Dream, are your dogs leaving your property? They're not killing chickens or sheep or something are they? I just can't imagine why someone would shoot one, let alone two! Have a story to share: My DB was a country school bus driver and his neighbors at the end of the lane had several dogs who would run out into the road barking and biting at the bus tires everytime he drove past--one of the dogs got run over and the Sherriff came to question my DB. Of course my DB told him he would never intentionally run over a dog, but if he did hit one it was because they were running out into the road chasing the bus as well as any other vehicles that came by. Guess the Sherriff then went back to the neighbors and told them it was their responsibility to keep the dogs out of the road and not to call him again. DB felt really bad to think the bus might have run one over, but knew he had no control of whether they got in front of a tire while he drove by. I just hate to hear about things like this, dogs are so trusting and loving, I'd watch out for that guy--takes a really mean person to kill a dog I think. Hope your back was feeling lots better today and that you had a good day back at work. Hope you will feel like creating more tables soon, your's are always so pretty. Take care. Luvs

Thank you both so much for your kind words and advise. Mental illness is so incredibly hard for a parent to bear. Since my son was 14 years old, he has struggled with dishonesty and was caught stealing several hundred dollars from my ex-brother-in-law. Then, during a period of time, he was faking "grand mal seizures" in front of me. Since he was previously diagnosed with epilepsy when he was 9 years old, there was no reason for me to doubt that these seizures were not real. I was constantly calling "911" until I finally brought him to UCLA to be put on telemetry (they hook him up to something that, not only can sense his brain waves, but it records the seizures). At one point, the neurologist realized that the seizures were not real. So, he did a "test" on my son to make sure. To my absolute devastation, he was faking the seizures and that's when my true struggles began. The doctor felt that - due to my son's medical issues, as well as being raise without a father, etc. - that it might be helpful for him to be admitted into the psychiatric ward at the hospital. He ended up spending close to 3 months in the hospital during which time - they weaned him off of his epilepsy medication (thinking that he really wasn't epileptic). Even when Michael said that he was having seizures, he was no longer believed by the doctors. Once he was discharged (and continuing to have seizures, this time losing bladder control during them), I had to take him to another hospital for testing (UCLA no longer wanted to be involved with the testing). This time, it was confirmed that he not only had epilepsy, but it was a form of epilepsy that he would never outgrow. Since this time, he just continued to spiral downhill and out of control. And, sadly, I spiraled along with him. Being my only child and, being that I raised him solely by myself, I had no idea what was wrong with him. For so many years, I felt that it was "only" because of me and the way that I raised him. I was overprotective, never wanted him to "fall". I never understood "why" he lied, only that he lied about everything in his life. There seemed to be nothing that he didn't lie about. It wasn't until the last 2 years (and all the "911" phone calls from me to the police, and all the trips to the hospital), that things finally started to make sense to me. But, even though I now know that he has a mental illness, it didn't stop the heartache that I feel in my life. It's almost like I am watching him die (always wondering when he may "actually" kill himself) on on a daily basis. But, there is never any closure. I feel that - in order for ME to LIVE and experience happiness again - that HE first has to be healthy. But, then I have to realize that this day may never come for him. After so many years of me being a devoted mom to Michael, I finally met a wonderful man in my life; however, the last 2 years have been so emotionally stressful and draining on both of us. We are in constant anxiety. I spend so much of my time being so worried about my son that I forget to remember all the people that are in my life who WANT me to be part of THEIR lives again. For so long, I feel only like I am a shell of a person. I have finally (last week after, yet one more episode from my son threatening suicide, then showing me the respect that I deserve) - decided that I need to back away. I finally said (in a text message that we were having) - that I would no longer allow him treating me like yesterday's trash. No matter how much I tried to be on his side giving him support, he treated me like I meant nothing. Deep inside, I know that he loves me. When he seems "more normal", he can be kind and caring, but these days are few and far between lately. But, I still need to focus on the reality of things. I cannot communicate with him if it means that "I" am the one that will suffer. And, as "I" suffer, my boyfriend (as well as the people who care most about me) suffers, as well. I just need to keep this feeling of "strength" up. I need to live MY life, even though my son seems to not want to live "his". If for no-one else, I need to live it for my absolutely wonderful grandsons. They are the light of my life. They give me purpose in my life and make me "want" to smile. I will not allow them to see the sadness that I feel inside. They are a huge reason for me living. And, yes, I "need" to learn how to put myself first. I just need to tell my "heart and mind" this..... Thank you again.

This is the first year DH and I will be alone at Christmas. I'm not looking forward to it. It will be too quiet, but that's the way it is. I'll let you know how it goes. Glad you get to have at least one baby there. Enjoy the others Christmas Eve. Does that mean you have to cook twice?

Thank you for all of your comments so far. My husband is almost 65 and in good health, still works full time and is very active. After yet another tantrum last night after I told him that my son is planning on coming home tonight I did tell him that we needed to go see a therapist because this issue needs to be resolved. I tried to explain how much this hurts me but his main argument is that it is "not normal" for a 24 year old to come home this much. I have wondered if this might be a jealousy issue (my son taking away my time from him). But when my son comes home he does spend a good amount of time at his friend's house and isn't even home or he takes off on a long hike with the dogs. And my husband works on Saturday as well. He does have underlying issues related to his relationship with his own father who passed away last year. He has a lot of resentment because his dad was somewhat of a bully and never paid for any extra curricular activities when he was little. He also told me that his dad basically told him "you are on your own" when he turned 18. Maybe his attitude is related to this? My kids did all kinds of sports and activities when they were young, I am keeping my son on my health insurance plan until he can get his own, his biological dad is paying most of his college tuition etc. So maybe deep down my husband is somehow jealous that my son gets all of these things "handed to him"? But my son also works hard and has a part time job while he is in school. I just don't know... My son is currently doing an engineering coop during the spring semester and makes more money than my husband does. Could this cause some jealousy as well? I often want to ask him if he would feel the same way if this was his "real" son but bite my tongue because he was a really good step dad in the past.