First, in response to your original question, yes, we do entertain frequently. Most are casual affairs---both large and small groups. Some are spur-of-the-moment, which are my favorite--don't have to worry about any expectations.

Having said that, we chose our house for family living---the entertaining will work wherever you are. We did just as much, or more, entertaining in our previous, smaller home (about 1/2 the size of our present home) with no problem. I may pull out the good stuff once or twice a year for a more formal dinner, but for the most part the presentation is pretty casual.

As far as HGTV, I do think it's funny when young couples lament that they MUST have granite, stainless steel, or whatever. Wanting or liking these things isn't the problem, it's the refusal to consider anything less or being unwilling to wait to get them. However, what I find really irritating is when people step into the bathtub and/or shower with their shoes on. I see no reason for most people to do that. Perhaps, if one is unusually tall or the tub or shower looks smaller than usual, one might want to see if the shower felt too claustrophobic for them or the tub was too short---but, for goodness sakes, at least take off your shoes. I've also occasionally seen people sit on a bed and bounce on it. Unless the furniture is being sold with the house, leave it alone. On one House Hunters, there was a family with six kids touring homes, and the whole family flopped down on the furniture thorughout the house, with kids running here and there. Have a little respect for the homeowners and their property, please.

"And show of hands.....is every couple in America really in the bathroom together getting ready every morning?" -Joaniepoanie

OMG, my DH and I say the same thing every time we see people who insist on having the bathroom with 2 sinks!! How hard is it to take turns???? We much prefer to go through our morning routine solo!

We definitely considered entertaining when we bought our house. It is small, so we were not considering big cocktail parties. But we chose a dining room table that seats 8 instead of 6 so that when we bother to cook dinner for friends, we can have one more couple over. We have friends to dinner at least every few months. We regularly host toddler playgroup (though I wouldn't call that entertaining). We have a weekly lunch language group that meets lately at our house.

Part of this is that no family members live near us.

And we are having people over so frequently because we deliberately altered our standards. We don't clean up all the piles when people are coming over. We no longer fix the fanciest food or pull out the special china and silver for every dinner party. We do use cloth napkins, but we use those anyway to try to be green. We try to remember to focus on the time with the people, not any sense of being fancy. It is a pleasure.

In addition to the emphasis on entertaining on HGTV, and the young couples who insist on granite and stainless...it worries me how often they showcase young couples who insist the home must be move-in ready, and won't consider anything needing work or renovation. I sometimes wonder if the message is it's no longer stylish to do work with your hands or make improvements.

I seldom watch HouseHunters anymore because of the expectations that the buyers seem to have for their space. I waited 22 years before we had the money to renovate and we can't even fit the two of us in our ensuite together never mind getting ready at the same time. That's how small our ensuite is.

SQ - your kitchen/house is great for entertaining now. And CEFreeman I don;t think it's about the size but more about the flow and getting the flow of the space to function better for the different sizes of groups. Gosh, compared to some of the parties (SQ) people have, mine is nothing.

Marcolo- I do like to watch TV once in a while (LOL) but I would like to entertain more. I think it would be fun to have people over and dress up a little bit...something like the 'cocktail parties' that you see on the vintage 60s shows. That would be fun :)

So funny, LInelle - "entertaining kings and queens", "gagging on my inane comments".

Such wit here among the kitchen lovers.

Why can't we all be friends? I love to entertain and I generally do it lavishly. I have collected china and antique glassware and service pieces and I love to use them. We put an addition on our home so that we could invite more than a hundred people if we wanted to (for stand up cocktail party). We just renovated our kitchen with a huge island because everyone likes to congregate there during a party (on Xmas day we had 12 people SEATED around it with a few barstools borrowed from the bar area out in the big room).

My problem arises when it's time for me to host my dinner club (once a year). There are a couple of members who say "why do we have to be so fancy at your house?". Well, the reason is that it's my house and I like fancy. I would never tell someone how to entertain me at their house and I'm perfectly happy eating a hamburger or pizza at other dinner club members homes. If I enjoy putting on the Ritz (I do!) then why should it bother anyone?

One fond "entertaining" memory for me is when my younger brother hosted his first dinner for the extended family. He was 23, not long out of college, and had just bought a townhouse. In addition to bringing food, he asked us all to bring extra chairs and even plates and utensils -- after all, what single 23 y.o. has enough for a sit down meal for 20 people? So it was a bit makeshift and we were spread out wherever we could find room. But we all had a great time! That was over 20 years ago and I still remember how fun it was.

Maybe the lesson is that you don't need the right "stuff", just the right company.

laxfanmom, stick to your guns. I used to feel a bit inferior when talented gourmet-cooking friends had us over, but I got past it. I'm lucky to have friends who share their talents (cooking and entertaining wise) and now I just go and enjoy myself immensely. We all have different strengths and styles, and the interesting mixture should make our lives richer, I think.

