Just need to vent

11 years ago

In May I had a home invasion/identity theft. She took blank checks, SS card, debit cards, and prescription meds. After dodging the cops, she was apprehended, confessed and spent 4 months in jail awaiting her hearing. She was wanted in 7-8 St Louis City and County townships. The cops did a great job. Wish I could say the same for the Judge. She was given a five year probation and is to re-pay the stores where she paid by forging my checks. Luckily, my bank kept up with her activities. Now she is out - lives a block from me. We installed a security system, and other safety precautions.

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Comments (15)

ont_gal
11 years ago
invest in a baseball bat-keep it at the door
juellie1962
11 years ago
How infuriating! I can't imagine your frustration. To let her off so lightly is ad enough, but to know she's 1 block away and you may run into her!? Crazy!
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It's a HORRIBLE year, and I just need to vent.
Q
Comments (20)
Sorry to hear things went poorly for you denninmi. I've found your suggestions in the past very helpful especially since you garden not all that far away. Things have been slow over on the SW side of the state because of the cooler weather, also, but critters have been less than last year....that was a huge problem then. Trapping and a neighbor who is a good shot helped alot with that. Unfortuantely, a new critter(s?) is causing some trouble....13 lined ground squirrels aka gophers. Guess it is time to trap some more which I don't enjoy. We had only six corn plants grow in 8 rows planted by 50 students....and I know they planted more seed than recommended. The gophers or something else tunneled through the area and ate/took most every one. A replant germinated successfully but the plants are still small. The cool July did not help at all. Not sure if there will be a corn harvest or not. I garden at two sites about 15 miles apart. The rain certainly has been splotchy over this way, too. I'll work at one garden in the sun and dry sand and come home to find that a major storm hit at my home...with clay loam...just the reverse of what I'd order. My gardens are much smaller than yours and can be easily watered if need be. And the past few weeks they definitely needed it. Hard to imagine how dry they would have been if the weather had been warmer. I'm looking to put in some fall crops this week. It doesn't seem like it is time for that since the hot days of summer did not come yet. But I'm ready to try another round of peas, cabbage, and broccoli to go with the beets, carrots and onions put in today. If it finally warms up I may have to rig up shade cloths. On a positive note, one garden has awesome zinnias and marigolds. Today I saw three hummingbirds darting around from one zinnia patch to another. Very fun....much better than looking at the scrawny corn and green tomatoes on plants with dead lower leaves.
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I just need to vent some
Q
Comments (14)
Going through the same thing, but with BOTH "parents". My step-mom had a stroke and my dad cannot care for himself at all. She was the caretaker - yeah, right; her stroke happened about 10 days before anyone realized it. No one could recognize it and she just kept trying to do what she knew best. It was so sad - the house was in shambles when I got there! Unfortunately, they are half a country away from any family that can help - I'm on the east coast and my step-brother is in CA. They are in MI. Since there was no one to take care of Dad when they took my step-monm to the hospital, the hospital kept him as well. Of course that was 3 days of self-pay!! After that, my Dad had a seizure - major, and cut his head and face pretty badly when he fell. I guess that was a good thing because that allowed both of them to be placed in a skilled care facilty. I can't tell you the nightmare with that though - they were placed in the wrong type of facility at first which was an awful experience. They were expected to take care of themselves, and of course, couldn't. What a mess. This country has to do better with health care! When they finally realized that they needed extra care, they couldn't take my dad because they didn't have any male beds. The law says the facility has to have a certain number of beds for females and and a certain number for males - who the heck made up that mess!! Anyway, the best thing is to NOW try to get on a waiting list. In my "parents" case, they live in a small town and were able to get in right away, especially coming directly from a hospital. Where I am, there is a waiting list. Plus, you want to be sure that your Dad is getting the proper type of care. That may take some time too. Don't remember if you said, but be sure to get POA NOW while you can. I can't get it for my Dad - he is already diagnosed with dimentia. My step-mom has it for him. If something happens to her, like another stroke, then the state has to take over. Luckily she is still in her right mind after the stroke, and has passed her POW to her son. HOWEVER, she still has POA over my dad. The only way I can get it for my Dad is if my Step-brother gives it to me - that won't happen because he does't really want to give up Dad to me. Gotta work on that one pretty quickly. My best to you. If I find out anything else in my travels, I'll pass it on. gng
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I just need to vent
Q
Comments (20)
