I thought there was a way to cross-post but I am not finding it. Sorry.

While I see how it can be flattering, I can also see how it would be annoying.

I would be annoyed, and likely would not tell her the color. I'd be nice-ish about it and probably say something along the lines of 'Oh you know I have no idea, i'll have to look it up and get back to you' and just leave it at that, if she asks again i'd just say I didn't get a chance to look it up for her etc until she drops it.

While I let my neighbors borrow things here and there, and I really don't mind, I would probably stop letting them borrow stuff if they said why buy it if we can borrow yours etc.

Part I: there’s nothing you can do. You live next to a shameless, lazy copycat. People say this is the sincerest form of flattery, I say baloney! You could give her a similar color and be done with it.

Part II: when they come to borrow, say it’s broken, you need to get a new one. Or say you sold it. After a while, when she notices inconsistencies, she will stop asking.

Neighbor might think that if you lend with a smile, It means you really want them to use it. You also must do some SERIOUS soul searching and decide what’s more important to you: neighborly love or some “cold” distance to prevent intrusions and imposition. Your choice and not optimistic that you can have both. At best, a little of each

I would just say you don't remember the color name or paint brand. The paint can is gone, because you will never repeat the same color again. You like to change things up once and a while.

“No, I would like to keep this color for myself”.

Well, I can see where you'd be upset, but, unless you paid Pantone to develop and patent a color specifically for you, a la Target Red or UPS Brown, there really ain't much you can do. I would definitely not tell her the exact color though, I would let her figure that out on her own. As to the other borrowing of stuff, as BossyVossy said, you need to decide what's important, and also base it on the object. If it's an easily replaceable object, let her borrow, but I also wouldn't be afraid to say, "No, I'm sorry, it was my grandmother's rolling pin and when I lent you my potato masher, I never saw it again, so I have to say no."

I feel for you, really I do. It's not normal behavior to want to be "house twins". If I were in your shoes, I'd ignore her request. If she persists tell her you lost the paint chip or threw it away. You're doing her a favor as the color wouldn't look the same on her house anyway.

Thank you everyone! You are already making me feel better. I have not minded the borrowing of the wheelbarrow, the rake, the spade shovels, tarps, tables for garage sales, extra lawn bags, an egg, etc. The minor list goes on.

But the door color? They know the back story as I explained above and the tears I shed. They didn't ask for exact SW color number but they are choosing such a similar one, it might as well be the same. She proudly showed me the chips.

Last summer I had five yards of mulch delivered and yes they asked if there was any extra, could they have it. No kidding.

I am going to start saying the item they now want to borrow is broke or I don't have it.

I am not trying to be mean but this color on their front door will not look good either. A completely different style of home, different brick.

Most likely I am going to be kind and polite but bring it back up. I might feel foolish but somehow my gut is telling me it is the mature thing to do.

What shameless person- admitting she would rather sponge off of you rather than buy her own things- yikes.

You have a great plan, though I doubt your neighbor will understand the concept of suitability for the color of her door/style of her house versus yours.

I like that idea better, zmith.

I would say I lost the color chip and that is it. Fresh neighbors you have, wow. I would also try to distance yourself so they get the hint.

I think if you have the chance to help her choose a different color, I would do that. Maybe you should say something like, "since we have different brick colors, my door color might not be the best choice. What about XXX paint color? I think it would look great! I know that if I had your brick color, I would choose XXX color."

Kelleg, I tried that in a way but just not strong enough I guess. I said "I love your current door color with your brick and with the new taupe color on the cedar siding, it will really pop even more!" The response, "but I really like the XXX color for the door. Like what you have." I just sulked back to my lot and have let it eat at me for the last three days. I missed my opportunity and was trying to be nice. Too nice I think.

I agree with the suggestion of helping your neighbor find a paint color.

That suggestion aside, here's what you can control: the choice to give or lend information or physical objects to your neighbor. So don't. What you can't control (but can possibly influence): what color they paint their front door.

Last but not least, I think previous commenters are 100% correct that if your neighbor picks a color that looks similar, without the aid of a consultant (or a good bit of natural talent), it will not look as good. And that's not your problem.

Ug. You can at least tell her that you wish she wouldn't because it WILL LOOK STUPID to have twin houses...

Salex, you put the situation in a very good perspective!

Fori, I was hoping you would comment and your current user name is making me smile!

