I thought the same thing as the others have said. It sounds like she's not clear thinking, Dementia. It can be very hard to get a doctor to see she's having trouble with her financial affairs and now that she's knows that her son knows she's not doing well she'll be even more guarded in what she tells and say's to him. All the doctor care about is that a person can tell you their name, where they live. I went through it for 3 years with my dad till he ended up having to go into a rehab after a pacemaker was put in. The doctor there told me dad had dementia pretty bad. He told me to take away his cars. That would not have gone over at all but as it ended up dad has to stay in a nursing home permanently. Best you can do is stand by your dad and understand what he's going through. It's very hard on the child of the parent having to take over and care for them. As you said he got upset when she made a big to do over the money, well it's not the end of her fight. She'll fight everything he or anyone that try's to take over her affairs. It's only natural not to want anyone in your business, but it clearly needs to be done or she'll end up living with one of ya'll or on the street.

I have been looking after my now 94 year old mother for 8 years. I am 64 and my income is very low. I live quite a bit of time in Costa Rica working on a project there. Has anybody made use of the video networking technology to make care calls (my thought was to have a caregive accept the call or the video conference on behalf of my mother just so she can see me and I can see her on the screen..also I want to help her do range of motion exercises or read her an article for example..just be together online..

There's a lot of ways people age. People can become more difficult in old age because as we age, we gradually loose control of our lives and also gradually loose our sense of being important. A lot of that is societal, but some of it is just how individual people define power and control. I know plenty of seniors who still contribute to society even after they retire, by serving on boards and volunteering for community service. They relate to others as friends, not just as bosses. But some people, like my folks for example, who were bosses at work their whole lives and who define power and contol by being infallible, do not deal well with aging. I would say, generally, that controlling people have a very difficult time with aging, and get more and more difficult as time goes on. 72 is not that old, but some people act like they are going on 92 their whole lives. Which is ironic, because there are probably some spry 92 year olds out there! Bear in mind what others have said, you can't control your mom but you can control how you react to her. You have some rights in this situation, and she has some adult responsibilities. If she chooses not to act like an adult (assuming she doesn't have some kind of dementia), then you are not responsible for her problems. Choose what you will do, and make it very clear that you are going to do as you see fit and if she doesn't like it, that is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. That's the only way you can deal with co-dependent people. You're just going to have to accept that she is going to be elderly and difficult. There's a difference between compassion (which you should exercise with your mom) and co-dependence, and the key is to navigate the line between the two. Recognizing the problem, like you have, is half the battle. And I think it also helps to share the burden by talking with others who are going through the same thing. I know I get a lot of solace from comiserating with my friends who are also dealing with or have dealt with difficult parental relationships. (Just ask Annie, lol!)

Oh, your last post raised HUGE red flags. The drug situation is very serious. In several ways. Unfortunately, this is another area where I've had very unfortunate experience. My SIL was demanding drs prescribe specific medications (mood elevators, narcotics, etc) to my in-laws. We don't have absolute proof, but there is circumstantial evidence that SIL was stealing those meds and subbing things like aspirin. At other times, she was doping MIL (who has Alzheimer's) up with other people's prescription sleeping pills to make caring for her easier. Then things got really hairy--SIL started stealing from MIL to support her drug habit. I'm sorry to say, we didn't believe a relative could do that--so by the time we got involved and got the courts to do something, SIL had misappropriated over a QUARTER OF A MILLION $$$$ that had been earmarked for MIL's end care. Sadly, your last post is the one that concerns me the most. You have to sit down with your husband and the far-off brother, and discuss what you're going to do to protect your MIL and her assets. Drug users have no conscience--it's the first thing drugs seem to destroy. But they're very, very, very good about scamming their relatives. And it will happen--sooner or later, for more or less $$$. You have a very serious problem on your hands. I'd strongly advise that you engage an eldercare attorney to properly set up your MIL's assets, and I'd further suggest that you and your husband need to sit down with an attorney, lay out the situation you've described here, and find out what you need to do to protect yourselves in this matter. Unfortunately, in our case, we're up over $20,000 in legal and forensic accounting fees, out of our own pockets. That doesn't include the fees that have had to be paid to the court-appointed guardian for managing MIL's affairs properly. While we've managed to stop the stealing, the situation is a long way from being resolved. I truly hope your SIL doesn't go the way mine has--but sadly, it sounds as if she's got no scruples when it comes to feeding her habit. Stop worrying about making her angry--she's USING your guilt to get over on the family. Best to face this now and get the appropriate protection in place, than to wait until you've got an expensive mess to clean up. We're 7 years into our battle, with no real end in sight. Wish someone had opened my eyes in 2002! I'm truly sitting here with my heart in my throat, thnking of the terrible time your family is likely to face. I wouldn't want to put my own worst enemy through the stress and strain we've had dealing with a thieving 'out-law' (I refuse to call her an 'inlaw' any more). My heart really goes out to you.