We live in a rural area, not in a place where friends can "and let's drop by X's while we're out," so except for a local couple or two for dinner, or family we've blackmailed into driving out, there's little entertaining. Bigger stuff maybe twice a year.

That said, the ability to entertain when we want to was important, so we built flexibility into our home. It can handle quite a crowd when called on but is very comfortable for us two the rest of the time. As for those HGTVers, people shop for homes imagining the lives they hope to live in them.

BTW, as a former appraiser, the only stuff that gets me growling at the TV is those whiners who bash a property because of its counters or some picayune thing like that. I'd be hard put to say who irritates me more with that--young entry-levelers who really, really can't afford to be so dumb/self-indulgent/spoiled or people shopping in the million+plus markets.

Oh, just remembered another, tho: Those who trash a property verbally, conveniently "forgetting" that former owners will probably be watching. Out-of-reach outrageous meanness is even less excusable than face-to-face. At least the latter are putting their noses on the line.

We love entertaining. We don't entertain as often as we used to or as often as we'd like, but we enjoy having people over and cooking up a storm. We love our cats, but we do vacuum up their hair for company. While I do agree that the HGTV "it's great for entertaining" mantra is annoying, part of the appeal of our home for us is that it's great for entertaining.

We don't entertain much. Partly because our house has been in a state of renovation flux or I've indulged in post-renovation moodiness (i.e. "I'm sick of strange faces in this house, leave me alone.") And partly because my husband is partially deaf, and he can't hear much with more than six people in the same room, talking.

We don't have any rooms devoted to entertaining; in fact, we're converting our formal dining room into a guest bedroom because we know from the past 18 months that we have more overnight visitors than we throw dinner parties. We are setting aside space for a table for six (eight at a squeeze) in the new kitchen for those occasions when we have sit-down meals with visitors.

And my home is almost never visitor-ready - always a last-minute clean/newspaper recycle/grocery shop away from welcoming anyone in. The one good thing about having a dedicated guest room will be that I don't have to dismantle my exercise space and blow up mattresses every time someone's sleeping over.

Large entertaining spaces were definitely a plus for us when we were house hunting. We love to entertain. Formal dinner parties only happen a few times a year, but we have more informal gatherings once a month for cards(25-35 guests,) backyard barbecues, kids friends constantly, and impromptu pool parties when the mercury climbs. It's a pleasure to host friends in our home. I might feel differently if I worked outside the home.

Hope this makes you feel better...

You do know that they tell the realtors and the buyers exactly what to say, right? Our realtor was on one episode. Hearing her story was interesting. Makes watching more enjoyable now since I know everything that they will say.

House Hunters is so formulaic. I'm convinced they've already chosen a home and then pick a couple of comps to pretend to consider. At least they've gotten rid of Suzanne Whang doing the voice-over. You can watch the last 5 minutes and see all there is to know.

Entertaining to me is anyone who enters through our doors. Whether it be a neighbor over for a cup of tea, my three adult sons, my wonderful daughts-in-laws, our three grandsons, our monthly card club (27 years and going strong) or the annual family reunion - it is entertaining to us.

China - rarely. But, I have at least 6 sets of stoneware that I rotate often. I traded in the silver for a very good set of stainless steel flatware, the crystal is gone and replaced with Crate and Barrel inexpensive stems.

Our house is the "go to" house. Remember the Mikey commercial (he will eat anything) - well, we are the Mikey's. We will always host and we love it. When people come to our home they kick their shoes off and put their feet up on the sofa or coffee table. They come into the kitchen and help with cooking, dishes or just to talk while I am cooking.

I grew up with parents that entertained. One New Year's Eve, my siblings and I were shipped off to our grandparents so Mom and Dad could have a party. The kitchen was turned into a bar, tables dotted the living room and the furniture was moved out of two bedrooms for dancing. The floors had linoleum and Dad got sawdust at the local sawmill to make the floor "slide" better.

Having people in my home warms my soul.

PS - Chicagoans - can I come to the next party??? I live a mere 4 hours south. You guys must have some fun times!

Mellie - I feel the same way!!! In 34 years of marriage, we have always had one sink in the bathroom. In the new house we will have one sink and the extra area will be a place for me to sit and put on my makeup. We typically do not get ready at the same time. I prefer to linger in a warm tub and he wants to "steam" everything up!!!

Lavendar Lass - The cocktail parties of the 1960s was my life. I vividly recall peaking through the curtains of the french door to watch my parents and their friends. I grew up in a small town (1500 pop.), but my parents loved to entertain friends and family.

We definitely considered space for entertaining when we selected our floor plan.

We have about 8 parties of 20-30 a year, plus one weekend long house party that is usually 30-40, as well as having frequent overnight guests. (For the house party, we typically have 15-20 overnight guests; they don't all get beds, though.)

