Another rant alert..too much on my plate

6 years ago

last modified: 6 years ago

At work, we deployed new software and our director wanted everyone in the office for the past two weeks. My car has been needing repairs and is untrustworthy so I had to rent a car. Husband had a deadline that he was trying to meet and was very busy too. Suddenly my 12 hour Saturday and Sunday shifts became 16 hour shifts because of the long commute.

Then last Saturday afternoon, Jeff caught his left thumb in a table saw. He had surgery on Monday to amputate the end of his thumb because it was too mangled to repair. Obviously he won't be able to feel anything that he touches after he heals, but the surgery went well and there have been no complications.

He's been very hungry for a sick man :-) I feel like a short order cook and dishwasher! Don't get me wrong, I love him dearly and know that he can't cook for himself and I want to keep him fed and comfortable. He's thinking of the most difficult dishes for me to prepare, I am barely done with dishes before he's ready for the next creation. The stockpiled vegetable beef soup and leftover brisket in the freezer has no appeal to him. I wish he'd just eat a can of soup for one of his meals.

My neighbor who saves fall leaves for me texted on Sunday while I was in the office that I need to come pick up the leaves that she has for me and return her leaf bags. I picked up 22 bags yesterday, binned them and returned her bags, then she showed me about 16 more bags! I have no more bin room and if I just pile them on the ground, they will blow everywhere. We are bone dry here and nothing except placing them in a bin until I get a chance to mulch them will keep them down on the ground. I went out this morning and set up another temporary bin so that I can get those too. I appreciate her giving them to me rather than sending them to the landfill, but the timing is bad for me. She seemed oblivious to my dilemma.

Thanks for listening, I just needed to get that off of my chest.

Featured Answer

mamapinky0

6 years ago

You know what y ou need to do...first tell your neighbor you can't accept any more leaves at the moment...second sit that husband down and....share your thoughts and your stress with him. He probably has no idea how you feel or how worn ragged you must be. You sound like a wonderful wife but you need a break...you'll still be a wonderful wife if you open a can of soup. LOL.

I really hope you open up to your husband and I hope you find time to not just rest your body but your mind as well. Vent away..We care.

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Comments (34)

User
6 years ago
Time for you to have a good long cry, I think...then do a little online shopping...

I'm so sorry for that life is taking a dump on you. It IS okay to say no to some things, PK....

Hang in there. Stuff will only improve from now on, right?

Good thoughts going your way.
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sonni1
6 years ago
WOW!
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schoolhouse_gw
6 years ago
((hugs)), one of those days you just need for yourself.
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User
6 years ago
This is the place to vent. We are here to listen. Hugs.
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moonie_57 (8 NC)
6 years ago
Yeah, hubby has no idea. Hes busy with nursing his own injury... and we know how our guys can be! Be gentle with him.

At least your neighbor responsibilities are done.

I hope you soon find that new job you've been hoping for!
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Ali
6 years ago
PK, there is a reason why men don't bear children. This will pass.
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nicole___
6 years ago
last modified: 6 years ago
Hey gurl...vent here any time...I feel ya....been there! (((hugs))) It does get better...
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ravencajun Zone 8b TX
6 years ago
Get some good soup selections from the store, a can of chili, a can opener and a sweet little note! Disappear! He will survive. Tell her your limits are reached for her leaves, stop order in place lol. Breathe!

I know what you mean!
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quasifish
6 years ago
Wow, what an eventful week. I can see why you are feeling a bit overwhelmed!

I agree with Raven, just spell it out nicely for the neighbor. Most people will understand and not want to put any more burden on you, if they are aware of what is going on. If she can't understand, then it's her, not you.

You are a way nicer spouse than I am :^) I would decide what (simple meal) I wanted and let him know that is what we are having. It's sweet that you take such great care of him, but not every meal has to be a big experience.
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chisue
6 years ago
Last Sunday's dinner here was Progresso Chicken Noodle soup with leftover chicken added and thick slices of garlic bread. We'd had a big, late breakfast. No complaints.

Why are you taking orders for meals? Offer a choice of This or That. Maybe your DH doesn't have enough he can do, other than think up meals for you to prepare?

Can't your leafy friend pay to have her leaves removed this time, rather than getting rid of them for nothing to you?
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Marilyn Sue McClintock
6 years ago
I am sorry to hear about your husband's accident and all the problems. What gets me though each day is I think, it could be worse and it could be. Nice neighbor, I probably would have gotten the excess leaves and left them in the bags for awhile and given her some other bags. They will rot in the bags over time. Hope tomorrow is a brighter day.

