A month is not too long.

What Maddie said. I give a gift with no expectations. Once it's no longer in my possession, I'm done. If I do receive a thank you card, awesome. If not, oh well.

It seems to run both ways here. I either get a thank you note immediately or none at all. And I think that has to do with what they were taught, and somehow my sister has even dropped the ball there. I send birthday and Christmas gifts to two of her granddaughters on the other side of the country. They are children, and nice kids - I see them maybe once every other year. I would never even know if my gifts have been delivered if it wasn't for tracking on shipping.

I would think if you haven't received it by now, you're not going to. IMO it is quite rude not to send a thank-you -- it's not that the gift had strings attached, per se, it's just common courtesy. If your friend walked up to you and handed you $100 bill, would you just turn and walk away? Wouldn't you at least say "Thank you!". Same thing.

“ If your friend walked up to you and handed you $100 bill, would you just turn and walk away? Wouldn't you at least say "Thank you!". Same thing”

Maybe the OP was thanked verbally?

Is rude the worse thing to be called?

Thank you cards are a pet peeve of mine. Years ago...and I'll NEVER forget it.... I gave my brother a remote control red Porsche 911. Never got a thank you and since I'd mailed it, I wondered if it got there. When I asked if he'd gotton a remote controlled red Porsche...he said, "Yes...Ron had given him that toy and he had taken it to the cabin, chased the cat all over with it...and it was a hoot." I said ....noooooooooooooooooooo................I gave THAT to YOU! He was going to argue...then realized I'd have no way of knowing what he'd gotton...unless...... I'd given it to him. He looked at me...like....huh!? Never did get a thank you....somebody named RON got credit. Maybe he was thanked...? 🫠 A month is too long....

We evolved from sending gifts (mailing costs got too high), to sending gift cards (if no acknowledgment wasn't sure if it had been received) to sending checks. At least, with a check, you know it's been cashed. Sent one nephew a check but he never cashed it. <sigh>

My daughter applied for a scholarship that was awarded each year of a program and you had to apply and interview each year. The second year, one of the ladies in the interview remembered her and said - oh, I remember you, you sent that sweet, hand-written thank you note after our interview. Daughter said she would have to give credit to her mom (me!) for teaching her to write a thank you note. However, same daughter received a very special gift from someone special, and that someone special eventually contacted me because she never gotten an acknowledgement. So none of us is perfect I guess. If I get a thank you, I am pleased. If I don't, I don't worry about it.

Standard procedure has changed. I am not claiming it's best practise just acknowedging that things have shifted. If you are thanked verbally at the event--I would not wait for a written thank you. Because that's a THING people get even lazier and just skip it entirely. I was at a graduation party where the thank you cards were all in a bowl for you to grab on the way out. In the card was a picture of the graduate and a generic thank you for coming....That mom KNEW her son!! For me the issue is if I do not attend and need to know if they got my gift. I thought for weddings they had a year... Back in the day when I was the bride at showers I would fill mine out before the next day. I still remember my future MIL in SHOCK and impressed as I sat at her table making out cards for her friends. You can say it doesn't matter and to not expect it--but when things are done well people notice.

I still think a short personal thank you is necessary. Years ago, i went to bridal showers where one of the bridesmaids addressed envelopes and attached a reminder of the gift so the bride could easily write personal notes.

Once i got a generic thank you from a bride one year after i sent the gift. I had mailed it in advance and never knew for sure that she got it.

However, four weeks is a short time. i hope you eventually receive a proper thank you.

Even a verbal thank you would be nice.

Last Xmas I received gift bags from several dealers at work. It was a surprise and wasn't expecting it. There were no names on the bags so I didn't know who to thank. So I made a giant thank you sign.

I was under the impression that wedding thank-yous are appropriate within a year from the wedding. Not sure how that applies to shower gifts - hopefully the name of the giver wasn't misplaced.

Lots of people don't send them any more.

Hopefully your objective in giving the gift was to share in the happiness of the occasion. You've done that and you should consider the transaction closed.

If your objective in giving a gift was to receive a Thank You note, well, then that's something different. My sarcasm is intentional. You surely have better and more important things to think about.

Were you at the shower in person? If not, are you certain it was received? If you were there, perhaps thanking you in person was deemed thanks enough? i think hand written notes of all kinds are falling out of favor, which is kind of sad.

My 13 year old grandson went to a small gradeschool and they were taught by their 4-5 grade teacher how to write a proper thank you note. I loved that for them.

A month is too long. In your shoes, I would stop waiting for a thank you. My brother got married 30 years ago (and divorced 10 years later.) We never received a thank you for our wedding gift.

@carolb_w_fl_coastal9b, " I was under the impression that wedding thank-yous are appropriate within a year from the wedding. " No, the rule is that people have a year to send gifts after the wedding. Thank yous should be written promptly.

Three months ago I hunted for a 'perfect' graduation card for DGS. I taped a *large* check inside to give him some funds as he starts college. I handed this to him as the family was leaving our house after a visit. He must have opened it quickly, as he gave me a big smile from across the foyer, but said nothing.

