Dream, are your dogs leaving your property? They're not killing chickens or sheep or something are they? I just can't imagine why someone would shoot one, let alone two! Have a story to share: My DB was a country school bus driver and his neighbors at the end of the lane had several dogs who would run out into the road barking and biting at the bus tires everytime he drove past--one of the dogs got run over and the Sherriff came to question my DB. Of course my DB told him he would never intentionally run over a dog, but if he did hit one it was because they were running out into the road chasing the bus as well as any other vehicles that came by. Guess the Sherriff then went back to the neighbors and told them it was their responsibility to keep the dogs out of the road and not to call him again. DB felt really bad to think the bus might have run one over, but knew he had no control of whether they got in front of a tire while he drove by. I just hate to hear about things like this, dogs are so trusting and loving, I'd watch out for that guy--takes a really mean person to kill a dog I think. Hope your back was feeling lots better today and that you had a good day back at work. Hope you will feel like creating more tables soon, your's are always so pretty. Take care. Luvs

Kudos to all our sons as they evolve into wonderful men. Terri, your son has a case of shyness, mine too. Yes, he needs to go in or follow up with a phone call so they can see the handsome wholesome fellow in person. If his name is difficult to decipher maybe he can include a pronunciation guide parenthetically. My maiden name wasn't hard but everyone got it wrong. Meinhart (mine-heart) Something like that, maybe. Sharon I SO wanted to take a photo of my handsome son in his "fancy" clothes, as he puts it. I decided it might be over the top after the fingernail inspection and gum extraction. ;) Thankfully neither of my children are inclined to piercings or tattoos. Daniel loathes pain. Alice begged for months for a navel piercing. I finally relented after 6 months. It still gives me the willies! I wrote a tongue-in-cheek essay about the experience. Advanced Parenting My 15 year old daughter has been pestering me for months to let her get her navel pierced. When it first came up my response was cautionary: I Googled infected pierced navel images to share. "Come here, Alice, look at this gooey one!" "Ew!" I thought it might be a passing notion and best to wait a while and see if she was still hot for a bellybutton ring in a few months. Her best friend, Kaitlyn wants one, too. My thought was that this was a good best friend tandem activity. But her mom is firmly opposed. I called the other mom to discuss letting the girls go together. Nope. Odd, because her older daughter has a pierced nostril. I'm still scratching my head at that double standard. Every few days the subject comes up. "Mom, can I get my bellybutton pierced?" "Sure, honey, when Kaitlyn's mom says she can..." "Mom!" In truth, I'm not all that bothered by the navel ring thing. I'm far more opposed to facial piercing. I'm not concerned about what other people do but I believe my daughter's face is perfection just the way it is. I knew eventually she would wear me down. I wanted her to be certain of the decision. It happened yesterday. We went for a walk together and passed the downtown tattoo/smoke/body piercing joint which was surprisingly open on Sunday. With mock hope she pointed out the store, "Look, Mom, they're open! I can get my bellybutton pierced!" To her astonishment I said, "Okay, go in and see what it costs." My stunned child jumped on the opportunity and in we went. The cost was within reach of the cash in my pocket. The clerk/piercing dude thought we were doing it together. Uh, no. My wobbly post natal navel shall remain intact. Ouchie. I remarked that a search party would have to be sent to recover it first. Thirty bucks, a wince, and a few drops of blood later my kid admired her bejeweled umbilicus in the full length mirror. "Oh, it's so pretty!" As I reflected later on this odd mother-daughter bonding moment I realized that after a fashion we paid homage to our connection. This bit of midriff sparkle adorns the point at which we were once joined. Aw, gee.