Your neighbors aren't alone in this world in their shamelessness. I like advice columns. Sometimes the letters make you laugh, sometimes cry, and frequently just roll your eyes. There is the "friend" or co-worker who goes out and buys the exact outfit you just bought, the sister-in-law who's outraged because your new baby is named after great-grandpa and that's the name they planed to use in five years or so when they might conceive a son, the neighbors who borrow, but never return, your stuff, the "friends" who show up at dinner time and don't go away - you know those people. I'll bet you could read about the very same folks in advice columns around the world.

If they go ahead and paint their door in a color they think is the same as yours, your only solace will be that theirs will probably be "off" and folks walking or driving by will wonder, "What in the world were they thinking about?" When your friends ask you about it, you can just roll your eyes.

Suzanne, I love advice columns. Carolyn Hax is my favorite. I suspect she would say the same as most of these responses about the inappropriateness of the situation but her final answer would be along the lines of Salex. Control what I can control. I am going to try adopting that philosophy. Since she did not get the clue after my initial, "are you kidding" followed by a gentle steering her toward her very pretty and suitable current door color, I am left with directly telling her my feelings or just letting it go.

Everyone's responses have been very helpful and I truly appreciate them. Thank you.

You know how colors change in combination with the surroundings? I don't think it will be obvious that your neighbor's door is painted the same color as yours. Your door looks good while her door will not.

This issue has come up here a few times before. In one thread I sympathized with the creator but this person was letting the copying affect her life.

Thats the worst outcome imo.

The similar color on her door probably wont be attractive, which will just call attention to how good yours looks.

Don’t be passive-aggressive, dropping “clues”— that’s very immature behavior. If you think it’s right to tell your neighbor that you don’t want her using the same paint color, then why mince words?

How about neighbor’s Immaturity and laziness to ASK for color? While I do agree that saying no or saying you forgot, or that dog ate the formula are silly, I wouldn’t give her my color. I would give her a close match.

it occurred to me this neighbor might have been naughty enough to ask for color, just to watch you cringe.

finally, even if you gave her color, it doesn’t mean it’d look exactly the same. How light reflects on Door is likely not the same as yours, so color would look different, even if you gave her 100% exact formula. Give her an approximate shade, the sooner the better, to get her off your hair.

Tell her your next project will be an 8' privacy fence between your house and hers, and since you plan to paint it the exact color of your door (on her side), she might might want to choose a different color so that she won't have too much blue (or red, or what ever the color). ;)

What, precisely, do you think will be accomplished by telling her not to use your paint color? You already know she lacks boundaries. Will she think you're joking and laugh it off? Will she get offended and become even more difficult to deal with? You really have no recourse if she chooses to use a similar color. Find something important to worry about - You need to let this go.

Really, telling her it looks bad to have two of the same colored house side by side might actually work because it's TRUE.

At least everyone in the area will remember which came first. And we KNOW which one will always look better. :/

I fully understand your feelings on this but you're not going to change her mind. Your house will look lovely; hers will not and most people will never even realize that the door is the same color as hers will look so "wrong". You can't stop her - don't try.

As for the borrowing: my neighbor has no gardening tools at all, as she turned her garage into a family room and would have to store them in her basement - she says it's "too much bother". For a time, we used the same yard man - I had him first. She asked him to borrow tools from me (he owns none but that's okay with me). At first, I allowed him to borrow my rack and large dustpan for getting up leaves. Absolutely no to using my gas-powered leaf blower. I finally got tired having to leave out the rack and dust pan for him when he was working for her and told him that much as I love him, I cannot allow this anymore. I let him tell her. She finally bought a rack and dust pan and has him bring them up from her basement. She's the kind who would borrow my vacuum cleaner forever, if I allowed it!

She later said something to me and I said I'd just decided that in the name of our continuing to have a good relationship as neighbors, I thought it best to follow old Will Shakespeare's quote "Never a borrower or lender be". She said nothing. And no more borrowing.

When we were selling our last house, one of my neighbors asked for all my paint colors in the house. Her sister had come to an open house and wanted the colors. I spent a lot of time and a few re-paintings getting it all to work. I was busy packing up for a major relocation, so the last thing I was going to do was go looking for paint chips. She could have bought the house!!

I would stop lending stuff to your neighbors. Not much you can do about the door color, but I wouldn't hand her the paint color, let her pick it our herself.

I also don't share certain recipes. I have a few family recipes that I like to take to events that are always well received. Nope, not sharing those so you can bring them to the next event. I've had hostesses request I bring one of those recipes and I'm happy to do that.

This is your neighbor, like her or not. She probably thinks she's giving you a compliment and has no clue that her choice to copy you is bad. Or maybe at this point she is getting the idea but is relentless in her pursuit of what she deems the perfect color for her door (as well as yours).