To the OP - While some of responses you have received to your venting may sound a bit snooty, I think the message everyone is trying to give you is the same. In the future, GET IT IN WRITING. GET EVERYTHING IN WRITING. EVERY SINGLE TIME! To the extent that you haven't been getting these change orders in writing, thus far you've been lucky to only be facing additional bills in the $3000 range. I know you don't feel lucky but, really, it could have been a whole lot worse and, if you don't put a stop to verbal approvals, IT IS VERY LIKELY TO GET WORSE. If you are on the phone to your builder and he suggests a change order, tell him he needs to send you an email with the information IN WRITING and that you are not approving anything until you see what he is proposing in writing so that there can be no more misunderstandings between you. An email thread regarding change orders is better than no written record at all. And most people now have cell phones that have the ability to send/receive emails. But, if your builder is a dinosaur who can't send you an email from his phone, tell him to send you a text message and then use your phone to forward the text message as an email to both yourself and your builder so you both have a record. Even that would be better than nothing. Just make sure the text messages states clearly WHAT the thing is that you are buying (materials only? labor only? materials and labor?) and the price he is telling you it will cost. If it isn't clear when he emails/texts you whether the price he is quoting includes his 25% profit or not, then ASK for a clarification. Once you are 100% sure that you understand his written proposal. Then respond with an unequivocal - "yes, I approve the preceeding" or "NO, don't do this it is too expensive" or "WAIT, we need to think about this some more and will get back to you." Good luck with the rest of your build. PS - in building a home, it is safest never to ASSUME anything. If a supplier quotes a price, ask for it in writing and ask whether the price is materials only or materials and labor. Take a copy of the written quote to your builder (always keep one for yourself) and, if he says he can get something cheaper elsewhere, ask again whether his price will be materials only, or materials and labor and whether that price also includes his profit margin. Remember that even if your builder chooses to use a supplier (and laborer) that you located, the builder will still add his profit margin to the cost. He is justified in doing so because he will still be supervising the work and he will still be ultimately responsible for making sure it is done correctly. Again, good luck with everything. Eventually your new home will be finished and you will move in and begin enjoying the fruits of your labors. All of these frustrations will begin to fade into the background.
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I just need a vent... again!
Q
Comments (19)
DH has had talks with her but on the day to day stuff... most of it he doesn't see, but when he's right there... I don't think he is paying attention at all, kinda like with the bread. He's oblivious to when she is being rude & later when I mention it to him, he'll agree that she shouldn't do this or that but he didn't really notice. Very rarely, he'll say it's not that big a deal. DH & I had a long, drawn out conversation/almost argument last week because a few weeks ago... before Thanksgiving time, I noticed my netbook that I keep in my car for work had a damaged screen. It looked as if something smashed it & the screen had a splotch on it. It wasn't cracked, just a portion of the screen was discolored. Well, sometimes SD rides in the front seat next to where I keep it (between the seats, under the console) I couldn't imagine how else it was damaged, except SD stepped on it, sat on it or pressed really hard on it... but she would have to take it out of the console because it's not where she could accidentally touch it. I was angry but I figured if she did it on purpose, telling her I was angry would only satisfy her so I gave it to my DD & bought a new one. In December I put a DVD system in the backseat. There are two screens on the headrests for each side. Last weekend, I was cleaning my car & right in the center of the screen that is on the side where SD sits is a huge thumb/palm? print. It looks like someone pressed into the middle of the screen. Nobody rides in the car except me, SD & DGS2 in his car seat. He can't reach either of the screens. Also, the last time I detailed my car, there was ink scribbled on the leather door panel where SD sits. Again, I said nothing because it is obvious to me that SD is doing stuff on purpose to my car & whenever I have confronted her, she denies doing anything. She gets this I'm so innocent look & how dare I accuse her of anything. Crap! I'd rather her tell me she hates me & is glad she did it but no matter what, she denies it, then tells everyone how awful I am for accusing her of something she didn't do. I have no proof it's her but common sense & I don't want her to see me get upset because I feel like that's what she wants. So, finally this last time I went to DH & told him I don't want her in my car anymore... he wanted me to have a talk with her but like I said, how do you talk to someone that says she didn't do it, doesn't have a clue how it happened, etc. So, he got upset with me & started trying to make excuses for her. Finally he admitted he doesn't know what to do about her but he works in another town & rides the bus to my office so she has to ride home with me. So, I know DH needs to address the problem & yes, he is a mild mannered good guy that just wants to do the right thing & live in peace. He wants to go to work, pay the bills, come home to his family & enjoy the evening. I don't think he thinks about, nor is he worried about what she will be like when she's a teen, maybe because he's a guy & has no clue about girls/daughters... or he hopes things will just fall into place. I don't think he realizes how serious her problems are or he just has no clue about how to fix them. As the on site female, I tried to give my input but as we can see, that has been rejected & backfired. At the moment, I'm looking forward to summer when she'll be with her mom & only here for weekends. I plan to be gone and/or busy with DGS or work. I feel guilty for feeling that way but I can't stand how it is. Just this morning, I get up & go to the baby's room which is next to hers. She was in the livingroom & heard me coming, ran back to her room. I get the baby up & bring him to my room so I can finish getting ready while he watches his favorite show. DH goes into the kitchen, SD comes out & is talking to him. I get done getting ready & come down the hall, her bedroom door closes because she hurried back to her room. Last night, I was cooking dinner & playing Wii with DH. SD is watching us. I leave the room to check on dinner & she starts talking to him. I come back & she doesn't talk. I leave again, same thing. It's just very annoying!
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chloecat
11 years ago
I'm guessing you live in the STL area?

