I will certainly post photos when I get the island planted. That will have to be next spring, after the pond [hopefully] has filled up with water. The soil looks to be sandy loam, best I can figure. I will no doubt have to ammend the planting hole with compost. I am saving all these suggestions.....thank you! I went to the Antique Rose Emporium yesterday and saw Swamp Rose - they have it around their little lily ponds. I also hope Spirea [Bridal Wreath] will grow there - it is just beautiful in spring with the white weeping branches. I have some cobalt blue louisiana iris planted by the former owner [18 years ago - I have been wanting to dig this pond all these years!] I plan to add more louisiana iris of differing colors that I brought from my former home. Maybe even some azaleas....they love water. Formosas get huge in time and would be gorgeous! The only color I would be not too crazy about planting is red - I would like a softer effect. But.....if one happened to be right for this space, I would use it. Its going to be a long wait while it fills up! I am having a bridge built over to the island - going to hang bird feeders, make a fire ring and put adirondyke chairs. And plan to put koi in the pond as well. All this may not work, but I have been thinking about it all these years.

Just an idea. For less than $100 you can get a BIG AeroGrow hydroponic garden system. The 'Classic 7 pod' garden. It is $99...shipped free, and you get everything you need for the first garden...all she has to do is put in water, plug it in, and add the seedkit, and watch it grow! I think that might be the answer for you. Maybe??? She can grow, flowers, herbs, veggies, salads, what ever she likes. I have 3 of the big gardens, the Classic 7 pod ones, and they are soilless, come with their own lights, basically you add water,plug it in, put in a seedkit, and watch it grow! While I am NOT a fan of the company at all! Frankly they are rude, and slow to help, and run out of replacement parts frequently, even when you have a warranty, if you need parts. BUT, it is pretty reliable. Easy to use, once you know how to use it. You can plant your own custom seeds, and barely spend any money at all, after she gets use to using the garen. Maybe this would be her speed? She can even root cuttings of favorite plants, or root things to put outside after they are rooted. They root fast inside under the lights in the garden. After the initial investment, all you buy are seedkits at $15 each, at like once every 4-6 months, new light bulbs every 6-9 months,$15 for 2. And once she is use to which ever unit she has, it can cost next to nothing, by planting her own seeds, in her own seedpods that she can buy on EBay, at a much lower price. A seedkit from AeroGrow is now $15...use to be $19...I now make my own seedkits, for less than $5 each. I buy in bulk on EBay, and then buy seeds for $1 a package,that can last for several gardens. It is really clean, no dirt, no bugs, no disease, and like I said, after the investment of buying the garden, either small,medium or large, all you do is add water,you get a seedkit with your first purchase, (gives you practice), and then plug it in, set the light timer, and it is pretty much self reliant. Its an idea. Trust me, I have no love for that company! But my 3 gardens have been very reliable, and in south Fla, I can grow petunias in the heat of summer,...or variety of salads in a matter of 4 weeks or less,or root cuttings of plants in as little as a week or two! Everything grows very fast,and if anything fails, they do replace them. THAT they do pretty fast. But in general, their customer service,even with a 1 year warranty that comes with every garden,...they DRAG their feet. But it would probably make your wife happy,and you can buy used ones,in great shape, for nearly half price on EBay or Amazon.com

