DS1 wanted to be a Civil Engineer since his senior year, and he did it. DS2 had no clue what he wanted to do until the end of his freshman year of college, then he chose accounting.

It freaked me out that he was going away to college and didn't know what to major in, until I realized that many kids have no clue until the end of their freshman year.

My DH was the same way. He took a class that he excelled in, and ended up majoring in the subject. Then he took another class (these classes were all required) and he loved it so much (Spanish) he minored in it.

Don't worry, she'll find herself. She can always transfer to a college that has a better school for the major. That's what my DH did when he went to law school.

oakley, how did DS2 select his college? What was the criteria?

I agree with oak. Personally I would not invest in so much testing.
My only advise would be to look at large schools where there is an opportunity to to sample many different fields of study.
Yes, it is great when a child has a passion, follows it, graduates and then gets a job in that field. But for many it is a journey with many twists along the way.
My oldest handled all her own applications etc. with my youngest we went to a college coach who helped us with the application process. What I liked about her was that by interviewing my daughter and also looking at her transcript we could narrow down the list. Because my daughter only had one school on her list, I came up with the rest. She wound up choosing one the schools on my list!

Both of my girls changed their majors and both are successful.

One chose the university of Illinois and the other St. Louis University. One large and one small and personal. Totally different girls with different personalities and needs. Four years is a long time for a young person and this can be such a challenging time.

My theory was for the girls to choose the school they thought would be the best fit for them and the rest would fall in place. Happily, it did.

Few kids at this age know what they want to do but it can't hurt and might help to use the tests that you suggest to discover their aptitudes.

Towards the end of their junior year of high school, many schools offer to let their students take the military's ASVAB test. This stands for Armed Service Vocational Aptitude Test. Regardless of whether your student has any desire to enter the military of not, this test is fantastic in assessing a student's strengths and weaknesses and pointing them towards careers that they would excel in. And the test is free. Although our DS had no desire at the time to ever go into the military, this test was right on the money for assessing and recommending careers that he would excel in . . . and he has, tremendously.

DD took a similar test towards the end of her freshman year of college and this helped . . . but, of course, she was already in college. As a result of this test, she did change her major. How this will turn out in the end is anybody's guess, as she's only halfway thru the second semester of her freshman year. In retrospect, I wish that she would have taken the ASVAB in high school.

The only downside to taking the ASVAB is that the recruiters from every branch of the military will start calling your student to talk to them. If they make it very clear from the start that they have no wish to join up, the calls will hopefully stop. The military is a great option for many people, I don't mean to infer that it isn't, but if your kid is sure that it's not for her/him, they need to be very firm and very clear with all recruiters from the get go that they're not. My son didn't and we received calls until he headed off to college.

Funny thing is that, after my son got his Masters degree, he did end up joining the Army, but not at all because of the ASVAB test or those (7 year previous) calls from recruiters. In these past almost-4 years, he's gotten great experience in his field of study . . . and the Army paid off all of his outstanding student loans. As a result of this on the job experience, he's just accepted a great job offer when he's gets out of the Army next month. But, that said, I sincerely hope that our DD doesn't end up going into the military . . . but we'll support her 110% if she does..

I'd recommend that you google ASVAB and talk to your DD's high school counselor about it.
Lynn

Thanks Lynn -that's something I would never have thought of! I'll google it....

I looked up ASVAB material and even did some practice tests. They seemed just like SAT or GRE tests and not a career/aptitude test. What am I missing?

Knowing what you said about your daughter's personality and natural interests, I would recommend a school with a good reputation, and a sorority program.

Being greek is a great way to cross-polinate your connections and interests in an out of the classroom way. It also provides opportunities for leadership roles, and activities outside the classroom that can lead to good community connections and resume building.

Both my DDs attended smaller Jesuit schools where there are active sororities, but they don't live in houses as at larger state schools. So I don't have much experience with that.

But the personal growth opportunities offered by that experience was worth it.

Also, if she is a good student, then I suggest looking at smaller academic schools without the huge classes that state schools. Having the more interpersonal interaction with PhD faculty offers much greater personal development with regards to grad schools and figuring out what to do.

These schools tend to give very generous scholarships to above average students, making them about the same cost overall as large state schools.

