I think most young women would think a diamond engagement ring was more than enough...I agree that the ring is a wonderful gift.

One of my son in laws ask my daughter to marry him on Christmas...but he waited until after all the gift giving was over...I remember she was disappointed she hadn't gotten a ring...but then when he brought her home and walked her to the door...as they were starting to go in the door she said he ask her to wait a min...then dropped to one knee and pulled out the ring.
Aparently he didn't think it should be a gift. Because she had opened a gift from him earlier.

I don't think I've ever given it a thought one way or another.

patti

Moms do tend to take comments about their children personally, and if she thought you were criticizing her son that could explain her reaction.

I do understand what you are saying. An engagement ring would normally be offered on its own when a marriage proposal was made.

A Christmas gift would be for that particular holiday, not in combination with anything else.

Isn't it possible that the young man wants to combine the two so that future Christmases will be extra special for them, remembering that was the season when they got engaged?

"I think he has spent enough." In my opinion, this comment sounds like either the mother is a bit jealous or she doesn't care for the girlfriend. What does the dollar value have to do with it?

For me, I think the proposal should be a separate event from Christmas. This is coming from someone that got married on her birthday. However, it was a surprise wedding. But that is a whole different story.

I think the ring is wonderful. I just dont consider it a xmas gift. Asking her to marry him on xmas is a nice way to create a wonderful memory but the ring should not be her present. IMO. He is a great guy and his mother and I are fine, going shopping this afternoon as a matter of fact. She knows I wasnt being critical. I just have a different opinion than her.

If I were to have gotten an engagement ring for my Christmas present, I would absolutely not expect anything else.

I've never thought of the need for it to be a seperate occasion from Christmas, but regardless, the ring is still a gift technically so I dont really see what the big deal is about giving it at Christmas. And there's always something magical about the holidays, I think to be presented with a diamond ring under the glimmering lights of the Christmas tree is sweet.

I think the ring is a lovely gift (as long as she wants to get married). I would never consider telling someone what they should or shouldn't get someone as a gift.

I agree with Steph and Maryann. I probably wouldn't have said anything to her.

An engagement ring is and engagement ring. It is not a "gift". Historically the acceptance of an engagement ring was considered a legally binding contract of a promise to marry. If the woman calls off the wedding she is required to give the ring back. Nowdays the matter can end up in court fighting over the ownership of the ring. If the man calls off the wedding the woman is entitled to keep the ring to make up for her sacrifice during the engagement.

I agree that he should give her a nice xmas gift and not consider a marriage proposal a xmas gift.

Giving a engagement ring in front of everyone may not be a good idea. You don't mention if the young couple has even discussed marriage between themselves already. There is a chance that the woman does not want to marry him and making a spectacle of the proposal would embarrass her. And him. And everyone who had to sit through it and watch it unfold.

Giving an engagement ring as a "xmas gift" pressures the woman to accept. If she cancels the marriage plans she can always say that it was not an engagement ring but a xmas gift and keep it.

You agreed to disagree with your friend and you are not involved with the young couple so I would not worry about it. I would be curious as to any 'update' on how the xmas proposal went off.

He is giving her the gift of love and commitment. I can't think of anything more valuable no matter what the cost of the ring is.

I think a marriage proposal with a $2500 ring is more than enough.

But............. if they break up, legally she has to give the ring back because he owns it until their wedding day so technically he didn't buy her a Christmas gift at all.

okay, I see it both ways. LOL

When I got engaged, it was a "nothing" day. My bf (at the time) didn't want it as part of another occassion - just for the reasons you state.

I agree with you.

I agree with DillyDally...Personally, I don't think I would have liked being asked in front of everyone...To me, that's a very special moment between the couple...I think, he should give her a Christmas gift and give her the ring on New Years Eve....
And I also didn't like the comment from the girls' mother, "I think he has spent enough"...Unless she's paying, it's really not her business.....

DD#2 got engaged over Christmas...well wait a minute he didn't give her the ring ON the 24th or 25th for that matter. So I guess my answer is out. LOL
I am not sure if she had any other gifts or not. I think she was floating on air and didn't really care. I guess I had never thought of it either.

I don't see a problem with what the young man is doing. He's trying to do something memorable and special. I don't think any other gift is needed.

