My son does that as well.

It's just his way of saying "hello" to me.

My friends and I often greet each other that way over the phone, I think nothing of it. But if she's calling a couple times a day, that's what would bother me.

I totally agree with you, Schoolhouse. LOL

Calling a couple of times a day would bug the crap out of me, LOL - there's no one in the world I want to talk to that often.

Yes, I think her greeting is more rude than not. I prefer people to identify themselves when they call. It's taken me years, but I finally trained my sisters to say "Hi, it's xxx". They all sound the same, especially on cellphones, and they get offended if I can't figure out which one it is.

Maybe that's what it is. The end of summer vacay isn't helping either - one more week! I guess I can look at as a way of saying hello. I will pretend I hear that and say hello back.

My family members say hello in varying ways, usually "what's up?" It means the same as hello, so I don't mind it.

But calling several times a day would be very annoying to me.

She is showing that your relationship is special because you are so close you recognize each other's voice and pick up where you left off.
HOWEVER, I'm not a phone person - don't do small talk well, which is a fault of mine and I would not answer the phone everytime. I say email me to everyone. Usually, that is the way my friends want it anyway.

I think you should be grateful to have a friend who cares enough to call, everyone has their own personality. There are probably things about you that don't agree with her either.

I guess it would depend on how close you and your friend are.

Mom and I spoke a number of times over the course of the day, and if she called me in the morning, She'd often just say What's New? instead of Hello. I laughed every time she said it.

I'd give anything, anything to hear "What's new" nowadays.

tee hee, when GS calls, I have caller ID and I answer: Is this my favorite GS calling?

His reply: I surely hope so, as I'm your only one :o)

I think I'm guilty of saying "what ya doing"!
I think/hope I only do this with my daughter, son and JoAnn...I talk with them the most. I've never thought it to be rude because it is my way of saying hi, thinking of you type of thing. Now ya got me thinking?

When ppl call me and begin the conversation with, "What are you doing?" I instantly reply,,,,,"Nunya"

They respond "Nunya??" and I say "Yea, nun ya damn business, now what do you want?"

I wouldn't like it. At least say hi or hello to me first! Even when I call my mother I say "Hi Mom", before proceeding. Think of it this way: would you walk up to someone and just start talking without saying hello or hi first? I wouldn't, and if someone walked up to me and started in, I'd say, before responding to their question, "Hi, Sue!", sort of obviously pointing out that they didn't greet me. Even just a cheerful "Hi!" is courteous.

But - above all that, I'm with those who say they can't imagine wanting to talk to anyone multiple times a day!

I'd be glad just to get the phone call IMHO

Ya know Sherry, I was thinking much the same thing. My mom always said "What are you dong?" instead of hello, I would do about anything to hear that again.

I don't have caller ID and I don't always recognize a person's voice, particularly if they are using a cell phone, so I appreciate it if they identify themselves. I always identify myself, even to my parents.

Well I have a cell phone and so I usually know who's calling. I don't even answer the phone with a hello if I know the person so it doesn't bother me at all if they don't say hello to me. If I'm calling a land line though, I always say hello because I really don't know if they have caller ID or not.

Guess I am different. Because of DH's job before he retired he very seldom answered the phone--I did. I try to always identify myself when I call anyone--the is xxx from PTA or xxx from Bible study etc. If a person does not identify themselves I hang up. When they say Hi Mom--I try to guess which one and I have been to know to hang up. Guess I should get caller ID. If I have to leave a message, I tell who is calling and my phone number. I have had several nurses really thank me for this. But then unless someone is very ill or sick, I do not do everyday calling.

Just glad to have a telephone.

My friends and family can start a conversation any way that they choose. I am happy to hear from all of them. If I do not want to continue talking I just say so.

I have a relative who answers the telephone with "Speak".

Me, too, I am just thankful to get a phone call from family! OR anyone that I know.

My mom and I talk a couple of times a day. She always starts the conversation with "what are you doing?". That's her way of saying hello. I do the same with her, but with my girlfriends I always say "hi" and they do as well.

I used to have a friend that called me 3 -4 times everyday and it was always about the same stuff, plus she was a loud talker. There were times I would have to put a folded towel on the phone so she wouldn't blow out my ear drum.

