In a situation like this, whatever you do doesn’t seem as if it will ever be enough does it? I say yes send a card, send a dozen cards if it makes sense. Do what feels right to you.

Do the parents live close by? It is sad when we can’t offer loving hugs and be more available personally, but perhaps offer to help with running errands or with other chores the family or your friends need at this time. I am so sorry.

Nothing wrong with a card right away, but keep at it with thoughtful support. Low pressure follow up will be key, IMHO. This will take some time and energy to heal from . . .

I would not do flowers; i'd sooner do something that could be planted. But really what I would do is write a heartfelt note.

Nothing seems like enough, but every little bit does help. You'd be surprised how many people do nothing because they feel helpless.

When time passes, maybe you can ask the parents for specific ideas on what you can do to help.

Dee, I'm so sorry. Yes, send a card with your heartfelt expression of love. OutsidePlaying has said it well. It will never seem like enough, but it's something and it will be appreciated. Nobody has a perfect roadmap for these situations, but we muddle through as best we can.

I did not add that the child’s mother mother was also injured and is still in critical condition, so the family is facing a possible double loss. The baby was in a stroller.😢

Oh dee I am so sorry. A card expressing your love and shared grief is always helpful I feel. Since there is still a hospitalized family members could you send prepared foods for the Family or offer child care services if there are other children? My heart aches for you and your friends.

oh my gosh, dee, I am terribly sorry

I cannot fathom the depths of their grief. Definitely send a heartfelt note that mentions their beloved child by name and any sweet memories you have of her. I read somewhere a mother that lost her child said she literally craved hearing her child’s name spoken on other’s lips...that she was the most terrified of her baby being forgotten by others. 😔 Perhaps in a couple of weeks you could ask your friends (the grandparents) if you could help organize a permanent memorial for the sweet baby...maybe spearhead a fundraising group to buy a bench or something special for a children’s hospital in the baby’s memory?

Did the family request donations to an organization? I was so touched when the son of my father’s longtime friend funded a grant request in my father‘s name, beyond a simple donation.

Oh, such a heartbreaking loss. I agree with others who have expressed that a heartfelt note is appropriate and meaningful. And I think what hcbm said about never forgetting their child is important. Anything else you do will be welcome and lovely, but I think these two things would be greatly appreciated. I'm so sorry.

So very sad and tragic. I can't imagine what that family is going through. I would send a card with a note. Is there a donation set up to pay for medical or funeral expenses or to raise money for a cause?

An old friend from HS sons was killed in a car accident earlier this month. The family started a scholarship go-fund-me to provide scholarships to needy students in his name. The goal was $5,000.00 but they have raised more than $50,000.00 so far. I sent a card and donated.

Losing a child is so heartbreaking.

I can't add anything helpful, but just wanted to say I'm so very sorry. What a heartbreaking tragedy for any family to have to endure.

I cannot imagine. I am so sorry for their loss.

I think you need to do more than a card. Foremost (and I know you are/will) just be there for the grandparents/parents. Frequent calls, drop off a meal, etc.

I would also do something such as planting a tree in her honor, a rose bush (maybe a beautiful pink for a beautiful baby girl), etc. If the family designates where to send donations, I would go that route, if not and you wanted to make a donation, I would consider St. Judes or Shriners, etc.

And definitely, never forgetting/acknowledging the child.

Again, I am so sorry to read this. Heartbreaking.

Oh, that’s just so sad. Could you ask your friends (i.e. the grandparents) what would be helpful, as they may have a better read of the situation and the needs?

When you send the card include a personal memory of the child or something that the grandma had talked about. When they read and re-read the cards it will mean a lot to them knowing what an impact she made on someone - even as a toddler.

I am so sorry

What a sad, tragic loss and an uncertainty for the mother too? The family is on autopilot and likely won't even be reading cards right now. But do send one with your loving words and they will get to it in time.

Sending my condolences for this heartbreaking tragedy.

What an incredibly sad and unfair situation for all concerned. I am so sorry.

