Perhaps it's not about you, but about her having issues that have nothing to do with you? Maybe mental health issues?

Can you just visit her instead?

I am almost certain this is not about you, but about a difficulty your sister is having. I have seen such scenarios play out in my family. One sister was unwell and unwilling to share her trouble. The other sister felt snubbed. I am not suggesting this is a health issue, just try to be curious and see what is going on.

Sending lots of hugs and ❤️.

I'm sorry. The hurt of not understanding WHY if often as tough as the slight. I have learned telling WHY is often just the fodder people need to argue with you so it's a thing now. Just graciously back out--no explanation is 'owed'. The rules of 'polite society' often actually hurt. The problem is we all too often imagine all sorts of reasons that often do not leave us in positive light. But assuming you are stronger than that--your heart is hurt. I can tell you from experience guarding it is not anymore rewarding. Soo many of the peculiarities of her you described makes me wonder how you often have 'so much fun' together. People do change.

Sorry, just try to let it go and have a good time.

We live about 75 miles from where my inlaws lived. My husband and I got so we joked that it was longer from their house to ours, than it was from our house to theirs. This was before they got much older.

I wanted to have a surprise party for my husband one time. My MIL wanted us to come to her house, because "Everyone lived there." I just canceled the idea and never mentioned anything like that again.

Satine, I’m sorry the time with your sister isn;t going to work out. Of cours you’re disappointed and frustrated. As others have commented, it’s likely not about you at all, but she may be too disappointed herself, or angry to even think much about it, let alone confide in anyone. Maybe some day she will let you know.

Meanwhile, I hope you have a good trip with your daughter and have many other interesting things planned for you summer. And, as someone suggested, perhaps you can see about visiting at her home.

(((((satine))))

I understand where you're coming from.

I suspect your sister is nervous about being away from home-unless you tell me she goes elsewhere and stays with other people. People get set in their ways and prefer what they know.

There is something that causes anxiety in everybody. I'm sure it probably has nothing to do with you and she feels just as bad

Maybe travel causes her anxiety or being away from her comfort zone, her home.

Perhaps she is overwhelmed by all of the planning if you have been telling her everything you are planning both of you doing. She may have thought it would just be the two of you getting together and took "this is not the right time" when she looked at what she considered the expense and energy involved in doing all the planned things.

Thanks for all the feedback. I'll take your advice and if she wants to discuss it Im open to it. It could be a number of things, I guess. My house is the only place she has ever stayed for any length of time. I had not told her any of what I had in mind for her visit and we are both older than dirt and sometimes when we are together we spend the day gabbing and watching a movie etc depending on how we are feeling that particular day. Most of what I had planned was very simple and easy....a couple of restaurants, some friends over for wine and maybe a thrift shop or two. Anyway, Im sure she'll let me know at some point.

"My house is the only place she has ever stayed for any length of time."

This strikes me as being unusual. Has she never travelled or lived elsewhere? Perhaps her roadblock is a fear of leaving home? Making or enduring a 2.5 hour dive shouldn't be that big of a deal. If her age or health make the drive difficult for her to do, then fine, different story.

I agree with the others, this is her issue and not yours. I suggest you simply need to find a way to accept and deal with it. If a possibility you prefer is off the table, then it's off the table.

Good luck.

Maybe when you get together you can talk to her more about why she isn't coming....maybe express to her your disappointment and maybe she'll tell you why she's so reluctant.

I'm sorry it isn't working out as you hoped, but that may leave things open for new adventures for you.

I'm jealous because I would have loved to have a sister and you two seem to really like each other. Maybe she's getting more homebound. Many of us are since covid. Maybe she doesn't want to leave her pets. I know mine would be upset even with a caregiver. Don't take it personally.

Positive it is not about you! She sounds like a home body, nothing wrong with that in my opinion. Maybe she is more comfortable you coming to see her. I would not be offended at all. I hope you feel better about this situation soon.

Maybe it's about covid and the fear of catching that? There is a new resurgence of it right now!

You mentioned that it's been 5 years since she's been to your place and that's the only place she's been - in that time she's aged 5 years and so now is older than dirt and we went through covid. Those factors could just make her a little more leery of leaving the comforts and familiarity of home.

It is so hard to not think it is about ME somehow, but as others have said, it is something bothering her. I seem to have more hold backs as I get older and no one would ever expect it. Just spend more time on the phone or if it comes up plan each day out together in case she has anxiety about not knowing what will be going on. You are a great sister! I, too, wish I had a sister.

I have no words of wisdom beyond what others have already shared with you. I would like to say I'm sorry that you are feeling hurt.

I also think it may be a covid thing. The numbers are lower because there are so many doing the tests at home and coming up positive. I don't know where you live but even with all the home testing about 1/3 of my states is in the red again and most of the rest is in the yellow. I have had two friends in two different states and their husbands come down with covid in the last two weeks. They were all pretty sick. Lot of calls at work too with people coming up positive with home tests.

I’m so sorry you are hurt, Satine. It seems especially hurtful when it’s your sister. I don’t have anything more to add except I hope the words already said will ease your mind some and lead you to accept your sister’s decision and move on.

I too think it may be other stresses and nothing at all to do with you, Satine. Perhaps Covid which is certainly experiencing an increase, but perhaps also news of recent shootings may have chilled her enthusiasm. While the individual risk of being randomly shot is small, nevertheless it may weigh on some people, certainly that kind of death is not easy to contemplate.

Sorry your plans were for naught. I'm glad you have your trip to look forward to, and...it seems that your sister would still be happy to see you if you come to her. If she didn't want you to come, THAT would be a real concern. I think she's just not up to getting out of her rut. You'll find out eventually. Have a fun time on this annual outing. May I ask if your sister has ever participated in this family event with your and your daughters (her nieces)?

Some people just are more comfortable at their own homes. Needn’t be agoraphobia or something but it could be. If she tends not to go/stay anywhere then it really sounds like it’s nothing about you. I might casually mention that you had some nice things planned that you can hopefully do another time but I wouldn’t press too hard, as it wouldn’t do any good to cause anxiety.

Maybe ask if she's okay? If she doesn't want to talk about it, don't push it. She will let you know when she's ready to talk.

I’ve been there. It’s not your fault so don’t chew yourself up. She is ready when she is ready, or it could be never. But you can still come see her. Not all is lost.

Maybe she has some health issues or pain that causes her to be more comfortable in her own home. I know that is my issue…nothing to do with not wanting to see you.

If she is an animal lover, the problem may be that she doesn't want her son to watch them. I know three people like that. I would send her a message and tell her how happy you were to know she was coming but, if there is some reason you have not to come, I totally understand and I love you. She's a hurting gal.

Pleased and thankful to hear that you got together and had a great time.

ole joyful

So glad for you that you and your sister got together! Friends are wonderful but if you can do it being close to family is even more wonderful.

Sorry your sister's son is dealing with bipolar. We have bipolar in our family and it is so hard on the person who has it let alone on the rest of the family. Very stressful and often takes precedence over other things. I hope your sister has good support for herself as well as for her son.

I am so happy you were able to visit and have a lovely time with your sister.

So good to hear you and your sister had fun together. It sounds like a lot of good times.