It's a simple fix. Just get caller ID. It's worth the few dollars a month to not have to put up with annoying people. If you feel like answering her call once on a particular day, then do it, and don't let the way she greets you get you down. After that, there's no need to answer the phone. If she doesn't figure out after a few days that all her calls aren't getting answered, that's her problem

Love caller id

Having a friend who I may have known for years greet me with "hello, this is Sue," when I answer, feels way too formal. I recognize their voices so they don't to introduce themselves.

Sometimes when I see on my caller ID a particular friend is caling, I answer in a funny way. I once answered, "Pete's Pool Hall. Who in the hall ya calling?" "City Morgue. You stab 'em, we slab em" or any number of silly sayings. It's good for a laugh, and works for me and my friends.

My dear sweet cousin calls every couple of months and doesn't identify herself and I don't recognize her voice, for some reason. I always have to ask "who is this?" and she gets a little offended. I've asked her time and again to please identify herself. If DH answers, he gets annoyed, adding hard of hearing to the mix.

Twice a day from ANYONE would drive me up a wall!! We have caller ID on the phones and TV, and I would make much use of my answering machine.

It sounds like your friend is part of the texting generation. With all the new communication modes out there today the rules of polite society are being lost, trashed. Instant communication from thought to type via Facebook, cell phones,twitter, is wiping out "Dear Sue,; Hello, this is Molly is Susie there". You have two choices either chalk her up to "this is just the way she is" and stop taking it personally or invite her over and tell her how you feel, how you are hurt, insulted by her style. Explain how you haven't followed the flow and prefer a bit more distance, formality and less assumption of an on going 24/7 type of communication mind set. Just be prepared to not be understood. The rules are changing and from what I have observed there is no holding back the tide.

We had friends a few years ago,I broke it off very uneasy,First we got along really well then I relized everything we did they were doing,we restored our 1700 farmhouse,they fixed theres ,we buy a car they bought car ,we bought black lab they bought black lab,we went on bus trip together I showed her a ring I wanted, Christmas a few weeks later guess what she got,I bought a camera gardening,horses,goats,chickens the list goes on and on...Every week wed be getting ready to go for dinner shed call lets go for dinner,I just stopped it.Even down to highlights,hair cut scary..

The only people I call are relatives, and I try to call only once a day. When I call, I say "Hello this is Jannie. How are you?" And if I get their answering machine, I leave a brief message saying I called to chat, nothing is wrong.

Good point Jannie. I also say that if I'm calling someone I haven't been in touch with for awhile, 'cause you never know.

I do mostly texting and i'm guilty of not doing a greeting for good friends and family. I just jump right into what I want to say but that's mostly because I don't want to waste extra texts with greetings because sometimes its the difference between one text and two text messages and some people only have a limited amount of texts a month.

Interesting ... when I read the OP's first message, my first thought was that it is most definitely rude, not to mention very annoying, when phone callers don't identify themselves. I always do it, as do all it my friends and family.

Never occurred to me that someone might think it was a sign of closeness to not identify oneself.

Whenever I hear anyone questioning manners like this, I can't help but think there is more going on. I think that if you really enjoyed the communication with this friend, her choice of greeting (which you perceive as a lack of greeting) wouldn't bother you so much. Would you prefer that she not call at all? I don't mean that in a snotty way, but really, is it the greeting or the calls themselves (which are maybe too frequent for your tastes) that are the issue? Or maybe because you asked her to accomodate you and she couldn't do that simple thing even though you expressed it mattered to you?

I always say that. Hello what are you doing? It's your opportunity to say, I'm doing something I'll call you back.

I don't think this is bad manners - she sounds lonely, or very needy. Almost like she's speaking with you in person instead of making a phone call.

We usually let the answering machine screen a call at home and have different ring tones on the cell for those people we'll pick up for. Otherwise it goes to voice mail and we call back.

There is really no reason for anyone to be a slave to an unwelcome caller. If she is a welcome friend, you can choose to limit how many times a day you speak with her.

As for the greeting, you aren't going to change it, so either accept it or stop taking the call.

My nephew always said,"Hey There" I would give anything to hear that one more time.

I would never think of introducing myself on the phone to friends and people I call regularly. At the same time, I do if I'm calling a very senior person, just to make sure they know it's me.

And especially if it's someone who I haven't spoken to in a while.

I think it's a form of closeness, friendship, family etc, that myself, and them as well don't need to state who they are.

