I 100% agree with YOUR thoughts! It doesn't matter if you have a huge $20,000.00 wedding or if you stand before a Judge,,at the end of the day, you're just as married! I understand that almost every woman wants a perfect wedding, but a perfect wedding doesn't have to be the talk of the town!

I remember when a friend of mine got married a long time ago. Listening to the preparations, it seemed to me her goal was a wedding, not a marriage. I thought she'd be better off throwing a large party and wearing a nice dress. Sure enough, they were divorced within a couple of years.

I personally think everything is more fun if it doesn't cost a fortune! (Well, I suppose I should exempt my dream cars from that statement.) :-)

I have often wondered if they want a wedding or a marriage. And I do think that they are often setting themselves up for failure expecting a 'perfect day' and a 'perfect' life. Life can be pretty ugly at times, it takes a couple working together to see their way thru it to find the beauty again.

I saw my GF married at a BIG expensive wedding. She immediately got "accidentally" pregnant "4" times! Her husband had agreed to children, just never specified how many(after #4 he got fixed). He has nothing to do with the children, at all....she quit her job....and spends her life taking care of everybody. She is living her dream, her husband is living like a single guy that comes home occasionally to visit.....

I guess it's better than a divorce. But maybe they should have discussed it "all", so they could BOTH be happy?

My mom and dad started out secretly to the see the Justice of the Peace, had a flat tire and only a few bucks and two spoons to start keeping house with!

I actually think this scenerio will be more interesting in the retelling of it in the future than a big fancy perfect costly wedding will be (which will end up a lot of pretty and expensive photos in the end, really!)

Let's hear some more INTERESTING weddings...mickey15 has one that is quite appropriate for this Halloween time of the year...go ahead and ask here, IF ya ain't too scared, that is!

LOL!

nola anne

My issue is not so (much) with the cost of the weddings. I mean, people have always spent a lot on their kids' wedding, proportionally speaking. (In my family, people started saving for their daughters' weddings when they were born.)

Anyway, my issue is with the entitlement thing. When I was young, we complained that, "The bride is making us buy this ugly dress that we'll never wear again." Now, the bride is making them buy shoes, gloves, jewelry and makeup to match.

And personally, I think the high divorce rate (which is *way* down, btw - at a 20-year-low) is due more to good contraception and education for women. People were always unhappy. It's just easier for them to get out, nowadays.

I agree Dotmom.

We married off 2 daughters and it wasn't cheap but they both knew we were not going to break the bank on them. They both pretty well got what they wanted and it was a wonderful day for all of us. We all jumped in and did a lot of the work ourselves. We didn't even think of having a wedding planner.

Our DIL's parents set a snall amount and that was it. Our DIL was upset but our son told her he would pay for what they wouldn't. He would make sure she had what she wanted for her day.

One of the best weddings we ever went to was a couple that are now our neighbors. The guys wore khaki pants with a polo style shirt and the girls each wore a different style white sundress. The guys shirt color and the girls ribbons on their flowers matched. The Moms wore just a simple shirt with a skirt. Neither family had tons of money and they did with what they had. It was so nice.. They made all the food for the reception and it was fabulous..

Now the craziest wedding invite we got was homemade ( nice) but at the bottom they had handwritten " bring a covered dish." That was a new one for me!!!!

both our dd's paid for their weddings...one was an elopement, sigh (the mil from hell had a fit they wanted get married in vegas, where my mother lived)

the other wanted a destination wedding on a beach...that ended up at ft meyers fl...on a spit of sand smaller than your back yard, lol...

but my boys were just as frugal...one was married at greenfield village (part of the ford family museum) and one in a friend's back yard...(which the host family re-did with new plantings, grass!)

i've been married 2x and both time was very aware of costs...the first was a church wedding (18 and lasted 4 years) the second in las vegas, and has lasted 40 years...

I see no problem in big weddings. Had one, and the second was small in numbers...but not a cheap one.

What is the problem with wanting to share a very special and meaningful day with friends and relatives....and do it with an equisite3 party?
As long as you're paying for it with money you(or parents) have....what is wrong?

The wedding day does not make the marriage...the couple and their ability to keep that committment does.

Well, I had a cheap, small wedding. Hardly anyone came to it because it was far from both families and changed from the original date because the ex's father had a heart attack just before the first one. My mom was the only one from my family who came and she and I made the food. We only lasted 10 years. So, I don't think the size of the wedding has anything to do with longevity of the marriage.

