Navigating family gatherings during a pandemic.

4 years ago

How are you all dealing with reentering a new normal? I am finding the more moderate approach post vaccination/booster more confusing (albeit less restrictive) than the lockdown. I have a family that is mostly pro-

vaccine with a notable exception.

My sister lost her middle child in September so gathering for the holidays seems extra important this year. At first my mom strongly argued that she didn’t want to have a meal with my non-vaccinated nephew and his family. Then she changed her mind at the last moment - prerogative of the ancient. And the contrary. He comes by his stubbornness naturally.

So Thursday we had a moderately sized vaccinated thanksgiving at my sister’s without her son. Friday a smaller Thanksgiving meal with him and his family. Saturday was the celebration of life for my niece - which my mom thankfully did not attend. I haven’t been around such a large group in a years.

I am going to self isolate for the next week as a precaution. I am happy I attended the memorial. But I don’t think it was particularly wise.

Featured Answer

foodonastump

4 years ago

From my cousin’s Thanksgiving invite:

”I just want to make sure that everybody - especially including the more vulnerable of us - feels comfortable. My mother says she is comfortable meeting as long as everybody is fully vaccinated.”

That made it pretty clear. Fortunately we don’t seem to be plagued with antivaxxers and were able to enjoy Thanksgiving with both my family and my wife’s, approx 20 in each group. It was great to see everyone again.

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Comments (11)

laceyvail 6A, WV
4 years ago
What I am hearing are recommendations that everyone have a rapid test the morning of gatherings. Makes sense to me.
l pinkmountain
4 years ago
I don't know. The people I know who got sick and died before the vaccine were either elderly, or picked it up from a family member who picked it up at work. I have two friends who recently got covid from unvaccinated co-workers, even though they themselves were vaccinated and followed safety protocols. And as the Aaron Rogers example illustrates, people lie about their vaccine status and don't seem to care about transmitting it to others, hard to parse who these people are in your social circle. Most of the people I socialize with are vaccinated, but all have regular contact with unvaccinated folks, most often due to not having a choice. The risk is less if you are vaccinated yourself, but if you are elderly or have underlying conditions, then no. So those of us who fit that category or have contact with someone who does, are put in a terrible bind! I guess I just look for prudent, science-believing, considerate people in general to gather with, wear a mask at large group spaces where I can't parse that, and hope for the best.

One example is my son-in-law who is an immune compromised cancer survivor with other underlying conditions that make him very vulnerable. He has no control over his step kids as far as whether they get vaccinated or not. Very difficult for us emotionally and there isn't really any reason they remain unvaccinated other than its not a priority for their family. And if you even bring it up some folks fly off the handle, so if you are concerned about your own health or the health of a loved one, this puts you in a very difficult situation. I don't think it is the virus that is the problem, these folks were already difficult, like you said. It's just bringing out the worst family problems. So I dunno. I had a birthday party for my 90 year old dad, everyone was so cautious and it really warmed my heart, the consideration. But then one guest was a doctor and one was in cancer treatment, so they were well aware of taking things seriously.

As far as picking and choosing about socializing with the unvaccinated, for me, it is situation specific. I evaluate how much risk of transmission there is in the situation, and also how important it is for me to spend time with folks. I know that makes me seem rude, which bothers me because I am a people-person who is usually very tolerant of others with different views. Outside I am OK, but for example, I'm not going out to a restaurant with friends, just too risky for me. I tried it this summer and it just wasn't a good idea in most restaurants due to the close quarters and people traffic. I was at a coffee shop the other day that was spacious, distanced seating and not busy. There I would go. On the downside, I'm not sure how long the proprietor is going to be able to stay open given that dynamic . . . So some of my socializing has to do with how crowded the venue is.

