I agree with the rule of "never upstage the bride". So don't look better than the bride; my interpretation. :0)

I know a woman, 57 yrs old, who sewed ALL the brides maids dresses & the wedding dress. Then purchased this gorgeous lavender bugle beaded spagetti strap gown for herself, mother-of-the-bride. The mom was skinny, big chested, the gown was skin tight, mermaid looking. She looked 100% better than the fat, face pierced bride, bright red dyed streak in her hair, in the homemade white ruffled & I might add, outdated frumpy wedding dress, with the red sashes! :0)

Your outfit sounds lovely. I'm a big fringe lover. :)

I don't see any problem.

Unless you're wearing a wedding gown, you probably aren't in danger of upstaging the bride. ;-) It's perfectly fine and acceptable to wear white or cream-colored clothing. Most people have no difficulty distinguishing the bride from the guests, and that old "rule" is silly and outmoded. Enjoy the wedding!

It doesn't sound remotely bridal, which makes it OK in my book. And admittedly, I'm one who has a problem with black dresses at weddings... Black slacks or a skirt with a light or bright top -- fine. Something happy-looking. Solid black -- no.

A scarf, broach, silk flower or feather corsage could further the 'happy' look and tone down any 'solid white' issues.

Your outfit sounds perfect, tres chic! :-) The problem I've noticed at weddings is not the person who upstages the bride, on the contrary it's just the opposite, people aren't dressing appropraitely for this occassion and are dressing DOWN. I went to a wedding held in the couple's (large) back yard and many guests thought that meant they could get away with picnic attire and flip-flops. Later I asked the bride if she noticed what some of her guests were wearing and she said YES! She was insulted by the lack of respect they showed her with their choice of clothing. As long as the woman doesn't wear an all-white dress you can wear some white.

While we're on the subject of weddings what has happened to bridal gown industry? EVERY gown I see has a strapless sweatheart neckline. Variety has disappeared, they all have the same look on top. No sleaves of any kind, no collars, it's all strapless. I heard a man once say that if saw another bride in a sweatheart neckline he'd puke. He works in the industry so he sees them every day. Watch all the bridal shows on TV and you'll see...no matter how fat or thin all brides are wearing strapless gowns. And that's not a style that looks good on everyone.

While we're on the subject of weddings what has happened to bridal gown industry? EVERY gown I see has a strapless sweatheart neckline.

I've wondered the same thing. It seems like 99% of the bridal gowns on TLC's Say Yes To The Dress (one of my guilty pleasures) is strapless. Some of the dresses are they feature on the show are practically see through and very tacky. Check out #14 & 19 on this link

Noooooo! That peek-a-boo corset "thing" going on is just hideous! Is she gonna swing around on a stripper pole while she's at the altar too?

Ooooo tacky indeed! That's bad.

Just went bridesmaid dress shopping last weekend and all those dresses pretty much look the same too, IMO.

The designer Pnina Tornai is especially well known for the "stripper bride" look:

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Wouldn't these be just perfect for a big church wedding?

A first big church wedding?

Any woman who'd wear one of those has no business wearing white in the traditional sense.

Oh gosh, I wish I could find the pix DD sent me (to break the tension of the Mother/Daughter wedding planning struggle). Too funny...talk about stripper gowns!

I think your proposed outfit sounds lovely. At DD's wedding, I was thoroughly pleased that everyone was appropriately attired (except my 2 nephews who are 11 & 12). There were a lot of young people and they had some creative, but attractive outfits. Lots of black, but that is trendy for 20 somethings. My MIL wore a white sequined top & black slacks, and fit in perfectly.

My friend was married about a month before DD in a park and when I saw the photos I wanted to die. Some people were attired well, but more than half of the people were wearing shorts, flip flops, jeans, etc. She'd worked so hard to make it beautiful and people acted like it was a picnic. That was one of the reasons I was happy DD chose to get married in a ballroom. I know too many people who married in a park, back yard, beach, vineyard, and guests show up dressed for play.

Mouth hanging open at those bridal gowns!

Wow.

Well -- at least the men at the wedding would be thrilled! LOL! I wonder if they would throw dollar bills?

Jan

I don't see a problem either. Black at weddings and white at funerals isn't a big deal anymore. ;o)

hhireno,

Were you at MY wedding? Yes, my MIL wore a full white dress. And she stood at the altar with my husband and me. I did not make a fuss because it was MY day and I didn't want to make anything worse. But bottom line - I was seething inside and its one of those things I will never forget. I'm sure I am not the only bride who had to swallow her pride on her wedding day under similar circumstances.

