ilene, you have a lot going on. Your mind is overflowing with details details details.

First, do you have any Advil PM or Tylenol PM or Simply Sleep? Sometimes you need to take something harmless just to get a good nights rest. With sleep, your stress level will go down.

Write some lists for yourself with "solutions" to each of the issues. Just getting it down on paper, gets it out of your brain.

I'm currently waiting for the movers to arrive at my existing house to start 2 days of packing, followed by 2 days of loading a truck. So, I've been panicked about this end of the process. I've never done a "corporate" move so I don't know what to expect. Lots of lost sleep over this. Meanwhile another part of my brain is dealing with the new construction--"why can't they lower my kitchen window?" (they did finally), "why is the main entry to the house through the mudroom only 28" wide"? (changing that)....etc.

So, when I get up I just have to write down things that are bugging me and any possible ideas I may have had.

And for me, if I wake up during the night and my dh is snoring....uh oh, I've lost hours of sleep.

Everything will work out fine, you just are juggling so many roles right now, daughter, wife, kitchen designer. Sometimes being TKO does have its curses, and unfortunately losing sleep over the kitchen is one of them. Once it's over, you will feel so much better.

Gotta run now, the packers are due here in 65 minutes and I'm in my jammies.

Bee

I haven't even started my reno yet and don't remember the last time I got a solid, uninterrupted night's sleep. And you have WAY more going on than just a reno! It's not surprising that sleep eludes you. So I've got no helpful advice or wise words, just lots of sympathy!

ilene...hang in there, this too shall pass. As others have said, you are dealing with soo much and you are on overload...enjoy your Dads' 90th with your loved ones, that is the most important of all! The kitchen will be lovely, for sure.

Take a time out when you can, go for a walk, tend to garden or whatever you enjoy and can give you a moments respite and serenity. Best wishes!

Ilene- You sound like I felt when we were building several years ago after our fire. God bless you. You have a lot on your plate. Are you taking any time for yourself? Call someone and go out for lunch. Don't nap or drink too much coffee. When you take care of everyone else, you don't take care of yourself.

As a retired health care person, I can tell you there is no shame in getting just a little something to get you over the hump from your health care provider. Something short term to get you sleeping again.

This too shall pass.

Warning:
One of Christine's long stories with a final point ahead. Wayyyyy TMI, probably, too.

OK.
Once a lifetime ago,
My FIL died.
DH took over the family business & started having anxiety attacks.
We supported MIL, who lived in her own home and
Had 2 different cancers and a serious stroke,
and 6 years later died in his arms.
We moved.
We had a fire, where he came home to find it.
We lost MIL's dog & 3 cats.
(Bear with me. There is a point and this really isn't about him, but me.)
He went thru suicidal depression & started an affair. He now lives in (his words a few years ago) living hell somewhere else. I digress in grim satisfaction.
He ran the business into the ground,
leaving me with $643,000.00 in debt in my name &
a home with little plumbing, extension cords running thru holes in the walls to the fuse box, no windows (just Tyvek paper), no kitchen, etc. And I hadn't worked in 8 years due to other circumstances.

I went for a physical during all this & the doctor asked me what was going on in my life. I said distractedly, "Oh, nothing." After questioning me, her jaw was hanging open. Evidently of all the triggers for anxiety & depression, the only one I didn't have was a child leaving the home.

She asked me about my sleep habits. Sleep? huh?
She asked me if I'd just try a little Wellbutrin to help me sleep. Not knowing it wasn't just a sleeping aid, and caring so little anyway, I said, "sure."

Changed my life. Minimum: I started to sleep.
None of this crap was within my control. I intellectually knew it, but my monkey mind still tried to handle everything. I'd always been the one to "fix" things. I couldn't.

At one point in the latter details, I tried some Ambien. I went to bed and woke up thinking, "Oh, no. I didn't sleep again!" I thought it was an hour or so later as was my habit. It was 8 hours later and I didn't have a pill-induced thickness or anything. It was magic.