Our rec room was planned so the kids could entertain there--impromptu groups of 6-8 show up there frequently.

Our entertaining is casual--the floor of one pantry is dedicated to paper goods. I haven't used my china since we moved here 4.5 years ago. People feel at ease in my kitchen and are likely to bring food that needs to be prepared (especially for the house party)

I'm not a gourmet cook--I'll heat up purchased frozen meatballs and use jarred bbq sauce on them. I will bake/cook some, but that's not why people come to our house. They come because we laugh a lot, play a lot of games, and have a great time. Food is secondary--or maybe tertiary.

We try to keep the house straightened enough so that with 15-30 minutes warning, it will be ready for company. And if someone comes over unexpectedly, well, I just shrug--they didn't come to see the house anyway. I do know, though, that our 'way messy' house is still pretty organized--I feel unsettled if I'm in areas that are cluttered.

Our house is great for daily living--but if it didn't work for a party, we wouldn't have built it.

We "have people over" at least once a week. I actually just gutted what many would consider a stunning kitchen because it just was not conducive to entertaining. We took our 23X12 kitchen and combined it with the den to create a great room. Now we have tons of space to spread out instead of having everyone crammed in the center of the kitchen. I also like being able to be in the kitchen working and still be there with the kids in the den.

I have never ever thought once about a buyer wanting a nice place to entertain. I guess there are some who would hate to have more than one or two bathrooms, or shuns the idea of a great view.

Maybe the problem with society is we are all sitting on our computers "entertaining" in the new 21st century way- online. We forgot what it is like to meet another person and converse with them directly. It is becoming a lost art....

MOtherof3sons,
Love your quote..

Having people in my home warms my soul.

Me too!!!
I love to party! When DH and I toured our house the
realtor told us that the former owners entertained often.

Did we buy our house because of the features for entertaining?

No, But I do love my friends. I enjoy laughing.
My DH prefers smaller groups no more than 10.
Summer time we have more cook outs and hang on the
enclosed porch. The rest of the time casual appetizers
on the counter with wine. Other times a sit down
affair with a few courses but nothing elaborate. More
to have an opportunity to sit and laugh with friends.
I find the more complicated the less I get to enjoy
my company.

Would I choose a home based on entertaining? No, but
I do prefer a home with a place to cook and be a part
of my family as they watch TV, do homework on the
counter or engage in a board games.
My snack closet is always full for my kid's friends,
you can open our refrig and find wine, beer and ice.
ALWAYS. We are the kind of home if you drop in we can
turn it into a party.

: )
Wishing you could all come over for New Years EVe!!
~boxerpups

In the 6 months we've been back in this 1300sq. ft. house we've "hosted" a party for over 80, several 20+ parties, and a multitude of smaller family gatherings...too many to count. Every single one of them informal. I planned and set up my kitchen for that. Everything is served buffet style. For Christmas Eve, I had cold appetizers on my bakers table, hot appetizers were laid out on the overhang, and a hot buffet for main courses was along the 10' back wall exactly as I always envisioned it. Desserts were set up on a mosaic gateleg table I made/re-finished along the back wall in the sunroom. People meandered in, mingled with me in the kitchen, made their way to the food, and then hung out in the backyard with our outdoor fireplace going. It was perfect. Exactly as I spent months and years seeing it in my head. I love it when a plan comes together!

We entertain frequently (people and their pets) but informally except for major holidays (when we do bring out the Waterford). We have two cats and became very attached to a friend's dog (LouLou)who lived with us for several months last year when our friend had to return to Denmark. We love it when she brings LouLou over. When my brother visits from out of state his dog comes with his family. When we visit friends or they come here it's the company we care about not their homes. I love animals and having pets in the home to me makes it that much warmer and comfortable.

We def. did not choose this house for entertaining! It's a small split but was what we could afford twenty years ago and right in between our commutes. Somehow we've fit 40 teenagers here when my older dtr had her 16th birthday. Even though we are vegetarian we're the home of choice for Thanksgiving, Passover. I think it's because we love food, sharing it with others. My idea of a great time is having another family over for dinner. Generally we have friends over once a week for dinner. My hat goes off to those who host large parties on a regular basis! You must have wonderful orgainizational skills to pull that off! I loved the image of one of the posters who described her parents clearing the area for dancing. We're going to have a New Year's Party with a Victorian theme-playing games from the time period. I wish we had family close by. Neither of us are from the state we live in so our friends here have become "family".

Wishing everyone a healthy, productive joy filled year.

OT Christine do you see my reply to you regarding cork?

Well quite frankly, one of the best parts about entertaining / having friends over, is getting the house cleaned....

And also, once you're planning a party, may as well invite......

Thank you, great thread!

Love to use my good things and love to cook for a crowd.