If your DD is not likely to reap this type of financial help, then I would look at the state schools in your state with sororities. Look at the smaller state schools as well as the large University.

chispa -I googled the test too , and looked through some practice tests, and came to the same conclusion -at least for my daughter. She isn't math/science/technology oriented, so I'm not sure it would be helpful.

julie - your thinking is right along the lines of what I am thinking. We have visited Penn State, and I think she will apply there because of the wide range of opportunity (we also liked the look and feel of the school).

But I keep thinking a smaller school would be a great opportunity for her for exactly the reasons you outlined. And the Jesuit schools in particular keep coming up. We visited Loyola in Chicago, but ruled it out. Boston College is another one... Because she is a very hardworking student, I can see the benefits of a smaller school, where a professor might recognize that and work with her to support her efforts. But of course there are less choices for majors at these smaller schools....

She is a student who works very hard, and manages to achieve a very high level because of that. Her older brother learns much more quickly and easily but doesn't work as hard. The difference in these two types of students is something I think bears some attention. I can see her being accepted at a place that actually might be over her head. Of course I wouldn't want that, but I also don't want to sell her short. Would you mind sharing where your daughters went to school?

I've got this book on hold at the library, and along with the Myers Briggs, am hoping it might give us some direction.

Here is a link that might be useful: Do What You Are

Best years--

I don't know where you are located. But as I said younger dd chose St. Louis University, a smaller Jesuit school. Great school. With her scholarship it didn't cost much more than we paid for her older sister at U of I.

I remember one final exam period in May. My daughter called me almost distraught about 9 pm. She had 4 final exams in two consecutive days. She had pulled an all nighter to study for the two she had taken that day. She had studied for several hours for one of the exams scheduled the next day and hadn't started studying for the second one scheduled that next day. She couldn't even think she was so exhausted. And she couldn't pull 2 all nighters in a row.

I advised her to call the professor at home and ask for advice. She called me back a few minutes later. He was leaving for a few weeks after finals and agreed to give her an incomplete and let her come back and take the final when he came back in the summer. He also said, that if she had come to him ahead of time he would have rearranged the exams. He felt this was a good reason to allow one exam to be taken a few days early to avoid 4 exams in 2 days. Who knew?!

These small schools are rigorous but something extra is given....

Older dd is a rabid Illini but never got this kind of consideration.

Food for thought. Different schools for different kinds of kids.

Another thing I forgot to mention Bestyears...SLU has great study abroad opportunities if your dd is so inclined.

My dd spent a semester in Austalia (Bond) then added a couple of weeks on to visit New Zealand. When she went, she didn't know anyone. The people she met and spent that time with are her lifelong friends now.

After sending 3 off to college I wouldn't stress too much about narrowing the field down right now. There is just way too much pressure placed on students and parents to pick the right school.

I'm all for smaller colleges for all the reasons you can imagine. I lived at home, commuted to a major state university and worked 25 hours a week at a supermarket all through college and grad school. My parents could have afforded the tuition but my family had such a strong work ethic that as long as we could handle both school and work - we did both. I paid my own tuition, bought my own car and graduated Cum Laude.

DH went to an all male, tiny Christian Brothers college and then med school - he too worked as an RA during school and at a bank in the summer. The personal attention he received from his professors was priceless. None of our parents attended college - I think both of us would have been high achievers no matter what school we attended.

As for our kids - it sounds like Goldilocks -- one went small, one went large and the last had the best of both worlds. The eldest went to a small, consistently highly ranked, liberal arts college close to Penn State. He often went to P.S. for ice hockey practice in the fall. Son #2 went to a fairly large state school about 8 hours away.

DD attended Barnard College in New York City. This is a small, women's college, one of the original 7 Sisters and a rather unique institution. It's associated with Columbia, her diploma reads Barnard College of Columbia University, but it maintains it's own, separate identity and admission and graduation requirements. Classes tend to be co-ed, cross registration is easy and depending on your major you might find yourself spending more class time on one campus - they are only separated by a street -Broadway. You might want to investigate Barnard and my other favorites are Swarthmore and Bryn Mawr.

We spent hours agonizing over schools - and there are times that I think it's a crap shoot- in most instances you just can't predict how a student and school will mess - especially is the student is a hard worker. I think that's probably the biggest factor in success anywhere.

