I have a card on my frig decorated with hearts and gingerbread men that my little 7 y/o neighbor's girl made for me. What all the "I love yous" on that card actually mean is, "Thank you for the Christmas present." After I read it, I hugged her and said, "I love you too sweetheart!" I also have an air compressor and after pumping up bicycle tires, little kids tell me, "I love you" all the time, and I respond the same way. They're really just demonstrating appreciation, and I'm graciously accepting. Of course I don't really "love" them, but so what? If I didn't respond "in kind" all it would accomplish would be to hurt their feelings, and why would I want to do that to them? From what you've described, I think your SS may be afraid of being abandoned and/or rejected and is seeking your reassurance. I don't think your reluctance to provide him with the reassurance he needs has anything to do with your desire to be "honest." Maybe the real reason you don't want to provide him with the reassurance he needs is because doing so would make you feel "disloyal" to your own child? That saying "I love you" to him would constitute a betrayal of the "bond" between you and your newborn?

You're presenting two options: Stay where you are now or move to a completely different area. Does an in-between option exist? Could you move some distance away from your current expensive area /yet still close enough to monitor your stores and be close enough to Bio-Dad? Ultimately it comes down to this: Life choices cost, and the more people involved in the juggling of decisions, the harder it is to make these choices. Ultimately, you may need to decide between doing what's best for the child now ... and doing what's best for your own wallet ... and doing what's best for the child later. I don't envy you making this choice. Personal opinion: I'd want to move the child away from a parent working in the legal-but-highly-questionable marijuana world.

No one here is being cruel or not thinking about the child. They are thinking about the realities of life in general and how this child has already been dealt a blow by his bio-parents. There is a saying among step-parents that you cannot care more than the bio parent does. This isn’t meant literally, because, sure bio-parents can be off-base with their own children, and a step-parent can literally care more about someone else’s child than that bio-parent cares about their own. However, speaking figuratively, if a step-parent cares more than the bio-parent, they will be accused by all—mom, dad, professional counselors, society—of mega-overstepping their bounds. Plus, legally they have no rights to this child whatsoever. And, in this case, neither HU-249048672 nor her husband have any legal rights regarding this child. Those rights, by law, only apply to bio-mom and bio-dad. The one exception would be if bio-dad gave up any rights to his son whatsoever and step-dad legally adopted him. Step situations can and usually are very complex. You have no legal rights as a SP. The court and society as a whole heavily, heavily favors the bio-parents, and especially BM, no matter what mud slinging or accusations are being made. Society tells SPs all the time we need to mind our own business; that is, until the bio-parents start messing up big time. THEN, all of a sudden, any and all burdens are placed on our shoulders and we are supposed to suck it up and take it for someone else’s child when the bio-parents aren’t even willing to put in much effort for their OWN child. You mention this particular child, that has two parents already, the bio-parents. You imply that ex- step-father may already be some sort of father-figure to this child, so, what does that imply? HU-249048672 is supposed to give up her life and her own children and toss that all aside to deal with a child who is rude, demanding and otherwise petty and with a BM who appears to be into Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) big-time! I don’t think so. Don’t judge. The bio-parents already messed up the kid. That is THEIR burden to carry. It is not a step-parent’s responsibility to fix bio-mom or bio-dad or any of their children. It is not a step-parent’s responsibility to fix a family that has been broken for years. What? Bio-mom and bio-dad get to screw around, do whatever, shirk their responsibilities, and then the step-parent, who probably already has another family or two that they have to take care of, is supposed to step in and take all of the risk, including any of her own children's stability, to “save” this family too? And, then, you know what step-mom or step-dad’s Thank-you is going to be for all of that? To be told by everyone on this planet that they are intrusive and over-reaching and need to mind their place. SKs will think the same, even as adults, and want little to nothing to do with step-mom or step-dad. None of this, “It’s for the child’s sake.” The bio-parents already put a dagger into this kid’s heart, it sounds like. A step-parent cannot care more than the bio-parents. That is all there is to it. If the child was #1 in the bio-parents’ lives, they would have stayed married and sucked it up and took it for their OWN children vs. divorce, remarry, and then expect their spouse to suck it up and take it for someone else’s children.

You are sad because your partner didn't react the way you wanted him to... and I can understand that. Sometimes people don't always act the way we want them to when they are under stress. It is normal for all of us to care about people from our past, especially if there was once a loving relationship, and even more so if a child is at risk. It's part of the Human Condition. (I guess I'd worry more if he didn't care.) Your partner probably doesn't know where to go with your feelings.... and so walked away. His caring about them doesn't mean he doesn't love you, just that he's a good man.