I think the answer is obvious here - don't wear the cream jacket because there IS a chance that you will detract from the bride. It's a small price to pay to find another jacket or simply wear one of the other dresses you mentioned. Wear your cream jacket to other events, but not to the ONE event where you run the risk of causing a stir.

It isn't just about competition - it is about attention. Right or wrong, some people WILL talk if you wear your cream jacket. It's just a fact. Same if you wore a sombrero. IMHO, no matter how you cut it, wearing a white-ish color at a wedding is bound to attract attention to yourself, and that is no way to show your respect for the bride.

I attended another wedding, this was 1991 or 1992, and I know the bride's dress cost $1000, which shocked me. It was stunning and I'm not one who understands the fuss about the big, white costume, I mean dress.

Anyhoo, the reception was held in the social hall at a volunteer fire company. A firehall reception is a common, inexpensive venue around here. Some of the guests wore shorts and tee shirts, which also shocked me. I guess their thinking was it was a firehall so that meant come as you are. I knew it was firehall but I still put in some effort because it was a wedding, not a picnic.

I don't know who was further off base: was the bride overdressed for her choice of reception venue? With a dress that expensive should she have picked a classier venue? Am I just cheap & one grand on a dress isn't expensive? Were the uber-casual guests wrong to assume it was a dress down event since it was held in a firehall? Was the bride as shocked as I was about the people wearing shorts? Did that marriage survive?(we were co-workers and we lost touch after that job.)

No one with any sense is going to mistake a woman in a cream jacket and black pants for the bride. And if they do, they are so loony as to be disregarded.

If the only way someone can tell who the bride is is by the fact that she is wearing white, then they shouldn't be at the wedding. LOL They obviously don't know the people being married well enough to be included.

Wearing white, by the way, has nothing to do with purity or virginity, or any of that nonsense. It comes from the fact that at one time when brides were married they wore whatever special nice dress they had in their wardrobe, and then wore the same dress afterwards. I believe it was in the victorian era that perhaps someone of wealth or royalty had a white dress made especially for their wedding, as a sign that they could afford to have an expensive dress and only wear it once. Hence the tradition.

I agree that strapless has been overdone - there really is not much else out there. Some years back when I worked bridal, at least women had choices of sleeves,strapless, various necklines,etc. Now the look is all the same, and strapless is NOT an attractive or flattering choice for many women.

Also, keep in mind that sometimes a bride does a 'snowball' wedding - herself and attendants in white. Evidently that bride is secure enough that she figures people will know which one she is! LOL

Wear it with confidence. No one will talk, imo, but if they do, they are lost in some world of mis-placed and misunderstood bridal etiquette.

I wouldn't worry. No person is going to think that a blazer and black slacks is going to 'steal the show' from the bride.

The wearing of white by the bride is only a very recent "tradition" only going back about three generations. White is a popular European/American tradition and other colors are popular in other cultures. White is a funeral color in most cultures.

According to Davids Bridal one out of five brides choose a color for their wedding dress. Older brides who don't look good in white, and younger women who want a Goth or themed wedding are just some of the customers who choose colors.

Weddings are more casual nowdays and as someone pointed out an overdressed bride is just as bad as an underdressed guest. A ballgown in a bowling hall is just wrong. A guest is obligated to dress for the occasion. Even at a biker wedding everyone puts thought into it and wears "their best".

I wouldn't worry abut the blazer/slacks thing too much. Everyone will be too busy nitpicking the bride.

This bride is not happy her mother wore white? What struck me about this photo is that the MOB is wearing the exact same dress my friend wore as a bride to her wedding.

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Black and white weddings seem to be the latest fad:

Reds. Purples. Anything goes.

This is cool. I've seen birthday and memorial cakes decorated with edible photos of the person being celebrated but never a wedding cake done with photos. Photos can be done in colors too.

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It isn't just about competition - it is about attention. "Right or wrong, some people WILL talk if you wear your cream jacket. It's just a fact. Same if you wore a sombrero. IMHO, no matter how you cut it, wearing a white-ish color at a wedding is bound to attract attention to yourself, and that is no way to show your respect for the bride."

You've got to be kidding me, a sombrero? Sorry, but I have to strongly disagree.

