I have to say that I am very sad to hear that your husband not only condones this behavior, but then badmouths you to a 2 1/2 year old! My ss was a little younger than this when I entered the picture and he ALWAYS got his way with daddy. But he was never one to hurt others, just throw temper tantrums. My husband fed into this behavior and gave ss whatever he wanted. I took it for a while and finally one day I just looked at my huband and told him that my ss needed to be introduced to time-out. My ss would not stay in time-out at first, but eventually he caught on. My husband still puts up with a lot more from ss than I do (now he is 5 and he will still tell his dad he doesn't want to put his own shoes on and then throw himself on the ground and cry). He tried that with me a few times and I picked him and his shoes up and carried him to the car and buckled him up shoeless. When we got wherever we were going everyone else got out of the car and my ss had no choice but to put his shoes on. (luckily he did not know that I would never leave him alone in a car!) Now my other skids and biokid all tell my husband how my ss listens to me perfectly and does not cry for me or throw temper tantrums! So, my husband has been giving more discipline and my ss is slowly improving for his dad.

My suggestion, talk to your hubby about this behavior and how dangerous it can be once your new baby is here. Do you want a 2 1/2 year old who hurts everyone else hurting a newborn? Also tell him how much it hurts you when he calls you a witch for demanding respect from a child. Children need discipline, and at his age he will continue to see just how far he can go---which seems like it may be way too far!

Good luck!

The problem child here isn't the toddler, but your husband.

There's a reason they call that age the "terrible twos." Two-year-olds are antisocial, stubborn, aggressive, self-centered, untrained human beings. They need firm and loving guidance and discipline to help them become independent children and successful adults. And you know he's not getting it from his mother, who seems to be happy with furthering his "still mommy's little baby" attitude.

So what should you do? Start by sitting down for an honest, straightforward talk with your husband, covering the following points:

1) His son needs discipline and guidance and he needs it from his father. Failure to provide that is tantamount to child abuse and should be viewed as seriously as if the child was being hit. It's neglectful parenting and it creates a child who will not fit in with his peers or society.

2) You will not tolerate being called names by your husband to his son. He will either back you on disciplinary action or you will not be there when his son visits. You need to be firm on this point. If you're not now, the situation will only get worse.

3) If he continues encourage bad behavior and call you names, you will have to seriously think about getting away from him and his child, for the sake of the new baby you are carrying. An angry toddler can easily injure a newborn.

Good luck.

what lilysuzanne said with this addition:

name-calling is aggression, & enabling or encouraging someone to physically hurt another person is aggression.

You don't have to let anyone hurt you, & you don't have to stand for verbal slaps.

Take care of yourself.

...forgot to say one of my mantras:

Women believe words, men (& children) believe actions.

Don't sit there passively & talk to someone who is hurting you;
firmly remove his hand from your arm or whatever & hold it & say "No!" in a loud, firm voice, maintaining eye contact.

Keep your hold on his hand until he stops resisting.

If he throws a fit, sit him in time-out, say in a high chair.

I think I'd sit hubs down when things are calm & tell him that I won't stand for *anyone* calling me names, & that if there's a next time, there will be consequences.

& if it did happen, I'd get in the car & leave.

go to a movie, go to the park, etc.

&, as lilysuzanne said, be thinking about what the future is likely to be like:
stuff like this doesn't tend to get better; it gets worse.
aggression escalates to violence.

I wish you the best.

I think Lily and Sylvia are right on with this one.... at no time should you tolerate a child hitting you or anyone else... nor should you at any time tolerate your husband calling you names especially to a child...

You are in a situation where you have a 2 1/2 yr old stepson where being agressive, physically abusive and lack of respect is acceptable. Bio Mom and Dad accept this. Why should or how can SS learn any different without guidance from his Mom and Dad. What he sees and hears his dad being verbally abusive to you!