I would have said something and would not go back. That is just me. Due to my chemo I did not go into the dental office to sit with dd during her cleaning. DDS had to speak with me. I asked if we could speak in reception area and he said no, because of HIPPA, even if I said it was ok. He was more than happy to chat outside so as to not compromise HIPPA or my health. My most recent situation brought about a visit which lacked privacy in a very similar way. I had to see the nuc med guy to have dye injected into my breast to light up the lymph nodes. We go into this large room with 4 tables and 4 big MRI/Xray machine thingys. There were curtains dividing the areas. I was taken to table 3, I could hear a man was in 4. As the tech worked on me, discussing my breast and exposing my chest I could hear everything going on with the man in 4. I had to listen to this poor man cough and cough and cough and gag and moan. Several times his tech pulled the curtain, almost exposing me to the man in 4. My tech kept telling him to stop and be more careful. It was very awkward having to have needles poked into my nipple, injecting me with nuc med that burned like acid. I talk through pain and it was awkward telling my tech outloud how much it burned. The whole time I kept thinking how my privacy was being invaded by this man next to me, even though his coughing was probably keeping him from paying much attention to me. That was the most painful part of any treatment I have had to endure both physically and mentally. I won't even dwell on the germs that were floating in the air from that man while a needle was being poked into me. Sherrmann, you might be right. Doubt any office would be that brazen, maybe they are set up like an ER and consider it ok. When I am getting chemo I sit 6' from the next chair and hear their stuff. That is not considered to violate HIPPA so there has to be some small print in the rules. I still would asked for a private room before the exam.

Point taken, wrychoice, this one does hit home and I'm having a bad day. I think what gets my dander up about hopper2008's posts is what other people have cited (the apparent arrogance and the striking need to prove herself superior, esp. to the former wife & kids), but perhaps I'm taking it more personally because of my situation. The only other thing I really reacted to that other people hadn't already mentioned as irritating is the projection factor. That is, hopper2008 making it out like SD is the one being childish, unreasonable, immature, insecure and manipulative about this situation. Which may very well be the case, but if hopper2008 isn't in some way, at some level, tugging the other end of the rope, then it's a non-issue. If it's a non-issue, then Hopper2008 would simply make sure her husband knows it's okay for him to go to his daughter's wedding without her (and doesn't stand on any principle or misplaced idealism about unity, loyalty or whatever and create a very difficult situation for DH and SD on her wedding day b/c she can't face the reality that she and SD simply don't get along and pushes it at the wrong time & circumstance.) I guess I reacted especially much to the projection aspect because my Dad's wife plays that game of telling herself & other people similar things (i.e. "whatever HE wants to do"; "HE's choosing to do such-and-such"). It's crap, don't buy it if you ever hear this sort of thing. No parent except the lowest form would EVER so quickly and unequivocably "choose", "freely", to leave their kid in the lurch, even if said kid was being a brat. These husband/fathers DO NOT WANT TO TURN THEIR BACKS ON THEIR CHILDREN and they DO NOT do so easily. I mean, unless they are scum, in which case I'd have to ask why anyone would want to be with scum like that. These men (or women, when it's women in these situations) may seem like they are "choosing", but they are BACKED AGAINST THE FRIGGIN' WALL and make these apparent "free choices" under tremendous duress of one sort or the other. For example, I know this because my Dad got me a plane ticket to visit him behind my SM's back (via money order) and always calls me when she isn't around; he called NINE TIMES on and around X-mas ---when she was out--- because he felt so guilty about telling me I couldn't come. Because it wasn't what HE wanted. I know for a fact that SM was telling people "he decided" to not have me there, b/c he was so "disappointed" in me, or whatever the H3LL.... Meanwhile, these "independent decisions" of his always seem to benefit SM, for example HER sister and brother-in-law were there at Christmas in my place, and she got some home improvements done (FOR her not BY her, to be sure). My SM isn't fooling anybody! (Well, I can't say that.... she's not fooling ME and several others ---including my Dad--- but maybe she's fooling somebody somewhere.) In this kind of scenario, if a parent seems to be making a choice to turn their back on their child ---especially on a really important or significant occasion like a wedding that they would otherwise never want to miss--- and their spouse is acting all "my dog ain't in that fight", or more obviously, even GLOATING about the parent's "choice": look closer, ask some more questions. Barring possible reasons such as the most scummy good-for-nothing parent or child on the planet, in most average situations with average people with average issues and flaws, there is more going on than meets the eye. It's more than one person tugging the rope. One way or another, the spouse is also manipulating the situation, or at the very least, is getting a big payoff (emotional, financial, circumstantial, etc.) from just "sitting back" and 'watching" the fight. Saying things in plain English (i.e. "don't go to your daughter's wedding without me or I will be very upset and might divorce you") is only one possible method of getting one's point across. Other methods include: -The Silent Treatment -Sexual Freeze-Out -Generally Being a Stone-Cold B***h Until He Changes the Situation to Your Way -Acting all Hurt and Crying ("Why Doesn't SD Love Me?!?!") to Play the Victim -"Forgetting" to Do Something You Promised (such as get groceries to have food in the house) So He Gets the Hint You're Not Pleased About X situation -"Forgetting" to Give Him His Prescription Medications That You've Made him Dependent On You For So He Gets the Hint... (a favorite tactic of my SM's; actually all of these are) ...and there's probably myriad other sick, twisted ways of controlling a situation that aren't even occuring to me because I'm just not that perverse. (Would have to get in that Stephen King "Misery" headspace to comprehend it more thoroughly.) Admittedly I have some bitterness about my personal stepfamily dynamics (on one side of the family anyways), but apart from any offense it gives anyone, I hope that at least hopper2008 and perhaps anyone else who feels they relate to her will perceive in my words the effect that her apparent attitude may inspire in an SD in that kind of situation. And to just be careful, as kkny said, about the hubris factor. It's humbling to hear it, but hopefully it puts things in perspective b/c it's never a good idea to go around thinking of oneself as being perpetually in a catbird seat. Not with the way our society and relations between men and women tend to go. Plus I think it's good 'tactical' advice, to be kind of Sun Tzu about it: a strategic choice to 'lose the battle' (over being at the wedding) in order to 'win the war', or at least *appear* the bigger person and pre-empt any feeling DH might develop about being on a leash and starting to resent it. (Men tend to wriggle out of a leash millimeter by millimeter... you don't see it coming, and then poof! They're gone! Or even worse, they stay...) This particular advice isn't meant to be about pleasing the man, or the SD, but covering your own behind and not thinking you're invincible or always going to win.... or even always going to be around! So picture the points I made in my last post but with a bit less 'edge'... and hopefully it's illuminating.