I have a dear friend who lost 2 of her 5 (young adult) children in the last several years. The most recent loss was this past year. She called me last night to thank me for her Christmas card where I had written something about each of her children, to tell me how much it means to have someone speak of them. So many others, after the initial expression of sympathy, simply act as if they never lived.

We spoke of people's fear of saying the wrong thing or fear of making the parent's feel bad, reminding them of the loss. Of course, the parent NEVER forgets and not speaking of the child or the loss is worse than anything.

So, write from your heart. Then write again and again over the next little while, expressing your sorrow for the loss of their child. If you can do anything to help the family, please do it (food, errands, etc.) I would also make a donation to either a children's hospital, or the first responders fund (most fire departments who have paramedics to respond - or police departments that respond have funds for purchasing comfort aids for traumatized children and families) who may have helped or the hospital where the child might have been treated, etc.

Or if you know they belong to a faith community, a donation in the child's memory could be made.

Heartbreaking. I am so sorry.

When the time seems right, if that can possibly happen, research if there is an Angel of Hope garden in your area. Our community has a beautiful, peaceful place in the corner of a popular playground. It’s a quite spot for families who have lost children. In non-Covid times they have sweet ceremonies celebrating the children. Friends and relatives can donate to have bricks engraved as a memorial.

My prayers for all.

What a heartbreaking situation. I can’t even imagine the pain.

My neighbor’s husband was killed in a freak traffic accident a couple years ago. It was horrendous. Not only did she have to deal with the shock, caring for her kids and arranging a funeral, she also had to manage a mountain of flowers and food. When I talked to her later she said she was totally overwhelmed by all the deliveries. I would not send flowers to the house. Maybe food later while the mother is recovering .

Definitely send a heartfelt note. How very awful.

What a nightmare for this poor family. I’m so sorry they are faced with this tragic loss. It’s hard because under normal circumstances, I’d send a note offering to help with the other kids, pick up some groceries, or tidy up their house, whatever is needed. That’s hard to do with Covid. I hope the mother recovers and they catch who did this. It’s hard to imagine what this family is going through.

Our neighbor lost their 4 year old daughter a year and a half ago due to a freak accident while playing outside.

A friend opened a homemade food delivery fund raiser and I wish I knew what it was called. There were two ways of donating, either donating money towards groceries and ingredients for dishes, or making the meal with donated money, and delivering it to the family. In this case, meals were also delivered to both sets of grandparents.

They'll definitely appreciate someone doing a Go Fund Me, or better yet, if it's a small town with a newspaper, open a bank account where the family banks to riase money to pay expenses.

Definitely send a card though. This will haunt you for a long time, I still think about her everyday.

Many wise words spoken already..so no advice from me except-be with them which you already are .a card for now, very.heartfelt. maybe food, now or later on? .there are no right words, but then they know it..they don't expect perfection..tey just need presence....there are wrong words, I guess, but you won't say them anyways..

I just want to say..I'm so so sorry ,so very sorry..,,it hurts so much even to read, and i'm afraid to begin to imagine how they feel..hard to phathom...and-it's very hard for you ..you're close to them..

I knew two families who lost kids...very distant acquiantances...nothing was expected of me personally...nothing could be even done by me-I was more like .a stranger that they knew by name and face..I'd be totally redundant there...yet I still couldn't function for days, weeks..many weeks actually..you see, one was an accident, another was a murder too...

(actually I know three. I'm close with the third but we became close after the loss. Not someting that ever goes away. Yes i agree from this experience...many people they're so afraid of doing something wrong, saying somethng wrong ..I know because I am afraid, mortally afraid roo..I can just try and overcome being afraid each time..because it gets so unimaginably lonely..and somebody needs to just be there..able to listen...)

Lot of strength to them...I'm at loss of words.

and -strength to you too. Unbelievably hard times,

So very sad. A thoughtful letter is never a bad idea. You may find a way to step in and help as time goes on.

Dee, I am so sorry to hear of this.