I've been to wayyyyyy over the top weddings and been to such simple and sweet weddings.
The wedding stuff I see on tv is nothing like real life weddings I've been to around here! My gosh talk about far fetched! The one where the gals are dress shopping kills me! Every bride should have a dress she loves I agree with that. The key is within their means. If you aren't financially able to spend $10K or more on a wedding dress then get with the program! LOL
I do too often wonder how the marriages turn out.

I agree that so much thought is put into an elaborate wedding and very little thought is given to the actual marriage.

A friend of mine, Sandy, spent over a year planning an elaborate $40,000 wedding for her daughter. The wedding was perfect and beautiful. My friend died yesterday (just 30 days after the wedding). I'm so glad her daughter didn't elope or get married at the courthouse. Sandy got to see her relatives and friends at the grandest party she had ever thrown and she gave her DD and SIL a fairytale wedding day.

So... I guess elaborate can be good. RIP Sandy.

DH and I had a nice, large-ish wedding, but nothing like the huge events you see today. I don't think "Bride" magazine even existed back in the early 1960's, did it? No Wedding Industry to push the goods?

We were married in church in the afternoon and had a dinner dance reception at the country club for about 200 people. I'm told it went to the wee hours, but DH and I left after a few dances to make our flight to NYC -- then on to London and Paris for two weeks. (With perspective, we should have done a resort and postponed the travel; we've taken many other trips over the years.)

DS and DIL had a restaurant dinner reception for 150 -- with a *wonderful* full band. They spent a weekend at a B & B in Wisconsin, and we used air miles to send them to our Maui condo later in the year.

IMO, a wedding is like anything else, you do what's comfortable for you and your family and friends -- including spending what's comfortable.

What I think is 'pushing it' is the Destination Wedding, where guests are expected to pay thousands of dollars, travel thousands of miles, and stay at an expensive resort. IMO, if you invite people to that kind of wedding, you should pay at least a portion of your guests' expenses.

Chisue, your last paragraph expressed my opinion of destination weddings....If I ever got an invite to one of those, it would be, thanks, but no thanks, unless yor paying.

Hubs and my wedding was a small affair, I wore a street length white dress and a hat. The reception was at my In-laws house, and no honeymoon, we just went to our apt. 56 yrs ago in September.

When our daughter got married, we had to get a wedding together quickly, when she informed us she was 5 months along. Yipes! I worked two part time jobs, but I made her dress and my dress, most of the food for the reception, and was able to order the liquor at cost, through my boss at the supper club I worked. It was a glorious day in late October and every thing went off beautifully, except one funny thing. Colleen wore jeans and a flannel shirt to the church and changed into her dress there. She forgot to wear a bra, and the church was quite chilly. Her boobs were quite evident in the plain front of her dress, so we were scrambling for a couple band-aids to camouflage. LOL she and John celebrated their 27th a week ago,

I always tell newlyweds "Marriage isn't 50-50. It's 100-100."

Like dotmom, my wedding was small....just immediate family at my parents home, with family minister, cake, flowers and good wishes. This was 1954 and FIL & wife dove us into SF for dinner, and we took the street car "home", then the train to LA to see grandmother. Can you imagine today not having a car? We made many trips via train, street car & bus, between Camp Pendleton, SF and LA, since I continued to live at home for nearly a year before taking the plunge into being a Military Wife. Sounds SO foreign today. Nanny

The most expensive wedding we've ever been to, has already ended in divorce, and it was only 2 years ago. When I met the bride I told Wayne "this can't last." She was the most self centered girl I'd ever met. Pitiful.

Why is it that so many can live together for years but as soon after they get married, the partnership dissolves?

I had a small, inexpensive wedding in my parents backyard. My future MIL almost didn't attend. We had a Justice of the Peace , not a Roman Catholic priest, because DH had been divorced. She threw a fit but attended anyway. My mother did all the cooking, fried chicken, my sister's girlfriend acted as a waitress, my cousin Jimmy mixed drinks, the bakery delivered the wrong cake, and it even rained that day, but we've been married over 31 years. People talked because I wore a light blue dress rather than white. Like I said, we seem to be stuck together. No one would want either of us, now.

I think I was walking on just as high a cloud in my dress I made myself (a real plain dress) as any girl that spent hundreds on theirs...and I'll bet my marriage has lasted a lot longer.