Best,

Oldbat2be

All of you who have described your get-to-gethers and parties sound just like my mom's home growing up. People were in and out all the time. I remember peeking out, too. I remember not being able to touch stuff until people arrived and messed it up first. :)
My mom also had "fancy" parties and casual stuff all the time. Bridge. Garden Club. Sorority Sisters. Then just good friends.

My mom could slap together a kids' dinner in a heartbeat, while grown ups drank martinis and waited for their dinner to be done. Or just drank martinis. The days of Bewitched! :)

How fun for all of you!

We are among those who "have people over" often. Just last night, my husband had three friends over to watch the Bulls game in the basement, and before that was Christmas dinner for 14 (I like to make even the most important events nice, but never formal, even though I'll take out china once in a while).

This is our third house. We renovated the first two houses and built this one from the ground up. After "living" as a married couple and parents of two children for many years, we wanted to make sure our current house was capable of hosting Thanksgiving dinner for 30+, dozens for impromptu summer bbq's outside as well as pizza parties in the winter...but first and foremost, we wanted to make sure the space worked for just the four of us, since that's who would be in the house 90% of the time. That was a difficult task, since we didn't want vast empty spaces, but did want a good flow.

We have become the "go to" house among a lot of our friends when people want to gather and comfortably hang out, but we have many generous friends who help a lot so we aren't "entertaining" them, we are hosting them (if that makes any sense). At our stage in life (low to mid-40's), we find many of our friends prefer to hang out at home than go out to a restaurant--more comfortable, less expensive and easier when kids need to be picked up or shuffled around. We have other friends who host just as often as we do, too.

I guess I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say I used to be intimidated when I was younger, having people over and wondering what I should provide and how things would work, but we've settled into a very easy pattern of having friends/family over. Those are some of the best memories all of us will have of raising our kids together (hopefully).

We definitely have people over more often since our house works well for that, but we frequently had people all over our last two houses as well. I guess it's kind of a lifestyle that we've grown accustomed to...

Just got a thank-you from the couple who shared Christmas leftovers with us last night. They mentioned the conversation--this is not the only guest couple who have appreciated a meal at our dining table and real conversation. A friend of my daughter who is now a mom herself sez she models her own meals after the pattern we set when DD was growing up--the friend was a child of a single parent and raised at much less organized meals, sometimes without own mom & sibs in the room, letalone at a dining table.

Features of our meals and entertaining...
We eat in dining room for most meals, even when alone.

T.V. is in the dining room but only turned on during a meal if DH and I agree that there is something we want to watch.

Dog is not allowed in the room. If discussion deals with pets, it's about pets elsewhere--the animal(s) are not being engaged during the discussion.

When guests come, their children sit at the same table with the adults. There is no "kid table" and the topics of conversation are not Disney-like. Kids use same quality of tableware as the adults.

I love to set table--from very casual to very ornate. There is usually a centerpiece, often with fresh flowers from garden or from store (I'm alone right now yet there's a tray holding three haggard pillar candles--they look fine when lighted--and a few short branches from our Christmas tree.)

We give dinner parties. I keep a notebook that tells me date, who attended, which tableware & tablecloth & colors & flowers I used, what was menu & wine, what pages I used for a new recipe, etc. The notebook is arranged by season so it reinforces the calendar of our garden foods and game & fish. Great to look back for memories and for ideas.

We also give intimate parties on the deck in summer and big parties with a pig or turkeys to roast and a keg of beer. We own a 2-pole 20x30 canopy which we can set up over the patio if weather is iffy or if we need sun protection. DH likes to grill summer and winter. Family parties are sometimes potluck, with guidance from me for a master menu. Our kids had graduation parties in yard, our parents on both sides celebrated 50th wedding anniversaries in our yard, and we're going to have a 50th for ourselves here as well in a few more years I believe. When relatives visit from out of town, the extended family party is usually here.

DH participates in some cooking and he cleans. (Having parties is a way of forcing the house to be cleaned and it keeps food from accumulating in freezer.) We are pleased to have new front lobby with closet space for guest coats and room for people to gracefully enter and park their gear.

DH and I have been taking wine classes and at home it's fun to sample wines with a group. Matching wine to food is a great adventure which we welcome--we're intrepid at trying things. We also enjoy trying new recipes. We've been attending meals at a cooking school where we've been exposed to French cooking and new foods.

We have a lot of china, glassware, silver but we've got quite a bit of informal tableware also. And tablecloths. Our dining table has 2 leaves and we can add a second table also, for a total of up to 18 adult sitters. I have more formal than informal place settings, so Christmas extended fam. meal was on china this year--15 people, which is typical for this event. If we are doing a deck informal summer group meal, I use mismatched informal plates and glassware.

I believe that it's important to have face-to-face meals with immediate family and with extended family and with friends. It's civilized. I was brought up this way and my children have continued the same idea, to the extent that they can in small quarters. They have friends who eat together in groups and they enjoy thinking about foods to bring to pot lucks, which is what they often participate in. They also enjoy cooking for us when we visit, even if that means a tiny table with a whole family at it.