I've heard nothing. The check has not been cashed.

Saturday I saw DS and finally asked what had happened. The check had 'gone missing'. Card too, I assume.

Is this kid ready for college?

How would you feel?

I sent a wedding present with the afghan I made and a decent check in the card. I told the bride via facebook to expect the package so she'd know to look for it and gave her the tracking number. Via facebook she responded with a big thank you and said she'll send a formal note too. I haven't seen the formal note...they were married in May... but I'm happy. Most important was to know she got it and she knew it was from me. Etiquette says they have 3-6 months post honeymoon to send it.

I sent another couple a check and did finally get a formal thank you but it was maybe 9 mos after the wedding. Happy to get it in any case.

I sent as many hand-written notes as I could after mom's funeral. Until it got overwhelming. Gave up, and sent the generic ones to those who only stopped by the visitation for a few minutes. So maybe any thank you is a good one, even verbal? One can only do what they're able. But yes, if someone went to the trouble of sending/giving a gift, I write a thank you note, and usually pretty quickly. I think wedding took a lot longer. Lots of time away, settling in, and sheer volume of notes was time consuming. Any length of time is probably reasonable.

Thank you notes seem to have disappeared over the years. I was a stickler about teaching my kids the importance of sending thank you cards. Even before they could write we'd make a little game out of it - they would scribble in crayon and seal the envelope and even got a thrill by putting it in the mailbox. When they were old enough to write they picked out their own cards to send.

Sad to admit that my eldest son and my DDIL did not send thank you cards after the wedding. I reminded him on several occasions and mentioned that it wasn't something that only the bride did - it should be shared. When my DD (who writes lovely notes) found out that none had been sent she offered to write them - it still didn't happen.

Several years ago one of my son's childhood friends got married. I was told to bring the gift I got the couple to their apartment, where the groom had recently moved out of. I did. It was a vaccum that was on their wishlist so a little bulky to take to a wedding. I never got a thank you card for it so I asked my son if the couple got the gift. He said he thinks he did. There were about 3 guys living there, including my son, so who knows?

I haven't received a thank you card in YEARS! I think that kind of thing is out of date now. If you don't expect anything you won't be disappointed.

I’ll admit I’m bad about sending thank-you cards. It’s not that I’m unappreciative, it’s just one of many things that fall under the skill set of “organization” that just don’t get done. It would require having both a stamp and a card and knowing where they both are. Just like bills, if I can’t pay online I’m not paying, because now I need to find a check and a stamp. When asked if I want to pay now or be billed, my standard answer is an honest “if you want to be paid, then now.” But I digress.

Unless it’s a child we’re talking about, please don’t blame the parents. I was raised better, I swear!

Thank you notes do seem to be going 'out of style', along with a lot of other every day good manners. It's a shame, and another sign of just how far our society has fallen. Good manners, along with appreciation and a whole host of other things, seems to have pretty much fallen by the wayside, to make room for the ‘I’ll do or not do as I please, who cares what you think’ mentality.

Sending a thank you card, or acknowledging a gift in other ways, verbal, email, text, etc., is just plain basic good manners, not an attached string.

Personally, if I send someone a gift and don’t receive any form of acknowledgment of its receipt, that particular ‘someone’ is not very likely to ever receive another gift from me. If they don’t care enough about it to at least let me know they got it, why should I bother to send anything else? Small children are an exception to this, of course.

I taught all my boys to be sure and acknowledge any gift received, even those they didn’t like or had no use for. Just a sentence or two along the lines of “Thank you very much for the ______ you sent. Your thoughtfulness (kindness, etc. whatever is applicable) is very much appreciated.”

Rusty

My aunt knit me a gorgeous mohair sweater when I was a young teen for which I was most appreciative. So for a thank you, I wrote her a poem and enjoyed doing it. Can't remember it all, but it was a bunch of stanzas on the various aspects of the sweater:

I love the collar, I pull it in

Then I'm warm up to my chin

I love the pockets on each side

A place in which my hands to hide

I love the belt, I give a tug

Then my sweater's nice and snug

But most of all, the part's that best

That far surpasses all the rest

Is the love in every measure

And that is truly the greatest treasure

Oh, my mom taught us at a young age to send thank you cards immediately. my wedding thank you cards were spectacular.

those who don't send them out are rude but also the giver has no idea if you received it. that is mean.

No necessarily a "thank you card" but after becoming recently engaged, I received a card in the mail yesterday. The only one. It means so much as it came from my fiance's father and his girlfriend, welcoming me to the family. I cried. Nothing can replace a handwritten note.

A month is not too long at all anymore - modern life goes by very quickly and some people do not have hours to sit down and write a block of thank you notes immediately, especially when pregnant and preparing for baby, birth, and delivery. Our kid wrote a couple of notes a day for HS grad gifts, then mailed them all at once. Tried to get it done asap, but again, life.

That all being said, modern etiquette regarding thank you notes has evolved - if you were present at the gift's opening and she was able to thank you in person, notes are no longer "required". (Not saying she shouldn't send one anyway, just what I have read as the "new normal".)