My mind took a little trip with you when you described it. I know it was a special place for you, and I know you were relieved to find it still beautiful and a special place for somebody else. I always was ambivalent about going back to see an old home with memories, for fear of what I'd find. I have anyway, and in some cases it's heartbreaking, and in others I came away like you did. Relieved. The people who bought my house when I married have kept it well tended and loved, and I go by it several times a year on my way south. I detour off the highway to the little village where it stands and drive by it and I see my children sitting in the tree or riding their horse in my mind's eye. Makes me feel like a time traveler.

It is so nice to be surprised like that, isn't it? I don't have any of the ones mentioned, but I'm sure they are wonderful. You will have to post pics as soon as you get some. Kind of got a family affair going on there with the daylily thing. I am so hoping my girls get into it so we can share. I would really love it if my husband would. Maybe if he did, I could finagle some more of our lawn into garden area:) Vickie

I know this will probably seem odd but my 19 son does not have any close friends. Next to no friends. Well, actually no friends. He has a relative who is a nephew of my sister-in-law that he has known since he can remember and they are friends but do not see each other but only once a month or so. My son is very intellectual and in college and seems to focus on college and that's about all. He stays up late and sleeps late. That's about it. My 11 year old pretty much minds his own business but the 19 year old seems to think that it's his job to be the parent. This non-stop and gets quite frustrating. My husband, who is very tolerant and genuinely likes the boys, even sometimes indicates that he can barely stand it and goes away to another room or goes to bed early because it's so exhausting. My daughter who is 22 lives with us and is in college and working. She is so frustrated by the 19 year old butting in and parenting the 11 year old that at times she really let's the 19 year old have it. It makes for quite an unpleasant weekend visit. I usually side with the 11 year old but there are times when the 11 year old and my youngest (my husband's and my child) are are bickering and I agree with the 19 year old. I feel that I agree with him when appropriate. One example of the 19 year old's frustration would be in the car ride from the time I pick them up Friday afternoon and on the way home my 11 year old and the 5 year old will be playing with some little action toys or something in the backseat (not fighting) but playing on just and "elevated" level with no fighting whatsoever and my 19 year old will complain that the 11 year old is acting like little kid playing with the figures and that the noise level is too loud. I have told him that he should consider driving over himself or that he stop complaining at once. I have even sugged ear plugs and that I would purchase some. He thinks that the 11 year old is acting babyish by playing silly games with the 5 year old, and so it goes . . . every Friday that I pick them up. He complains about the noise in the morining when he is sleeping (until noon I might add) and so on. I have told him that I cannot accomodate his needs with a 5 year old and 11 year old visiting and that either go to bed earlier or perhaps think about staying home one-half of the weekend so that he is not so bothered. I am not sure what is going on here. I really don't want to tell the 19 year that he cannot come to visit. He needs to get away from dad and his girlfriend and have a family atmosphere where we eat together, watch movies, play crochet, canoe together, play board games, etc. You can tell that he really needs that, but on the other hand, if it makes it miserable for everyone else it's hard to outweight the bad. I'm just not sure how to proceed.

I completely agree with Tamar. I am in your same situation - 12 year old SD we have had custody of for 7 years. She has had weekend overnights EOW the entire time, and each time she returns home she either hates me or hates her mom, depending on how things went and what she was subjected to there. One day she wishes I was her "real" mom, the next her BM can do no wrong. It's eaten me up trying to rationalize with her w/o just saying "your BM is worthless!" IF they don't want to listen no list of things you have done that the BM has not will be accepted. Finally I realized I was dealing with a 12 year old and that I just had to let it go. If she gave me the "you're not my mom" attitude I gave her the "you're not my daughter" attitude . . . which meant her going to dad or BM for the things I always did . . . and finding out she was out of luck. After a few times I think she got the point, and though things aren't perfect now we have reached a more even playing field. I still cringe when she talks about how great it was that her mom came to one of her games when I coach the team, but what do you do? In your heart you know you are doing the right thing, and since you can't lock her in a closet until puberty is over that's about all you have going for you! Best wishes that things will mellow some with time . . . and a little help from your husband to set her straight maybe??