Splitting up recently married couple- one in wedding party and one out

2 years ago

last modified: 2 years ago

My husband and I were married May of 2022. His brother was his best man and I was told by my mother-in-law that his sister really wanted to be in my wedding. My husband only had two people on his side, so I could only have two people on my side. I chose my cousin to be my maid of honor and his sister to be a bridesmaid rather than my friend due to his mom telling me that she really wanted to be in my wedding.

Now his sister will be getting married in June of 2024. My husband has been asked to be a groomsman, but I was not asked to be a bridesmaid. I am deeply hurt by this for a few reasons.

One: The aisle is sacred to me. My husband and I have walked the aisle together. I do not want to see my husband walking up or down the aisle with any other female. That is going to be torture for me. Call me insecure or whatever, but the symbolism of it says it all for me. When I designed my wedding, I had chiffon draped down the center of the aisle sides so no one but the wedding party could walk on the aisle.

Two: She really wanted to be in my wedding. I said ok to putting her in my wedding (rather than my friend) hoping that it would bring us closer. Why doesn't she want to make me part of her wedding? After all, we are sisters-in-law now. This just seems so wrong and unfair to me.

Three: I did not select the two people I wanted to ask because of his sister wanting to part of our wedding.

She and my husband have a cousin that she could add to be on the grooms side to make it even between bridesmaids and groomsmen if she adds me. The groom only has two of his people and then the brides two brothers.

I have made the suggestion that I could skip going to the wedding so that I do not have to witness my husband escorting another female down the aisle. My husband does not like this idea. But I honestly will not feel like going to the reception and celebrating after I just witnessed my husband going down the aisle with another female. I’ve thought about him walkng down the aisle with another female and it has brought me to tears. and that was merley thinking and visualizing it. What happens when it is real?

I have explained all of this to my husband and he has even stated he would back out if he needed to. He said he will talk to his sister about it.

How do you see it? How do you think we could make it work so no one is unhappy?

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (2)

colleenoz
2 years ago
I’m sorry to say this, but your issues are all in your head and all of your own making. I would urge you to get professional help as you are clearly very insecure and heading for an unhappy life if you don’t knock this on the head.

Firstly, too late to change it, but there is no rule that supporters on both sides have to be even numbers. I myself had two and my husband had one, as I wanted both of my best friends to be my bridesmaids and my husband only had one friend he felt close enough to to have as a suppporter. Not one person said a word about it even though it was over forty years ago when arguably things were still a bit more formal.

Secondly, the aisle is just a way to get from point A to point B in the church. Walking down the aisle does not have the symbolism you impute to it. The bride generally goes up the aisle on her father’s arm. Is she being married to her father? Obviously not. Often the supporters are not couples and many are siblings. Are they marrying each other? No. Were the bridesmaids and groomsmen at your own wedding marring each other? I doubt it.

Working yourself up over this is not helping anyone, least of all you. Your husband will be hurt whichever option he chooses. Just think, you won’t have to get involved in the expense and hassle of a bachelorette party, you won’t have to wear an ugly dress, you can just enjoy the wedding without any of the work. Have a good time and let your husband have a good time as well.
Suzieque
2 years ago
Well said, colleenoz.
Related Discussions
Thing One's wedding is getting close ...
Q
Comments (6)
Yes! It is!!! Your hard work & goodwill will make all your guests feel welcome. Just smile, breathe, & let go of the details; they will take care of themselves at this point. The name is from when I remodeled my house/kitchen last year & found the kitchen forum. What an excellent resource! No pictures yet. I didn't take any & "The Kids" are honeymooning in Spain & France so I haven't harrassed them for the password into the photographer's website to view the proofs. I'm pleasantly surprised to suddenly find myself with less than 5 million things that MUST be done today! It feels like a holiday! They only got engaged in January, so there was alot to do in a little time. You've got all the bases covered & even got lucky that the "difficult" family members are busy elsewhere. It is completely awesome that your husband has written music for the happy couple! What a blessing! Enjoy!
...See More
Another couple splits up
Q
Comments (10)
Interesting article on why a marriage may fail after decades of "bliss" is linked below. My parents were shocked when some of their friends divorced after appearing so content for decades. One such marriage had gone on for 43 years and it turned out he had had a mistress all along and had drained their retirement money to even buy the mistress a house to live in. The wife was clueless all along. There were a lot of shocking stories that went with these sudden divorces after decades of marriage. One such husband, on the very day he retired from his job, announced to his wife that he was also retiring from the marriage and promptly moved out and filed for divorce. The wife was stunned. After reading the article below, check the reader comments too. Some women who went through this say it was the best thing that happened to them and they really blossomed afterwards. Some of it is inspirational. Here is a link that might be useful: Food For Thought
...See More
Any childless by choice married couples out there?
Q
Comments (106)
Soooooo happy I found this post. I just got off the phone with my mother after a heated argument about my long-standing decision not to have children. Actually, it was just a repeat of the same argument we've been having for *years*. I'm confident in my decision, but I often feel like I'm the only 31-year-old woman in my area code who does not want children. I know there are others out there, but they are completely absent from my current sphere of influence. It gives me such peace to hear that many of my opinions/positions/frustrations/etc on the matter are shared by other reasonable, conscientious, and (seemingly :)) well-adjusted people. For me, the CBC decision sprang from deeply rooted environmental concerns. That angle never works with anyone I know, so I usually defend myself by employing the standard "we're not thinking about that right now", "we might adopt at some point in the future" and/or "we don't think we'd make good parents" non-committal-type responses. This post has armed me with so many great arguing points, I'm tempted to call my mother back. She, too, loves the "childless people are selfish" argument. I always counter with the notion that, if all childless people possess that character flaw, perhaps their reluctance to bear offspring serves a greater societal purpose. Selfish people would most likely be crappy parents. I don't feel as though I'm selfish, nor do I think my friends and family regard me as such. I imagine if I *had* to raise a child I would be at best, an average parent. If Mom's postulate is true, and I am innately selfish, I thinks it comes from the belief that I would be a far more creative, useful person without children in my life-- as would most people, if they were really honest with themselves.
...See More
Wedding invitations when one parent is deceased
Q
Comments (17)
I am sure Talley Sue is correct about what Crane's and other authorities say. And I get the point about simplicity, hosts only listed on the invitation, and the invitation not being about credits. However, I can tell you that we get dozens of wedding invitations every year, and they all give the groom's parents' names, too. The only exceptions are the ones from much older couples who are issuing the invitations themselves, or from couples who style the invitation "Together with their parents/families, Petunia Smith and Cuthbert Jones request the pleasure of your company as they are married ...." The latter formulation seems to be when there is some sort of complicated family circumstance regarding lots of stepparents or something. Even the ones that have, in every other respect, the most formal wording, still include the grooms' parents' names: "Mr. and Mrs. Zebulon Smith request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Petunia Ann, to Cuthbert Arthur Jones, son of Mr. and Mrs. Norbert Jones ...." I imagine that in many cases, both sets of parents are hosting, or at least contributing money. But even where (as the formal wording indicates) only the brides' parents are, they always name the groom's parents, too. My point is that even though this is not correct per the etiquette rule, it is so firmly established a convention in my community that to leave off the grooms' parents names would be considered a major insult on the part of the bride's parents and would be taken as a real humiliation by the groom's parents. I'm not arguing the etiquette rule; I'm just saying that it doesn't end the analysis.
...See More

Splitting up recently married couple- one in wedding party and one out

Comments (2)

colleenoz

Suzieque

Related Discussions

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US