They can stay or go it doesn't matter to us .... we don't have xbox (hahaha) so they don't like weekends here ... xbox is not allowed here all they do is fight over it and since we didn't pay for i am not going to replace what they break... but anyway. Yes FD she lies to get what she wants ... stamps and cash etc. she will eventually get caught. The kids do not have a choice ... she "makes" them go takes them on a guilt I am your mother I have a right to see you ... "here's a 20 I am going out" " you don't love me is that why you don't want to come over" what I hope doesn't happen is they start enjoying their weekends here and she takes them back. No clue what will go on with SD ... will I pick up weekend shifts too lol who knows I know that sounds harsh but its self preservation mode ... it works for me ... i dont get wrapped up in the drama that is SD. As it is she comes here on Mon and thurs.... rules the house listens to no one .... and spends most of her time on the phone with her mother .. either texting or calling taking pictures to send to mom etc. when i get home at 11/12... she is still up watching tv i shut if off and go to bed.... she knows at this point don't turn it back and time for bed with out me saying a word but she has to make one more call to mom to say goodnight. ... not my phone ringing at midnight. Whats strange is the boys don't act like that here they have their chores .... they sit with us and watch tv we eat at the table there are no fights arguements beatings exception to normal is when SD its a very tense household waiting for her to pitch a fit about something .... last time was because we made smores in the backyard and she wasn't here. Going to enjoy the boys while they can be here on weekends .... like I said she will probably change her mind in a week .... (hubby said she must have somewhere to go this weekend and can't get a babysitterfor all 3)...

Ha. My Ex actually linked up with SM at a daycare where my children were going. He left me for her, and actually it was humorous to see her thinking she knew more about raising children than I did. He, after divorcing me, married her, and she was their stepmom. And actually I did see after I got over my anger that she was a pretty good person. Eleven years later she left my ex by moving in with and finally marrying his ex best friend. My Ex was livid, of course. Ha Ha. I could have used that to the hilt. It was sad to me to watch SM try to have a relationship with our children, and my Ex and now also her Ex also tried to stop that relationship with everything in his being. I was now the one who held all the power. I could have blown her out of the water. And you know what, many people told me here is the biatch who stole your husband pay her back. It was actually one of my daughters' friends who said to me, SM is really trying hard here, give her some slack. That statement made me think. And the friend was right. It did make sense. There was no reason why I should stand in the way of a relationship simply because my Ex moved on, or was forced to move on. I have been married to my second husband for 15 years now, a marriage that I think will go on until we die. My EX is now into his third marriage, and now what I say to my girls is this. Your dad's new wife is in fact your stepmother, but it isn't the same this time for you. They are 20 now. And yes first SM, and her mom and her dad and her sisters and all their children have special times with "my" kids, and none of them wanted to say goodbye. I say you are all more than welcome because that is what my girls want. Is it hard? You bet you it is hard. It is likely the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. But when you have kids it isn't about you anymore is it.