Warning sign! Sorry. Bad omen for the future. Split the 24th and 25th. Then do the opposite next year.

We eventually settled into a routine our family for the 24th. His for the 25th.

If this is a no go, you go. Don't look back. Seriously.

I agree with what jn says. If your BF isn't willing to split now, I doubt it will get better in the future. While children's' wishes should be taken into account, as the adults in the relationship then ultimately what the adults decide should be the go. If your BF is making unilateral decisions now, he will be making them about other things later.

Besides, since your BF's little boy has not yet experienced Christmas with your family, he has no basis for comparison. He could be missing out on a terrific time! Tell him that :-)

It doesn’t make any diff. to kid where he goes, as long as he’s loved and cherished. Me thinks BF is using kid to express his own emotions. Negotiate splitting holidays but if he’s not agreeable, your decision will be to find another BF or face the reality that one of you will spend holidays w/people with whom they don’t want to be, for as long as together. It happens more often than you think

There’s a third option - stay together but spend the holidays apart. That can be it’s own kind of stress, and ultimately end the relationship. If the idea of either a holiday around people you’d rather not be around or a holiday without the BF isn’t acceptable, the only solution is to find a BF who is willing to compromise after you dump the one you’ve got now.

Thank you all so much, every single one of you. I knew I wasn’t being selfish or crazy! bossyvossy I have to agree that he’s using his son to downplay his own emotions. I’ve always known his son will come first and foremost, but him letting me into their lives and trying to have a relationship with me means I need that place in his heart as well, and my feelings are important also, not just his son’s. Thank you all so much again!

The avoidance of the issue in where the holidays are to be spent is one of the ‘perks’ I have thanks to marrying a guy whose parents passed away years ago. His siblings refused to acknowledge our relationship until we married just before Thanksgiving 2016 and I left it up to him as to how we responded to their suddenly inviting us to join them on the holidays - he decided we continue to spend them with my family. ;)

You are so right veggiegardner, I love your viewpoint, and it’s pretty much how I was raised. I come from a large family and I was often told we can’t EVERYTHING we want. Thank you again! It means so much to receive such great logical opinions Merry Christmas