Been there done that, and wish I had gotten away from both of them much much sooner than I did. By the time I finally threw in the towel, I was emotionally and mentally and physically exhausted, and my self-esteem was somewhere lower than the lawn. You are not the granny, you are not the Nanny, and you are not a daycare center. If you were granny nanny or daycare, you would get respect, requests, appointments, and payment, and the parents would have to make arrangements acceptable to you prior to dropping off their children. These people are using you, and they both know it. Although you have already spoken to your boyfriend, you have not enforced anything, so you remain the default babysitter, and it sounds like that since you've had your conversation with this guy, things have not only not gotten better they have gotten worse. This is the typical Dynamic. This kind of behavior never gets better, it always gets worse. I my own self would drop everybody and reclaim my life. If you're not ready to do that, try being busy every time they try to dump the children on you. If/when the response is anger, demands for an accounting of your time, and blame for messing up their schedule ("just what are you have to do that's so important? Why didn't you tell me this before?"), that will tell you exactly what your position is in this "boyfriend's" life. I wish you the very best.

I couldn’t agree with Sylvia more. I’m going to come right out and say this, for
your own good, but from the sounds of it, you are basically a domestic servant
serving both your boyfriend and his ex-. There is little thought to your needs in this situation, and I don’t care if your BF treats you nice when you are alone, etc. The divorce or separation was mom and dad’s idea. When they made that decision, they knew it was going to impact both of their schedules and child or children. That is their baggage to carry. It is not yours.

If there is one thing I learned being a SP for years, and sometimes it takes years to see this, but when you get into a relationship with someone with children from a previous relationship, if you are not very careful and put your foot down at the beginning, you are going to be taking on ALL their baggage too, and not just BF’s and SK’s, but also BM’s.

I’m going to be a bit of a be.atch and just say that I think being a SM is difficult enough when you are married to dad. I can’t imagine just living with a man, having no family rights whatsoever (not even as dad’s wife), and having to put up with all of the shiatsu that can come down the pipe. I mean, some men go out looking first and foremost for a new mommy/baby sitter for their kids vs. a partner for themselves. I’ve even seen where bio-dad and BM basically gang up on SM in some kind of horrible, malicious, almost abusive attempt to get the new girl to take on as much of THEIR family responsibility as possible.

You need to be very careful with this situation. Don’t forget that you matter too. You don’t need to come fourth all the time, behind DH, SK and BM. Trust me, they’ll try to go for that. It won’t even necessarily be to be mean. It’ll be because they see that as an easy way out of what is really their parenteral responsibility. Your main responsibility is to be a SO to your boyfriend, and not to be servant girl to a family that you are not related to in any legal shape or form. If you ever feel you are winding up being the back-burner girl in this situation (and it sounds like it is getting close to this), get out while you can.

100% agree with the other posters. I'm a stepparent myself and although my husband never expected me to watch his children or be a primary caregiver, it was something I drew a hard line in the sand about even before I met the kids. You need to tell him NO, mean it and ENFORCE it.

As for babysitting the BM's other child - that should be an even bigger NO, never, not under any circumstances. Completely not your problem. BM chewing out your BF is not your problem either - he's a big boy, and it's up to him how he allows her behavior to affect him.

biondanonima - I don't see anything in the OP about "BM's other child"...am I missing something?

No, I think I misread the OP's post - looks like there's only one child in question. Sorry for the confusion!

Thank you everyone for your feedback. It is very refreshing to know that I'm not the only who feels this situation is unfair to me. I guess it's just hard when you want to be a loving and caring SO and want to help your partner, but it has become too much for me. My BF also struggles with his finances (even though he makes a lot of money), so helping him watch his son does help allow him to get additional hours at work and overtime, but I don't get anything out of watching his son. I do get a Thank You, but that's it. I don't really feel like he appreciates the fact that I have to give up an entire day of my life to watch his son while he gets overtime pay and the mother just gets a day off. Part of the problem is, like many of you mentioned, I have not really enforced anything. I do tell him how I feel and he seems to listen, but unfortunately, there are times when it seems like there just no way out of watching his son. For example, my BF gets called for mandatory overtime at work and the mother will not respond to phone calls or text messages. In this situation, I feel like there's just nothing I can do because there's no one else that can watch the son for the entire 24 hour shift that my BF works. So I end up giving in and saying fine and then the next time something comes up, it seems like it becomes easier for my BF to ask for my help again. I then have to assert myself again (which is hard for me) and remind him that I don't want to be responsible for his son. It's really hard because he asks me what is he supposed to do and that it's not his fault that his ex is a horrible mother and won't help him out and it's not his fault he has a job that takes him away from home a lot and he feels like everything is on his shoulders and he has to do everything by himself. I really bad about that, but I know deep down, none of those things are my fault and therefore, not really my issues to deal with. Honestly, I get tired of feeling bad all the time because my BF has all of these responsibilities/burdens and needs help. I am fully self-sufficient and have sacrificed and struggled for many years all on my own to have a good life where I have the freedom to actually enjoy life instead of having tons of responsibilities. Now, because of all of my hard work, I have very few responsibilities and tons of money and time to do almost anything that I want. Although, I've tried many times to help him understand my point of view, I don't believe that he is capable of really understanding me. To him, taking care of a child comes naturally, but to me, I'm giving up the freedom that I worked for years to have. To me, sitting on the couch all day and watching movies on a Saturday (if I choose to do so), is just as important as working overtime is to my BF. To me there's absolutely no difference because it's how we choose to spend our time, but he thinks that if I'm just sitting at home doing nothing, why wouldn't I just watch his son for him. This past week, I made it clear to my BF that I will no longer be avaiable to watch his child for him or the ex under any circumstances. I do feel like a jerk for saying that, but I know it is the right thing to do for me. Anyhoo, I think I'm just rambling at this point, but I sure do appreciate the time you all took to read my post(s) and respond. I will do my best to stand my ground and enforce the "rules." Thank you again.

OP, you wrote "he asks me what is he supposed to do and that it's not his fault that his ex is a
horrible mother and won't help him out and it's not his fault he has a
job that takes him away from home a lot..." Actually, yes, both of these things are his "fault." He chose to have a child with someone irresponsible and selfish, so it is up to him to figure out how to work around that.

Furthermore, while I applaud him for being employed and working hard, there is nothing mandating that he must have the job he has. My husband made many career sacrifices when his children were young in order to take care of them, and yours may have to as well. If he cannot find reliable emergency childcare, then a job that requires him to come in for mandatory overtime shifts is not appropriate for him at this time. Ask yourself this: what would he do if you weren't in the picture? If the answer is simply that he would probably have a different girlfriend to babysit, I think you can see that you are being taken advantage of in a big way.

I am glad to read that you put your foot down this week and I hope that you will be able to stick to your guns! Don't be surprised if there are guilt trips and "emergencies" in the near future.

You go girl.

been there done that too. Was treated like a villain when I said " enough ".

For example, my BF gets called for mandatory overtime at work and the mother will not respond to phone calls or text messages. In this situation