IMO I think people are so caught-up in the "getting Married" idea that they don't think about the day-to-day-rest-of-your-lives. They throw such an elaborate celebration for the "Getting Married" part and when that is over so is the relationship. DM called it "being in love with the IDEA of being in love." They are in love with the fantasy. That's why I say "elope and throw a Fantastic celebration IF you reach your 10th ann." l.marie

We eloped. When our oldest and only daughter was engaged, she told us that her fiance loved weddings and made a point to attend all his friends' weddings no matter where they were in the country. So we set out to give her a very nice but not elaborate wedding. His parents had eloped too, and they brought all sorts of friends from their hometown across the country to party with us. Their rehearsal dinner was really special, a dinner cruise in Newport Bay on John Wayne's former yacht.

Since the groom grew up in the South, went to school in the South and Midwest, and met and courted our DD in San Francisco, we had mostly out of town guests, and we really gave our guests a wonderful weekend. Everyone loved it, the bride and groom still say it was the best wedding they ever attended, and it was the talk of his home town.

We never regreted the cost or what we did or chose not to do. Everyone loved the band, and that was huge in making it a delightful reception. The place hopped the whole night.

Even though my marriage was over after just under 10 years, I still think we did the wedding just right. We were married at Niagara Falls with just our families. Yes, it was a destination wedding but we weren't requiring anyone to come. We were eloping and if our family wanted to be there they were welcome to be there. We knew it wasn't a financial hardship on anyone except maybe my cheap FIL but my MIL was thrilled because it was the only real 'vacation' she ever had. I don't think she's ever even been to the beach and she is over 60 (and she lives within just a few hours of the beach!)

The weather was beautiful and everyone had a good time. We were married outside on the American side of the falls and my parents paid for dinner in a private room at the Red Coach Inn. The kids did the touristy stuff, the adults got to gamble at the casino. My sister was able to bring her dog who is part of our family. It was just a great, fun and relaxing weekend.

My cousin had a HUGE fancy wedding and her marriage lasted less than a year. I have never seen so many gifts at a bridal shower. I just feel sad that she wasted that on her first husband since she has a great marriage with her second husband and they didn't do a big thing since, well, it just didn't seem right after the first wedding.

Actually I have at least three cousins who had VERY short marriages after big weddings. Our generation just hasn't been very lucky in that respect, no matter how big the wedding was.

My inlaws had two weddings in 1941. Both in November, just before Pearl Harbor. One was a civil service, second was in church. The second wedding was to please the parents (Italian Catholic) tho father of the bride refused to pay for anything. They called him "Cheap Paul". Their marriage lasted over 49 years, till the death of FIL in 1990. MIL joined him in 2005. She died on the 15th anniversary of her huisbands passing.

Sometimes it just seems to be easy to tell when a marriage is going to fail. I remember watching parts of the "Chuck-n-Di" wedding and went yeah right... this ain't gonna be forever. Granted, the odds are in favor of divorce but people that live at home, are waited on by parents, given everything they want without earning any of it, then watch TV and think this is gonna be easy. Yeah right. Plus these days, vows don't mean anything anyway. I've become convinced the wedding vow now is "till 'irreconcilable difference' do us part". And it's not just kids that live in a dream world either. I see people who have been married before who think it's going to be "so different" the second, third or fourth time around. Too many people want to "get married" not "be married" I think.

Sadly it's not all the kids fault. Often they grow up under the pressure to "get married". We laugh about Beverly Hillbillies talking about Elly May Clampett being an old maid at 18 but I know when I was growing up (and I still see it today) there was (and is) the pressure on kids from young age that you are nothing if you're not married and pumping out kids. "We want grandchildren!", and the other selfish comments. And I know I'm stepping on toes so I'll leave it at that.

Jannie, that's the best advice/warning anyone could give people even contemplating marriage. Gotta remember that one.

Speaking of the Vows, it used to be the norm for the woman to promise to....obey. That has long gone, I hope. The way the divorce statistics are the promise should be.......As long as you both shall LOVE. LOL, And from someone married 56 years, believe me, you will not love the person every single day. There were days when we fought like the Hatfields and McCoys, but in a couple days it blows over. Except for abuse, if you hit a rough patch, just keep going and in a while it will blow over. Once in the early 70's, was one of those bad times, and we were going to separate, he was going to move out, but he was real busy at work, and didn't get to it, so we just kept on, keeping on, and time went on, and here we are two dottering old folk. Actually I tell him because of each of our disabilities, between us we make one fairly doable person, LOL

I was married in a church wedding back in the middle 60's. As the priest said the vows, I repeated them back. UNTIL the phrase which included the word OBEY - I deliberately skipped over that word.
Groom or Priest never said a thing, but a few of my friends did, and we had a big laugh over it.

Second time around, that word wasn't there.

Those over-the-top weddings do seem ridiculous sometimes.

I'm more impressed by simple things in general, and that includes weddings. The simpler the better, to me.