I have found that if I don't read the book within a few weeks, I forget that I borrowed it until it resurfaces-and then it is embarrassing to return it!
I don't think you need to offer your books.

I'm sure you could borrow it for about a week without the lender worrying about it.
I think a slight problem could arise if they have told you how wonderful the book was but you found it to be at best so-so, at worst a load of badly written tosh. How honest do you have to be when they ask you how you enjoyed it? Do you tell the whole truth or just say "What an interesting/unusual/different story. I must make a note of the author's name."
I'm sure you don't have to lend them your books, just say you do all your reading from the library.

Funny you should mention that, vee, because I am already dealing with that...everyone at work loved Twilight. So far I am underwhelmed - boring story, awkward writing, rather unconvincing heroine - but I feel I must soldier on. Luckily it seems to be a quick read despite the heftiness of the tome.

I find that to be the biggest danger in working in a group of readers! At school, Jodi Pichoult and Mary Higgins Clark are very popular writers. I dislike both. I did once express my opinion of Pichoult, and now, whenever her books come up in the faculty room, someone will turn to me and say "Oh, that's right, you really don't like her. How can you not like her books?" La moment awkward!

When I lend my books to others, if I say, "No rush to return it", that's what I mean. Keep it for weeks, months, as long as it comes back. But perhaps I'm unusual :-)
I have one friend who I am privileged to be on the list of those he will lend to. I say, "privileged", because he is astoundingly uptight about his books (as well as too many other things to list) and prefers them to be in mint condition. Which makes them hard to read. Sometimes it is easier not to borrow from him, and to be honest I only do if there is no other way of reading a particular book, so only once every few years :-). It's not that I'm mean to books, but wearing white gloves and only opening the book a poofteenth is wearing :-)
If I didn't like a book someone else enjoyed, it just "wasn't really me..." :-)

CC, I get the same thing whenever Paulo Coelho is mentioned. The Alchemist is the favourite book of one of my co-workers, whereas I thought it was highly overrated.

Siobhan, my borrowing etiquette depends on who I'm borrowing from. If it's family, I keep the book as long as I want. Anyone else, I try to read it as quickly as possible and return it promptly. I think it's perfectly reasonable to keep a book over the following weekend.

As to lending, I only lend books to three people: my mother, my brother and one good friend, because I know they will handle the books with respect and return them to me.

I always ask the lender of each book how soon he/she wants it back. Then, the issue is clarified up front. I won't borrow a book if I think I might be too rushed in reading it. As for lending, I've learned to lend out only books I do not care much about....

Call this post "The Bibliphile as Curmudgeon".

I don't lend books except to one friend who is a collector like me. I'm not even crazy about parting with any of my books to her but she has been generous about lending to me when absolutely necessary and she respects books as I do. We share a common, obscure interest; hence the lend-lease policy.

I don't lend to anyone else for several reasons. People forget they borrowed them and then can't find them. Then some deny they ever borrowed them. Most of my books are rare, out of print, signed by author etc., and often irreplaceable. A loss is a serious matter.

A lot of people don't know how to handle books. They break open the spine, they leave them folded open on a table, they dog-ear the pages, they use books as coasters, they eat or drink while reading (ok, I do that but it's my book and I'm *very* careful). They stick heavy things in as bookmarks. And some, horrors, write in them. They lend them on to other people. The list of biblio-sins goes on.

Fortunately, not many people share my interests so they don't want to borrow my books anyway. I have learned to stifle my urge to rave about something I am reading lest I hear the dreaded words, "Oh, that sounds good--can I borrow it?"

The kind of books I would lend are books I would not buy but get from the library. I do have a few mysteries around that I've lent to visiting friends/family so careless as to travel without a book.

Does my heartless policy cause problems? Yes. Not long ago, a prickly but significant relative was visiting and wanted to borrow one of my Harry Potters. I offered to buy her her own copy. I offered to buy her the whole blinking set. But she was insulted I would not share my pristine copy, part of my pristine set, which I read as each came out. She refused my offer and it did not add to the bonhomie of the weekend.