"You are right, but this is about extras, not CS. If SM feels that on top of CS and regular necessities SD requires (during her 50/50) that BM is expecting Dad (and therefore SM) to pay for extras, I can see her problem." The problem is that not only are there bound to be plenty of costs for "extras" that are going to be incurred in raising children (I mean, if we're considering anything beyond food ---but not necessarily FAVORITE food, just food--- and, like, Hanes 3-pack basic white tees as clothing and the cheapest uglist Walmart notebook and Dixon Ticonderoga #2 pencils as "extras")... but that the definition of "extras" is very debatable... "It would feel like BM considers her husband's money as separate and not to be used for her child, but SM's to be part of Dad's available income. Who would be purchasing the sports equipment if there was no SM, and therefore no item to borrow? Assuming Dad's income was the same, and his CS and custody the same, could he afford this item on his own, or would he ask BM to split the cost? (BM could use some of her CS, or ask her husband to help.)If both parents were still single, how would the item be procured?" I just gathered that there happened to be already in existence in the house an item of the kind that was required, which was not being used by anyone else at the time it was going to be needed. In that case, why SHOULDN'T OP's daughter be able to use it? Is it inconceivable that OP's daughter would loan something to her step-sister in a similar situation? Has that never occured before? I mean, yeah, I suppose that for everyone to be perfectly even and everything to be perfectly fair, there should be two of absolutely everything in the house for each of the girls, no matter how easily worked out a sharing plan may be... just so nobody feels like BM is "getting off scot free" or "taking advantage" of the already-purchased hockey stick (or whatever it is). But why spend the extra money (which Dad would be, since he's presumably already paid for half of his step-daughter's item, we can presume he'd be paying half of this item too) or insist or suggest that someone else (BM) spend extra money when there is a perfectly good item right there, which will not be in use, and which the user of (step-sister) has already agreed to lending? It's not costing step-sister or SP anything to lend it, and if it's damaged it won't cost them anything either b/c Dad & BM would pay for a replacement. The only reason would be to (pardon the pun) "stick it" to the person(s) who would be asked to pay for a second one, in one way or the other. Now, obviously, if the item is lost or damaged, or if OP's daughter will be using such an item more frequently in the future, then it's appropriate to purchase another. But to go around and imply that anything shared in the house that's an "extra" has to be purchased separately even for one-time use is just not very family-like. In intact families, no one would dream of proposing a waste of money (on anyone's part) or excessive consumption (and clutter?) of this sort as a general practice... I guess that's what I find so colossally sad in these blended family situations. That, as much as many SP's regard the situation like the SK's are "spoiled" b/c they have two households, it's just as often that they end up getting shafted b/c everything gets nickel-and-dimed and bickered over to death. And I'm not even really thinking about in the *material* sense, but psychologically... How do you think it feels growing up where every little item or expense you require as a kid is argued over, debated, and you're made to feel like you're such a source of financial burden and your parents arguing all the time and the expenses paid for are all conditional on how well you (or your mom) behave? Like someone's sitting there all "ca-ching! ca-ching!" every time you express a cereal preference that costs an extra 80 cents, or scowl ("deduct a dollar for the "extra"-nice notebook b/c of your attitude! I don't HAVE to do anything for you!")... and you may, perhaps, be in the regular presence of a step-sibling who (b/c his/her parents aren't divorced) doesn't face the same kind of nickel-and-diming, or you feel like you have to run a decathalon of requests and requests-for-requests to DARE to borrow the item of its "rightful" owner, whom it WAS procured for, presumably without much hubub... I CERTAINLY can understand the need to budget to the point of splitting hairs (b/c there's no choice) when funds are tight (but in OP's case it didn't sound like that was necessarily the case)... but when the situation is more comfortable, nickel-and-diming is unnecessary and rather depressing. Not to mention an enormous waste of energy and a veritable minefield packed chock-full of potential explosions at every little teensy turn. (Which, btw, ain't so great for the marriage, either...) Come up with a plan, an agreement, based on reality, decency, common sense, and what you think "family" should mean and general principles of what will/won't be split (or set a dollar amount limit, or an age limit, or limit the extracurricualr activities by quantity). Figure out and decide once and for all on the definitions of "extras" you and spouse agree on and everything should fall into place. If this can't be agreed upon between current spouses, it is not the ex-spouse's fault, and they shouldn't be dragged into the mess. If the CS arrangement is unsatisfactory to both current spouses, seek to have it changed instead of whining/nickel-and-diming/b.s. psychological games. If it's satisfactory to one spouse but not SP, or if expenditures just CANNOT be agreed upon no matter what, then maybe consider splitting finances. But acknowledge that it is the CURRENT SPOUSES who cannot agree on expenditures or come up with a workable plan, so it isn't anyone else's fault or burden to bear if you two can't work it out between yourselves.

We hear you. :) Very nice of you to mind your tongue around him. Treating someone with love and respect when they do boneheaded things isn't just good manners--it's love at its realest. :) And he did remember the tickets before the event! Have a great time at the concert!