My point in all this way-too-personal information is that you're not alone in crazy, out of control worries. The thing is, they're all valid worries, just not something you can really impact.

My secondary point is that you might want to talk to your own doctor and don't rule out something mild and nonaddicting such as a simple sleep aid. You have so much going on that's not going to change any time soon. Studies show that being sleep deprived is worse than driving drunk.

If your GC is telling you how bad your installation is, and you're not even seeing it let alone reacting? Girlie, you've got to get some help somewhere. When it's done, hopefully your kitchen will be a joy, not an "Oh, I wish I'd seen that" thing.

At least ask your GC what can be done to fix the installation. He might be waiting for you to ask so he can make it right. Good ones do listen to the homeowner.
Let him make it a great installation. What'cha got to lose?

In the meanwhile, make that list. Start with the things you can do like a little party for a special birthday. Open and close that beautiful fridge and watch the light go off and on.

Most of all, cut yourself some slack. You're not in charge of much of this.
We're here with you on many levels.
Christine

You are not the only one! I had so much anxiety over every decision. I could not sleep. I would get out of bed get on the computer and research each detail for hours on gardenweb and houzz.com for everything form paint color to granite overhang the list goes on and on. I would second guess my decision (drove my daughter and husband crazy) I am so relieved to be in our house and loving every decision I made and sleep very good each night now!

I am so sorry that you are being inundated with problems. I know what it feels like. When my DS has troubles I used to wake up and go over all the worst case scenarios and then be so tired the next day. A little Advil PM or Tylenol PM or Simply Sleep won't hurt you. I used some when I was a jet lagged zombie and it was an instant fix.
I hope you have the strength to confront the GC. He is working for you. I know it's hard to do confrontations, but he is being mean to you.
Laura

I can so relate to all of this. I have been having terrible jaw pain for the last month, I have been told by three doctors it is TMJ.....It is this project. I find myself with my jaws so clenched thinking about is it the right faucet, is it the right color, searching, reading, obsessing, crazy, if anyone had told me that it was this much stress, I don't know...I am thankful for great GC and most thankful for ambien.

Sometimes life just doesn't seem to let up, does it? And then comes the chaos of a kitchen remodel.

Just before I hopped online to check this site one last time for the day, I complained to DH that I've got to stop obsessing about this remodel. We've had clear sailing until a flooring fiasco I can't even talk about yet, but I too haven't slept much in the last 2 months.

Sounds like we are not alone!

How nice to realize that our family, our health, and tons of other things are so much more important than a kitchen...

(((hugs)))

As so many mentioned, you are not alone. Remodeling is stressful in and of itself. Couple that with caring for aging parents it is magnified. We share many of the same variables. Add the big 'M' word and our internal balance points are off kilter. The sleep aids helped me get through some very sleepless nights. Vent any time; we are a group of individuals who understand your emotions.

Thanks so much for all the kind words, they are so appreciated! Pizza, seven layer cake, and granite all turned out great!!! Today is Dad's party, and after I drop him off DH and I are taking a 2 hour drive to container store, no time to have them send me what I need, I didn't realize under sink pull out won't fit the same way with new D shape sink, wonder what other goodies I will find! Nice day for relaxing drive since like a baby I fall asleep in the car these days!

zI'm an RN who works the night shift and spends an inordinate amount of time thinking about kitchens. Granted, right now, I actually DON'T have any giant life stressors going on, but have been through the aging parents 4 times in the last 8 years... my FIL just passed away last Dec.

Anyway, my answer is melatonin and something called EFT or tapping. Kind of an accupressure point tapping technique that is easy to learn and works like magic.

And hey, I'm almost always awake in the middle of the night so we can always chat on here if you're up :)

ilene-84, Happy Birthday to your Dad! Is he a WW II vet? I hope all the medical issues are behind you and your family now. Spring is around the corner and it's such a great time of year. And, I'm sure when your kitchen is all done, it will be great simply because it has been a labor of love.