It is perfectly acceptable for you to wear your cream jacket. Now, if you were wearing a long white gown, I might say, go with something else. Why spend money on something else if you have a perfectly fine outfit ready to go?

You've got to be kidding me, a sombrero?

Wouldn't be the first time.

-Lena

I dunno ... sombreros might come in really handy if the reception is on the beach, and the tequila is flowing like a river.

At DD's wedding, plenty of people wore black, white, or a combination of both. NO BODY upstaged my DD...believe me!

My aunt & my neice
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My sister, DD, my mom & my aunt
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DH, me, DD, SIL, DD1, DS
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We had joked that DDbride, one of her bridesmaids & I are all, ahem, well blessed...so that no one could upstage us all.

We had joked that DDbride, one of her bridesmaids & I are all, ahem, well blessed...so that no one could upstage us all.

Yup, the Bride will always shine radiantly and the Groom will always be the most handsome man there. (Add appropriate plurals as needed ;-)

-Lena

I know a guy who owns a bridal shop. He says that the reason for all the strapless wedding gowns and bridesmaid gowns is that the designers follow the current fashion and strapless is in. He stocks some gowns with sleeves, but he has a hard time finding them.

Another reason I've heard is that it is easier to alter strapless gowns--you don't have to fidget with the neckline or sleeves, just take in/let out the waist and bust.

I've never ever been able to wear strapless gowns or tops -- just NOT enough support.

LOVE the wedding dresses posted by dilly dally. How wonderful! Love the red ones with the black wings!

And pesky -- Gorgeous wedding!! And you look glowing and fantastic! :)

I may not wear a sombero (LOVE the photo from jen LOL!) but I do wear lovely formal hats to weddings. I have a creamy confection of a hat from hat desgner Louise Green that I just adore! Wore it with a cream-and-black toile dress, very pale creamy hose (LOL!) and cream shoes. Even found a pair of vintage gloves to carry with my vintage purse! :)

Jan

"Any woman who'd wear one of those has no business wearing white in the traditional sense."

LMAO Jen you just wasted a lovely drink of wine when I spit it out laughing my head off at that phrase. How judgemental...and entirely correct ;oP You are!! I totally agree heh heh It was like you went into my head and pulled my thoughts right out!

I wore a burgundy dress when I was wed last :) I was in a condition that screamed "Not a virgin" I did however try to wear something more wedding like...I had a gorgeous gold dress made for me (found it on a wonderful website on the net...it was so elegant and not supposed to make a pregnant woman look like a house). Well it arrived two days before the wedding...and it was not the elegant soft gold in the picture....it was ummm cheap gold...how to describe...like a white plastic lawn chair spray painted with some metalic crap on sale for 32c at lowes....

I rushed out to the nearest maternity store and bought anything they had that wasn't black....

Ahhh the memories. The only one wearing white at my wedding was the minister for a day who married us...she had a pretty white silk blouse on :)

I still have that gold dress if you'd rather wear it....

Igloo,

I got married in my white 8th grade graduation dress. My sister and maid of honor, wore a new dress. (The story of my life. Don't even get me started.)

Someone mentioned black/white weddings which were quite popular years ago, approximately 15 years. That was when my oldest DD married, and followed that theme. I found a gorgeous 2 piece jacket/skirt in a cream, and asked her how she would feel about me wearing cream. She thought the outfit was 'me' and and encouraged me to buy it. The groom's Mother wore a black dress, and most of the guests wore black or white or a combination of the two. It was a beautiful wedding!

If *anyone* thinks you're in 'competition' or wanting 'attention' because you're wearing a cream jacket, that person needs a reality check. I'm sure the bride herself will not have an issue with it. ;o)

What color shell/blouse are you wearing underneath the jacket? If it's a color other than white or cream I think that will further remove you from "bridal" competition.

My last thought is it really matters how crazy the bride is about these kinds of things. Most normal women wouldn't even give it a second thought, but some are just looking for something to get in a dither about - so if she's one of those, then maybe you shouldn't wear the jacket - think of that show Bridezilla - is she a Bridezilla type?

Wow - I think that the response to my post has been rather harsh. I'm not crazy, don't need to get in a dither, and don't need a reality check simply for sharing information that has been shared with me for years. Yep, I will acknowledge that it is very, very traditional information that may be deemed "outdated" in some (or many) places. I am surprised by the responses here because, IMHO, I thought this issue that was still transitioning from the "outdated" traditional rule to the modern rule, and that seemed to be the concern of the OP. The number of responses in favor the jacket seem to aptly imply that the "old" rule is in the vast minority nowadays. Live and learn.