You know MO has Castle Doctrine, and allows CCW. Highly suggest you get a gun and a CCW. You would have saved yourself a lot of trouble, and society the drain on its resources if you could have popped a cap in your invader's a$$. :)
GrammyMyrna
11 years ago
Arm yourself, it's your right to do so and she doesn't deserve a second chance to victimize you.
sushipup1
11 years ago
"You would have saved yourself a lot of trouble, and society the drain on its resources if you could have popped a cap in your invader's a$$. :)"

What a horrid statement, after Friday's massacre.
eileen101
11 years ago
Friday's horror has nothing to do with defending yourself against a home invader. You can't possibly say that they are the same.
colleenoz
11 years ago
Friday's horror IMO has everything to do with any nut job having way too many chances to get hold of deadly weapons, and too much of an attitude that the solution to situations that anger them is to shoot something.
sushipup1
11 years ago
The shooter's mother was the gun collector.
workoutlady
11 years ago
I'd suggest you contact the probation agent and get a no contact order and/or put a no contact rule on her probation rules. I know that this is only a piece of paper but this is a start. If she gets within so many feet of you and/or your home she could be arrested and her probation revoked.
dedtired
11 years ago
How did she get in your house in the first place? Were you home? How did she find your checks, debit cards, etc?

I am sorry that she is not serving more time for having invaded your space and ruined your sense of well-being in your own home.

I imagine that if you had a gun and kept it your home, she would have found that, too, and heaven knows what kind of havoc she may have wreaked with that. I hope you will not consider such a thing. A relative of mine kept a gun in their house. The house was burglarized during the day when they were not home. The gun was stolen and never recovered.I wonder who has suffered because of that stupid gun.

Can you get a restraining order to keep her a certain distance from you and your home? Chances are she is a drug abuser, looking for money to support her habit.
chisue
11 years ago
This must be infuriating! I like the no-contact idea.

I suspect the judge has a problem with overcrowded jails. It's sad, but judges have to decide which of the people coming before them are THE most dangerous and lock *them* up.

Guns are not 'the answer'. They are the problem. ABC-TV this morning reports that there are more gun stores in the US than groceries or McDonald's. Sick. No other first world country lives like this! (And their annual death tolls from handguns can be counted in the tens and hundreds, not our *thousands*.)
MornieFl
11 years ago
Are you anti-gun, anti-constitution (2nd Amendment) aware of how many attacks there have been with multiple injuries deaths by knife there have been in China the last few years? If you have a mentally ill person with an evil mind they will find a way to kill, be it by bomb, poison, knife etc. The number of deaths by gun is not in the thousands by the way unless you are counting the war in your statistics. There is no reason for the rest of the citizens to suffer and do without guns for hunting, self-protection etc. to prevent the occasional mentally ill and dangerous person from getting a gun illegally (I might add) and using it to do damage.
yayagal
11 years ago
I agree with MornieF. There are literally over a million illegal guns floating around. Go to any city with some $ and ask around and you'll get one. I do believe assault weapons should be limited. Owning a gun is assurance that you'll have an option if you hear someone on your premises. I have two homes that are really remote and have to spend time in them alone occasionally. Would you say I don't deserve to defend myself? Ma. has the strongest gun law in the nation, you have to take a week's course in firearms, have a complete FBI background check with fingerprints, your gun is photographed and the pertinent numbers are recorded and so on. It's a grueling process as it should be and yet there are so many shootings here too by people who bought street guns. I suggest that if they can link the gun to the person who sold it to them, that person should be prosecuted along with the perp. Just my opinion. Remember a great country like the USSR couldn't fight back because the government has "disarmed" the people. It's one of the first tenets of communism. It's all so complicated and we all passionately want to avert another massacre but we have to realize that murder comes in many forms i.e. poison, bombing, fire, plowing down with a vehicle, stabbing, axes, where does it stop. It's the people our ages and older who have profited by putting out such violent viewing on t.v. and the cinemas. Today people watch violence while eating their supper, it's just not right. How do we really become a more gentle nation, I don't know but I do know that it will only get worse if we keep getting more and more desensitized. I pray every night that there will be an awakening in our culture that will let our leaders speak out and take some action.
marie_ndcal
11 years ago
Try to get a restraining/no contact order if possible and let others know what kind of person she is.
susanjf_gw
11 years ago
guy stole a check ou tof my mom's mailbox (she'd put it in for the mailman) the dummy "washed" the amount, then took it to a check cashing place! had to put a thumb print on it! the bank re imbursed mother but NEVER pressed charges! omg had his print, name ect...

Just need to vent

Comments (15)

ont_gal

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