Sue
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marilyn_c
6 years ago
Good advice here...step back a little and breathe. I feel the same way....often pulled in so many directions at once. I swear I am busier than a monkey with two......well, never mind. ;) The worst thing about it, I can work all day and hardly see that I have accomplished anything. I am still cleaning up after the flood. Try to get Jody to help me....and his idea of cleaning is pick up something and pile it over there and then later you have to go back and pick it up and put it somewhere else, and eventually I pick it up and get it to the trash. I wanted to hire a big dumpster to come in here, so I could fill it and have it hauled away....but he is of the mind to just stack stuff up. Add to that the rain....constantly. I wish I could send you some rain. I had no idea your part of the state was so dry, when we are drowning down here on the coast.

Our winters are typically wet.....but so is the spring. I don't see a let up until around May.
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eld6161
6 years ago
So sorry! Healing thoughts to your DH but he has to understand that you need to have a few easy meals between the elaborate ones.

can you tell your friend that you are okay with the leaves for now? Also reminding her of her DH's condition?
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Suzieque
6 years ago
I, too, love my husband tremendously and would do anything for him. But I also know that he loves me the same. If I shared with him that I was overwhelmed, I know that he'd get it. But I also know that I have to speak up when I'm not feeling that I'm understood. Mars/Venus, y'know? I expect (hope) that Jeff will get it when you express your feelings about this.
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nickel_kg
6 years ago
Wow!

Great idea about taking the leaves and returning new/other bags to your leaf friend (a good source of composting leaves is gold). All the rest ... well, bear up as good as you can for now ... and get yourself a nice treat when this phase is over! Roses, champagne, fancy chocolates? (heck, why wait!)
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glenda_al
6 years ago
Hugs your way!
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lucillle
6 years ago
Sending thoughts of relaxing times ahead, vacays, long beautiful weekends to fill with what you want to do. Those pleasant fantasies will help take the bite off the cold hard reality of the present. Hoping for better times soon for you.
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PKponder TX Z7B
Original Author
6 years ago
Thanks everyone for listening. I dealt with the last of the neighbor's leaves and told her that I've reached maximum storage capacity. I just turned the sprinkler on to soak them and hopefully prevent them blowing all over the yard until I find time to mulch them.

Marilyn_Sue, why didn't I think of just getting her some more bags? Great idea!

Chisue, I take my neighbor's leaves because I will use them in my gardens and compost bin. The timing was just bad. She is one that sends them out with trash pickup, then buys mulch and compost, seems counter-intuitive to me, but my gardens benefit from having them. I mulch mow most of the leaves from our trees right onto the lawn and walking paths and empty the mower bag in the gardens. They will be decomposed by spring.

Jeff is bored and something about the Tramadol he is taking for pain makes him hungry. He usually doesn't eat this much or as often. One more meal and it's frozen food time because I go back to work tomorrow. I won't be able or willing to cook after a 12 hour shift. I mentioned how overwhelmed that I felt and he suggested a nap and some DVR episodes of 'Young Sheldon'. I feel better now.

Marilyn_c, the rain that you all are getting is getting evaporated before it hits the ground here, then heads straight southeast to you all. The last good 2+ inch rain here was back in October. We are always drier than the coast. I hope that it dries out for all of you in the Houston area.
Suzieque
6 years ago
Best to you, Pk.
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lindaohnowga
6 years ago
I'm so sorry about your hubby's accident and that the end of his thumb had to be amputated. That had to be so painful. Praying it heals quickly. You are on overload with responsibilities with him, your job, and regular day to day chores. You've been given very good advice by everyone else so I can't add to it, but will send you a big (((((((((HUG)))))))).
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OklaMoni
6 years ago
once again, total misunderstanding on my part. I thought, someone put to much food on your plate...

Well, I think, Jeff needs to use his other thumb, or some fingers, and order his self some take out at least once every third day!

I understand your leaf dilemma. But, I would just buy some lawn bags, like hers, and hand her new ones... and pile up hers in a corner.

Why?

Well, last week I asked the Asplundh people were one street over. I went, and asked, if they could please dump a load on my driveway. Gave them a slip of paper, with the address, my name, and even my phone number.. and they made it sound, like they would.

WELL, they did NOT.

This week, I am painting my living room ceiling and walls, and the same in the hallway.

Yesterday a different crew from Asplundh was next door, and I asked that crew. Nice fellas.. dumped a GREAT BIG LOAD in my driveway.

I have already spent 3 hours moving the chipped wood stuff to my back yard. At this rate, it will take me about 3 more days to get this done. Meanwhile, my car is in the garage... and I can't get out. YIKES!