I will say that the ridicule and harshness shown has really opened my eyes. It has taught me a valuable lesson about sharing my opinion and certainly about sharing an unpleasant personal experience on an internet forum. I'm sure that if I shared the same experience and opinion in a room full of my friends I would not have been ridiculed so harshly. Again, live and learn.

BTW - I found the beach sombrero photo to be hilarious. That is not what bothered me.

Learn As I Go: I think that the response to my post has been rather harsh.

When I consider fashion "rules", I have this picture in mind:

hth, Lena

LOL!

I reread all of the responses looking for where someone had been mean to you and then I reread your response and then I had to scroll back up again to see what you were talking about. learn_as_i_go, I think you are reading things into the responses of people that aren't there (having known those people a pretty long time online).

It's obvious that your response to the initial question is highly influenced by a very inappropriate dress choice by your MIL at your wedding. My sister also has a nut of a MIL who was planning to wear a salmon ballgown complete with train to her sunday afternoon wedding... and she outright told my sister that all eyes should be on HER because she is the mother of the groom. It wasn't white, but it was hurtful to my sister that she PLANNED to upstage her (she was also telling people at the wedding who commented to her how beautiful my sister looked that my sister could not hold a candle to HER daughter).

And that is the point and the major difference between your situation and the situation being discussed here. A cream blazer with fringe worn with slacks will in no way upstage the bride. It won't be seen by anyone even as an attempt to upstage the bride unless they are out of touch with reality. There is just no way an outfit like that CAN upstage a bride - it's downright casual compared to even less fancy wedding dresses.

But you should not allow one hurtful person cause you to read that kind of negativity into something like this situation. It's obvious that shee is not looking to to upstage the bride and having read her posts before, this post and having a mental image of the outfit, people just cannot imagine the kind of hurt and outrage that you are channeling from your own experience with your inappropriate MIL into this situation. It's just not comparable. Your situation was about so much more than color.

Okay, the guy on the beach with the sombreros is just showing off!

Well isn't it a current trend to have ridiculously oversized packaging for a little bit of product??? I mean, you can't judge a book by the size of the sombrero. Or something.

Shee - I think your outfit sounds just fine. Enjoy!

tina

I mean, you can't judge a book by the size of the sombrero. Or something.

LOL!!!

I haven't checked this thread in a couple days. . .

I honestly thought the decision would be split with maybe more people saying not to wear it. I also thought I'd get a lot of,"If you're concerned just wear something else. Why even think about it."

I was just curious to see what others thought. My sister is four years younger than me and I'll also add she even suggested wearing nice jeans at one point. Um...no. :) I'm not going all out but it is a wedding.

Honestly I don't really care if Aunt so and so talks about my outfit but I wouldn't want to offend the bride. And the white/cream surly isn't for attention. If I were attention seeking I'd be grabbing a white dress. Attitude and mannerism goes along with an outfit also and I think it's pretty obvious when someone is trying to upstage the bride or just draw attention to themselves. We have gone out to dinner with them and hung out here and there. She's not a Bridezilla.

I don't have to dress up often so I don't have a large variety of dress clothing. With my hours being cut, going out and buying an outfit for this event wasn't something I wanted to do. And again, I can never find what I need when on a specific clothing mission. I do have another jacket/blazer/coat thing (Is there a difference?) that's a woven plumish/brownish and cream. It's a little too tight at the moment. If I can drop a few more pounds until then I'll wear that but if not it'll be the original game plan. Things just look plain old bad if they don't fit right. Too small is worse than too big, IMO. I do have lots of black/charcoal/gray tops and I'm one that thinks black and white is classic but it's finally warming up here. I just don't want to be walking around in all dark colors. (This was where my sister suggested jeans.) Btw, I'll be wearing a black top under the cream jacket. Colors seem to dress it down more.

I acutally have a cream with black stripes jacket (black pants. - I'm very much a pants and jacket type girl.) I wore to a wedding a few years ago and literally thought about the whole 'wear white to a wedding' thing as I was sitting in the church. I went into panic mode but then as I was looking around saw other people wearing white tops here and there. I knew that bride better and I'd bet money she didn't think anything of it. Btw, this jacket isn't an option because it doesn't fit anymore.

Pesky - The wedding looked so pretty! You have a nice looking family!