This post was edited by maire_cate on Tue, Feb 26, 13 at 11:54

"What Color is your Parachute" is a career & job hunting book. I read it while in college. I just looked it up and it is regularly updated, with a new 2013 edition.

I've heard people later in life say they think kids should get out into the world and work for a few years before going to college. I know that's where I discovered my strengths and interests and think it is pretty good advice. I think 18 is very young for most people to have found their calling and be planning their life's work.

All great thoughts -thanks everyone. And sorry Red, yes I realized after I sent that you had already said SLU -which we hadn't looked at before. But I went and looked at and it certainly looks appealing.

We are located in Texas, just outside Houston. But we aren't from Texas, and she (and we) would like to see her get some exposure to other people as part of her college years, so we are pretty much looking out of state. I've done quite a bit of analyzing, and am well award of the true cost that the typical student of a particular college pays vs. the sticker price, and we are making that part of our criteria. As always, I probably err on the side of too much analysis. Just when I think a school is a potential target, I'll read a couple of scathing student reviews and get scared off.

You know, regarding the ASVAB, I'm confused as to what you all saw and took away from what you googled. I'm not discounting your information, but the ASVABs are nothing like the SATs.

I wasn't there as my son took this test his junior year of high school, but I did see the results of it, which were sent to his school counselor and to us. His results said, and I'm paraphrasing, that he scored highest in entrepreneurship, leadership skills, intelligence gathering, had very above average people skills and a few other things. It suggested careers paths in the business world in high corporate management, counseling, as an attorney, or working in the intelligence field. and in law enforcement . In retrospect, over ten years later, they were right on the money as to his strengths and the career paths he would be happiest and most successful in.

Things may have changed in the past 10 years, but I would still suggest talking to your student's high school counselor and getting his/her take on the ASVAB. It was highly thought of when I checked 11 years ago. I can't imagine that any test resembling the SATs, would/could have given DS that kind of information regarding advisable suggested career paths.
Lynn

Hi Lynn,
Yeah, it is confusing -especially when I see your son's results. I've already emailed our counselor about it, so we'll see what she says.

I've linked to the site that I looked at, which purports to be an 'official' site. Based on the subcategories listed, I didn't see how it would capture any of the artistic or managerial qualities I see in DD -but I will definitely talk to the counselor about it.

Here is a link that might be useful: Official ASVAB What to Expect

Really, I think 'future career' and 'right college' are two separate questions. In other words, if you're trying to narrow down the major in order to narrow down the college, that might be an unnecessary detour that makes the process not simpler, but more complicated. After all, SO many students change majors, that picking one college because it's strong in 'major #1' might end up back-firing if that school's not good in 'major #2'... (How's Missouri if you're not a journalist?)

If, as you say, you DD excels at setting goals and making things happen -- well, those are skills that are valuable in any number of fields and that would be nurtured by any number of majors -- assuming of course, that she goes to a good-fit college where she is stimulated, challenged and thrives.

The counselor at my sons' high school said the very first question to ask was if a big college football weekend experience was important to how they viewed the ideal college. She said this not because football was an important selection factor (though here in Texas...) -- but rather that it could immediately cut the prospective college list in half. In my older son's case, we found that to be very true -- he ended up hating the huge 'football' schools and falling in love with the one type of school he initially wouldn't even consider - 'small liberal arts colleges'. His college is not much bigger than his former high school, and yet, he's had the opportunity to study *anything* he wanted to (independent study if needed), to travel abroad (Galapagos, Costa Rica), to do research, publish, be a TA. His professors got to know him well enough to write really strong letters of recommendation for graduate school.

If I had a do-over, I'd ask what type of environment brings out your daughter's best? The 'thrown into the deep water' experience, or a more sheltered environment? Would she aggressively seek out and dive into all of those opportunities a huge university can offer? Or would she be more likely to be intimidated or less-assertive, perhaps getting lost in the shuffle? Would she rather be an anonymous face in a 500-student lecture? Or be more comfortable knowing that her professor sees her sitting in class every day and feeling that she can ask him questions after class if she needs to? Having a real human relationship with your professors can be a very valuable asset also, and is one area where small universities excel.

Also, I'd just like to put in a plug for Lafayette College. They were wonderful for my son -- he positively bloomed there.

