Courtship, marriage and cheesecake
l pinkmountain
4 years ago
last modified: 4 years ago
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Sandplum1
4 years agosheilajoyce_gw
4 years agoRelated Discussions
Lonely marriage
Comments (22)I think that your problem is much more serious than taking a longer shower. If it were that simple, then it I don't think you would end up arguing when you discuss the issue. You seem to be willing to take positive action here. You said, "My wife is very critical of me and my body." This implies that there is much more going on. Initially you had sex during the courtship, but then she "suddenly" wanted to wait until after marriage. So, that was the first sign that something was wrong. I think that a counselor could help you both resolve this issue and take the appropriate steps. Three key questions come to mind in this situation: Is your wife attracted to you? What is she dissasfied with during sex? Why did she marry you? I think that it would be wise to stop having sex until you resolve these issues. If she is only participating "out of duty" then that only reinforces the negative feelings she has. It's not healthy for you either. I hope that you can work things out, and I think that a counselor is the best option....See MoreManipulations?
Comments (14)Sweeby and colorcrazy, since you are new to the discussion, and raise some important points, I think I should clarify a few things. According to the wife, the husband has not only not stood up for the wife, but in fact has been completely brainwashed by the inlaws. For example, before the marriage, there were no issues with finances between the couple. Both of them are responsible money spenders and they both were comfortable with each other's habits. After the mother in law visited, she continued to comment on how the wife was spending money on her own 'expensive' clothes whereas when she went to buy baby furniture for the baby, she was adamant about setting a budget. She also negotiated with the furniture store for an additional discount. Someone like you or me would admire this, but the mother in law commented that this "stinginess" was missing when buying a Banana Republic sweater for herself. The wife told me that her rationale had always been that the baby grew out of all her sizes - and so the wife was not comfortable buying really expensive accessories, whereas for herself she did not mind it. After the inlaws left, the husband started to criticise each and every action of the wife and began to complain that she was selfish and had two standards etc. Overall, according to her, the husband/son actually began to think with his mother's brain. He really seems to have no backbone and seems to be completely controlled by his mother. She feels bitter because she suspects that he purposely left them out of their dating phase and ushered them in when the child was born. Also, the wife is a close friend of mine; I do know a lot of stuff -- but I refrain from writing about everything obviously because I feel I need to discuss it with her. Regarding counselling, the husband has refused to seek counselling....See MoreHelp! Was your first year of marriage really tough?
Comments (16)I am new to posting on the marriage forum. But this is my $.02. In every marriage, there is give and take. I can see that you have a very busy life and it was that way before you married. I am not sure that you and DH didn't have different ideas about what happens after you get married. I kind of get the feeling that you weren't expecting much of a change and that DH was expecting a lot. First, if you were doing these things before you got married, then DH knew what he was getting into. Second, if you were doing all of these activities, How did you have time to date the man who became your DH? You made time for him before, right? You need to make sure that you still do that now. Just because you are "married" doesn't mean that it will be there if you aren't. Married should be a verb and not an adjective. That is when the real work starts. Finally, IMHO, if you got married and want to stay married, it is time for a sit down meeting to hash out what both of you are expecting. If you knew enough to marry him then DH's expectations should not seem to come from no where, meaning that you should have noticed that some of these have been coming for a while. It is really hard to be in the adjustment phase of being married. No one really lets all of the baggage hit the floor until they are sure they are staying. You have to sort out what every one wants and still make sure you don't lose yourself in the process. Honestly, I think you are having a case of "I wish I were still there 'itis". Basically, you are still mourning a part of your life that you had to step away from. It is not unusual to miss your single life. I know for a fact that I did. It isn't wrong, but if you wanted to marry DH then, there were reasons and do they still hold up? If marriage is something that is REALLY important to you, then you have to make sure that you are willing- not to put his needs first- but to make sure he is being heard and to try to make sure he is hearing you. If he is making you uncomfortable about seeing your single friends every week, maybe you should compromise. Could you invite them over, on the week when the SD is not there of course? Being married means that he should be at the center of your life, not your whole life, and you will need to encourage him to meet you half way. Don't give up the things you love, don't lose your passion for life, but don't leave him behind like a long date you wish was over. He obviously still wants to be around you. Have you thought about why you don't have the need to be around him as much. I am pretty sure you saw him more when you were dating than you are now if he is complaining. Maybe you need to look more closely at the situation. Please feel free to tell me if I am way off base... I am a big girl, I can deal with it. LOL....See MorePlease give me a push!-Pumpkin Orange Cheesecake
Comments (11)This one is T and T.....notice it has half the amount of pumpkin and more egg....I would be concerned about the one you posted being a little hard to cut....the orange flavor sounds wonderful....but again the strings of orange peel found in marmalade might make it hard to cut...if you want the orange flavor....just add some grated rind. Also the one you posted calls for low fat cream cheese....in my experience that makes a softer less dense cake. Cheesecake Factory Pumpkin Cheesecake Bonnie Benesh Prep time: 30 minutes Serves: 10-12 Cooking time: 65-75 minutes Crust: 1½ cups graham cracker or ginger snaps (I like ½ of each) 5 T. butter, melted 1 T. sugar Filling: 3-8oz. pkgs. cream cheese, softened 1 C. canned pumpkin 3 eggs ½ t. cinnamon ¼ t. nutmeg ¼ t. allspice Topping; 1 C. heavy cream ½ C. sugar 1 t. white vanilla ½ C. chopped pecans Mix crust ingredients together, just until coated and crumbly. Press onto the bottom and two-thirds of the way up the sides of an 8" spring form pan. Bake for 5 minutes at 350F. Set aside. Combine cheese, sugar and vanilla in large bowl, mix until smooth with an electric mixer. Add pumpkin, eggs, and spices and beat until smooth and creamy. Pour into the crust. Bake for 60-70 minutes or until the top turns a bit darker. Remove from oven and allow to come to room temperature, then refrigerate. Just before serving, whip the cream, sugar and white vanilla. After cake has thoroughly chilled, add the whipped cream topping and sprinkle nuts over the cream. Remove the pan sides and cut....See Moreannie1992
4 years agol pinkmountain
4 years agocolleenoz
4 years agoSooz
4 years agoplllog
4 years agol pinkmountain
4 years agolast modified: 4 years agofoodonastump
4 years agoplllog
4 years agoFeathers11
4 years ago
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l pinkmountainOriginal Author