Kudos to all our sons as they evolve into wonderful men. Terri, your son has a case of shyness, mine too. Yes, he needs to go in or follow up with a phone call so they can see the handsome wholesome fellow in person. If his name is difficult to decipher maybe he can include a pronunciation guide parenthetically. My maiden name wasn't hard but everyone got it wrong. Meinhart (mine-heart) Something like that, maybe. Sharon I SO wanted to take a photo of my handsome son in his "fancy" clothes, as he puts it. I decided it might be over the top after the fingernail inspection and gum extraction. ;) Thankfully neither of my children are inclined to piercings or tattoos. Daniel loathes pain. Alice begged for months for a navel piercing. I finally relented after 6 months. It still gives me the willies! I wrote a tongue-in-cheek essay about the experience. Advanced Parenting My 15 year old daughter has been pestering me for months to let her get her navel pierced. When it first came up my response was cautionary: I Googled infected pierced navel images to share. "Come here, Alice, look at this gooey one!" "Ew!" I thought it might be a passing notion and best to wait a while and see if she was still hot for a bellybutton ring in a few months. Her best friend, Kaitlyn wants one, too. My thought was that this was a good best friend tandem activity. But her mom is firmly opposed. I called the other mom to discuss letting the girls go together. Nope. Odd, because her older daughter has a pierced nostril. I'm still scratching my head at that double standard. Every few days the subject comes up. "Mom, can I get my bellybutton pierced?" "Sure, honey, when Kaitlyn's mom says she can..." "Mom!" In truth, I'm not all that bothered by the navel ring thing. I'm far more opposed to facial piercing. I'm not concerned about what other people do but I believe my daughter's face is perfection just the way it is. I knew eventually she would wear me down. I wanted her to be certain of the decision. It happened yesterday. We went for a walk together and passed the downtown tattoo/smoke/body piercing joint which was surprisingly open on Sunday. With mock hope she pointed out the store, "Look, Mom, they're open! I can get my bellybutton pierced!" To her astonishment I said, "Okay, go in and see what it costs." My stunned child jumped on the opportunity and in we went. The cost was within reach of the cash in my pocket. The clerk/piercing dude thought we were doing it together. Uh, no. My wobbly post natal navel shall remain intact. Ouchie. I remarked that a search party would have to be sent to recover it first. Thirty bucks, a wince, and a few drops of blood later my kid admired her bejeweled umbilicus in the full length mirror. "Oh, it's so pretty!" As I reflected later on this odd mother-daughter bonding moment I realized that after a fashion we paid homage to our connection. This bit of midriff sparkle adorns the point at which we were once joined. Aw, gee.

Hope he's feeling better. For years, my hubby always got a gastro infection around Christmas. Every Christmas in the Air Force he spent in the hospital with a "bug". When I first knew him, he got sick and asked me to temporarily move into his apartment and take care of him. That was the beginning of our relationship, tho he was too sick for anything "physical" if you know what I mean. But it started our deep friendship, which later became a true romance. We found we could rely on each other.

My husband was a lot like yours in the beginning. I have a very strong personality and I made it very clear one summer that he had until August to show me improvement or we would be living apart every summer. Married but apart. I love my husband. He is an amazing father but the things his child did he saw as "normal" kid things. Most were not , but sometimes they were. As a new stepmom with no children of my own until 2 years later, and with his kids now several years ahead of my own, I didn't always understand child development. I would think, "My kid will never do that." Then four years later, my (now) eight year old daughter rolls her eyes at me when I am talking. When my SD would do it, I would be livid. How absolutely unacceptable!! I would react in the extreme. And when my husband wouldn't back me up, I would be even angrier. It was them against me. I always felt on the outside in these situations. Now, when MY DD roles her eyes, I very firmly say, "Go get your iPad. You may not roll your eyes at me. It is rude and I will not tolerate it." And the situation is over. I don't fume about it, I take her iPad, and I MOVE ON. One thing I read about step kids that really helped me is that we do NOT forgive them like we forgive our own children. We do NOT move on like we do with our own kids. Everything they do wrong seems personal. You HAVE TO, HAVE TO take any thoughts of it being personal out of your response, and to the extent possible, out of your feelings. 95% of the time they are just acting like kids, doing crappy things. It is when we take it personally that we stop being the adult and start behaving like a teenager. For the things that are NOT normal behavior, present them to your husband when you are not angry and propose a solution. For example, ss won't shower -- ever. He jumps in but doesn't use soap. This is not normal and it is not ok. I would like to propose that ss does not earn time on his electronics until he has showered with soap every morning. I don't know your situation well. Your stepson sounds like a handful. But if I were you, this is what I would do: I would tell my husband, "If you countermand me again in front of your son, you are on your own with him. What this means is: (1) I will not do his laundry, (2) I will not drive him to any activities, (3) I will not shop for food specifically for him, (4) I will not attend any of his activities, including swim lessons, soccer, baseball, et, (5) I will not parent in ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM your son. (a) I will continue to talk to him when spoken to by him. (b) I will allow him to eat any meal I have prepared for everyone. (c) I will attend family events where all of us are invited. That's it. You will have full responsibility for your son and his welfare. I am your wife, your partner and a parental figure in this house. If you support me in my efforts to parent your child I promise to: (1) be more patient with him and consider every consequence PRIOR to giving it, (2) pick my battles; (3) discuss any major consequences with you prior to issuing them to your son." Then I would do a breathing / anger management excerise I was taught whenever you deal with your stepon: I would count to ten slowly in my head and then state, "Your behavior is unacceptable. If you continue doing [xyz], these will be your consequences." Then the consequence will have to match the crime. So, if he is whining, he will have to sit QUIETLY in his room. If he refused to pick up his toys / room, he can lose all his toys / privileges until it is picked up. If he is ignoring you on his phone or iPad, he can lose his phone or ipad until he has recognized what he did wrong, completed what you asked him, and apologized. Take the anger out of your responses to him. Anyways, I hope this helps.

It's so hard for me to understand a disinterested grandparent. I would be thrilled to death if I ever have a grandchild. My father is a very disinterested grandfather. My mother, on the other hand, adored her grandchildren. (she and my father were divorced many years ago) As my children grew up, they had a loving relationship with Grandma, but not so with Grandpa, who took no interest in them at all. I feel that Grandpa is the one who lost out, he chose not to establish any kind of relationship with his grandchildren and now that they are adults, they are polite if they see him, but have no real interest in him either. He is like a distant relative that they barely know. I agree with the post who said invite them but don't expect much. My kids grew up fine without Grandpa in their lives, what is important is that you have a warm and loving relationship with him. And yes they surely do grow up fast!