No offense taken, detired. I just donâÂÂt find it funny myself, yet can see where some people would. The original act was just so unmindful that it still annoys me to see it parodied, especially using such a seemingly very responsible and mature young couple!

How can I say this diplomatically? uh... well... Glen - You're not sounding terribly sensitive and supportive here. In fact, you're sounding pretty dense and not at all well-informed about women's health issues. A lack of information can be forgiven if you'll just ADMIT you don't understand it and not try to pretend that you do. Balancing hormones out is a LOT of work. It's NOT just dabbing on a a bit of estrogen and getting happy again. If it was that simple, we'd all be happy. Not to change the subject, but just to illustrate - my endo and I have been working for well over a year to try to get my hormones back in semi-balance, and I'm NOT even going through the change. Mine's a relatively 'simple' one-hormone problem, and we're at almost $5,000 or so in medical bills so far. I'm much happier than I was a year ago -- but if you understood how little that really says, you'd have a lot more sympathy for your wife's feelings. And to hear you say "when a woman turns 50 she knows it's OVER, and that can be hard to accept. some woman get mean because of it. " -- Well, that just makes me want to thunk you over the head with 2x4. More than once! And I'm guessing I'm the "mature" and reasonable one! Sometimes - the most important thing you've got in a marriage is determination and a refusal to give up -- that old committment to your team mate. But to make that work, you have to stop blaming her for feeling bad, understand that she's acting bad because she feels bad -- and stop trying to fix complex problems with a dab of estrogen cream.

dear justine grower, I have lurked at your last post and having witnessed the end of my mothers no good marriage, and remembering my position as her young daughter at the time, this is a I need to see through. I spoke to a friend of mine who is a psychologist, he says that your husband is displaying classic sociopathic behavior, he may not a murderer, but he is void of actual feeling, and everything and everyone is simply being kept neatly in their rightful place in his life because this is where they are in his mind. He will never divorce you, but you will never feel loved by him, you are there simply to play your role, as your daughter is. But I am afraid for your daughter, because when she develops into a young woman with wants and needs contrary to daddy's ideas for her, her self esteem will be crushed by him, because she will too, be kept neatly in place and eventually grow in to a woman who will not make a decision without, specifically, his direction. If this is the case for her, what will happen to her when something happens to him. She will never individuate from him, he will be the extension of her that gives direction to her life. May I ask, what happens when you have an idea concernign some decision for your daughter that he opposes? Does your idea stand a chance, or does he go on proving his postition by making you of no effect in the direction of her life, except when it corresponds with his ideas? I am sorry that you are sad, and that you feel the natural loving and maternal need to save him, or help him heal, but you need to realise that his way of thinking and analysing real llife aituations is not going to change, or even get better without some serious therapy, multiplied years of therapy, and he must be submissive at that, now honestly, do you really think this is possible? He feels safe only when things can be controlled, which is why he is great at work, there is no emotion to complicate the work environment, there is simply a formula to follow, the rules are straight laced, he walks the beaten path everyday, and can follow the same rules over and over and over again to make things work for him there without question. But with you, when he follows the same rules over and over and over again, there are questions, complications and unhappiness, which he cannot understand anyway 'I can't connect to his personality, he says one thing today and something else tomorrow, doesn't even remember or says 'well that was yesterday'. Sometimes I wonder who the hell he really is?' You are not loved, you are simply filling a role normal to an adult male in his adult male life. So is your daughter, 'Like he never memorizes things about me, after 10 years he still gets me wrong presents and red instead of white wine. He is not on my side if somebody hurts my feelings' It is obvious that your role as 'wife' in his life had been fashioned in his mind long before you even met him. You are in a position that fits no one but him, in his mind the wife he has isn;t anyone but someone he made up, I guess that you were the closest fit, or a woman who was easy to mold, or make fit into what he envisions. Was he abused as a child, why was his emotional development so stunted, that he plays life? You do realise that he isn't living it right? And I am sorry, but you cannot save him in time to save your daughter. Get out for your daughter's sake, even if you are convinced that you love him and want to see him better, then look on him and support his progress as a friend. Please get your daughter out of there.

I am new to posting on the marriage forum. But this is my $.02. In every marriage, there is give and take. I can see that you have a very busy life and it was that way before you married. I am not sure that you and DH didn't have different ideas about what happens after you get married. I kind of get the feeling that you weren't expecting much of a change and that DH was expecting a lot. First, if you were doing these things before you got married, then DH knew what he was getting into. Second, if you were doing all of these activities, How did you have time to date the man who became your DH? You made time for him before, right? You need to make sure that you still do that now. Just because you are "married" doesn't mean that it will be there if you aren't. Married should be a verb and not an adjective. That is when the real work starts. Finally, IMHO, if you got married and want to stay married, it is time for a sit down meeting to hash out what both of you are expecting. If you knew enough to marry him then DH's expectations should not seem to come from no where, meaning that you should have noticed that some of these have been coming for a while. It is really hard to be in the adjustment phase of being married. No one really lets all of the baggage hit the floor until they are sure they are staying. You have to sort out what every one wants and still make sure you don't lose yourself in the process. Honestly, I think you are having a case of "I wish I were still there 'itis". Basically, you are still mourning a part of your life that you had to step away from. It is not unusual to miss your single life. I know for a fact that I did. It isn't wrong, but if you wanted to marry DH then, there were reasons and do they still hold up? If marriage is something that is REALLY important to you, then you have to make sure that you are willing- not to put his needs first- but to make sure he is being heard and to try to make sure he is hearing you. If he is making you uncomfortable about seeing your single friends every week, maybe you should compromise. Could you invite them over, on the week when the SD is not there of course? Being married means that he should be at the center of your life, not your whole life, and you will need to encourage him to meet you half way. Don't give up the things you love, don't lose your passion for life, but don't leave him behind like a long date you wish was over. He obviously still wants to be around you. Have you thought about why you don't have the need to be around him as much. I am pretty sure you saw him more when you were dating than you are now if he is complaining. Maybe you need to look more closely at the situation. Please feel free to tell me if I am way off base... I am a big girl, I can deal with it. LOL.