As for the comment that $2500 is enough. I think the mom is right. There is too much emphasis on buying stuff just for the sake of buying stuff at Christmas. If this proposal goes forward, this is gift enough. If it doesn't, who wants a gift fom an old flame?

I remember when I got engaged. It was Christmas night, my boyfriend was staying at my parents house. He drove me to a quiet spot and asked me to marry him. He had already given me a Christmas gift that morning, I can't remember what it was. I didn't get an engagement ring until our fifth wedding anniversary. He/ we were too poor!

My friend, Jeff, asked his wife, Deb, to marry him on Christmas, but did it privately after they opened gifts with the family. Not because he feared a "no" but because it was their moment to savor.
In addition to a very beautiful & expensive diamond he bought the usual amount of gifts for her since he didn't want his mother, who did his gift-wrapping, to figure out he bought a diamond. So Deb not only received a ton of gifts from Jeff, who is quite generous, but also her much desired engagement ring.
The real issue, to me, is no one else should know about the ring BEFORE the bride-to-be. Jeff clearly thinks that way also because he didn't involve any of us in the planning or choosing of the ring. It was a wonderful, exciting surprise for Deb and for us - about 15 seconds after their "moment" ended & she called us!

Well either I am way out of the loop or prices have really sky rocketed, that must be a heck of a ring....
If it was my personal situation I would not give the ring as a gift nor want to receive it in front of others...
I agree it would be interesting to hear the rest of this story.
Suzan J

And I also didn't like the comment from the girls' mother, "I think he has spent enough"...Unless she's paying, it's really not her business.....

I agree with this statement from irishdancersgram - it's not the mom's business how much he spent. Neither is it the original poster's business, either, how much he spent or what gift he chooses to give his fiance, or whether or not he gives her the ring as her only Christmas gift.

As for the comment that $2500 is enough. I think the mom is right. There is too much emphasis on buying stuff just for the sake of buying stuff at Christmas. If this proposal goes forward, this is gift enough.

I also agree with this post from abellabedella. As a mom it wouldn't be any of my business how my son chose to spend his own money, but privately I would be very shocked and surprised if a friend commented that an additional gift was necessary.

Nobody said he was proposing in front of a bunch of people. Maybe he is, maybe not. Maybe they've talked about getting married and it was just a matter of getting the ring? Maybe she picked it out? There can be such a variety of circumstances, nobody can speculate.

I respect that there are differing opinions on whether or not it "should" be done as a Christmas "gift" or not but I dont think it's anyones business as to what the specifics of this situation are.

Now, all I want to know is..does Jeff wrap his own presents for his wife? Cause I need to borrow his mother who likes to do extra work. I put off wrapping gifts! lol
sorry to change the subject. I really wish my mom would wrap gifts for me!

I see both sides too. Most gals waiting for that special ring would be thrilled to be showing it off to family and friends during the holidays. I do believe it should done privately. So saying that, I'm guessing the adults don't share gifts during the holiday and the ring is IT.

As far as where he is going to propose, I have no idea. I dont care how much he spent on the ring, his mother told me this. Maybe my comment asking what else he bought was not appropiate but his mother is my long time friend, and we can say things like that to each other. Like I said, IMO, an engagement ring is not a xmas present. If you want to marry a girl, ask her. Dont wait for an occassion like xmas to do it. After all,isnt that what Valentines day is for? Dont mean to upset anyone, but this is just my opinion. I would never tell him or anyone else what to buy as a gift or how much to spend on it.

My opinion is that an Engagement ring should not be given as a Christmas gift. It is too special and deserves a time of its own.

My DGS proposed to his GF on Thanksgiving night, after dinner, and guests had left. He explained that "he was so thankful that they had found each other" it just seemed the right time. But they later went together and chose the ring.

I thought his thinking was so sweet. They will be married in May.

To each his own.

Sue

I don't really think there is a right or wrong answer. Gifts are gifts, you never have to give one or two - no matter which way you look at it.

Unless asked, I don't really think it was in line for you to express your opinion on the matter. Even if 80% of people agree with you, it's not your call; it's his. If he wants to present a ring on Christmas as his gift that's his decision. He's a big boy. And, it's definitely not worth discussing or arguing about with his mother.

