Sad and terrible indeed. I'm so sorry. Praying for strength for you and your neighbor. Also praying for wisdom for you, that you may find ways to comfort your friend -- it can't be easy.

Very sad. Sorry for your worries. Seems like this world is getting more and more shocking.

How awful for your friend. My thoughts are with her and your community.

Heartbreaking. It affects everyone doesn't it? She is going to have a struggle ahead of her. You all are great neighbors to look out for her, she's going to need it. My sympathies for her loss. God bless his troubled soul.

So sorry (((Raven)))..........

It sounds like you live in a community that will rally around your friend. What a shock. She will be needing so much support. How sad that she had to clean a mess left by the medical workers. Shame on them.

I am appalled that she had to drive herself to the hospital. I just can not comprehend this.

Do you a system in place for making collections and dropping off meals?

I can't believe she had to go home alone and clean up the medical materials. Was there no one who could offer her assistance? Cold hearted people she had to deal with. I like the suggestion of collections and dropping off meals. Perhaps a gofundme account? She is lucky to have kind and loving neighbors such as yourself.

In my community the fireman would have done the clean up and either the police would escort to the hospital or made arrangements with family/friends...this angers me..how her heart is suffering.

Good she has a friend like you Raven.

I don't understand it either it angers me too. I don't know what the normal procedure is here. We would have definitely gotten together and taken care of it had we known. We didn't find out till much later. The neighbors that lived right around her tried to go to her and talk to her but the police had crime scene tape up and would not let anyone in. Our good friend across the street stayed standing at the line begging to get to go in but they point blank told her to go home. Any of us would have taken her to the hospital she should not have been driving. It's just a sad story all around.

I don't know if we are going to do a go fund me or just do it as a community outreach thing. I have never done a go fund me I don't know exactly how it works. Food is taken care of.

Raven, I am so sorry this has happened to your friend. Such a sad situation. I am glad you found out what happened and that you and your neighbors can be there to support your friend. Hopefully she will be in a better frame of heart & mind tomorrow and more able to receive your help.

It must have been awful to have to come home and deal with the cleanup alone.

So sorry. Suicide is so hard to deal with. She is lucky to have a good friend like you.

Such a sad situation. I'm hoping she had good insurance or I hate to think of those bills, especially when dealing with such a loss. It's great that she has such nice and caring neighbors. I don't even know my neighbor's names and I've been here 4 years.

What a sad, sad situation.

I'm sure they wouldn't let anyone talk to her because she was a suspect. More trauma for her. She's going to need you all more than ever!

You have my prayers for strength and understanding during this time.

So sorry to hear this. She has to have some time to deal with what happened. She's lucky to have friends like you. It will take time. Maybe someone can do a" gofundme" acct. That seems like the best way to raise money for her.

I am so sorry. Suicide is so unfair to those left behind. One of our long-time KTers lost her DH to suicide last year. She is still trying to cope with the loss.

I'm not sure about gofundme--I've heard they take more than some of the other programs.

My prayers are with her.

I'm so sorry to hear this Raven. I love that your so thoughtful, caring and worried about your friend and neighbor. I wish the best for her.

Such a tragic ending. I am suspecting there was more to his quitting his job than we know. That job may have been his life line for existence and reason to continue. A sudden job loss can seem like the end of the line with no options. It could have been a 'force out'; He may have been "invited" to leave. I have seen an employer push out its older workers while barely skirting the law. Speculations aside, no matter what, it remains very tragic. Your neighbor needs help.

Very sad, but why do you expect the EMS guys to clean up? They transported the patient and then had to go on another run or be ready to go. They basically also have to attempt to rescue the patient or be threatened with a lawsuit later on down the road. Most codes do not end well but the families are usually expecting a miracle, just like on tv.

I'm so sorry to hear this...it brings back too many unpleasant memories of my dad and my brother...it is terribly hard to deal with. We called a professional company that came in to clean up after my father. A lot of times the police don't mean to be heartless...it's just they have procedures to follow and see too many looky-loos when it comes to tragedies.

Very sad.

Yes, sad situation for both of them.

Emergency responders don't do cleanup in my area either, as kathsgrdn mentioned. There are professional service providers that do this work and charge for their time. They're called various names, like Crime Scene cleanup or Blood and Trauma or Biohazard cleanup services, etc. It's sometimes the same companies that do mold and water damage cleanup, flood cleanup, etc. If her money is limited, then indeed the task would need to be done by her or her and her friends.

I know this from property management related work, but there are companies that specialize in cleaning such scenes. One would think the police would have a list of such info available just in case. That might sound horrible, but... So horrible for all of you in the neighborhood, Raven. Beyond imagination for your neighbor. So sorry.