Thank you all so much for such wonderful, thoughtful responses. They are such a wonderful family, and are, understandably, still reeling. Your comments have inspired me. I wish, now, I had hired someone to clean their driveway after the recent snow. The family is financially secure, so no need for cash. The mother is vegetarian, so I would be hard-pressed to cook, plus they will be staying, at times, with different family members, in different towns. The parents, even in their grief, donated organs (what a Christmas gift to others’ babies), so that might be a target for donation. Also, one of the responding medics turned in his medic card immediately after, and the station is right near our house, so I might bake some of my decorated cookies and deliver those in the family’s name (thank you @Olychick). Thank you to all those who mentioned saying her name. I will remember that. I think for now I will send the card, make the monetary donation, bake the cookies, then make sure to support them in the months to come in whatever way I can (maybe dog sitting since there are no other children). Thank you, thank you, thank you.

ETA: I think I will add the police to the cookies, since our friends had nothing but praise for the detective, who did make an arrest.

lots of really good advice here. this is a really tough situation.

My sister's baby unexpectedly died back in the 90s. The biggest thing that pulled them out of despair was becoming active in fundraising for research of the condition that took her child. Maybe for you, after some time has passed, think about a campaign that could be done in this child's honor. Perhaps a safe driving awareness campaign or a charity to benefit children. I wouldn't push it on your friends, but you could always frame it like you're thinking about doing this and ask them if they're ok with it. Perhaps they'll want to join in, or if not, they'll hopefully feel touched by it. just an idea.

Dee, I am so very sorry for the loss of your friends’ granddaughter.

Perhaps set up or contribute to a meal train? So the family doesn’t have to worry about meals during this time?

https://www.mealtrain.com/?a=aw&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIuMu1qIr07QIVh56zCh1Xiw24EAAYASAAEgKOMPD_BwE

Dee, I am so sorry for your friends' loss.

The meal train (there are other similar programs as well) is a great idea. It is managed so that the recipients aren't overwhelmed with food and yet, don't have to think about making dinner for a long time.When a friend's son committed suicide, one of these was organized for them by the father's sister. She was able to convey their likes/dislikes/allergies and was also able to block out days, so that they weren't receiving things every single day. The mother has often said how it was a lifesaver to her, as they tried to keep things in balance for their living children.

I don't know the religion of the family, but one gift I received and appreciated even though not catholic was a mass card.

Meal Train, that's what I was thinking of. One of the best ideas in a long time.

The other nice thing about Meal Train programs (the one I participated in was called Take Them a Meal - I'm in Canada) is that in the case of our friends, a cooler was left outside their door and you were asked to drop your meal off between such and such a time. The family knew who was bringing meals each day and could either watch for the person and have a chat or just have the meal dropped off, depending how they felt that day.

I am so sorry this happened. Sometimes I just can't find the words for the unfairness of it. I know life is not fair but I'd like for us to try for it to be fair. My heartfelt and tear filled eyes condolences to the family.

There are so many good ideas here that I will just applaud people for thinking in such positive ways in the light of such horrific loss.

Cousins lost a three month old to SIDS. The Fathers' company sent different employees to house almost daily to 'visit' aka keep the mind of greiving parents occupied. If you are able to enter friends house and are comfortable--do not ask if they want you to do something; most people are wired to just say Thanks but nothing right now. Announce you are there to do a load of laundry, accompany on a dog walk or grocery run, or clean the kitchen floor. I took the piles of un used baby gift clothes out of cousins house, returned them to stores, and made a donation in babys memory. ( I almost forgot that ) My condolances on this tragic loss.

So incredibly sad. One gift I have given in times of profound grief is an heirloom quality handkerchief. When I lived near Palm Springs, CA, there was a posh linen store where one could find such things. Now I would almost certainly have to order one online.

I haven't faced this personally, so this suggestion may be worthless. But I've read a few times that one of the most painful parts of this grief for parents is the notion that their child will be forgotten, as if she were never here. With that in mind, I wonder if a group of you could coordinate the purchase of a tree or bench or something in a local park. We have a number of trees and benches in the park I walk in most days, and I often stop to ponder the words, the name, the dates......