3 1/2 yr old and daycare


My 3 yr old has been in childcare since 8 wks old so we aren't new to the childcare setting by any means. However this age is new to me because my older daughter did not go to daycare, she went to mother's day out twice a week at this age and it was only 1/2 days. I'm curious if anyone deals with their child becoming resistant to daycare at this age.

The facility that my son goes to operates as a private preschool as most of the children that attend feed into the private Schools after kindergarten. This school is age 2 and they offer private kindergarten. It's an excellent school and my son is learning a lot. With the good there will always be some bad I know. I'm wondering if I should speak to the school or if my concerns are petty.

1. My son comes home every day extremely dirty. His face is covered with dirt plus snot, lunch, maybe breakfast and just about everything in between. I went once at nap and noticed that he was drooling onto his dirt covered face which was turning in to mud. They told me he fell asleep before they could wipe him down. If he were at home, I still would have washed his face while sleeping.

2. I am rarely acknowledged by anyone when I walk in the school. Some teachers will look at me but they don't smile or say hello. And they do not greet my son either. I think if someone would speak to him, he might feel more welcome and would not be so clingy at drop off.

3. The teachers tell me he is such a sweetheart and they love him and he is always good but he always tells us he goes to timeout or ge got into Trouble. When I ask, they say he is never in trouble. ??

4. He takes almost a 3 hr nap and refuses to sleep at night. When I told the school to cut back on his nap they said they couldn't because of state standards. However I read the standards and it says he only has to lay down for 2 hrs no more than 3. But since he sleeps the entire time the school won't wake him up until they 'have' to. I really dislike this rule.

So... What should I do??

Comments (6)
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"This school is age 2....."

Don't know what means.

"I'm wondering if I should speak to the school...."

Of course! Your child, your tuition money.....your expectations/concerns certainly should be expressed and responded to. From what you've described, I certainly wouldn't let it go.

They need notification of your dissatisfaction and you need answers. Depending on how it goes, i could see continuing or going elsewhere. On the other hand, they may have problems they're not aware of and may willingly correct them upon your notice.

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Oops I messed up. They start at age 2- kindergarten and they offer private kindergarten if you choose to not put your child in public school for kinder... Does that make more sense lol sorry.

Basically they do not keep infants and young toddlers and no school age kids.

I did talk to the 'supervisor' as the director was not on location today.
She wrote down all of my concerns and said she would speak to his teacher about nap because they want home time to be enjoyable and if nap time is causing us bedtime fuss then they would work something out to accommodate our needs. If possible. Not sure what that means. I want nap time change and she said she would see what she could do. I told her nap was a deal breaker for us. The down side for me is that I looked into the other schools in our area and all have violations with the state licensing dept that are not ok with me. One had a teacher reported for dislocating a child's arm OMgosh -- I can't deal with something like that.

He came home clean today but my husband said they made a comment like 'he's clean-- we washed him'... Why even comment?? But at least they did what I asked.

We'll see what they come up with tomorrow for nap.

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My children are grown up, but something I picked up along the way is.....if you are concerned about anything regarding your child, speak up.

You are the mother, you know what is best, you are paying the bills, always speak up.

Another thing I learnt was if the school, house, any place I was dropping them off at, did not "feel" right, then it was not right. I learnt to always trust my instincts. I knew I could sum up a place in a flash, and would know if it was a place I wanted my child in or not.

You know your child, you know what is best for him.

I am actually quite cranky about how you have been treated by this place..saying "he's clean - we washed him", sounds facetious to me !

"I am rarely acknowledged by anyone when I walk in the school." Gee this is awful ! If they cannot be bothered being pleasant to you, well really, that sets to mood and standard of the whole place IMHO.

And the fact that he comes home with a dirty face shows me that they are understaffed or do not see cleanliness as a priority.

A worry for you,hope I have helped in some way.

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What is the child to adult ratio? I did surprise visits on the daycare my son went to on occasion at different times of the day to see what goes on during the day. I think it's worrisome that when you come in you are not acknowledged in some form, can anyone walk in? I would maybe schedule a time to speak with who it is that cares for your child and ask about the time outs. Three hour naps are toooo long, that just doesn't sound right. Have you thought about changing daycares? If things don't feel right you might want to think about it.

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I presume there's a reason why this child is in fulltime daycare? You and your husband both work? Any chance one of you could change their schedule so the need for putting your child in daycare would be reduced?

I'm all for children socializing with others, but truly, NO ONE teaches or cares for a child like a parent does. You're seeing that now. Children of that age do need a lot of time with their parents.