I can hardly remember my Mom ever saying It's Mom, or even Hello. It's either Hi there! or What's new, or Hi Sherry! if I call her. We all do have caller id though.

We're probably one of a small minority who don't have caller ID. I hate the guessing game when people don't identify themselves.

My mother routinely calls me between the hours of 8 am and 5 pm. She always starts the conversation with "What are you doing". I always answer the same..."ummm...workin".
She is just checking in because she is bored. If she needs to tell me something she always starts "Sally? It's Mom." (like I dont know, lol)

"Nuthin' ...

... just settin' here ...

... waitin' ...

... for you to call ...

... to ask, ...

... "What are you doing?"

(Optional ..." ... with bated breath ..." in the middle).

ole joyfuelled

I had a 'constant caller' years ago -- a neighbor. She and her DH and kids had moved to my town from another part of the country.

She was lonely. *I* was going mad. She was a terrible housekeeper. I liked things neat and clean.

She called ALL the time and talked FOREVER about NOTHING. This was pre-caller-ID, but it wouldn't have mattered. If I didn't answer, she would probably have come to my HOUSE and SAT THERE TALKING. I guess it really didn't matter, I was tethered to the corded phone in the kitchen anyway.

Looking back, I'm sorry I was too 'nice' to offend her by just hanging up.

I don't think the question was about having to tell the person you're calling your name. I don't always, and people who call me don't always. It's simply about a greeting - such as Hi, Hello, whatever. To me, "What'ch doin'" isn't a greeting.

I think since most people have caller ID or use cell phones, they don't bother to identify themselves anymore. With caller ID and cell phones, you can see who is calling before you pick up.

If I were to call a family member and tell them my name, they'd laugh and say, yeah, I know.

So, I don't think of it as rude or as manners going out the window...it's just a by-product of new tech.

You could answer with frank honesty, but that would make an enemy. The converstation might go like this:

They: "What are you doing?".

You: I'm answering the phone. Some butthead must have randomly dialed it to annoy people. By the way, what are you doing?

oops, my friend Nancy and I do that to each other. Guess we are praticing bad manners..but so does my DIL and I. It is habit..I don't know maybe I better ask around now. Got me a little worried. LOL I know my son and do that also!

Of all the things I have to fret over, something this trivial is not even on my radar screen. It would seem a bit weird to me if someone called and I said "Hello" then THEY said "Hello".

What I think is funny is someone calling my house phone, and when I answer and they ask me if I'm home!

If the kids call and DH answers, they begin by asking " what are you doing"?. His answer always is...."talking to you!".

It seems overly familiar, and it might annoy me a bit. What I find annoying is that every single time I say to my MIL, "Hi, how are you?" She takes that "how are you?" part literally and always starts complaining about her back, her head, her (imaginary) heart problem, because she obsesses about her health *problems*. She has always been like that, so I don't say "how are you?" I just ask her what is new or what she did that day. I know THAT annoys HER! LOL!

I'm one of the minority without Caller ID and no plans to get it as we get very few calls from anyone. I do like them to identify themselves as I so seldom hear from anyone I don't recognize their voices and my two DDs sound just alike on the phone. We probably get less than a couple calls a month on the landline, if that. I usually get several from the DDs on my cell but no one else.

If I'm calling someone I don't know, or don't know very well, I always say, "Hi so-and-so, this is Jenn". But if I'm calling someone I know well and talk to regularly (and know my number is programmed into their phone), I never introduce myself as they already know it's me and would sound kind of weird. We always start conversations with "Hey", "What's up?", "What are you doing?", "Yo".

It's different now with cell phones than it used to be, you don't have to recognized voices like with land lines. I can honestly say I don't think I know anyone without a cell phone, at least that I call. My dad has both, but I always call the cell first.

Wow, problem solved quickly. I have been pretty busy these past few days so when I did get the calls I would say "I am ... so I will have to call you back". This happened about three times in a row and then the fourth and since have been a different greeting. Refreshing. It really wasn't a hint but I guess it turned into one. I have been busy cleaning the house and yard to host a work function (husbands, and yes he did a lot) so I think that is where my bad mood and irritation was coming from. Funny, I only realized it an hour before everyone came. I was all snarky and then I just said "I know whats wrong, everyone hates work functions and now we are personally responsible for boring everyone". Best thing, it was short, sweet and fun.