It's good to know I am not the only one sleeping terribly. I wake up every day with a terrible headache and neck pain. I also wake up in the middle of the night repeatedly adding up cabinet sizes, trying to make a list of events of what should come next, what goes and doesn't go, if I do this then I have to do that and the infamous DID I MAKE A MISTAKE and what are my options now if I decide to change the layout.

I started keeping a pen and paper on the night table to be able to jot down the ideas and make notes. However, one kitty is a pen thief, the other is a paper tearer. So when I get up to find the pen, big doggie has to come over and inquire as to what I am doing but more so to make sure he is not missing out on a food tidbit. Then DH starts in, what's wrong, is everything okay . . . it's so pitiful I have to laugh because I would cry.

Now I try to get back into bed and find out that another kitty has stolen my warm spot and I just can't bear to move them so to the couch for me where I wonder, I just left that bed with all of them so how did we fit on there before! At least I'm off the kitchen biz. So much for the couch idea. There is usually the shy rescue cat there who so prefers DH to me. Then if I manage to lay down, it's impossible to get my back comfortable but then I finally fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion and then there is DH waking me, come back to bed, you know the couch is no good for your back. Argh . . just leave me be!

This is a daily routine for us. I almost want to quit my day job and get a night job just so I don't have to go to sleep. I am sure also that the massive amounts of junk food I am eating is not helping the situation either. I am actually craving veggies so I don't know what that says about the diet.

But in the end I will have a nice enough kitchen that I have built out of a labor of love. I am so looking forward to cooking again for us so hang in there!

Christine, thanks for sharing your perspective on things. I must say you must be one strong resilient woman! You go girl.

I used to have issues sleeping and found that a sleep machine (set to ocean sounds) and an eye mask (great selection on amazon) have changed my life. I am in my own cocoon and they have become a signal to my body and brain to slow down for the night. I also listen to audiobooks on my ipod during the day while doing chores, shopping, etc... and most nights I go to sleep listening to a book as well. I am sometimes amazed in the a.m. when I wake up and have to rewind to the last part I remember and realize it was only a few minutes from when I went to bed. I used to take forever to wind down and now I can be out quickly.
The audiobooks are free when you download them from the library's website.

You have so much going on that you need diversions to give your brain a rest. The kitchen planning can be a diversion when things go well or can be the reason you need other diversions, lol....

Alcohol can help you fall asleep faster, but I find I am more likely to wake in the middle of the night and am less rested in the a.m., even if I sleep through the night...

Don't forget how soothing a warm bath can be...

Of course, one of the best sleep aids is also a stress reducer and your dh will end up being a happier person to be around ;)

I think that TKO-ing, while stressful, gives me other things to think about than my father's death last spring at 62, finding a job, etc.

Agreed that Ambien is magic! Alcohol, not good as a sleep aid!

I really have to thank you all again for your kind words and support during my weak moment, it is good to vent. I forgot who said it, but I agree my kitchen is a great deversion from "real stressers" until that too becomes a stresser, and then there was only one place to turn...and that was to post and vent...so thanks again for listening...but it's time to forget about my moment of crisis...it will hopefully not surface again soon, that night I was afraid. I had radiation therapy in 2003, was quite sick, I was scared and angry that I may be sick. I am not sick!!! Everything seems a lot better now...I'm enjoying my granite and will post pictures Monday(if I ever figure this out, and then you can help me pick a BS..fun fun fun!!!

Deedles I do take melatonin almost every night, but prefer ambian, even if i'm afraid to take it to often. Catlover, Yes Dad was a WW2 vet, Amazing stories he has...thanks for being so sweet! Dianalo I listen to audio books with my MP3 player almost every night, but have attempted to listen to books I already read to make it more boring...but the sounds of waves sounds nicer to me and will look at amazon tomorrow..thanks for the idea. As far as the drink, I'm tempeted, unfortunately still on some medication which I'm not suppose to drink with... Drbeanie I'm so sorry about your Dad, and sorry if my complaining made it harder for you. It was a weak moment for me. I'm hoping you find the "perfect job" soon.

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