Teacats - Where are your photos?! That whole outfit sounds pretty and I'd love to see a pic.

learn as i go, i'm sorry if you took offense to my post, but the 'reality check' comment wasn't intended toward you. My thinking is, if another guest were to make such a comment, that guest needs a reality check as it's only a cream jacket. If it were a fancy white dress, my opinion would not be the same.

As to the sombreros, if they were switched around, and the smaller one were on his face, with the larger one being 'down below', we might 'judge the book by it's cover' differently! LOL

I just remembered that in 1981 I went to a wedding of a girl I worked with. I did not approve of the wedding, the guy was a real jerk, and I wore a black print dress. What a scandal that caused. The bride didn't care, but some of the older women were angry with me. I remember I was making a statement, but I honestly think it went over the heads of a lot of people.

That same year I went with my boyfriend to his step sisters wedding and he wanted me to wear that same black dress (it looked like something Dorothy Lamour would have worn) but I was insistant that I'd wear something less 'opinionated' since this was a GOOD wedding. He had no idea what I was talking about, but I felt better wearing a nice yellow dress.

OK, I'm curious ... why would you attend a wedding intent on making a negative statement? If you couldn't go with love and acceptance and good wishes in your heart, why go at all?
:-/

Just an idea, sheesh - add a scarf. My BFF wore a winter white blazer, black blouse and slacks at her 50th BD party the other day, with a beautiful coordinating scarf - she was a knockout! But she would not have upstaged a bride, LOL!

Have a great time at the wedding. Another of my BFs is getting married on May 1 and I have no idea what I'm going to wear :-0

Greenthumb - I'll have to try a scarf and see how it looks.

DH was at their house last night and asked the bride to be about this. lol She laughed and said basically that she wasn't picky and as long as I didn't show up in a long, flashy white dress she didn't care. Good to know!

auntjen, DH (and therefore I) have had to go to a couple of not-particularly-liked co-workers' weddings purely for office politics. He didn't give crap one about the co-workers (and I wouldn't have known them had they stopped me on the street and kicked me in the shins) but had he not shown up things would not have gone very well for him in the office. Some workplaces are just lousy like that, if you don't participate in the "office culture" you're sunk at review time. There were other "unwritten-but-really-required" activities like the bar-hops and expensive restaurant lunches (of course not paid for by the employer) for stuff like birthdays and departures that contributed to his leaving that job. Things like that added up very fast, and DH was the lowest-paid person in the office by a BIG margin - like there were several people in that office making 10x what DH did.

At the time I had ONE nice dress, and it was the standard all-occasion, all-season "little black dress" with princess seams and elbow-length sleeves. I wore brightly-colored accessories - shoes, purse, and chunky vintage jewelry from Goodwill ;-) - and didn't get any guff from anyone.

Oh, I fully understand the demands of office politics. What I was questioning was attending a wedding and wearing something intended as a personal protest. Perhaps I'm feeling rather sensitive after having a conversation with a dear friend yesterday who is dealing with someone in a very similar situation. It just kinda rubbed me the wrong way - although, I also fully understand that the event Pesky describes happened in the 80s - which was ages ago. Goodness knows I've exhibited my share of less-than-stellar attitude and behavior in my younger years, so I'm not gonna throw stones at her. ;-)

Awww, go ahead an throw stones. I was like, 18 or 19...and mad at my friend who'd INSISTED I attend her wedding. Really juvenille behavior of me, but in my defense...I was just a dumb kid.

If I were invited to a wedding where I didn't particularly agree with the whole affair, I just wouldn't go now. Too danged tired to deal with drama!

Oh, good heavens ... when I think of the dumb things I did at 18 and 19 ... (and 20 and 21 and 22 and 23 and 24 and 25, etc.) ... maybe we'd just better not go there.
;-)

My first wedding... I didn't send one thank you note.

Oh golddust, LOL! I hope you've forgiven yourself about that. We all do dumb things when we're young. I can't even count how many of my relatives never sent thank you notes for gifts I've given them, & many are old enough to know better.

I dutifully sent thank you notes to all except the last one, my MIL's best friend. I just got burnt out on writing thank you notes (& was, admittedly, immature & lazy). I thought I could thank the woman in person when I saw her. WRONG! She never let me forget that I didn't send her a thank you note, and my MIL never forgave me either. I still get nervous just thinking about it.

Oh, and just to get back OT: I think the cream top with a colorful accessory would be great.