Thanks Sweeby -all excellent points and questions. The big football game school is not a target for us. Of course Penn State IS a big football school, but that isn't the appeal. It's more that we see it as a place with 200 options, and a great town, etc. I think she's a little nervous about small schools just in thinking "what if there is nobody I fit in with?" I tend to think that way in my life too, but through all my reading am finding myself almost reluctantly drawn to smaller schools. It's interesting because when I was visiting with Harry and friends up at Cornell two weeks ago, lots of the guys were raving about the amazing experiences their friends were having at smaller schools. And some of the Cornelians, although they've had a very good experience, were wondering if perhaps they shouldn't have done their undergrad at a smaller school....

Your son's experience is impressive -off to look at Lafayette....

we have a book that's titled something like the best college majors for your personality... i think it's slightly helpful, tho i don't know if any of my guys actually looked at it too carefully!!

i took the (tedious) test at the front and it accurately directed me in the basic direction of my interests, but i think many children &/or parents are insightful enough to figure out their basic interests without a book...

none of my kids had a clear idea of what they wanted to study in school... my youngest child's school doesn't even 'allow' the students to declare a major until spring semester of their 2nd year! i totally support this- so many kids change their majors during college and even their careers afterwards! i know at least one of my kids will be going to grad school and that's a great time to really figure out what you want to do!! lol (and that's when 'specialized schools/programs really matter, imo!) they're young and it takes awhile for them to even learn all of the awesome opportunites available to them and what really piques their interest!! give her time to figure it out! (if you can afford it that is---there is the cost thing involved!) i did encourage smaller sized schools for my kids... i went to very large universities for both under and grad and think i would have prefered being in a smaller school...

""What if there is nobody I fit in with?"

Honestly, I can't see that happening at any college except for a few with what I'd call a 'very strong personality' -- maybe highly religious schools, super-liberal or military academies. Any other decent college (particularly if she's going out of state) should offer enough diversity that she should be able to find a compatible group of almost any mainstream-ish 'type'. (Another plug for Lafayette -- diversity within the student body was one of the hot-button top things we looked for. Alex now has friends in Bosnia, Finland, Morocco, Chile, China and Thailand.)

Just my opinion - but I think at age 18-20, when you're struggling to find out / form who you really are, having a bunch of different 'flavors' of classmates can be really helpful. One of the most valuable experiences I had at that age was being tossed into a completely different environment and discovering how much of 'me' was really just 'my setting' and what parts were really my personality and values. I never saw the world the same way after that, and one of the questions I always ask now is whether someone wants to go to college with people who are just like them or with people who are *not* just like them.

I don't have kids but based on my life experience and what I've seen with others, I have to agree with what everyone said about not pushing a kid to make a career decision in high school. You are just so "unformed" at that stage and really know so little, especially now days when parents are so protective and so closely oversee everything for their kids in order to protect them from any difficulties in life.

She needs to just get away to a quality school and discover the world and who she really is. She can always transfer later when she discovers her passion if the school she's at doesn't have that field of study.

I did all kinds of career interest assessments in high school and decided what I wanted to be and where I could go for that field of study. I promptly decided one year out of college that there was no way in hell I wanted to do that kind of work for the rest of my life and within a few years found my real passion and a lifelong career. Where I went to college had nothing to do with what I ultimately ended up doing. It had more to do with just getting out in the world, experiencing things and finding my passion.

DD's high school counselor also asked DD right off the bat if she was interested in the big college football weekend experience. I wonder if that's one of their standard questions these days (LOL)? Her answer was a resoundingly big "YES!!".

DH & I have talked a number of times since she went off to the University of Oklahoma, about how we can imagine putting her thru 4 years of college and then grad school, with her majoring in Criminal Justice, only to see her become an on air football commentator (seriously)! Our daughter LOVES football (and basketball) and is thriving at her big university. I was so worried that she would be overwhelmed by such a big campus, so far from home. Instead, she took to it like a duck to water, making many new friends, joining a sorority and going to every home football and basketball game with a big group of friends. She knew from the get-go that this is the college experience that she wanted. I'm glad that we allowed her to choose. I hope that your daughter has an equally great college experience, wherever she ends up.
Lynn

bestyears, I have a child at Penn State. She initially thought she wanted a small liberal arts college but ultimately decided a big college with many many programs and activities would allow her to stretch herself and experiment more. I think she was concerned she'd outgrow a small school quickly. In contrast to the Penn State stereotypes, DD and her friends are very studious engineering and science types who don't take part in sports culture at all. She is getting a great education, has landed a summer fellowship at a prestigious university, and had her pick of professional research opportunities on campus. DH and I are really pleased at how well things are working out for her.

