Is it ok for stepkids to call me mom?
cicib8501
5 years ago
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Kim Aves
5 years agolast modified: 5 years agoRelated Discussions
2 oldest stepkids are out of control, help?
Comments (3)You certainly have a full plate going on here. And no, you're not a bad person for feeling what would be normal and expected frustration. I think you're due a break yourself...the day in and day out has got to be taking a toll on your own mental and physical self. Can you do that? Can you arrange for some occasional help and an evening out for yourself? Maybe a housecleaner a day or two a week? Somebody who can maybe premake meals for the freezer on Sunday afternoons so you can just pull them out during the week? You've taken on a lot all by yourself and have both children and teens that are making things even harder than necessary. I'd say get these older kids up and into helping, but with some of their health conditions I don't know what they can and can't do...or what might set off one of their problems. I'd hate to say something like 'get that oldest kid going into action' and then have him go full blow asthma attack on you. Only you, your wife and their drs know to what extent you could push this area. Their mouthiness and bad attitude are not physical though and you really do deserve more respect than what you are being shown. Maybe a sit down family discussion with your wife fully backing you up and supporting your stand. No cooperation no treats. You don't owe them nights at the movies or other fun activities if they can't at least appreciate it and realize that such events/items are not going to be forth coming if the attitudes don't change. Reality check the little darlings. The teens especially are old enough to know that if you walked out that door along with your paycheck , housecleaning, and cooking they'd all be 'up a creek without a paddle'. They can either behave themselves and start showing some respect, stop the fighting and constant crap or you stop cooking, cleaning and handing out money. Your their step father and the only father currently willing to step up, you've taken this on as a volunteer, you're working your butt off to make a home for them all and you did it out of love...they can start appreciating it and acting a part of the family or they can figure out how they are all going to fend for themselves. If you don't begin to find some sense of relaxation and a few moments of happiness now and then you're going to destroy your own health...caretakers usually take a bigger toll on themselves than on those they are trying to care for. It's not an easy thing to do and your body will begin to pay the price....See MoreMy future stepkids dont want to get to know me
Comments (56)What happens when they go to Jr.High or High school? What would be best for them? I have no clue. Any thoughts on that would be appriciated. i dont know if she ever will tel them or live openly gay. I really have their best interest at heart. What you are not understanding, or are refusing to understand, is that you are not in a position to help them or decide what is best for them. You are not in a position to have an opinion that matters in terms of their well-being. It does not matter whether anyone here thinks you are a wonderful loving person, or a horrible husband-stealer with no morals. The only opinions that matter in respect to the particular subject of your relationship with the children is the childrens' opinions. And the kids are going to have a horrible opinion of you, and the reason they are going to have that opinion is because of the choices that you and your BF made. You made the choice to get into a relationship with a married man with 3 pre-teen kids; the kids not wanting a relationship with you is an entirely foreseeable consequence of that decision, and it is a consequence that you need to accept now. The councelser just told him last week that we should put off "the girlfriend thing" for a while. Is there anybody with similar situations that has any advise? Every single person who has responded to this thread, regardless of the amount of sympathy or condemnation they've expressed, has given you the exact same advice; listen to the counselor. Lay off the kids. Give them time. They are not going to forgive you any time soon. They may never forgive you, but it is theoretically possible that years down the road they might. But if you make things harder on them now by trying to hurry them through their grieving process, pushing them to have some kind of relationship with you, or imposing your own opinions on their behaviors on them, it is only going to make it less and less likely that they will ever accept you. If you are telling the truth that you really have their best interests at heart, then listen to the counselor and to all the moms, stepmoms, and stepkids here who have given you the exact same advice and give them time and space. That is what they need, and none of the "but mom's a lesbian", "but the marriage was dead" "but I can be a good role-model", will change that. None of those things matter to the kids....See MoreI don't want to be called 'mom' anymore
Comments (20)Of course I don't want to hurt her, I love her. She has told me that her mom does not like it that she calls me mom (her mom also sent me an e-mail explaining to me that she is SDs' mom, NOT me) I feel like SD is torn between being loyal to her mom and not hurting me. Because of the loyalty to her mom (and I understand and accept that)I end up getting hurt and she ends ups feeling "bad". She doesn't need that kind of pressure, she goes through enough with the guilt trips her mom puts on her. I need to find a way to be a good role model for her and show her I love her without getting so involved. I don't think her mom is a good role model for her. SD (who is only 14) has told me about her mother discussing the importance of penis size with her (SHOCKING!)she has also told me that her mom acts inappropriate around men and just "wants to go to bed with them" Oh there's more, I just don't want to get into it. But now you can see that she needs someone to talk to. It's very difficult because I just want to tell her that her mom is a horrible person and she should not model herself after her in any way, but of course I can't say that. It would make SD feel awful. Anyway, I think I'm getting off the subject here. I take the brunt and get the disrespect because I am the stepmom. When I think of the word mom, respect, love and kindness come to mind, guilt and disrespect do not. It may sound like I'm being selfish, or making a mountain out of a molehill, but it just bothers me. Thank you all again for your advise....See MoreMy stepkids hate me, frustrated and broken
Comments (11)If you are going to school full time, AND working part time...do the hours add up to less than working full time? Just wondering... I do understand that you want/need to finish your degree since you are very close to finishing. I also understand that you now have a home for your children, that you may or may not be able to provide without his help. I also understand how valuable it is to have someone to share your life with, and help you raise your children, instead of trying to raise them alone. Especially since he is a good man, who treats your children well. And "I get" that his children have a choice in their behavior, and they are making your family life miserable. However...as a parent, do you understand that if he turns his back on his children, he has failed in his role as a father and a parent? That these next 6 years are the most crutial years in the development of his kids, and will determine who they will be as adults? That as he chooses you and your children over his children (both he and his children will understand that he chose you over them) that will in and of itself create "issues" for both he and his children. Raising teenagers is enormously difficult for ALOT of people, even those with intact families. His children are acting out, of the anger and pain of what has happened in their life... I understand that you feel that they should not "win" and ruin what you and your fiancee' are trying to build...that their bad behavior should not be rewarded by getting them what they want...which is you and your children to leave. However, as a father and a man of integrity and honor...he must fight to hang in there and finish raising his children...whether he feels like it or not. Perhaps they do need to live with their mother...I don't know. But he should not give up on them because it is hard. And he is right in demanding that they treat others with respect, and that includes you and your children...but it also includes their teachers and others, or life will be hard for them...because in life, we must treat people we work with, and for, with respect, whether we like them or not. This is tough because their mother is teaching them one thing...but he needs to teach them what he sees as important...and do his best. The rest will one day be up to them. I wish you the best as you try and do what is right for you, your children, and your fiancee' (and his children). He is in such a tough spot because he loves you, and does not want to lose you...and yet his own children need him...but their behavior is destroying everything he wants, and the life you two are trying to build. But as the kind and good man you know him to be...which makes him a man of honor trying to do what is right...by both you and as a parent. What a hard, hard spot to be in. He will need to be strong, wise and walk through this. I wish you both better times ahead....See Moremamapinky0
5 years agoSylvia Gordon
5 years agoKim Aves
5 years agolast modified: 5 years agocolleenoz
5 years agoKim Aves
5 years agolast modified: 5 years agocolleenoz
5 years ago
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