovely. You do have a kind and it will mean a lot to the rest of the family to hear directly from you.

I remember getting notes from family members when my dear cousin passed away. We were very close. I thought it was very touching that they wrote such sweet sentiments to me in particular since they knew she, and our family, were especially close.

A kind impulse should never be questioned or stifled. Follow your heart:)

Rather than a typical sympathy card, I would get some really pretty floral notepaper and write personal notes.

I agree hand-written notes would be appreciated. Years ago, my MIL gave me embossed stationery that I use for this type of occasion. (It's now a running gift she gives me every xmas because I think it's such a special, personal touch.)

Share your favorite memory of DH's grandmother and your admiration for the family. And don't sell yourself short--you seem as kind as the family you married into.

A card or flowers are always appropriate. Do you plan on attending the wake/funeral?

Curious. The responses more so. Where do you all live? You saw her often..so you are a pretty tight family. I would think the family would be rallying and a card/flowers seems rather impersonal to me. I have always thought those sort of things come from people outside the inner circle to the family grieving. It has never been my experience that the inner circle would gift each other with sympathy cards/flowers. Not saying it is wrong--this is just very curious to think about.

I like nannygoat's advice- A kind impulse should never be questioned or stifled. Follow your heart:

I would also like to comment/suggest that a donation to a charity in someone's memory is to me, always fitting . This is the "custom" I grew up with and it just seems so right to me. When I look at the price of flowers, though of course beautiful and comforting, I can;t help but think if that $$ were donated to research where we might be.

I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I agree that a nice letter and a plant or flowers are a lovely gesture.