Bestyears, In a couple of your posts you've referred to "our counselor" and said "Just when I think a school is a potential target, I'll read a couple of scathing student reviews and get scared off.", "It's more that we see it as a place with 200 options".

I hope you truly let your daughter make this choice...that is unless you'll be going to college with her as well. Our, I, we...please be careful. That last thing that I'd hate to see happen is that your daughter goes where you wish you were going.

You might also ask her if she's ready to go to college at this time.

jmc, I hear your concern, and it is one that I am very aware of. I find it to be a difficult line to walk, honestly. She is so, so busy and I'm not sure she truly understands the timeline. If we're going to visit any places this summer, we need to start buying plane tickets and things within the next few months. She's crazy busy right now, (Pres. Student Council, a part-time job, varsity sport and some volunteer stuff). So I'm trying to do some of the legwork while she is busy, with the hopes that she will sort through it all as she gets time and then we can begin to make some plans. She's a very strong-willed girl, so the good thing is she won't be talking into anything she doesn't want. But I just worry about the practicality of getting organized for some visits....

bestyears,

Myself and DH went to Creighton in Omaha.

DD1 went there as well. She majored in Business/Economics, and is now enrolled in grad school out west.

DD2 attends Rockhurst University here in Kansas City. She is also a collegiate scholarship athlete, and purposefully selected a division 2 school so that she could participate in greek life and other extracurricular activities. Many division 1 schools tend to micromanage their athletes into selected majors, and regulate their schedules and living arrangements in a way that held no interest for her.

bestyears, Forgot to mention that, like you, I also have a high school junior so we're also doing another college search. It is so much easier the second time around, we are nowhere near as intense about doing this with kid #2 and that's a good thing. From the sound of things, we may have been as wound up about doing this with kid #1 as you are with your DD. What we learned is that it makes an experience that is already hard on our kids even harder when parents are too intense. They really don't need to decide exactly what they're doing with their life right now and if your DD is a good kid (sounds like she is) you run the risk of scaring her a bit and making her doubt herself for not having a solid game plan. Dial it down (easier said than done) and maybe return some of the responsibility to her. If she can't hack the college search and can't pull herself together it may suggest that she needs more time. On the other hand, kids make great progress and mature a lot in senior year of high school. I think the best thing is for her to apply to schools from various categories (city/suburb, big/small). Then when it's time to make the final decision she'll have a couple different types of places.

Judithn: wisely and well said!

Some good thoughts there, thanks Judith.... there's no doubt that I probably have been too intense with this. It's partly my nature to research the hell out of things (doesn't every family take a 3-ring binder full of ideas, restaurants, etc. along on vacation?). She's a girl who always stays very busy, and I worry that she isn't giving herself enough time to spend just pondering this. But of course she will have more time this summer with school out.

I suddenly realized that rather than go visit places this summer, we can always just go visit when/if she's accepted. That takes away the urgency on my part for trying to get less expensive flights etc., and extends her window way out.

i personally think it's way easier to narrow it all down before your child applies.... unless your child doesn't apply to schools which are realistic for her to get into, she will get accepted into a good # of schools she has applied to-
i think basic differences like big city vs suburban, or very large vs smaller, south vs north/east vs west and proximity to home/airport/transportation, etc should be relatively easy to narrow down. definitely visit a city school and a suburban school... schools like psu are huge and have alot of on campus activities, but lack a city to go into if that's what your daughter would prefer...
i also am a believer that alot of kids adapt easily and can be happy most anywhere! i went to a huge state university and was fine--- didn't worry about all the things that we parents(and kids) seem to worry about these days...as a parent, i felt i wanted smaller for my kids, but as i kid i was perfectly fine with where i went! lol

bestyears, I am with you on the intense need to plan. My older DS always knew what he wanted to do careerwise, knew he wanted a small liberal arts college, and knew he wanted to be in New England. That narrowed down our search very nicely so it was easy to make "the list." Fast forward, he dropped out freshman year, but that's another story, which some of you already know.