In my younger days adults dressed up when they went to visit other homes. Today I no longer care about this, but I do enjoy dressing up myself. So, I tell people that my table may be formal but they can dress as they like. I hope that I continue having meals for guests into my 70s and 80s and I hope that friends and family will continue to tell me that they enjoy coming here.

I'm with Oldbat2be. If I didn't entertain occasionally, my house would never be clean (as in all the rooms at the same time). Entertaining is a great motivator.

I don't host terribly often, or terribly formally. With my kid out of school for Veteran's Day, I invited her friends from school, preschool and aftercare and their families to an 11/11/11 potluck. Short notice, no menu planning, no RSVPs. Simple. Fun.

I love entertaining! I still have dregs of the remodel in my entry and boxes of paperwork hiding behind the sofa, because I've had other priorities, and finally had to get over it and invite people over anyway or I'd be all alone. I feed them well, and the dining room and kitchen look fine, so they come, they eat and they're happy.

Re separate spaces, not really. I don't generally entertain in the kitchen, though that's where we had the Chanuka candles (what's better than soapstone for underneath?) and we just did the end of Sabbath service there too. The dining room is for eating, so makes an easy transition from placemats for family to cloth for company.

The living room furniture is for company (as in the seats are for sitting), but there are big stacks of books and magazines on the coffee table, and there's a corner with the TV and computer cabinets, and a small patch of tech detritus as well. And the boxes of paperwork that needs to be inputted before it can be filed. And the quilt frame. Unfortunately, the entry, which is a good sized room, is the only place for boxes and other kinds of junk, so I tidy it up for company, and clear the bench of whatever might be pending, but the company has to see it when they come in. In other words, they're combo spaces, but I try to keep it presentable and when I fail, well, that's just too bad for people who want to see a perfect room.

Do you want to have people in your house? Is the condition just an excuse? Do you like to cook? Do you like to feed people? Because you can always entertain otherwhere. You can make a picnic in a park during pleasant weather. You can hire a hayride or a sleighride or a party boat. If you have a relative or friend who doesn't like to cook, and if you do, you can entertain together with you cooking and the other one hosting. If none of the above, if you owe hospitality, you can get a room at a restaurant, and have people there. It doesn't have to be a fancy restaurant with fancy prices. It could even be someplace funky like a bowling alley, if your folks are into kitsch, or maybe you can invite a taco truck to cater for you at a park or other public space.

If you just don't want to deal with people, you can always keep your place a work site and post a Keep Out sign. :) Or just not invite people over.

And if you want plywood counters, you can still have people over. If they're coming to see granite, not you, go out and meet a better class of people.

I come from a long line of "entertainers", (must be the Irish heritage). My parents were the ultimate hosts, they just knew how to throw some great parties. And the two houses I lived in growing up were NEVER designed for entertaining. They just made do with the space they had and let it roll from there. They had a gift for putting the right mix of people together for a good time.

My Dad will be 85 in June and he still throws dinner parties for his friends (anywhere from 60s-ish to his age). My sister and I usually help with the set up/clean up, and DH plays bartender, but Dad is the one who cooked the meal and he is still working the room, making everyone feel welcome.

DH and I entertain often also, we just like having the house filled with laughter and good times.

But "entertaining" doesn't have to mean a big hoopla party, rather, like many poster said, it can be a handful of friends (or even one!) hanging out, watching a movie, a game or just talking. It's inviting people into your home and your life, THAT'S entertaining!!

Loved reading everyone's posts. My first thought was...can someone forward this to HGTV? Because I miss the design shows for ordinary people...anyone remember Room by Room with Matt and Shari? The problem with many of these shows is that there is so much pretension. The only House Hunters I watch anymore are the international ones because it caters to my travel bug.

Florantha, you truly expressed how my grandma felt about entertaining. You touched on a point that I wish everyone would understand...She didn't care what people wore, she just wanted them to come. Grandma loved doing linens, china, silverplate, because she wanted all her special people to feel special on a special occasion. It was that simple. And if we knew of someone who had nowhere to go on a holiday, call her and she'd have place waiting for them.

I so miss her....

I enjoy having people over --2, 4 or 6, the occasional party and my Book Group (9) once every few months.

Have to say, have looked at a lot of houses that were described as "perfect for entertaining" and that always seemed like code for huge rooms that would make you feel like you were in a public space rather than a home when you were there by yourself or with your family. I guess I just don't like the vast open spaces I have seen in some contemporary construction. Our house feels right when the two of us are here together.