As to naptime--your child must need the sleep or he wouldn't be napping so long. You say bedtime is a challenge. As a parent, and a family living teacher, I have to ask--do you know what the most common reason for difficult bedtimes is? It's that the child is OVERtired. what a lot of young parents don't understand is how a child's body works. When we get tired, we wind down and get sleepy. When toddlers get tired, their bodies release loads and loads of extra adrenalin--hence you have a hyper child who is too wired to go to sleep. There has even been a very reputable study that shows that many (not all, mind you, but about half) the cases of ADHD in children are NOT legitimate ADHD, but simply lack of adequate sleep. Does your child get a full 12 hours of sleep daily (adding up the naptime and bedtime?) Even if he is, it's possible he's one of those who truly does need a little more sleep than 'average'.

However, what you're describing about the daycare is totally unacceptable. You're describing a facility where the workers don't care about the child or parents, where they're there just putting in time to collect a paycheck, where they're happy doing as little as possible (a sleeping child is one they don't have to: care for, amuse, watch, etc). The problems you've noticed all come down to the same thing--the daycare workers DO NOT WANT to do their job. I wouldn't allow someone with that attitude to dogsit my pet, let alone care for the most precious thing in my life.

It may be time to look into other alternatives--as I suggested, perhaps a schedule change at work. Or maybe there's a family member you trust who would be glad to watch your child for the same $$$ you're paying the daycare. Or you may have to go further afield and find a different daycare center (even if you have to drive some to get there) or a retired person in your neighborhood who is more responsible than the place you're currently using. Good luck!

You mentioned your husband--if you are both working, I urge you to sit down and crunch the numbers. Unless you're a really high-end executive, or in some other high paying job, you may find, when you do the math, that you're going to work for just a few cents an hour. Add up: the cost of daycare, the higher taxes you pay, the cost of transportation, the cost of going to work (clothes, union dues, buying lunches out, work parties, gifts for coworkers, etc), the cost of being out of the house hours a day (buying more takeout/prepared foods, hiring others to do stuff around the house like yard work, painting, repairs, etc). When I got pregnant, we did the calculations--and we figured that I'd be going to work for $2000/year or less. Add to that, the fact that you're turning the care and raising of your child over to strangers--it wasn't worth it to us. It made sense financially for me to stay home. It made even more sense to use for me to be the one caring for our daughter, teaching her academically, being the one to educate her in morals and ethics--no one does all that like a fulltime mom. There's a reason why this country is having a lot of the problems it is (crime, irresponsibility, unwed parents, abusive relationships), and IMO, a big part of that is that children are NOT being raised by their parents, the way they have been in the past. Good luck

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I do agree with you azalea but quitting my job is not an option nor is changing our hours. I stayed home with my older child for these reasons but I make a lot more money now than I ever could have 10 years ago.

I want to make the childcare situation work because it's necessary in our situation. And I love my career. I love my children more-- working full time is what is best for our family.

We have had a much better last week since changes have been made. I don't believe my child is ADhD I believe he gets too much sleep during the day. The daycare changed his nap time and they are waking him up an hour before they were which is getting him in to bed on time, tired, and ready for sleep. Which is what we wanted.

I had noticed that the teachers are so busy with the kids and don't acknowledge me so I started acknowledging them and they speak and are friendly but absolutely refuse to take their eyes off of their class. The teacher ratio by law is 12:1 in my son's class but they keep a 5:1 ratio at all times by their own standards.

I love the friendships he has developed and I love all that he is learning. I have never had these feelings with this school and it was so upsetting to me. Sitting down and talking with the director and with his teacher really helped. They even implemented a new class policy. If a child goes to time out they get a sheet sent home. I told them he was saying he was always in time out but I never knew way since his daytime teacher was always gone before we pick him up. He has three teachers. He has a teacher before 8 -- he is rarely there before 8 and he has his home teacher which he has from 8- 4 and another teacher from 4 until he goes home. This is good because the teachers are part time hours so they are not burned out. They have a very low turn over rate which I have never found at a 'day care'. All 3 teachers have been there for over 10 years. After talking to them I was told that he doesn't go to time out often but he has gone for things that he would have gone to time out for at home. But now we get notices and an explanation. Which I am loving... I
I feel so much better after talking to them and I am seeing he changes I asked for.

As far as walking in, no you can't just walk in. Every family is issued a key and all visitors have to ring the bell and be let in. It's a very secure school which I haven't really found in any of the other schools. Family member to watch him isn't an option since no family is close enough. And I prefer him to be in the an environment that is regulated by the state rather than in someone else's home. There is just something about accountability in a school than in a private home that makes me feel comfortable. I also like that they do not take field trips or transport the kids and most schools transport for summer activities etc and I'm not ok with that yet.

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