Need advice about mold/mildew in friend's house (long story).
10 years ago
last modified: 10 years ago
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- 10 years ago
- 10 years ago
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Some Advice From an Old lady About Love LONG
Comments (15)I'm so sorry for your loss. What a lovely way to inform us, citing all the good things you were able to share after being reunited. Your story reminds me of the suitor my mother refused when they were both very young. (She was only 17, and she and her parents thought this was premature.) As my mother was dying of leukemia, a lifelong friend sent her news of this man -- by then a widower of many years. He came across the country to spend a week with my mother, bringing the photo she'd inscribed to him so long ago, and bringing the perfect little diamond ring he'd kept all these years. I know their marriage would have been uneven. He was a quiet, homebody person, and my mother became a successful career woman. However, I thought he was a much finer person than the successful businessman she did marry (and divorce) -- my father. Sometimes we underestimate how romantic and sentimental a man can be....See MoreLong post...advice about ex husbands' visit
Comments (16)Thanks everyone for your insight and input. Your comments fit right in with what friends tell me but I kind of wanted to get an unbiased opinion from people who don't know me. I have to agree that the whole thing is creepy and fishy. I cannot imagine not seeing or contacting my children for such a long time in the first place, but of course he says that is all my fault. I can't imagine not wanting to spend every second with them if I hadn't seen them in such a long time. He is such a creep. I have heard over and over again that I had no right to "take his children" away from him and that because of ME he has no relationship with them. Ummm...not buying that one buddy. When I was growing up I had one Grandma in the UK, one across the country and both of them managed to create and maintain a relationship with me back in the days when there was no email, no free/cheap long distance, and certainly little face-to-face contact. I seldom saw them but when I did we were comfortable with each other because we had a long-standing relationship. Why were my Grandmothers able to do that and my ex is not able to do so with his own children?? Because it was a priority to my Grandmas to nurture a bond and it obviously isn't a priority for him. He takes the easy way out by blaming it on someone else. Unfortunately what this entire situation has taught me is that the legal system is really, really messed up. Even though he has abused and stalked me, I CANNOT keep him away from his children because he has never "harmed" his children. I was warned of that in court by the judge who oversaw our case...my God, how could his behavior have NOT harmed our children? So the option of not allowing unsupervised visits is really not an option. As many of you already know, the court will not back me up until AFTER something happens. That really sucks. Anyway, I've decided that I will email him and tell him that his plans are not acceptable. I will drop the boys off and pick them up...haven't decided if it will be at the hotel or at the police station. I'm going to stop by the station this week and find out what the police would be willing to do...actually I had already planned on explaining the situation to them in advance of his arrival but I need to check if I can do the drop off/pick up there. My boyfriend has already insisted that he be with me no matter where the exchange occurs, even if it is the police station....See MoreNeed Advice: Alcoholic Friend
Comments (15)I got an update from the ex partner "C". He told me that "T" spent a couple nights living on the street, now is in a detox program at Kaiser. I don't know how he got into Kaiser. C has gotten T a place at the micro apartment halfway house place, for after he gets out of Kaiser. It is in downtown Portland, units are just 200 sq ft but they are private, there is some sort of supervision and support - I'm not sure about the details. I don't know if T still has his job, but I'd guess not. I'm not sure who is paying for the micro apartment or how long T can stay there. Poor C says he is done with T now; but I'd guess he has said that before in the past decade. Loyalty, and concern for their son, keeps him trying to help. Over the weekend, when C wasn't answering T's calls, T went to C's house and tried to get/break in, until the neighbors called the police. That really upset C. T used to live a pretty high life. They had a house in France and a big house in Portland. T always wore super fashionable clothes, had expensive tastes. Until recently he lived in a beautiful urban hip loft in downtown Portland. He's fallen a long way. I hope this was/is his rock bottom, but I'm not sure. And to add to the good start to 2015, one of my dear older friends, a remarkable gentleman of 84 y/o, has pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed very late, just before Christmas. He and his wife delayed notifying friends until after the New Year, to avoid spoiling people's holidays. He's had chemo but it is useless, the cancer had already metastasized to his liver. SWMBO and I went to see them Monday night. He has deteriorated very quickly and is already bedridden, extremely thin, only eating cups of boullion, not receiving visitors. We sat with his wife and SWMBO is going over there during the days to be available for emergencies while the wife goes out for an hour or two to take care of stuff. In Oregon we have the "Death With Dignity" law which allows a terminally ill patient, after a 15 day waiting period, to get a lethal pill to be self administered at a time of his choosing. They have started that process. I am skeptical he will survive 15 more days. He has lived a long and excellent life, so his passing is not such a surprise or tragedy. His wife is 18 years younger, a lovely woman in good health (I think I've posted a dinner party picture with her, in the past) and he leaves her and his four children comfortably situated. He has done everything on this earth that a man should do, and I hope he can die without too much pain....See MoreMy Friend Is Now My Contractor (advice needed)
Comments (26)in regards to the post by T.F.W. Hiring my friend was a mistake. I see that now and I have now decided to forgo having him finish the job. He is talented with wood and metal and has done some really nice work for bars and business. But he admitted he's never installed a bathtub before so I'm not going to have him do the tile. I don't want to have this issue ruin a friendship. Also, T.F.W is right, the folks telling me its fine and move on with the tile job as-is makes me feel like all is not lost. But his and other professional's comments here make it sound like even the first guys work wasn't done correctly. I don't want to argue the importance of hiring a licensed contractor, which clearly is not the path I took. But several have said the first guys work looks fine. I wonder, if there wasn't any mastic around the tub flange, would the pros here still be suggesting I rip it all out? That's a legitimate question. Just because the first guy wasn't a licensed contractor does his work constitute ripping it all out and starting over? And if not, how does the mastic create such an issue that now it needs to be ripped out completely? Again, legitimate questions I would like to know before i decide to start over or move on. The tub alone cost $750. But if it's a total disater and it's clear problems with mold are bound to happen shortly after, then it's coming out. The first guy used PEX for the plumbing and I looked through my phone and found about a dozen more photos of the work in progress. Not sure they'll help answer the question of ripping it out but I have added the photos below....See More- 10 years ago
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