oh, definitely--have the son put a freeze on his credit w/ the credit unions, in case dad tries to take out a loan or credit card. (is it possible that dad doesn't realize the son will not get his refund bcs of this? Maybe dad thought the only party affected would be the U.S. govt? And so dad didn't think he was actually stealing from his own kid?) And help your son figure out what he'd need to prove that he is not his dad's dependent: -rent receipts and utility bills from the entire year, to prove that he paid for his own roof -ATM-card records to show that he bought groceries often from a grocery store near his home, to prove that he paid for his own food -pay stubs, other work documentation to prove that he was occupied full-time and therefore not a student If he doesn't have any of these things, he can substitute letters (notarized!) from the appropriate people--landlord, boss, roommate. "Junior was a full-/part-time employee who worked X hours a week, from Start Date to December 31, 2006"--especially if he doesn't have pay stubs w/ hours worked, etc. Also to prove he wasn't a student. Have him put it in a folder, and label it, etc., and find a place to keep it so that he'll find it when he needs it. (I keep all receipts, etc., from every tax return in a folder w/ the return itself--just in case) Another thing perhaps, to help w/ the immediate crisis, is for someone who could be a go-between (paternal uncle? paternal grandma? you?) to call the dad and tell him he needs to give his son some money to make up for the fact that he has stolen his kid's tax refund. I know you're using the term "adult" lightly, and in this situation, you *should* use it lightly. Things like this are hard for kids to learn while they're still "kids" and being taught by their parents. This sort of grownup-finances stuff is why parents' work isn't done just because a kid turns 18. This could be a good lesson for him in how to prepare documentation for court, in how to keep records of finances, etc. (all the best lessons hurt, unfort.) I wonder if your son could take him to small-claims court for the amount of the refund? print out the reply from the IRS, ask his brother to testify to the conversation? The ideal would be if he could get his hands on his dad's tax return; I don't think you can subpoena documentation for small-claims court.

Thank you both so much for your kind words and advise. Mental illness is so incredibly hard for a parent to bear. Since my son was 14 years old, he has struggled with dishonesty and was caught stealing several hundred dollars from my ex-brother-in-law. Then, during a period of time, he was faking "grand mal seizures" in front of me. Since he was previously diagnosed with epilepsy when he was 9 years old, there was no reason for me to doubt that these seizures were not real. I was constantly calling "911" until I finally brought him to UCLA to be put on telemetry (they hook him up to something that, not only can sense his brain waves, but it records the seizures). At one point, the neurologist realized that the seizures were not real. So, he did a "test" on my son to make sure. To my absolute devastation, he was faking the seizures and that's when my true struggles began. The doctor felt that - due to my son's medical issues, as well as being raise without a father, etc. - that it might be helpful for him to be admitted into the psychiatric ward at the hospital. He ended up spending close to 3 months in the hospital during which time - they weaned him off of his epilepsy medication (thinking that he really wasn't epileptic). Even when Michael said that he was having seizures, he was no longer believed by the doctors. Once he was discharged (and continuing to have seizures, this time losing bladder control during them), I had to take him to another hospital for testing (UCLA no longer wanted to be involved with the testing). This time, it was confirmed that he not only had epilepsy, but it was a form of epilepsy that he would never outgrow. Since this time, he just continued to spiral downhill and out of control. And, sadly, I spiraled along with him. Being my only child and, being that I raised him solely by myself, I had no idea what was wrong with him. For so many years, I felt that it was "only" because of me and the way that I raised him. I was overprotective, never wanted him to "fall". I never understood "why" he lied, only that he lied about everything in his life. There seemed to be nothing that he didn't lie about. It wasn't until the last 2 years (and all the "911" phone calls from me to the police, and all the trips to the hospital), that things finally started to make sense to me. But, even though I now know that he has a mental illness, it didn't stop the heartache that I feel in my life. It's almost like I am watching him die (always wondering when he may "actually" kill himself) on on a daily basis. But, there is never any closure. I feel that - in order for ME to LIVE and experience happiness again - that HE first has to be healthy. But, then I have to realize that this day may never come for him. After so many years of me being a devoted mom to Michael, I finally met a wonderful man in my life; however, the last 2 years have been so emotionally stressful and draining on both of us. We are in constant anxiety. I spend so much of my time being so worried about my son that I forget to remember all the people that are in my life who WANT me to be part of THEIR lives again. For so long, I feel only like I am a shell of a person. I have finally (last week after, yet one more episode from my son threatening suicide, then showing me the respect that I deserve) - decided that I need to back away. I finally said (in a text message that we were having) - that I would no longer allow him treating me like yesterday's trash. No matter how much I tried to be on his side giving him support, he treated me like I meant nothing. Deep inside, I know that he loves me. When he seems "more normal", he can be kind and caring, but these days are few and far between lately. But, I still need to focus on the reality of things. I cannot communicate with him if it means that "I" am the one that will suffer. And, as "I" suffer, my boyfriend (as well as the people who care most about me) suffers, as well. I just need to keep this feeling of "strength" up. I need to live MY life, even though my son seems to not want to live "his". If for no-one else, I need to live it for my absolutely wonderful grandsons. They are the light of my life. They give me purpose in my life and make me "want" to smile. I will not allow them to see the sadness that I feel inside. They are a huge reason for me living. And, yes, I "need" to learn how to put myself first. I just need to tell my "heart and mind" this..... Thank you again.