Second DS, who is now a junior like your DD, has changed his mind several times about what he thinks he'd like to do. He has also changed his mind about location -- first it was "no way am I staying in Boston" (where we live) and now it's "I really like Northeastern." To make matters more interesting, this is the year where he has somewhat dropped the ball academically, bringing his GPA down several points thank you very much. This is my super-conscientious child who until this year, never got a grade below a B with maybe one exception. So our "list" keeps changing. He says he is bringing his GPA back up this semester. Let's hope. He also is now saying going to school in Boston would not be a bad idea, because he really doesn't like to fly (he was, actually still is, looking at a few schools in Chicago and DC). Six months ago, he only wanted to look at big schools in big cities. Now he wants to look at smaller schools in Maine. He is all over the place!

We did the Johnson O'Conner aptitude testing last year. Link is below. We did it with our older DS too. We all found it fascinating, actually, and DH and I have both said we'd love to take it ourselves. However, up until that time, DS wanted to be a teacher. He has worked at an elementary afterschool program since 6th grade (first as volunteer, now as a paid teacher). He just has a knack for working with kids. When we met with the guy who did the testing, he told my son he would not enjoy teaching, he'd be bored, etc. Even though we told DS he should follow his heart and do what he loves, he soon after decided that teaching wasn't for him and that he wanted to major in business (which actually was not one of the top few career choices for him, though I think management was on the list somewhere). So right now, he's still saying business/market research, and every once in a while I say "...but you should look at schools that have education programs just in case."

Anyway, I guess my point is that I am pretty sure my DS really has no idea what he wants to do. and we are basically looking at mostly larger schools that have a lot of options!

Also, I think another good way to explore possibilities is through some kind of summer program. My DS worked at a music summer camp last summer and LOVED it (of course, because he is meant to be a teacher). But this summer he wants to explore the other side, so he will be an intern at an investment firm. I think for him, this is a fantastic idea, because he will see if working in that atmosphere is actually appealing to him or not.

I have now been through this twice (one more to go) and I think junior year is the worst stage of parenting!

Here is a link that might be useful: testing

I agree with sueb20's suggestion about summer programs -- my eldest did several years of science programs. While I expected her to learn new things about science, the unexpected consequence (and a very good one) is that she learned how she reacts to new situations and how she copes with being away from home. What she learned -- totally nonacademic things, like dealing with homesickness and making friends -- were as important as the academic content and made her adjustment to freshman year of college go smoothly. We are sending DS, our junior, to a program at a college a few hours away from here for a summer program. It happens to be a college he thinks he'd like to go to. Maybe.

Another plus is that these programs give the kids a taste of college experience and help them get a realistic feel for what they like/don't like which can help them then narrow down their choices when it comes to the 'real' applications.

Be forewarned, they are not cheap. But there is a great deal of variation in cost and sometimes it relates to the length of the program, sometimes it depends on whether the program is run by a for-profit entity or not. Also, programs in some disciplines get corporate sponsorship, esp. those in math and science that are oriented towards young women. These programs tend to be the most reasonably priced. Know though that the time to apply is NOW. Kids usually need to supply transcripts and recommendations then write an essay. This to is a good little exercise as it gives them a preview of what writing actual college applications is like but in a less pressurized situation.

The one thing I should say, in terms of applying to schools without visiting them, is this: if you think the school is a very good contender, try to visit, especially if you D is a good student and a candidate for merit aid. My daughter's merit aid from schools she visited and had recurring interactions with was much higher than those she did not show an interest in. If she cannot visit, make sure she reaches out, participates in online webinars (many schools schedule these now), does the interview with a local alum if possible, and meets with their rep if the college is at a nearby event or school fair. These are all valid substitutes for the in person visit to a far away school.

I am a career counselor for STEM students at the university where I work.

My advice to parents is always that the most important task for you at this stage of your child's development is to LET GO AND LET THEM DO IT! I heard a great quote from Oprah recently. Although she isn't a parent, she nailed this (it's not her thought but I forgot who said it first): Until your children are ~16 YO, you as a parent are their manager. After that you should be transitioning into being their *consultant*.

