Teenaged daughter and boyfriend. Long.


My husband and I are having a lot of trouble with my teenaged daughter and her boyfriend. They started seeing each other a year ago and it was sort of ok in the beginning however it has spirled out of control to the point of us just about to pull our hair out.

My daughter is 16, the boy is 17. He has been home schooled much of the time but some of the time he was in public schools. His family is from a conservative Christian church called Household of Faith, and they have deciplined him often in the form of confining him to his room for up to three weeks with no outside contact, no phone or computer. He is one of six children and there has been quite a lot of conflict in his house not only between he and his parents but his siblings have also had problems. They have all rebelled. His parents are are in their early 40's and are "starting over" and just had a baby last year. They are hoping that this new batch of children will turn out to be better than the last five were.

So with this conflict in the background and the parents pretty much giving up on the first five children my daughter started "seeing" their son. The first six months were wrought with him being grounded and confined to his room from time to time. (He was being home schooled at this point in time) He would leave in the middle of the night through his window or sometimes stay in his room and go into a deep depression. At one point I phoned child services and another time I called the suicide hot like. They came and took him to a hospital and recommended counseling for the entire family. The parents went once and the boyfriend went one time as well then everyone seemed to be uncomfortable with that situation and quit. I think that's when they completely gave up on him.

By the way, I subsequently learned that another person had called child services the year before.

Now I've discovered that her boyfriend is getting into the occult and Satin worship (I'm sure he's rebelling against his parents) and he's pulling my daughter into this world. This is her first boyfriend and in her eyes he can do no wrong. She is so smitten with him that she is totally blind to any wrong he might be doing. He seems to have turned her against her father and I.

From the warm relation we enjoyed a year ago with our daughter she is now like a different girl. From being empathetic to others she is now selfish. Ive gone through her diary, something I really hated to do, and didn't find anything about taking drugs. Only the satanic stuff. As she writes in her diary she seems distraught over so many things about her boyfriend but I can't get her to admit that the he is anything but wonderful and that their relationship is "forever and very special".

We have taken her to a counselor and she isn't very happy to be going. We essentially have to force her to go.

Bottom line is that we want her to break up with this boy but can't seem to get it into her head that he is very bad news for her.

By the way, my husband and I aren't religious. I have nothing against religion but we have instead emphasized being civil to others, looking out for those more unfortunate and understanding the pain that others suffer.

They say that teenagers brains aren't quite formed until they're 25 and now I'm sure of it. She was more reasonable when when she was 9 and 10 years old!

Comments? Advice? I will listen to any and all suggestions.

Thank you, LES

Comments (2)
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Difficult situation

I think you have to let the relationship run its course with a very close eye on what she is doing. She is still very young and it is reasonable that you can insist that she only sees the boy in your house, when they are supervised.

How do you know about the satan worship, do they talk about it in your presence?

I have been through "scarey" moments with my two children, with them doing things I was not comfortable with. I just had to rely on my good parenting, and that all their good sense was instilled in them and would stay with them.

I guess I am saying that you daughter is sensible, and will eventually realize this is not the boy for her.

Perhaps you could work on distracting her, taking her out to fun places, without the boy... putting more effort in spending time with her. Try to get into a regular routine of spending time with her.

My son, now 18, was interested in Satan when he was 16, but it has run its course and found more interesting things to do.

"she is now selfish." ... you say she has changed her character, well this selfish attitude is very typical of 16 year old girls. This may not be the boyfriend's effect.

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Not really BF's fault he grew up in with nutcase parents that denied him a normal education and upbringing. He may be doing the best he can given the hand he was dealt, and maybe your daughter can see through this and lead him back to a normal life. Maybe not, I don't know either of them, but I can personally relate to his predicament. Hopefully the satanic stuff will just be a phase.

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