My bf says I don’t do enough with his kids

last year

Me, 37f, divorced and a 6 year old son and my , 40m, bf has a 7 year old boy and 5 year old girl. we have been together for 2.5 years. he moved in 1.5 years ago to my house. He is retired air force and i work a full time job. I have full custody of my son and he gets the kids every weekend, thursday nights, all holidays and breaks, and m,t,w,f he takes his 2 to all of their extracuricular activities. Half of his retirement gets sent to his ex wife, so i foot the bill on most things for him as well. i also cook for them, fold their clothes etc. i used to watch them while he took naps on the weekends, which could range from 2-5 hours. i was expected to keep them quiet, but hed always single out my son for being loud and waking him up and send him to the room. The kids also do not listen to me especially the older boy. im also not allowed to drive the kids around per their mother. i respect her wishes. i also want to point out that he does not plan to marry me. i do admit that he helps out with my son by getting him on the bus in the morning and getting him off of it. he also takes my son to all of their many dance, karate karate, football, soccer practices (which my son cant do because his son already does them) and i cant because i dont get off in time. what more am i supposed to be doing? i talked about getting a second job so i could afford to pay someone to help me with my son with going and getting from school but my bf said that i would be denying my duties in helping on the weekends as well. I am lost and need direction. My ex husband was abusive and controlling and im making sure im not making the same mistake. id like to note as well. 2 months back we went to a kids bday party and they were in the bouncy house. One of the kids ran to me and said my son got beat up. All the kids came up to me and said that my bf son got on top of mine and was punching him the face. (my son also has chiari malformation 1) so its not preferable at all for him to be hit in the head. My son had bruises. my bf literally did not scold him or anything and i kept urging him to just speak with him and let him know how serious this is. He did not take my word for it but messaged his friends to ask what they knew and they said exactly what i told them. Now for context as well he is 7 in sparing classes and he is 120 pounds. my son is 6 and is 67 pounds. He told me i overreacted. thats when i decided i would no longer at least watch his kids while he took a 2-5 hour nap on weekends. now he says i dont do enough.

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Comments (4)

colleenoz
last year
Sadly, it definitely sounds like you have chosen another abusive partner. If you are expected to look after his children they need to listen to you. Even teenage babysitters have that authority. His son should not be beating up your son and he should not be tacitly condoning this.

Does this man contribute financially to the running of the house? Even if he is giving half of his earnings to his ex wife, he and his children still constitute nearly half of your household so his contribution should be almost equal.

You’re working full time, he’s retired AND taking long naps on the weekends? Where the hell does he get off? He can take his long naps on weekdays when he’s alone in the house.

Time to throw in the towel and say, ”This isn’t working, it’s time for us to go our separate ways. I’ll help you pack.”
pkpk23
11 months ago
last modified: 11 months ago
Your boyfriend has a good deal- someone to foot the bills for him and his children as well as doing much of the caretaking. Your son doesn't have such a good deal- he has to live in the house where his bullies also reside. This man is abusive and taking advantage of you. You need to get him out of your house.
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Hi mom-of-all-trades, thank you for the well wishes regarding my husband. A few things however I believe you misunderstood about my position in all of this. He is free and clear to spend as much time with them as he wants to, they are the ones who cut contact with us when he told them to stop lying all the time and stealing from us. They blocked us on facebook and the youngest has moved away and never let us know her contact info. The oldest refuses to tell us when asked. Husband has already extended the olive branch as it were twice without success. The ball is in their court... The youngest never really wanted anything to do with her half siblings and is so far gone in her relationship with her father that he doubts she will ever make contact again. (long story). The oldest still lives with her mother and her mother decided that she doesn't like me because I helped my husband not be a doormat to her and the demands for money that she would have just pissed away for herself (he wasn't required to pay child support and they are both over 18) and guilt she still tried to lay upon him regarding his older children. His oldest seems to have learned how to behave from her mother regarding the stealing, lying and manipulating. I didn't really have a problem with her spending time with my daughter until I started noticing things missing from my house. She even stole a pair of my husband's shoes. New ones that he just bought. Stealing not just from him, but from me as well. When confronted about it, lying and acting outraged at even being accused even though some of the stuff later appeared in her house. This is not the type of person either me or my husband want in our house regardless if she is his daughter. If she ever realizes that she needs to clean up her act and be honest and not steal, then she will be welcome again. And she has been told this. She isn't only hurting us, she is hurting her half-siblings with every item she takes that we have to replace. I have made it clear that I value honesty highly and at this point it is too hard for her to accept. We will see what happens in the future but like I said, I have a strong gut feeling that it will not. Regards NadineV PS, there is a lot more information about what led to this situation in my two previous posts if anyone is interested.
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Bryana Pierce
8 months ago
That is not your responsibility sweetie he has to work with the other parent
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Tanya Rodrigues
6 months ago
I am so sorry you are in this tough situation. It sounds like you are being very well taken advantage of.

You can offer your help, in finding him a new place to live, or packing his things . At the end of the day those kids are his responsibility, and although we do things for our partners and their children too, there comes a time where one must put their foot down. Enough is enough ! You provide for them financially, and more , and he still has asked for more?

Also, why is the 40 year old retiree taking naps on the weekend while you work a full time job and are expected to go home on the weekends and also put in more work to parent and take care of household duties etc., when he brought two kids to the relationship? He should step his game up and be doing more!

Time to recognize your self worth and move on hun <3 You deserve better

My bf says I don’t do enough with his kids

Comments (4)

colleenoz

pkpk23

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