Count us in on the needing 15 minutes before adult guests come.... I also agree that entertaining is a great motivator to get to straightening up more and hitting the to-do list.
We have been lax about entertaining since the reno since so much is unfinished. I'd like to have it more done before we reveal it.
We entertain the boys' friends all the time. We are the "Kool Aid" house and often have extra kids over for dinner.
Our adult entertaining is hosting draft parties for dh's fantasy sports leagues or "ladies night" with appetizers and drinks in the evenings. Our parties tend to be large bbqs, so we added on a Florida room/screened in porch in our reno. Of course, our backyard got destroyed by the trucks so we need to fix it up before our next bbq.
A good part of our reno planning was for having people over but not in a formal sense. We rarely use our good china or formal dining room table for sit down dinners, but we serve buffet style a lot. Entertaining does not mean stuffy Martha Stewart style fussiness.

As for pets near cooking or dining, that simply grosses me out. I love dogs and am allergic to cats (and some dogs). If a house is fur covered, I can't stay for long and would not want to. That may sound crabby and I may be outnumbered here, but many people feel that way. They just may not express it while you are kissing your pet on their mouth....

My house is my cats' house. It would probably kill someone with a cat allergy.

Seven years ago I started working full time...I worked partime for 8 years prior to that. I noticed a HUGE difference in my motivation, housekeeping, etc..After going full time. ..I simply no longer have the energy to keep up with the house on a schedule like I used to, entertaining and all it entails...cleaning, menu planning, cooking...... I used to love to entertain as did my parents, but our friends have dwindled considerably as kids grew up, moved away and lots of us started full time work. Age is probably a factor as well. I entertain casually a few times a year. Christmas wears me out....the shopping, cleaning, wrapping. I haven't even done my cards yet!! Maybe when I retire and have more time and dont feel sleep deprived all the time I will enjoy it again.

Dianalo.....I'm with you on the pet thing! Wish pet owners would be more considerate of guests who may not be pet people. Our closest friends have 2 big dogs who jump up and lick and are always under foot the whole time. Also, dog owners don't seem to notice when their dogs stink....not very appetizing to have a smelly dog at your feet while trying to enjoy a meal!

Oldbat2be, I love when the house is what I call "company clean"!!

Of course, there were a couple of times between cleaning and food prep, DH and I were pretty tired once it came to the party. If we feel a real time crunch, seriously, we'll just order pizza.

To the OP:
I love your post! I do like to watch HGTV but it drives me crazy that EVERYONE says how they need a space that's good for entertaining. It drives me nuts also.

We rarely "entertain." I have playdates for my 3 year old daughter and host my book club once or twice a year and that's about it.

I think most people feel the same way as you. I was happy to see that someone else felt the same way!

Okay, I'll admit it. I was one of those house hunters (not on TV, but IRL) who talked about entertaining when I was looking at a house.

I tried to buy a place with a hall running between the dining room and living room. That place had foundation problems, which is why I didn't go through with it, but I was also told by all who saw it how awkward it would be for having seder (traditionally, all at "one" table, which is many tables joined together and overlapping cloths). I had figured out a way to do it, but it was a big bone of contention.

When the same interested family members saw the eventual winner, all they could say was how great it was that the Seder table could just go all the way through two rooms and back again. And how great the french doors at each end would be for circulation during a party, how great the shape of the kitchen was for setting up a buffet, how enticing the patios were.

This was all important in choosing a house. We've had some deaths and move aways in the immediate family in the last few years, so the basic list is down to 3-4 dozen, but they're breeding again... I like having non-relatives over too, but not all together. Even I have my limits!

Colorfast, I'm glad you have a memory of such "entertaining" experiences. I suppose that because I'm the grandchild of immigrants, the middle class was what we aspired to. That meant all the trimmings, if possible, to prove that we'd really arrived. Even when one grandmother was widowed and flat broke, she had three groom's dinners at her place, which really stick in my mind even if I was about 5 yrs old.

My dad was a P.O.W. in WWII so when he returned and married, two congregations of Lutherans plus relatives and neighbors poured gifts on him. Lots china &c. (Mom sez that there wasn't anything practical available in the stores at that time, only unsold fancy merchandise.) So Mom set fancy table for Sundays and sometimes just for the heck of it. Both grandmothers ate with us many Sundays, all of us dressed up in our best clothes.

sorry to repeat this -- old news to those who read my postings 2 yrs ago--When we were married in the 1960s the banks were giving away silverplate to customers who took out a Certif of Deposit, an enticement to get around usury laws when the mortages were going at 14 percent. All my cheap Swede relatives put money into the bank and walked out with a wedding present. And then Grandma gave me a full set of 12 placesettings of silverplated flatware.

I was boggled when I saw a whole gift table full of about 3 patterns of endless silverplate. Couldn't return it, even when my friends were swapping their silverplate gifts for fashionable stainless steel. So I decided to embrace it. I've used silver coffee pots for vases. I've put Chrismas balls into Revere bowls at holidays. I've used silverplate flatware for everyday all through the holidays because it's in same drawer as the everyday stuff. The place glitters sometimes but hey it's mine and I'm flaunting it! I'm drinking tea from a bone china mug as I type and I have a glass cabinet full of twinkle right beside me.

