Mold in friend's home--who's at fault? What can be done?
9 years ago
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- 9 years agolast modified: 9 years ago
- 9 years ago
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I'm feeling down and its my fault.
Comments (31)I'm still here and appreciate all of your comments. Jemdandy, I do those things. I offer to help regularly, but she is unhappy with the quality of my cleaning, so she prefers to do it herself (which creates more stress on her). Yes, there is definitely a lot of stress due to my father and the remodeling. Then, pile on the stress from my wife's job and it becomes very very stressful. We are hoping the stress level will drop when the remodeling is finished. I am not completely clueless. On Tuesday, my wife was under a lot of stress and I seemed to deal with it farily well. At least, she was not upset at me and I think she actually felt better after talking to me. However, yesterday was worse, and she felt worse after talking to me. I listened, I care, I felt for her, but I did not give her the empathy in terms of verbal feedback she is looking for. I thought I was, but in fact I did not. Generally, the problems start after work when either I walk in the door (if she is home first), or when she walks in the door (if I am home first). If she says, "I am on overload" this is my clue to watch out, that there are problems, it will be a rough evening, and I need to do my very best to try to empathize with her. She wants me to demonstrably say things which exhibit empathy, like, "no wonder you are overwhelemed, anyone would be with what you are going through." Or, "It is amazing what you have to deal with. I am really impressed with how well you handled that situation." Sometimes I say these things and sometimes I don't. Also, I need to communicate absolutely everything, which I still have not gotten used to. For example, last night, after our blow-up, we went to bed. She seemed to be calming down. It was late, I had just gone to bed and she was in the master bathroom getting ready to come to bed. There was a loud noise. She came out and asked me if I heard a loud noise coming from the guest bathroom. She was concerned that my father was in there and perhaps had fallen down. I said I didn't hear any noise. (In retrospect I did hear a noise but I thought it was coming from the master bath, not the guest bath). I get up, take a quick look in the guest bath, realize my father wasn't in there, and came back to bed. This morning she told me she was very unhappy with me about this behavior. Do you know why? I do in retrospect. I didn't communicate! Before I got out of bed, I should have said to her, "I'll go check it out." Then, when I came back to bed, I should have said, "I took a quick look but my dad wasn't in there." I was tired and I just wasn't thinking. Her response to this is that I obviously think so little of her that I can't even be bothered with telling her what I am doing or what I find out. As though it isn't important for her to know. No, I did not, do not, think along the lines she alledges. I was trying to respond to her concerns as best I could. Mostly, I just didn't think at all. It must have been around 11:30 p.m. and my brain was shutting down for the night. While I should have been a better communicator, I did the best I could do. That was a good example as to how I get in trouble and why my wife is unhappy with me and may just leave me....See MoreWhat have I done? Can anyone relate?
Comments (3)I see you're new, welcome :) Vent away! ;D I was going to suggest posting this in Home Decorating forum here, there are some whiz bang members over there who can help people out of most any jam (and vast majority are just 'regular' people like us, not pro decorators ;) But, if you really, really hate the color, it sounds like a repaint is in the works. Do check out Home Dec, though, and if you have pictures post. (We love pictures ;) I've seen people get out of much worse 'jams' with only a minor accessory tweaking here and there as a result of some brainstorming ;) If repaint is looming, I would urge you to go to a BM dealer and get some of the sample pots and some poster board, and put colors that you lean toward on at minimum an 8 1/2 x 11 piece of poster board. Move it around the room, in daylight, evening, corners, etc. and take a couple days to get a feel for a color before you make a decision. ;-)...See MoreDone with the inspection, and now reviewing what we can negotiate
Comments (30)I've been reading this forums for 2 days straight non stop because we're in the process of selling our house, and this is the most ridiculous piece of advice I've heard so far. I'm sorry to tell you, but as a seller, if someone cam to me with this ridiculous list of things to do, we would sooner back out of the deal. Yes, we would do things that needed to be done do to code violations, and we would also do things that WE could do ourselves. But if you think a homeowner is going to start hiring all kinds of contractors and get on the phone to start calling and asking about bids, you are sadly mistaken, and you've been watching way too much HGTV. A lot of sellers rather just not deal with it, maybe they'll give you a deduction on the price, but to go all out like that. omg, that's crazy. Put down the remote control, walk away, and step back into reality. Quote: From what you've written, it sounds to me like you need more time to determine if the price you've agreed to is fair, but that you also need to respond to the inspection clause promptly. If that's the case, I'd suggest you use your repairs list to fine-tune your price. Be very agressive in your list of requested repairs and corrections. Throw in everything your inspectors brought up and ask that they hire licensed, bonded contractors to correct it and that the sellers obtain permit waivers (or whatever their called) for their DIY work from the city. Your list should be as long and burdensome as it can be without making you look like a total jerk. (Looking nervous is OK.) The sellers will need time to formulate a response, price out your requested repairs and get bids, and you should use this time to get all of the information you will need to determine in your own mind what price is fair and appropriate for a house:...See MoreI’m distraught over my friend’s dog
Comments (55)Bestyears, I was keeping it vague because discussing dog training methods can be equal to politics! Try telling some of the militant rescue groups that you will be using a different training method than the one they strictly follow ... you will never get a dog from them! Here are two articles from two opposite theories that gives you an idea of how they think. 1) https://positively.com/victorias-blog/balanced-dog-training-theres-nothing-balanced-about-it/ 2) https://www.nitrocanine.com/blog/2015/06/12/in-defense-of-balanced-training/ With my rescue I started out with a purely positive trainer. It worked great in the house and yard as the dog is very food motivated ... BUT outside none of the training made a difference. Critters and the chase were a much higher reward than anything I could offer. I even tried carrying filet mignon! I was being dragged around town by a crazy dog ... even with the easy-walk harness the positive trainer told me to buy. The dog just walked sideways and pushed into the harness. The last straw was when on a walk the dog nearly knocked me, and my father, to the ground when trying to get a squirrel. I had to kick the dog to stop her lunging and get us untangled (my Dad also had our smaller dog on leash). I looked for a different approach and found "balanced" training. The trainer I found is slightly different from #2 above in that they do use food rewards. Happy to message you a link to the training program website and the actual trainer I used. We now go on off leash hikes and I get stopped regularly by people who comment on her behavior and level of training. I got so many questions that I started carrying business cards for the trainer!! One of those people actually contacted and used my trainer, even thought she isn't local. Do your research and choose the trainer and method that best works for you and your dog. The best method will most likely be a combination of several different ones....See MoreRelated Professionals
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