Not a pretty confession but truthful.

Like Wood, I always ask the offerer when he/she would like the book back in their hands. If it's "soon", then I usually respond that my TBR pile is so enormous that that is unlikely to happen so I better not borrow it.

But this is a new skill. It wasn't so long ago that I was writing a thread asking for ideas how to handle borrowed books, so I am definitely not an expert by any means.

Who was it that said, "neither a borrower nor a lender be"? Shakespeare? Anyway, that is my philosophy when it comes to books after having books returned to me that looked like they had been read! I don't think I'm exceedingly careful when reading a book but when I've finished reading one it still looks untouched -- and I want them all to stay that way.

Siobhan,

If I am in that situation, I find that if I give updates to the owner of the book, they understand that I am reading their book, am enjoying their book, and have not misplaced it. If, when you say good morning to that particular person, just add a sentence saying that you were up until 11 reading and you're on page 300, or whatever, that helps. As a bookowner, I am more concerned with A) getting my book back and B) that the borrower is taking care of it. If I know that person is in fact reading my book, I am less ansy. Anyway, it works for me.

By the way, I've been known to call friends and ask after my books. So in general, people like you, who care about books, would be the ones I would lend them to in the first place. And I have books that do not leave my house. Period. I don't ask to borrow friends' china, so I politely tell them my antique books or first editions are off limits.

PAM

I definitely have tiers of books-the ones I will swap, the ones I will lend, and the ones that stay at home. It isn't always monetary value that determines which is which-I have trade paperbacks that I finally found to complete a set-they stay home-and hardbacks that I read for bookclub and can go on their merry way whenever the mood takes them.

I once lent my sister in law a book that she lent to a friend of hers and I never got it back. I asked for it several times without success and ended up buying a new copy for myself. From that instance, I decided not to lend books out unless they were books I didn't really care if I got back or not.

We have started a book box at my part time job. If you have a book you no longer care about, place it in the box. Others may feel free to borrow and read these books. But it is firmly understood that these books are not all going to be returned and once you place a book in that box, you are relinquishing ownership. Would this work for you?

And I admit to telling a falsehood now and then... Upon being asked if someone can borrow a book of mine that I do not wish to lend, I have occasionally said that I've promised it to my (75-year-old) aunt next and must mail it to her directly. She is waiting for it. My aunt and I do share many many books. And I regularly mail book boxes to her. It gets me off of the hook, and I do not hurt anyone's feelings.

PAM

I frequently give books away, but I prefer not to lend them. I am genuinely upset when books don't come back, and they usually don't, even if I made a point of saying I wanted them back. I'd rather keep my feelings for people friendly rather than resentful.

The truth is, most people aren't very good about returning books. They honestly don't see what all the fuss is about.

Rosefolly

P.S. Rouan, please say it wasn't me!

I lend paperbacks, but NEVER my pristine first editions...!

Ginny - your "prickly but significant" relative sounds like a nightmare. Some people can twist any statement into a personal insult.

I've always liked the story about Mark Twain; apparently he asked to borrow a book from his neighbour, who said that he could read it, but only in his house. "I make it a rule that books don't leave my library." A few weeks later, the neighbour asked to borrow Twain's lawn-mower. "You are welcome to use it", said Mark Twain, "but I make it a rule that my lawn-mower doesn't leave my garden."

(I have sometimes wondered about that story - when were lawn-mowers invented? The answer, it seems, is about 1830, and in 1874 Beeton's Dictionary of Gardening had a statement that the "lawn-mower was too well-known to need a description". So I guess the story could be easily be true.)

Since Polonius, a notorious windbag, says "neither a borrower nor a lender be", I think Shakespeare indicates that his advice can be ignored.
I don't lend anything out of print or signed, etc., but paperbacks, sure. Popular fiction that I'd read once--please take it away.

Since Twain built his mansion in Hartford in 1874, I'd say that the story could well be true. If not, it should be.