I used to be in this sitution with a man that had custody of his daughter.(we lived together-not married)....You are wasting much much energy on something you will not change...I screamed about the same things and I talked to him a few weeks ago...his daughter is now 19 (this happened to me 12 years ago) and her mother is STILL the same way..You will not change her and her kids will continue to think she is great (been there)...I got out of the sitution and will not date a man with children. Good Luck....

I am also in a similar situation. 2 steps and a bio-mother that puts herself first in everything. Last fall she met a man and he moved in with her. She told her daughter (who visited eow) not to come over or call when he was there because she didn't have time for her!!!!! Even before the boyfriend, she treated the kids like they were secondary concerns. But, her Dad and I who do everything for them are always the bad guys. She realizes and acknowledges that she doesn't like what here mother does and how much it hurts, but when Mommy has time, she goes running back like nothing ever happened. I have been there to pick up the pieces each and every time, but I am continually the bad one. I just hope that someday she will realize who was really there for her and let here Dad and I know how much she appreciated our support (emotional and financial). I am sorry to say this will be a long and hard road for you, but if you continue to love these kids like you are, THEY will turn out to be better people and you can be very proud of yourself that you were the reason for that. Take Care

Its disgusting to hear that a Mother would ever do that to her children. Thank goodness that their father married a woman that has a greater sense of moral behavior to guide the children into the adult behavior that they should encompass. Kids need to see solid family values in order to accept and emulate them. If you show the kids abhorrent behavior, they will mimic that too. In the local high school - you can pick out the kids of shack up families in a heart beat just by looking at them - they look like carbon cobies of the "girls gone wild" videos - just because they copy what they see.

I feel the same way about my husband's exwife. I am custodial stepmom of 3 chlldren. My husband has always had custody because the exwife decided one day she no longer wanted to be married or a full-time mother. Before I came along she constantly dumped 99% of her time on my husband, he of course never said no, she had full control of her old household only she lived in a differnt place and had her own life. It was a very unhealthy situation. My husband just never stood up to her, he struggled to keep a full-time job and take care of 3 children. I give him tremendous credit because many men in his situation would not be able to take on that responsibilty. Well, then I come along, we get married and all of a sudden she begins to take a deeper interest. Mainly because I would not allow her to control my household and my husband began saying "no", She always used us as her babysitter, whether it was a work meeting, an exerecise class or a European vacation. She has been nothing but a major PIA, she wouldn't pay child support when my husband enforced the order she opened a full blown custody case, suing us for full custody because she did not want to financially support her children.
We also have a screwed up schedule. During the school the chldren visit their mother Mon&Tues 4-8pm with alternating weekends. During the summer they visit her Mon-Wed 4-8pm with alternating weekends. The exwife wanted some crazy, they live with her 3days one week, then us 4days, and the next week it was the reverse. Mind you, she only had a 2bedroom condo. All three children sleep in the same bedroom. 2 girls 13&10 and a 8yr old boy. The master had enough sense to reconize that the living arrangemnents were not appropriate and would not grant anymore overnight visits except for the already standing 2 weekends a month.
The schedule is crazy. The exwife is crazy. She teaches the children it is ok to lie to us. She is NOT supportative of myself or my husband. She has harrassed us to the point that she is not allowed on our property, she can not contact us by phone, she may only communicate via email, unless it is an emergency related to that day's schedule, then she may leave a message on our cell phone. She would call my husband
at work and pull him out of meetings with the CEO of the company for some nonsense question. HE would get numerous calls on a daily basis. I never saw 2 divorced people talk on a daily basis. We have insulated ourselves as much as possible but everyday there is some new issue. She never returns clothes that the kids wear over there, one day she sent my ss home with no shoes on. She won't take the kids to baseball games and then tells them we did not give her the information. I could go on and on. But your words say it best I HATE HER!!!!!
If I had hindsight my posting would be alot differnt. I would be like that one woman who used to be involved with a man with children. Trying being involved with a man who has custody of his children. The rewards have been few and far between. I have lived this from the first day I moved to where my husband lives (I moved from a different state). So the entire two years of my marriage have been filled with this crap. My husband's relationship with his children has also suffered terribly. I was divorced for 11yrs before I remarried and never experienced one ounce of the trouble I have in this life, and it isn't even my divorce.
The best advice I can give you is stand your ground. Say NO, she is responsible for her custodial time. It took my husband a long time to be able to say no, it is very easy for me. I know that he is still uncomfortable with saying no but I help him, Remember you can't let her control your life. Good luck, God Bless. I understand, it's one hell of a way to live.

I HATE YOU!

ronisalair:

you are like my 15 yr SD nothing nice to say..... so don't say anything!!!!!!!!!!