For many years we lived in a gorgeous 1930's rent-controlled apartment that had the perfect layout for entertaining - big square dining room and nice large living room, separated only by sliding hidden glass doors.

I had grown up with a mother who was a foodie before the word was invented, and carried on the tradition of classic sit-down dinner parties for 8-10 people with china and crystal. No silverware, couldn't stand the stuff - I had (still do) handmade bronze flatware. Always had a different theme, did everything myself, everybody had a wonderful time (or said they did, LOL).

Now we live in a small cottage very comfortable for us, but not so much for entertaining. Four or five is comfortable but six are squished, and eight are impossible unless it's buffet and I HATE buffets. The only time we did 18 people we set up everything outside on the patio and all the food/drink/tableware had to be carried up and down two flights of stairs.

We have friends over on occasion, but usually just for coffee or tea. It's more usual here to meet at a restaurant for lunch or dinner.

Family affairs are potlucks because my family are all fanatical foodies too, so everyone wants to contribute something new and exciting. Always held at one of the four houses my immediate family live in, because the four of them (sister, ex-BIL, nephew and wife, niece and husband) all own homes within 2 miles of one another. They're also still working whereas DH and I are retired, so it seems silly to make six people pack up food and drive over to our house in four separate cars, when it only takes 20 minutes for us to come to any one of their houses.

I used to miss entertaining when we first moved into our current home, but after a while I realized I'm not into the whole DIY thing any longer. Gave the china to a friend who absolutely adores it, and the crystal has been replaced by nice-but-basic glassware.

I still like to cook, but I also love going out to restaurants and DH indulges me in this quite often. Dining out is now as much a hobby as gardening is, to me - especially since we live in the San Francisco Bay Area, where the dining choices are endless and wonderful.

It does mean that sometimes I'll invite a friend over just to make me tidy up the house, though!

We entertain regularly -- at least once a week. It's never anything formal though. And we don't own china....or crystal. My plates are literally plain white Corel, from Walmart - ha!

We'll have friends, family or neighbors over for drinks or to watch a football game -- stuff like that. We have three young children so it's often adults and their kids as well.

We bought our most recent home exactly one year ago, to the day. It's perfect for entertaining and that is one of the things we loved about it.

Loved reading everyone's stories. It spans the generations. Regarding pets-that is a very individual thing. I love animals but have friends who are allergic. The two are not mutually exclusive. I vacuum well etc. and put the cats in another room if friends with allergies come over.

christine-if you do want to entertain-those who care about you will not worry about your cat. Is the cat having problems because of age, infections?

When we were married in the 1960s the banks were giving away silverplate to customers who took out a Certif of Deposit, an enticement to get around usury laws when the mortages were going at 14 percent. All my cheap Swede relatives put money into the bank and walked out with a wedding present. And then Grandma gave me a full set of 12 placesettings of silverplated flatware.

I was boggled when I saw a whole gift table full of about 3 patterns of endless silverplate. Couldn't return it, even when my friends were swapping their silverplate gifts for fashionable stainless steel. So I decided to embrace it. I've used silver coffee pots for vases. I've put Chrismas balls into Revere bowls at holidays. I've used silverplate flatware for everyday all through the holidays because it's in same drawer as the everyday stuff. The place glitters sometimes but hey it's mine and I'm flaunting it!

I loved reading this story. What great wedding gifts, regardless of how they came about! Love your spirit and how you've embraced and enjoyed the silver.

I disagree. I'm severely allergic to cats. No amount of vacuuming can de-cat enough that I won't be sniffling, tearing and wheezing. I love cats. They love me. But please tell me before inviting me over. I'll still love you if you warn me and we can go out. Just don't make me share a space with your cat(s). People have done that to me. "If I told you I had a cat I knew you wouldn't have come!" They obviously don't love me enough to want me to keep breathing. They're no longer my friends...

I don't care if there's clutter (do please pick up the dirty underwear, but I don't mind shoes, toys and clean laundry, papers, boxes, half done DIYs and all the rest). I don't mind if you have a formal table with crystal and silver, or a picnic table with jelly glasses and mismatched cafeteria flatware. I don't mind if you serve me a gourmet meal worthy of a national competition, just plain homecooking, or if you really can't cook, take out. I don't care if it's sit down, buffet, or make your own, or if it's just tea. I'm there for the company -- the house and the menu just don't matter.

(But don't make me share space with your cat!)

When President and Mrs. Roosevelt hosted the King and Queen of England in 1939, Mrs. Roosevelt served hot dogs at Top Cottage, FDR's hideaway across from his big estate in Hyde Park. The Royals had never had hot dogs and had to be instructed and apparently were very happy picnicing on the porch. FDR's mother was appalled and had a sandwich.
Here's a photo of the cottage which is very different than FDR's big house across the road.

