DistressedWife, this husband of yours has problems and he is using you to make himself feel better about himself. That's what I think. He feels better after he has chastised you, belittled you. He wants to set the rules. I think that he needs a good kick up the arse but not by you. He's not worth a kick up the arse. I know he was your best friend and I suppose you were his best friend but now that you are married, he no longer seems to see you that way. You are his wife. He feels entitled. Well, he's wrong. But he won't know or think he's wrong. He's got a lot of growing up to do and that is his problem. Your problem is him, and a little bit you. (You need to build up your self esteem.) You have to get brave. Get yourself organised, pack your stuff, and get out to a better place. Your father's house seems like a good option. Take some control of your life and you will feel that you have some control. I wouldn't do this when he is around. Wait until he's gone out. He won't want you to have control over your life. And of course he'll want you back. He wants you as his underling. He is not fit to be your husband. Maybe one day he will be. But only he can fix himself. The longer you are away from him, the more likely he is to be motivated to do so. My de facto husband does bot believe in marriage, that's why he and I never married. He thinks that when people marry, they change. I think he is right. Life is about changing our minds. I changed my mind about ever wanting to marry my de facto. You might change your mind about never wanting a divorce. Or you might decide to stop wanting to work at your marriage when you are the only one doing so. For it takes two, to make a marriage work, and at the moment he has no intention. You can't change him but you can change you. And your predicament. All the best. And I'll be sending good vibes your way.

For me it is simple, while I appreciate many granites and some ss appliances, they are not for everyone. I also find many granites to be downright ugly and many ss appliances to be boring looking (hard to distinguish from all the others I have seen that day). I think the best plan is to figure out what you like by having an open mind. Shopping out your options and getting what works for your home, family and budget. What I have heard repeatedly on this thread that just because the masses think that granite and ss are "musts" that one should follow their own instincts and not worry that you are not part of the trend. We got 3 ss elements in our kitchen (hood, wall oven and micro shelf), 4 in white (fridge, freezer, micro and range) and a black dw. No one can accuse us of following the herd. Each one was chosen on its merits. If we had found a perfect granite, we might have gotten that, but over time, I think we came to the conclusion that it would not work with the vintage homey vibe we were shooting for. It was not for lack of trying though. We met with fabricators and walked miles in granite yards trying to pick one if it hit us right AND worked in our space. We saw many that were lovely but were not the right color scheme or look for this particular kitchen. I think if people don't consider their options, then they will have a limited kitchen (and life). We ended up with Corian counters which I would have bet heavily against going into the project. An open mind and patience led us to our right choices. Others will find their own answers, but hopefully not look down on kitchens that don't have ss or granite. Luckily, we have GW where we can read about others' experiences, see their choices and learn about more options. I'd know so much less if I had not practically lived here for a few years, lol!

My Dad was an abusive alcoholic. Not to put too fine a point on it, it was a tremendous relief when my parents divorced when I was 13 and he left. I had no contact from him after that, not that I was bothered. Then, when I was 16, I had finished school and was spending a year travelling. Since I would be passing through the city in which my Dad and his new wife lived, my mother insisted I should at least visit him for an hour or two between landing on the plane from home and boarding the ship for overseas. I didn't particularly want to but my mother was a hard person to argue with. So, he and his new wife picked me up from the airport and took me to their apartment for afternoon tea. It was awkward. I was too young to really ask the right questions. Like, why did you hit me? That said, he was so locked into lying about everything I doubt I would have got a truthful answer. New wife had some adult children from a previous relationship who were older than me, who apparently would like to have met me but were unavailable. So I had to speak with them on the telephone, again an experience I wasn't all that keen to have. They chastised me for being an ungrateful daughter: according to my Dad he had been sending me birthday and Christmas cards and gifts, money, the whole works, and not once had ungrateful me replied or sent thanks. This was more fantasy on Dad's part: I never received anything and have no reason to think that my scrupulously honest mother would have prevented me receiving anything that had been sent. I disabused them of the fantasy. Eventually our awkward afternoon tea drew to a close and they took me to my ship and I left and never saw him again. When he died some years later I reacted to the news with total indifference- he was out of my system. I think this was due to my mother insisting on our final meeting, I got to see him with more mature eyes and process my feelings about him. So, I think you might consider at least one meeting with your father.Ask him any questions that have always niggled (and there are always niggly questions after the end of any relationship). If you suspect he is being fast and loose with the truth, let him know you're not interested in hearing BS. But I do think you'd benefit from hearing him out, even if you decide afterwards never to see him again. At least then you won't have any "what ifs" that can never be resolved after his death, wondering how things might have gone if......they are the hardest things to deal with after a person dies because then there is no hope of there ever being a resolution.

It sounds like a typical guy. First, he has a bond with his own child so there is likely going to be more affection & nurturing and he hasn't formed that bond with your child. Guys are not generally as nurturing as women... we tend to take care of anybody & everybody but guys, not so much. But, guys tend to think of themselves as disciplinarian... and that is probably why he is ready to lay down the law and it's always easier to discipline someone else's child than our own. That being said, your son should be your first priority. It's time to have a serious talk and let him know how you feel. He may not realize he is doing anything wrong but left alone, resentments will grow. Your son may resent the attention the other child gets. You may eventually resent your boyfriend. If your talk does not result with an epiphany & his willingness to try harder, get him out of your life ASAP because the longer you work at trying to get him to change, the longer both children are going to subjected to instability. Both children have already been through one broken home and these issues probably should have been discussed before he moved in.