My husband proposed to me on Christmas eve 30 years ago. It was the best Christmas of my life and one I will never forget. I never gave it a second thought that he didn't buy me anything other than a gorgeous diamond ring. We were amongst family the whole evening, but he wisked me away for an evening walk (just the two of us) and proposed to me then.

I agree with Carla, I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. I think it all depends on the individual person. I also think that the mom was feeling a little defensive when OP brought it up.

I have absolutely no opinion on when and where someone else should give an engagement rignt. Seriously, there is a "wrong" way to give an engagement ring? Why pop someone else's happy bubble by suggesting it is the "wrong" gift at the "wrong" time? And mostly, live and let live. Who the heck cares? People are happy, love is in the air, it's Christmas... why on earth do or say anything that dampens that? I don't blame the mother of the groom for being a little put off, and probably at a loss for the words to respond. I'd be wondering what the intent was behind the question. I'd want to give the benefit of the doubt it was just curiosity, but it sounds loaded with judgement about the young man's choice of gift/timing.

I think the only opinion that matters is the couples. The girl is probably thrilled to receive a ring regardless of the occasion or circumstances. I think it's a lovely gift. I might have said the same thing about $2500. being enough to spend. Times are tough financially. Whatever. It's just their business.

We got engaged the weekend before Christmas. At the time, my sister was very ill, in another state, and I was very worried about her. He originally planned to do it on Christmas Eve, but decided to do it early, hoping to cheer me up. He did! That is only thing I remember about Christmas that year. And my sister had an amazing recovery! If he had given me another Christmas gift, I would not have remembered what it was. One of the happiest times of my life!

Until I read this post I'd never even thought of an engagement ring as a 'gift', let alone a Christmas gift.

An engagement ring is given and received as token of a promise between two people who plan to marry, a pledge to love forever. It's much more than a gift -- and very different from one, IMO.

I think a big holiday is a poor time to make a decision this big.

Two of my best friends were proposed to on Christmas, both accepted. I don't think they expected anything else and were happy with "just" the ring.

That said, in some states if an engagement ring is given as a gift on a typical gift-giving ocassion (Christmas, birthday, Valentine's Day, etc.) the woman can keep the ring if the engagement is called off because the ring wasn't given solely in anticipation of marriage. So, for the man, it is better to give the ring as a separate event. He'd legally have a better chance of getting it back.

No offense, after all, you did ask, but frankly I think it was a tacky thing to say. I'm sure glad it wasn't said to the kid. Saying is that ALL? would probably crush the guy.

It raises the point/problem I have about how materialistic society has become and with all the Hallmark Holidays forcing people to spend money they don't have on things the recipient can't and giving it to people they may not even like that much!

Then comes the issue for some: Is $2500 significant to this guy? I know it would be for me. But I know people that will spend that for trinkets and would consider a ring like that an insult. Lots of things can come into play, right?

I see the logic on both sides of the gift issue. And yes, traditionally it's a conditional gift and in most states, legally it's considered a conditional gift. Then again, I also see 2/3 of all marriages ending in divorce and with the lifelong commitment now turned into till irreconcilable differences do us part it could well be a very very extravagant gift.

I definitely think the guy's mother felt a little defensive and I see why. It probably was quite a sacrifice for him and rather than give her a bunch of trinkets and trash, he chose to put it all together.

Reminds me of people born near Christmas and are offended that they don't have a separate birthday party & present instead of a combined.
If I ever get engaged again, I think I'll go for a $25.00 ring and a $2475 television/audio system or something and make it fair, she can keep the ring on her and I'll keep the TV and stuff at my place until we get married! :D

Cynic posted: Reminds me of people born near Christmas and are offended that they don't have a separate birthday party & present instead of a combined.

That does not happen in some cultures. "Birthdays" are not celebrated at all. Rather, the person's Name Day is celebrated. It is considered too selfish to celebrate one's personal birthday. Instead, on the day honoring your patron saint, there is a party and gifts.

Here is a link that might be useful: Name Day

I think it was a wonderful Christmas gift and that all that was needed....

Heck, he already spent $2500. What's another $100 for a coat or a pair of earrings or something else to wrap and put under the tree?

I think it was gift enough.