When this happened to the friend of mine, she was in jail, and they had released her house...meaning, it could be cleaned up. Animal control had taken her dogs, so I told the guy, who I knew very well, to bring the dogs and I would take care of them. We went in the house and saw all the blood. We didn't want her family to see it, so he and I cleaned it up. He did most of it...but I came behind him and finished any he missed. The deceased had been shot three times at point blank range and completely bled out in the hall. It was horrific....to say the least. Her family got her out on bond in a couple of hours but they didn't want her to go home, so asked me to stay there. I was there for five months!

Unfortunately, EMS, police, fire, etc can't clean up a crime site. That would cost tax payers money and someone, somewhere would complain about public funds being used in this manner.

Sadly, it reminds me of someone I knew who committed suicide in the most selfless way possible, if it exists.

He knew that families were left with the trauma of cleaning up the site so he went outside behind the barn when no one was home, laid a tarp out, and called 911 himself before doing the deed so his body would be discovered by EMS and not his family and there would be little to no cleanup.

His death was the first suicide I had ever personally dealt with and as a teenager at the time it gave me, for want of a better way to describe it, my first true glimpse at the depths of depression.

He cared deeply for his wife and children, so much so that he even tried to mitigate his own death by his own hand. But he was trapped in his own severe personal hell and saw no other way out than to end the pain.

What a horrid thing depression is.

My sincerest condolences go out to his wife, you and your neighbors.

Sometimes, it seems, we only see the full reach of a person's life and how many they touched after they are gone.

So sorry for the tragedy your friend has to endure. A loss like this is so confusing and heart wrenching. It's great that you and your neighbors will rally in support of her. That's what she needs, people who will listen and be there to lean on when she needs it.

It's a very sad situation. I think if he was declared dead at the scene that should have been that and not a life flight which will cost a lot unless insurance pays for it. The poor woman. If her husband had this intention, he should have done it somewhere other than his property which will always be a reminder to her.

In our community the Red Cross would have showed up to assist her.

What a tragedy for all involved. A person who commits suicide is too distraught for whatever reason to consider what it does to those left behind. Calming thoughts go out to all who are touched by this nightmare.

Very sad and tragic. Glad she has you as a friend Raven. Someone who cares.

Sorry if I missed this, but does she have family, even from his side, kids? She needs people.

You would think someone would have stopped her from driving.

lily316, I don't think the person committing suicide 'thinks' too much about where they are doing the act or how they are affecting those left behind. When you said this, it reminded me of a similar situation that occurred with an acquaintance about 20 years ago.

This couple attended the same church as us. I always loved the wife - we used to sing in the choir together, she was and is a sweet person, wonderful gardener, always grew beautiful flowers, and they lived a couple of houses away from another dear elderly friend. Her DH walked into their back yard one day and shot himself. I do not know the circumstances of why and what was going on at the time as I heard about it several weeks after it happened. Maybe he found some minute of peace just before he died among her beautiful flowers, who knows?

Raven, my prayers are with you and your neighbor. In times like this we can't even imagine why, it's a mystery and his poor wife will never really settle it in her heart for a long long time. She needs people to help her.

I'm so sorry. No advice to add.

What an awful thing. So sorry for everyone involved. May her DH RIP.

As
others have mentioned, a distraught suicidal person isn't thinking
clearly. A situation effected me several years ago.

He had recently
lost his job, but seemed to be coping and managing well. Due to his
skills, he was able to keep very busy in his home garage/shop. He had
a good, loving marriage and three children at home. I saw them on
Saturday at a Christmas event and he appeared in good spirits. We
talked at length, and even laughed about his dog's latest antics.

Monday,
when the wife returned home from grocery shopping, he didn't come out at the sound of her car
to carry the groceries into the house, as was the custom. She found
him in his garage/shop. He had shot himself. It was a shock to
everyone. I often think back.....and wonder why didn't I notice
something and my heart aches for the pain and hopelessness he must
have felt in his final hours. There are no answers.

Raven - I'm so very sorry for all the pain (and questions) this tragedy has left behind for your friend, and all the others that care.

Socks she has no family and he has one brother in Georgia I think but they had not been in contact with each other for many many years so basically no family members for either of them.

I don't think there is insurance. He had left his job and she didn't work. The bills for the helicopter and hospital etc will be huge and she is extremely concerned. I don't know if there is any way for her to get some type of assistance in this kind of situation. If anyone knows please let me know.

We managed to get her out of the house last night. She went and stayed with another neighbor garden club member who is a widow. They are also good friends. It's so fortunate to have such good friends and neighbors right here.

As we gathered yesterday we realized that just about all of us have been touched by suicide at some point. My sisters husband committed suicide in their home many years ago. One of the ladies had 2 of her adult married children who committed suicide, both were bipolar and serious depression was a terrible problem. I was surprised by the number.

We just never know what is going on behind closed doors and in a person's mind.

Thanks everyone so much. You have helped me more than you know! And I appreciate your support and thoughts for her and her husband. RIP

Yes, a distraught person most likely thinks that everyone would be better off without him/her.