I can't agree more with this. Reading everyone's posts about how MOM is doing this, that and the other makes me cringe. Trust me, moms, with the best of intentions you are not doing your kids a favor here. You are continuing to keep them in the mindset that mom is the one responsible for the process. I can promise you, the professor isn't going to deal with mom on how to get the academic work done. The counselors aren't going to deal with mom and dad to resolve issues the student is having on life away at college. The late high school years are absolutely the time at which you as a family should be working on the independence muscle. For both parents and kids!

I make it a point never to deal directly with parents. Really, never. What I will do is follow up with the student, making it clear the parents have contacted me but that it is her/his decision as to what and how s/he wants to deal with my office. I do not provide any information to parents--and believe me, I get the calls.

It's truly not about the particular situation, be it college searches, choosing a major, choosing a college etc. It is all about teaching your child the life skills that are needed to become a functional and successful adult. The longer you take on the responsibilities, the more you are allowing those skills to wither before they are even developed.

OTOH, what always impresses me is students who make it clear that their parents are indeed their trusted and respected advisors. When I ask 'what does your family think' and I hear back that my student has talked to them about the pros and cons, and about how mom and/or dad has given them good advice but then said 'it's your decision' my heart warms. It's why I love commencement day so much. I get to meet the people who have produced successful young adults who are ready to go out and make a good life for themselves.

And that's my .02!

Ann

Runninginplace--very good advice. But it's so hard :-)

As a matter of fact although it hasn't been mentioned, some kids might be better off at home for another year. There is certainly nothing wrong with a child going to community college for a year. Not all kids are ready to leave for a four year school right after high school.

Sweeby--the post you wrote yesterday at 15:58...my thoughts exactly! But much more eloquent.

I really do believe if they pick a school that fits them and that is a good fit, the right major will happen. Few exceptions ie: dd had a friend that decided she wanted to major in Nursing after being at Urbana (U of Illinois) after a year. No nursing program. She had to transfer.

BTW, Another great school to look at is Butler in Indianapolis.

Bestyears, I understand where you are coming from. My DD2 needed prodding to get it all done too. When we went to the college coach, she asked her if she wanted to go to college! I imagine some kids say no to this question.
My DD did answer yes and honestly, I am not sure what the plan would have been if she did not go off to college. She did struggle in the beginning, but everything worked out in the end.
Runninginplace offers good advice, but some kids just need that extra help to get them where they need to go.
In middle school and High school, I never helped my daughters with homework. I never knew what was due and when. I would often here other moms discussing the next big project that was due.
Both my daughter were not interested in advanced placement classes. When my oldest was accepted to a top school along with three other classmates, she said it best. "I did half the work, yet wound up in the same place."
In my town, the majority of the kids are accepted to the top schools and are encouraged to go to them. But interestingly enough many left those original schools and wound up graduating else where.
When you daughter visits the schools she will figure things out. After a few visits, both my daughters decided to wait and visit the schools they were accepted in.
I know you want a short list, but I would say apply to at least ten schools.

Thank you everyone who posted today. I hope I don't come off as being defensive here, but I really, truly, am a hands-off parent when it comes to school work. I couldn't begin to tell you when DD has a quiz, a test or a project due. And I haven't asked her about homework since about 6th grade. It is very much her life to manage, and she does an outstanding job of it. I abhor helicopter parents, and would never consider calling ANYONE at my son's college unless his life was at stake. Good lord!

OTOH, when a kid doesn't have a lot of parameters, based on say a major, or an area of the country, when the search is wide-open, it seems a bit much for a busy hs junior to navigate that all on her own. I heard the Oprah quote about the consultant too, and love it, and am trying to keep it in mind with this process. I feel like we could pay someone (a 'consultant" LOL) to assess her interests and aptitudes, and to help her narrow the search etc., or I can do that myself, for free, because I'm a pretty good researcher.

It's good to hear from other parents about the difficulties and frustrations inherent in trying to guide some kids toward their own great future.

DD is and always has been hugely independent so I have no qualms about her readiness. I don't doubt that she'll have a 'successful' experience almost anywhere she goes. But college is ridiculously expensive these days, and I'd like her to have an excellent experience, academically, socially, culturally, as the next platform from which to launch the rest of her life

Just picked up the book I mentioned earlier from the library today, and so far am really liking the way it approaches things. I'll take a look at the Johnson O'Conner test -that's not one I was familiar with.

So thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has taken the time to respond. You have all given me lots to think about and look into.

Have you asked your DD to describe her ideal college? The one she sees in her head when she daydreams about college? That might be a good place to start.

If I had asked Alex to describe his ideal college, he would have described something like this: fall foliage and snow in the winter, traditional stone buildings ('college Gothic architecture'), grassy quads with students playing Frisbee with a dog, within walking distance of a 'college town' area with a variety of bars and restaurants, a highly diverse student body, and a strong sense of tradition -- and of course, a good academic reputation. And when we visited potential schools, he liked most of the schools that fit that vision and strongly disliked the ones that didn't. They just didn't 'feel right' to him.

That gave me a great starting point to narrow the list from 3,000 to 100 or so. Once we had his SATs and ACTs, the list narrowed further to about 30. And a well-planned road trip visiting some of the likely contenders refined his search criteria further and made it really clear what he liked and didn't. Turns out he strongly disliked urban campuses and preferred a small 'walkable' campus to a large one - things he didn't know until he visited a few.

I understand the 'helicopter warnings'. And yeah, I did a lot of the preliminary research, but made it clear the decision was his and that I was a 'consultant' not the 'decider'. I viewed my role as asking him the questions to help him structure and clarify his thoughts -- and it's a good thing I did. He was looking at engineering schools because he had a strong but uninformed prejudice against 'liberal arts colleges', all because he hadn't enjoyed his high school social studies classes. But once he met the students at both types of schools, he changed his mind very quickly!

I'd also caution against waiting until acceptance to visit. Aside from the 'How do you know she'd even like it?' issue, visiting a school demonstrates interest (especially if from far away) and is a factor many top colleges look for in deciding whether or not to admit. (Of course, since distance is an issue, your DD would get cut some slack there, but on the flip side, the advantage of being able to say she visited and loved it, felt at home, etc...)

Two sites I found very helpful in evaluating potential schools were StudentsReview.com and StudentAdvisor.com. Of course, it's generally the happiest and least happy students who write reviews, but the comments do tend to reveal the 'real scoop' from a student's perspective. All schools get mixed reviews - just find the downsides you can live with and the high points that matter most.

Thanks Sweeby,
Yes, she and I have had quite a few discussions and have visited, I'm guessing quite a few campuses already (Penn State, Emory, NYU, Fashion Inst. of NY, Virginia Tech, Drexel, Univ Indiana, Butler, Univ of Miami, UNC, Purdue.... She was also along for the ride on a few visits for DS 3-4 years ago. She will most likely apply to some of the ones we visited. Others were quickly ruled out upon the visit. Part of the reason I'm leaning toward only visiting a few of her choices after acceptance is based on the great number we've already seen.

Her vision is evolving a bit. She started out consumed with the idea of going to college in a city -NYC, specifically. She may still choose that option. But those visits have helped her realize that it might be fun and exciting, but she would be foregoing the more traditional undergraduate experience (on a campus much like you described) -an experience she will probably never have an opportunity to repeat. So she is thinking perhaps it would be better to go to a more traditional beautiful campus, and think about moving to a large city as she begins a career. But I truly think she will still end up applying to some of those.

We use both of those sites, as well as College Prowler, which has a good Student Review section as well.

Bestyears, My oldest is a graduate of FIT. She transferred from University of Wisconsin, so she had the "college experience". We are from NY so she already knew how to navigate the city. It can be overwhelming for a first time student, as the city really is your campus. As a matter of fact, many of my DD's friends were like herself in that they were older transfer students. Although FIT is know for Fashion and Merchandizing, and that is the majority of graduates, my daughter majored in textile. Very small group of students in this major, all of which got jobs immediately after graduating.
There are many areas to choose from and because they are not saturated, the graduates have a better chance of landing a job.

ellendi,
FITis an amazing place if you truly know that you want to be a designer in some category. We actually discovered it after my daughter wrote to Amy Bloom and she recommended it. But DD is backing off an earlier interest in design, so we wouldn't dare send her to such a place at this point. Really, really well-regarded program though, and after visiting there, it's easy to see why -the training is incredibly intense!