My husband hates my kids...should I leave him
15 years ago
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- 15 years ago
- 15 years ago
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Comments (2)Maybe she works for the counseling agency thats doing all the spamming that makes no sense....See MoreHate my husband's job....any advice?
Comments (7)Wow...I really dropped a jaw when I read your post! I never mentioned what line of work my husband does in my note, but when I saw "EA" you really had my attention. My husband does not work for EA, however he IS in the gaming industry, and I know that recently (and maybe still) his company has been trying to strike a deal with EA to do some business. I read the links you provided and really got an education. My husband has talked of updating his resume....getting his name back out there, etc. But we have moved so many times, and are afraid that doing so would mean moving yet again to take a "better" job. My husband is sent to Canada and Europe quite often with his job, and it didn't take long to learn that the Europeans do not adopt the same corporate culture as we Americans. It's very sad that corporate America has gotten to this point and the future looks very bleak. My husband's company is even European owned--and yet for the US offices they are expected to adhere to this "American" standard of working long hours with less people to do MORE work. The employees of this same company who work in Canada/Europe do not even come close to working the same hours that the American employees do! We hear about their vacations....time off with their families..etc. And they ask my husband...Where are you going for your next holiday? (They use the term "holiday" to refer to time off, not actually a specific holiday.) His response is always "Can't take time off right now." It's very disheartening when they tell us they are REQUIRED to take at least 6 weeks each year for vacation! (Not to mention paid time off for maternity leave and other benefits.) I don't think this problem is exclusive to the gaming industry per se, but I think somehow we all got off track when we started giving employers so much power. My husband just entered his 40s and we know that everytime we land in a less than desireable job, we can't just up and leave. Sometimes I just get upset with him because I want him to stand up for himself in these situations....stop taking the crap, so to speak....but I"m sure he feels trapped to a certain extent. I hated reading about the conditions at EA....especially knowing that this is a company that my husband's company is now trying to do business with. For instance: This week the company is hosting a U.S. Client Conference...here in our home city. The employees (my husband and co-workers) are being required to stay in the same hotel downtown for 2 over nights to "entertain" the clients in attendace instead of being allowed to come home and sleep in their own beds! He might as well be on another out of town trip! Oh, and did I mention our son had surgery this week? Do you think the "company" cared?...See MoreRE: I dislike my stepchild, may even hate him at times
Comments (5)Jujube, you are absolutely right, you are entitled to your feelings. Criticizing you for them and telling you to feel different is no help at all. If you don't like being a parent to someone else's child, then you don't, and you are entitled to feel that way. It's certainly not for everyone. BUT. The child is also entitled to something. And that is to live with adults who will care for and protect him, and, if they can't quite love him, at least try to like the child the best they can, not see him as nothing more than a "burden." You wrote, "Choices were made either by ourselves or others that put us in this situation and I am aware that no one is completely blameless." If it's true of anyone that "choices were made" (and do note the passive voice) by others that affect them, it's certainly true of the children. They didn't choose to be born, they didn't choose for their parents to split up, they didn't choose for their parents to remarry. The adults in the story are the ones who have to make the adjustments and compromises, not just because they made the choices, but because they are the adults. Fair or not, that's it; children can't be expected to sacrifice their childhoods for a parent's or an unrelated adult's expectations of romance and marriage. And your husband is entitled to something, too. You may not have a mother's duty toward your son, but you have a wife's duty to your husband. His duty to his son is non-negotiable. How do you support him in fulfilling that duty and feeling good about it? I know it isn't easy. But look at it from his point of view. What is it like for him to feel like he is always trading off his wife's and his son's interests in a zero-sum game? You write that you love this "wonderfully amazing man." Try to let that love guide you in this situation and think of what he needs from you; don't make him choose between his son and his wife. Thus, the solution to the dilemma is NOT for the child to go away or be rejected or pushed away by his father. If you don't want to be involved with a man with children, then don't be; there is nothing wrong with that choice even though others choose differently. I won't blame you, the same as while I admire people who adopt children with serious handicaps, I don't blame those who decline to do so. But anyone who makes those difficult choices and accepts those challenges has to step up to the plate and do her best, not focus only or even primarily on her "entitlements." Good luck to you; I know it's really hard....See MoreMy daughter Hates My Husband
Comments (5)So you don't have any rules your daughter has to abide? Why is he stuck disciplining your nasty kid and becoming the kid's punching bag for it? You and he should decide what the rules will be and YOU should enforce them. If you can't, she needs to move on. How do you think it makes him feel that you let your kid treat him like that? Would you let your daughter treat your mom like that? Would you let him treat HER like that? Of course you wouldn't. So why is it OK for her to treat the man you probably claim to love most in this world so bad? That's really sad....See More- 15 years ago
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