This is a stereotype: “it's our jobs as SM's to suffer in silence for the sake of the children that are brought into our lives by no choice of their own.” Wow! Absolutely not. Neither SM nor the SKs asked for mom and dad to divorce. Mom and dad made that choice on their own. Marriages and relationships take place all the time between people that we have no control over. A 17-year-old may start dating a Marilyn Manson look-alike, and everyone is expected to take it all in stride and stay out of it. A few years later, that 17-year-old may even decide to marry MM. Uncle Harry marries aunt Sue. Everyone thinks she’s a be.atch, but favorite uncle Harry marries her anyway because he sees a different side to her and knows she’s the love of his life. In all of these cases and more, people were brought into our lives by no choice of our own. But, for the most part, people make it work. No one expects anyone to suffer in silence. It is just the way it is. But, throw the term SM in the mix, and suddenly SM is to suffer in silence and put up with being at the bottom of the list. SM is supposed to cook, clean, and wipe bloody noses all without expecting anything in return, including not even expecting respect. She is to have no say in her own marriage to DH or her own household. She is to suffer in silence for the sake of someone else’s children. She is the family’s servant. Any issues arise from a divorce that she had no part in, and she is supposed to be just fine being the family scapegoat. Mom and dad’s hands are always supposed to be clean, for the sake of the children. Then these SKs grow up, and continue to treat SM as the family servant and dad’s piece on the side, even as adults. After all, they re just following everyone else’s lead. However, doesn’t this sound to be me more like something from The Handmaid’s Tale, then a life any woman should ever be expected to contend with under any circumstances? Unless she is in the lowly approx. 6% of SMs who had an affair with dad, who then divorced mom, and dad and SM went on to marry, SM had no part in mom and dad’s divorce ether. SM married dad xpecting to be his wife and treated as such. No SM that I know of married a man expecting to suffer in silence for anyone. No one in any marriage or relationship should. Abused women, for example, were told they had to suffer in silence for years. Ridiculous! Yes, a woman knows marrying a man with children from a previous relationship will have its unique challenges. But, the anticipation is that for the most part, people will make it work. No one should have the expectation that SM is to let anyone in the family walk all over her. This idea that everyone has value in a family, except for step-parents has got to end, and it reeks more of a stereotype from the early 1900s than the 2000s.

You're presenting two options: Stay where you are now or move to a completely different area. Does an in-between option exist? Could you move some distance away from your current expensive area /yet still close enough to monitor your stores and be close enough to Bio-Dad? Ultimately it comes down to this: Life choices cost, and the more people involved in the juggling of decisions, the harder it is to make these choices. Ultimately, you may need to decide between doing what's best for the child now ... and doing what's best for your own wallet ... and doing what's best for the child later. I don't envy you making this choice. Personal opinion: I'd want to move the child away from a parent working in the legal-but-highly-questionable marijuana world.

No one here is being cruel or not thinking about the child. They are thinking about the realities of life in general and how this child has already been dealt a blow by his bio-parents. There is a saying among step-parents that you cannot care more than the bio parent does. This isn’t meant literally, because, sure bio-parents can be off-base with their own children, and a step-parent can literally care more about someone else’s child than that bio-parent cares about their own. However, speaking figuratively, if a step-parent cares more than the bio-parent, they will be accused by all—mom, dad, professional counselors, society—of mega-overstepping their bounds. Plus, legally they have no rights to this child whatsoever. And, in this case, neither HU-249048672 nor her husband have any legal rights regarding this child. Those rights, by law, only apply to bio-mom and bio-dad. The one exception would be if bio-dad gave up any rights to his son whatsoever and step-dad legally adopted him. Step situations can and usually are very complex. You have no legal rights as a SP. The court and society as a whole heavily, heavily favors the bio-parents, and especially BM, no matter what mud slinging or accusations are being made. Society tells SPs all the time we need to mind our own business; that is, until the bio-parents start messing up big time. THEN, all of a sudden, any and all burdens are placed on our shoulders and we are supposed to suck it up and take it for someone else’s child when the bio-parents aren’t even willing to put in much effort for their OWN child. You mention this particular child, that has two parents already, the bio-parents. You imply that ex- step-father may already be some sort of father-figure to this child, so, what does that imply? HU-249048672 is supposed to give up her life and her own children and toss that all aside to deal with a child who is rude, demanding and otherwise petty and with a BM who appears to be into Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) big-time! I don’t think so. Don’t judge. The bio-parents already messed up the kid. That is THEIR burden to carry. It is not a step-parent’s responsibility to fix bio-mom or bio-dad or any of their children. It is not a step-parent’s responsibility to fix a family that has been broken for years. What? Bio-mom and bio-dad get to screw around, do whatever, shirk their responsibilities, and then the step-parent, who probably already has another family or two that they have to take care of, is supposed to step in and take all of the risk, including any of her own children's stability, to “save” this family too? And, then, you know what step-mom or step-dad’s Thank-you is going to be for all of that? To be told by everyone on this planet that they are intrusive and over-reaching and need to mind their place. SKs will think the same, even as adults, and want little to nothing to do with step-mom or step-dad. None of this, “It’s for the child’s sake.” The bio-parents already put a dagger into this kid’s heart, it sounds like. A step-parent cannot care more than the bio-parents. That is all there is to it. If the child was #1 in the bio-parents’ lives, they would have stayed married and sucked it up and took it for their OWN children vs. divorce, remarry, and then expect their spouse to suck it up and take it for someone else’s children.

You are sad because your partner didn't react the way you wanted him to... and I can understand that. Sometimes people don't always act the way we want them to when they are under stress. It is normal for all of us to care about people from our past, especially if there was once a loving relationship, and even more so if a child is at risk. It's part of the Human Condition. (I guess I'd worry more if he didn't care.) Your partner probably doesn't know where to go with your feelings.... and so walked away. His caring about them doesn't mean he doesn't love you, just that he's a good man.