Here is a link that might be useful: Top Cottage

LottieS, no, she's not infirm, she's not old, and she's not bullied. She's the bully. I confine her when I'm not around to the office with a gate (so she can see out, and out of the slider) and the floor is covered w/ plastic. After a couple of years, I'm still trying to figure it out.

I understand allergies. I have 'em. Am allergic to cats & dirty dogs. Years ago, they invented Claritin D. (I get the generic from BJ's: 300 24hour pills for $17.00.) They changed my life. Not only could I stop living on benedryl and espresso, my cats can sleep on me and I can actually have wine with it without falling asleep!

I warn any guests about the cats, cat fur, and the pee. I truly do my best and should own stock in Nature's Miracle. But...

I also hate dogs that jump and lick. Don't let it happen to my (few ) guests.

As I get my house more organized and finished -- yes, hopefully eliminating my plywood countertops -- I feel more comfortable with people coming over. I live in the country, so if they come all this way, they can come in. [LOL] In the summer, we retire to the porch immediately.

OTOH, I can't see myself entertaining formally, even with a casual situation. I live so far out I can't imagine anyone making the trek out.

I sometimes wish I had my mom's entertaining life. She stressed like a crazy woman, but everything was always magazine perfect. Perhaps that's where I get it.

Christine

Christine, my family and friends are strewn around the area. It may be mostly urban, but it can be an hour and a half or more drive. They still come. I bet, when you're ready to have them, yours will come to you too.

Make it an event, if you think dinner isn't enough of an inticement. A game day party, or a picnic, or dinner and a movie, or dinner and poker, or whatever it is that you all like to do. Mostly, people like being invited, and they'll come if you ask them.

Even with my allergies (Claritin D is good stuff, but nothing cures all the wheezing for me), I'd come to your porch or picnic, and people with no allergies will come to your living room, if you ask them. I'd come with your plywood counters and everything else and be impressed by the work you've done. Don't let perfect be the enemy. You don't have to be your mother, and things don't have to be perfect. I have people over for lunch for make your own sandwich meals on kitchen dishes. They like it. I have people over to formal sit down, multicourse feasts with chargers and stemware. They like that too.

If you want to entertain, just ask 'em over. If not, well, then just enjoy the country with the quadrupeds. :) Just don't let the state of unfinishedness of your house worry you. Tell them it's unfinished, etc., and invite 'em anyway if you want to see them. I bet they'd love to come.

Bless your heart, p111og!
I think you hit what I'm thinking intellectually, but my insecurities tend to win out.

Thanks for the kind words. :)

Happy New Year, all.

Christine

I'm with pllog. I may not have bad allergy attacks most of the time, but cats love me and make a beeline for me when I go into a house. As a real estate agent, I try to be very careful to not insult the homeowner, but if they touch any exposed skin of mine, I have an instant rash. I make a joke about not being able to touch the cat while talking to the cat and most h.o.s get the hint and pick them up and often move them elsewhere. If a house has multiple cats or is not very clean, I will sniffle all day and feel lousy. Most of the time, I am not there long enough to have a really bad reaction. I only had my throat start to close up twice in my life. Running outside and gulping air fixed it.

I can care about a friend and not want allergy problems or, quite frankly, to care about their cat. You can love whomever you want, but sometimes it is not proper to foist them on others. I adore our sons but it is not always proper to mix them with company. The same is true of pets. A quick hello is plenty. If I had worse allergies, then that would even be too much. Having a non allergy aversion is also acceptable. It is nothing personal about your pet, but some people have a fear of dogs and that does not make them bad people. I was bit by a chihuahua years ago and am still leery around them despite not having much fear of larger more imposing dogs. I have some allergies with certain breeds of dogs, but will still choose to pet them and suffer a small reaction. The key is it is my choice as to which pet I will touch or not. My allergy to dogs is less than to cats, but I also like dogs more. Not liking cats is a personal choice and does not preclude me being a good friend or guest. If that means someone thinks I am not worthy because I don't like their "Fluffy", then it is their loss. The funny part is I am usually the most attractive human in the room to cats. I can walk in with several cat lovers and the cats want nothing to do with them, but love me. They must love "hard to get" people.

CEFreeman
I agree, on nasty behaviors of dogs jumping on people.
A boxer lover here and they are known to jump but a good
owner stops this immediately.
My boxer (sad just one now) does not jump on my guests.
He is often not invited to our dinner parties but at the
end of the evening will come downstairs to greet guests
as they say their goodbyes.

Plllog,
My husband is allergic to cats too. In past years when
house hunting he can tell within minutes if the home
had a cat. And this is always a deal breaker.
Cats are lovely animals unless you are terribly allergic
and then you can never get to know them for you
suffer to just to smile at one.

~boxerpups