I got my first job when I was 14 working at Dairy Queen. My parents had a Dodge Coronet they bought new in 1968 when I was 2. When I was 10, they parked it next to the garage and there it sat for 4 years. I was on the swing set, looking at the car, thinking I would need a car pretty soon. This was in 1980. I strolled over to my dad who was working in the yard, and started peppering him with questions. Will it run? What needs to be fixed? How much will it cost? After he answered, I told him I was going to get a job, and then we could fix it. He laughed and said ok. I went and begged for a job. I got it and saved every dime I made. By the end of summer, I had 10 $100 bills. I took it to my dad and asked if we could start working on the car. We did. It was ready to go in a year. To this day, I have never been without a job, sometimes two. And, yes, we still have the Dodge and it is still beautiful. And, yes, many kids today don't know the value of hard work or the value of money. Too many parents hand them whatever they want, whenever they want. Too many are spoiled and lazy. I made my daughters get their own jobs to pay for the things they wanted. Hard work never hurt anyone.

Work with the facts mostly. That can give you a bare-bones outline of what the situation is. Work hard to avoid interpreting the motives or thoughts of the others. The only one you _really_ know potentially is yourself and your views. I think it is unusual for a parental adult to form that close a friendship with their child's (adolescent, but still minor and not legally an adult) boyfriend or girlfriend for that matter. If her mother is having deep conversations and sharing her personal views with you, that can be inappropriate and it ignores or disregards all kinds of normal/healthy social boundaries. There are many reasons a person might not act within social 'norms.' Some of these are beyond a person's control (Asperger's syndrome, or some personality orientations can result in a trait people have which causes them to not be socially adept with their peers or in a way which is 'normal'). That she does this with you may not have anything to do with personal feelings, or desires she has. Sometimes people who are in the role of 'host' or 'hostess' will insist on giving up personal beds for the use of overnight guests. That can be normal. It can also be the case that there is confusion of boundaries which extends beyond the conversations and has moved into the realm of personal feelings on her mother's part. It is impossible to say or to know because the only one who can know is her mother, and she has acted in a way which suggests she may not be clear in her own view (about normal boundaries and why they exist, and how to set them up and maintain them for everyone's benefit, etc.). About your gf, there seems to be some confusion about what she 'really' wants or what she is 'really' interested in; in terms of further exploring your shared relationship and possible physical expressions? If you want clarity you can ask her direct questions like 'I am confused when you (say what it is she does or says that is unclear to you), and I need you to tell me how you would like me to respond.' Sponteneity is a bad thing in this kind of matter. The consequences of most physical expressions can involve viral infections which are chronic (types of herpes), warts can also be transmitted inadvertently and through activities which are not viewed as 'real' intercourse. By asking her you can get a feel for whether she, or you for that matter are ready. Absently acting on feelings simply because of having them is something that can be done. Humans do have the capacity to think before acting though and it's worthwhile to do so usually. It's a benefit of eons of evolution. Asking can give you clarity about her feelings, and what she wants or thinks she wants. People who have limited or no experience in these matters (and teenagers are limited in that they haven't had much time at all to be able to develop both adult maturity and good experience) may not reasonably be able to know what they want. They may not be clear on their own feelings. A good test for whether to proceed or not is if you (and she) are supportive enough of each other that either of you can and would stop if the other (at _any_ time in the proceedings) expressed the need to stop. Being able to do that without any hard feelings or resentment is more of a test of healthy advanced adult maturity. you can get clarity about what 'further' is to her, and maintain good ongoing open communication with her P.S. You might have to be the one to set boundaries with her mother if you find that her 'closeness' feels uncomfortable in any way to you. Then you can stop the deep personal conversations or conversations about her daughter. Her daughter is your girl friend, and she is entitled (as are you) to have a personal relationship. Her mother is entitled (as are parents everywhere) to access to enough candid information that they can feel like they are able to protect their child's safety. There is a balance between these. Her mother is still responsible for her, legally. That is a serious responsibility, being responsible for someone else's health and well-being and safety. She can decide not to let her 16 year old adolescent child travel alone to see you; but it could be for any number of sound reasons and not just because of the 'relationship issues' or related fears. P.P.S. Social naivety can come across as very endearing. People who display this trait tend to be overwhelmingly candid and more or less incapable of lying. This can be very appealing and causes people who have this trait to appear relatively 'unspoiled' and 'uncomplicated.' This is worth mentioning because it sounds like her mother might display this trait (people who do often are not aware of normal social boundaries). Her daughter might have it too. If her daughter does, then she needs more parental protection than 'normal' too. People who are more socially aware and sophisticated will often exploit people who are naive in this area. Your gf might make a great longterm and life partner for you. Life is long, and a couple years (anything less than a decade really) is nothing by comparasin. Give yourselves time because life is not a race and even if it were it would _not_ favour sprinters.

Difficult situation I think you have to let the relationship run its course with a very close eye on what she is doing. She is still very young and it is reasonable that you can insist that she only sees the boy in your house, when they are supervised. How do you know about the satan worship, do they talk about it in your presence? I have been through "scarey" moments with my two children, with them doing things I was not comfortable with. I just had to rely on my good parenting, and that all their good sense was instilled in them and would stay with them. I guess I am saying that you daughter is sensible, and will eventually realize this is not the boy for her. Perhaps you could work on distracting her, taking her out to fun places, without the boy... putting more effort in spending time with her. Try to get into a regular routine of spending time with her. My son, now 18, was interested in Satan when he was 16, but it has run its course and found more interesting things to do. "she is now selfish." ... you say she has changed her character, well this selfish attitude is very typical of 16 year old girls. This may not be the boyfriend's effect.

lonepiper its fine... its just that when KKNY and TOS get involved in a post it always goes back to children of divorce should be coddled for the rest of their lives and they are not held accountable for any of their actions its always the adult's fault never the child's fault. officer pulls you over ... You get out of the car "playfully swat" him on the shoulder and say hey buddy F U ... what is that officer going to do? Is he going to perceive it as "friendly behavior" or his he going to place you under arrest for assault? and disorderly conduct? Child forgets homework... teacher says you are going to stay after school for not doing your homework... child says "you can't tell me what to do ... you're not my mother!!" then "playfully swats" teacher on the shoulder what happens to that child? Children should be treated like children and taught be respectful of all adults within reason... they should be told that you can tell a stranger to go pound tar. Anyone who touches them in bathing suit area needs to be disrespected and they need to tell an adult. They need to be taught to be afraid of strangers and be on the look out for molesters ... they should be taught how to become decent adults... they cannot swear at you hit you or other wise disrepect you Yes respect is fear ... fear of the unknown... Everyone one has said ... I would never do "that" my mother would kill me!!! would your mom really kill you NO but you were never really sure. Babies momma = saint hood. Babies daddy = trust fund.