But I have free wood-chips for my yard/garden for this summer.... guess, we can't have it all.

Moni
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bossyvossy
6 years ago
Sorry to hear abou DH. Saw malfunction? I take it you took the job you were ‘pondering’ about in an earlier post.
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PKponder TX Z7B
Original Author
6 years ago
I love tree trimming mulch Moni, I get a load from time to time. I never have too much food on my plate because I have 2 big dogs that are happy to help with excess food :-)

BV, I was not chosen for that position. This is my normally work from home job that deployed new IVR software. The director wanted us in the office to see whether the issues were the new software or the existing VPN connection. The rental car was cute, a Hyundai Veloster. Would have been better with a manual tranny, but it was sporty and cute. That part was fun anyway and took a bit of the sting out of that long commute.
yeonassky
6 years ago
((((((PKponder)))))) Sorry that your DH got hurt at all of course... Still I would explain that I'm about to withdraw all food prep for good reasons if hubby doesn't back off of the 3 star restaurant mentality. You can be sensitive to both his and your own needs but you have to take care of you first.

I'm soooo glad my DH likes my frozen casseroles and simple quick meals even when he's sick!
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Marilyn Sue McClintock
6 years ago
Those wood chips should rot down in about 3 years. I have gotten truck loads of chips from my son.

Sue
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Sylvia Gordon
6 years ago
One easy thing that you can do is to take your neighbor a box of leaf bags when you pick up her leaf bags. Put the bags of leaves somewhere out of sight and don't worry about them for right now.
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PKponder TX Z7B
Original Author
6 years ago
I've already created new leaf bins for the excess and dumped some on the ground next to the bins then watered them in. I'll remember the new bags for the neighbor next season, I hope.
DawnInCal
6 years ago
last modified: 6 years ago
Im so sorry about your husband's accident and all of the things you are dealing with. No wonder you are feeling overwhelmed. When im feeling this way, i scale back where i can and remind myself that whatever it is won't last forever and that life will eventualy get back on track again. Try to carve out a little time each day to take care of yourself and take it one day at a time.

Best wishes to you and your husband.
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sjerin
6 years ago
I'm in awe of all that you accomplish each day! There are frozen meals that aren't half bad; maybe one or two will appeal to your hubby.
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User
6 years ago
last modified: 6 years ago
PK, my heart goes out to you, it’s no fun to be pulled in a hundred different directions. I’m sorry your hubby hurt himself and am glad he’s going to be ok, what a nightmare. I can relate to the cooking issue because my DH has a very specific diet plan he has to stick to. I’ll spend hours putting together a weeks worth of lunches and they’re 1/2 gone before the week even starts!!! Is there anyway they can prescribe a different medication? Or maybe you can get take out? Pizza?

As for the commute, the first thing I thought of was the job offer you posted about a few weeks ago. I think this short period of having to commute just confirms it was a good thing that they chose someone else.

I’m glad you posted so we could send some warm (((hugs))) your way. It’s a shame that we all live in different parts of the country. I truly believe that if the folks here lived closer to each other, we’d pull together like a villiage to help each other out.
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adellabedella_usa
6 years ago
Hope things are getting better now.

I was just in Costco today. They have quite a bit of stuff for quick meals if you don't feel like cooking. They've been passing samples of out precooked roast beef. That was pretty good. The Yakisoba frozen noodles are good. I'm not a big fan of some of the other frozen meals. Dh likes to use frozen sausage patties to cook sausage. He has been making grands biscuits and adding the cooked sausage and a little cheese for a quick breakfast. They would be good for any meal.
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PKponder TX Z7B
Original Author
6 years ago
I am back to my normal work from home schedule, thankfully! We had a yummy stuffed shells frozen dinner tonight and I do feel better. Jeff's been more involved today in food prep and I can give him help with something that requires two hands. Thanks for all of your warm wishes. It really does help to let off a little steam :-)
joyfulguy
6 years ago
Hi PK ... pondering on her long commute,

I was wondering about suggesting that you turn the hose on the leaves, even though it'd need to be repeated fairly frequently to forestall their departure via wind (possible a task for friend hubby?).

But, that being already put into operation, I was thinking ...

... that if the water rates, in your fairly dry area, are quite high ... perhaps you could put out the word to your neighbours to have their (male) dogs come over to help with the watering of the leaves.

That ammonia should, apart from some carrying away by infrequent rains, help a bit with fertilizing, come spring.

o j

Another rant alert..too much on my plate

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