I am really struggling with a church concert tomorrow night. It's going to be crowded, most will be vaccinated and I can wear my k95 mask, so for me it's probably a good situation. But my dad is going with me and he is self conscious about masking so probably won't wear his. He's 90 and boosted but probably has marginal immunity to what's floating around. So I am going to worry about him. I had to let some of that go once the vaccine came out, I can't control the good or bad decisions he makes. He just does not want to deal with it, and folks only sometimes worry about keeping him safe. Luckily most in his set do, but they often fool themselves about the risks kids bring to the table, and also it only takes one slip up . . . but I guess my Dad is telling himself if he gets it and dies, so be it. I don't know if he actually gets covid and ends up hospitalized if he will feel quite so fatalistic.
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plllog
4 years ago
last modified: 4 years ago
Mxy, I've had that happen, too, the household with the cold who last minute stay home. good for you for enjoying it as it came. I get frazzled because I still have to cook all the food.. ;)

Since vaccination, in the family we've had a outdoor funeral with masks and no gathering, a memorial with some masks and eating outside, an indoor birthday gathering for a very elder, an outdoor graduation party where I wore a mask because of the school friends but most didn't. an outdoor funeral with masks and outdoor home gathering without, Thanksgiving with only 10, and Thanksgivukkah with only six. There's a planned indoor gathering at the end of the month when cousins are driving in from a rural area. We hug. The funerals were for elders well over 90 who just lived out their lives. The only ones I know of in our extended family who won't get vaccines are a household who all caught the virus (also the only ones who have caught it), one with a serious case but not hospitalized. Luckily, they live thousands of miles away. I'm grateful that they recovered but I don’t want to share air with them. We've also gathered for meals in twos and threes. Pre-vaccine we had a pod of sbout 10 people who in various iterations, shared meals. That group pretty much fell away at the time all were vaccinated.

So far, no coughs or sneezes hurling paticles. There are different sections of family in these gatherings, but they are cautious in their daily lives, There is the potential for breakthough infection, but so far so good. I haven't seen the little kids :( Better for them until the recent vaccine availability (whoa! The “baby” is probably old enough for a vaccine by now!). Better for the elders not to be exposed to a school, I've been enjoying the lack of colds.

I don't know if we have a philosophy of how to handle gathering (other than everybody try to avoid exposure). It's more about trusting each other to be good and each deciding to cost/benefit of having family life over the potential of exposure.
CA Kate z9
4 years ago
I traveled to the Thanksgiving Day event and stayed at a hotel. I was actually glad that no one cleaned my room or changed my bed while I was there.

The whole family is at least double vaccinated, so that wasn't a problem at all. We all had such a great time getting together this year.
Fun2BHere
4 years ago
I don't know what I'm going to do. It is more difficult to know what to do this year with a mix of vaxxed and unvaxxed. My current plan is to play it by ear. We are traveling to see my aged parents after missing last year, but there are so many of the family that are not vaxxed. I'm hoping no one asks us to gather with the unvaxxed family, but my brother and his wife are among them, so...? Last year, the decision was much simpler.
carolb_w_fl_coastal_9/10
4 years ago
Everyone we're spending time with is vaxxed and adults are all boosted - no outsiders, and a small group too - less than 10.

I would think a rapid test a few days afterwards might be useful as well.
Olychick
4 years ago
I have no problem saying no to gathering with the unvaccinated. They wouldn't be invited and I wouldn't attend anything where they are present. We all have to make our choices and if they choose to be excluded because they won't vax, so be it. I don't like being put in the position of declining to gather because of them, but I prefer that over risking covid exposure. I figure if they aren't vaccinating they likely aren't taking other precautions seriously either.
fawnridge (Ricky)
4 years ago
last modified: 4 years ago
We traveled to my girlfriend's son and daughter-in-law's house for Thanksgiving. Both of them and their two-year-old are unvaccinated and had Covid two weeks before we got there. We checked with all of our doctors and they told us that we should go because they would not be contagious 10 days after their first symptoms appeared. We are both fully vaccinated and boosted.

We went. We ate. No one got sick. The vaccines worked. End of story.
dcarch7 d c f l a s h 7 @ y a h o o . c o m
4 years ago
The possibility of the pandemic lasting many more years is a possibility.

Get a few indoor air filter/sanitizers, one for the bathroom, and a few for the dinning room (if you plan to have large parties.)

They are not that expensive. When the face masks are off, air filters are the only solution.

dcarch
l pinkmountain
4 years ago
last modified: 4 years ago
Everyone at the concert the other night was wearing a mask, even the singers. It was a free concert and one of the best choir concerts I have ever been to. The acoustics in the church are outstanding. The church requires masks for anyone attending an event there. With the large number of elderly parishioners it seems very prudent. I was so happy that I could attend without worry with my 90 year old dad, who also loved it. They also live streamed it.

Navigating family gatherings during a pandemic.

foodonastump

Comments (11)

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