Me? I'd either offer to help her find a color, or as blondelle suggests, tell her you've recently learned the contractor mixed it with a bit of this and that, and it can't be recreated. In this instance, given she lives next door, my preference would be to tell a white lie and keep the peace.

I would say (and I mean this), "Do you really want our houses to look cookie-cutter? If our doors are the same, neither one will stand out." I can help you find a perfect color that complements the colors on my house? Wouldn't that be swell???"

If that doesn't work, just give it to her straight. Just say you put a lot of personal sweat and tears in finding the perfect custom color for you. But since she's right next door, you don't want her to have the same thing. If she lived across town, you wouldn't care at all.

Or...the white lie. Just make sure the people at Sherwin Williams know you don't want to share. She could always go there and ask if they remember your color.

Its too funny how strange can people get in asking that same question of designers here on Houzz. Like if that picture is available to the public, they are entitled to know where every widget was purchased and every color used.

Just give the answer that the designers on Houzz have learned. “It was a custom creation and is not for sale retail”. And then suggest that your neighbor consult with the same sources that you did in your search. “I don’t have a clue what custom color my designer created for me, but ABC, CDE, and XYZ were especially helpful to me when I was searching for how to personalize my home. I wanted something that would work with my individual colors, and that no one else had. I’m sure you want that same type of personal touch to your home.”

The entitlement to know what anyone used to create a lovely result is not due to anyone unless they also pay for the custom result. Which will be different. Because their house is different.

If somebody is so clueless as to ask the paint question, subtleties are not going to register. Give them a close color and be done! No black lies, no white lies, no hints, no reasoning. They will likely be clueless enough not to know the difference, if they use the color you give them.

Tell them you hate the color and think it’s awful. You have plans to repaint next fall. Get distracted and start talking about something completely unrelated as you walk away.

This is an interesting dilemma. The only example I can share is that my sister and I would see it very differently. I have no issue sharing, be it color of door or anything else and my sister is the opposite, she would prefer not to share and hold on to her ideas/creations. Neither one of us is right or wrong, just very different. We are both now in our fifties (unbelievable!!!) and usually know enough so neither one of us crosses our boundaries. My sister would tell me straight up if it seemed I was copying. Maybe you can do that too with your neighbor.

It's your door vs her whole house? Would the color look good on an entire house? Because sometimes it'll look good as an accent and horrible as the main feature, y'know. And I agree with a lot of people on this thread, lie right to her face about not knowing the color or saying it's custom and you don't know the formula. As for sharing in general, I say "buy your own or go without it."

I actually thought this was a joke. It might be time to get a job, a new hobby, or volunteer somewhere. I've lived in my house for 10 years and have no idea what color my neighbors doors are, nor do I care.

I did once have a total stranger knock on my door and ask what color my house was. I gave her the almost empty paint can I had...

Perhaps tell the neighbor that your color consultant was essential in choosing the right color(s) for your home and offer to refer to the consultant. As for borrowing your things, just start saying "Sorry but no because I need mine right now, but I'm pretty sure I saw them on sale at Lowes". She'll eventually get the message.

My only issue is that it makes both houses look bad. Two-doors down? Have at it.

As far as borrowing things, that never works out well for the owner of the item. Either straight up lie and say you don’t own whatever they want to borrow, or just tell them that you have had issues in the past, and you no longer loan anything out. You want a few eggs and a cup of sugar, no problem. Anything over $5, you assume will get broken and you will be the person breaking it. Thanks anyway for the offer.

I have stopped and asked a homeowner for the paint color of their house, but I also tell them that my house is several blocks/miles/towns away. I would never ask a direct neighbor, or someone on my block, what color they used so that I could copy it.

As far as asking a designer on Houzz to share where something was bought ... some of the items are custom, but most are brands listed as "to-the-trade", that are now, with a bit of searching, also available online. Just like realtors used to have a lock on housing information and designers had one on to-the-trade items, that is no longer true for both industries. When I'm browsing photos I will add in any products that I recognize from my visits to the design center and online searches these last few years.

Yes, do shivece's grace and love thing. If that doesn't work, then I'd stand outside watering your flowers, wait for her to start painting and then train the hose on her.

This bothers you and you cannot control the bad behavior of your neighbor. The simplest solution for you is to find another color that works with your trim. There are absolutely other colors just as attractive as the one you've got. Yes you'll be putting in more effort. No you won't be compensated except with the end of this copycat feeling. Repaint your door. Problem solved. Post your colors for suggestions.

I don't... understand. Why is it a problem for your neighbor to have the same door color?