Often times, the person will appear in good spirits because they have made the decision and are "happy" to have the plan in place.

Losing a job, especially for men, can be the tipping point. A few years ago a man jumped off a bridge about a half hour away. He had a wife, three sons in MS and HS. Everything to live for. Very sad all around.

This is so very sad for everyone who has been touched by what has happened to your friend and neighbor (both of them).

Raven, your original description of this man having lost a lot of weight and looking very bad could have been written about a man I knew who did the same thing. He had even been hospitalized for several months but took his life a few weeks after he was released. I remember seeing and talking to him shortly before he committed suicide and he was barely recognizable from his former self. Mental health issues can be very difficult to treat as no one can really know the thoughts of another and what is going through their minds.

All you and your community can do now is be there and offer support to his widow and it sounds like all of you are doing that. Getting her out of the house was a good idea; I can't imagine having to stay there so soon after all this happened.

For those of you wondering why if the man was declared dead at the scene, he was transported etc.

The simple answer is, although he had a profound brain injury, he must have had a heart beat (or regained it shortly after EMS arrived) and so was not yet dead in the medical sense; and it is beyond the scope of EMS to call him brain dead at the scene. Therefore whoever "declared him dead" at the scene was not quite correct.

And the EMS would have been too involved in resuscitation and transport to spend any time to clean up.

This is a shocking event, and I send my best wishes to you and your neighbor(s).

I am so sorry for the whole situation. What an awful thing to deal with.

Oh I never expected that the paramedics would clean up, didn't say that, it was just a little strange to tell her she had a big mess to clean up. The neighbors were trying to get over there and would have done it before leaving it for her. But they wouldn't let anyone in even after the crime scene people were done and gone. It would be nice if someone involved could provide information for the family and friends to help with the clean up in these kinds of situations. Even a flyer or print out with information. When my sisters husband did it in their house, the police would not let her go back in, she was at work when it happened and returned home to find him, and they called a team to clean up. I guess it's handled differently in different areas.

We have a major hospital less than a mile from here a trauma center. I don't know why he wasn't taken there instead of the helicopter landing in the road. So much she doesn't understand and no one was telling her anything. In fact they had told her the wrong hospital they were taking him to. It's such a stressful situation for everyone involved. I am sure there were reasons, I hope she can get some answers. Until faced with it I doubt anyone knows how to deal with it.

Today she seems to be doing a lot better. She is talking to people and was actually walking around the front yard.

She is moving in the right direction.

This is such a tragedy for the man's dear wife, friends and family. It is so fortunate that you and the neighbors have been able to rally around the widow. There is no recognizing signs of a pending suicide. The depressed person is on a high and can muster the energy to plan suicide. A depressed person cannot. So often people are shocked because the suicidal person seems to be doing well.

I don't know if there is any way for her to get some type of assistance in this kind of situation. If anyone knows please let me know.

Here are some things to start with:

She can call and negotiate the large bills. Many people do not realize that their medical bills can be negotiated especially if there is no insurance.

She can set up a go fund me, this is certainly an example of a situation where that would be appropriate.

She should remember in her tally of her final debt that any successful negotiations lowering the hospital bill will come with a tax bill from the IRS for forgiven debt.

If a tragedy happens or there is a suicide where I live the police usually call in Victim Services to give support. I wonder if your community has something like this Raven. I have a friend who volunteers and he has seen some sad and tragic situations http://www.vswec.ca/

The group I linked to will also give $5000 for funeral expenses. I hope you can find a group in your area like this for your friend

"We have a major hospital less than a mile from here a trauma center."

There are different levels of trauma centers with different capabilities. With that type of injury the patient is a candidate for the highest level of trauma center in the region (one where they have an agreement with neurosurgeons to come in within x minutes).

Just came back to check in and read your post, I sure hope she will be ok. Isn't this the kind of thing that the GoFund me site is supposed to be for? I know I'd contribute if there was a page for her. Just a thought.

Modern society is full of freedom and independence and also loneliness and despair. I feel sad for everyone who loses a job and cannot find another. No large group to trust in and share feelings with. Without a way to communicate these feelings, people give up. I hope your neighbor can overcome this tragedy in time. Sometimes I think that single people should band together in small groups to make life easier when they don't have family to look after them. The day will come soon when we have robots to help but it will never replace the kindness of the human spirit. Life is a turbulent experience. Anyone who helps another is a light in this world.

I wish she didn't have the expenses of this tragedy to bear on top of the weight of her emotions. An end to wars and more help for people in true need . The time has come for compassion.

It a strange coincident. My wife reported that yesterday, almost the identical event happened to an acquaintance of her's. This lady and my wife sing in a senior choir at a local senior learning center.

We have an epidemic of mental health disorders not recognized & treated effectively. Suicide is a complication of depression. Depression is a neurochemical imbalance in the brain.