I know how you feel. Someone I have known since we were kids evolved into this complaining, hypocondriac woman.

I could overlook alot of her complaints for a long time but when my own life became stressful I just didn't have the energy anymore to deal with it. I began to realize that at this point, she is now in her sixties, she wasn't going to change - she always managed to blame everyone else for her problems. I have put distance between us though she is always sending me spiritual e-mails which creates a lot of guilt on my part, i.e., why can't I be a more compassionate person.

Life is a constant trade-off. Sometimes friends will be down, and a good friend will help lift their spirits or just be there to listen to them. But when they are constantly looking at the negative aspects of life it starts to poison your relationship

Sounds like you were her one person left that she could tell her complaints to. When you started to try to help her change she didn't want to hear it. Believe me, this is why she has no life to speak of. I had a friend just like her. She bashed everyone and everything. Life is to short to do this.. I finally just stopped calling her. I can tell you life is so much better then having this drama every time I turned around. She doesn't have many friends but can't seem to figure it out it is her.. Just let it ride for a while and see if she calls. If she hasn't changed, then cut the friendship off. Just simply don't call her. When I stopped calling my friend I felt like a load of bricks had been lifted off my shoulders. I do wish her well but I knew I couldn't help her. I wish you the best...

Susie

I also know how you feel. Different circumstances, but it all is gonna end the same.

I feel ya!!!!

Unfortunately that happened to me. There were 3 of us who had been friends for over 15 years but 1 started to become depressed, bitter and downright nasty. She was so unhappy at home, her only child had married and moved far away and she felt lost. She became somewhat reclusive and a hypochondriac. Nothing we said could give her any solace. We stayed friends for a few more years but at one point she started to spread nasty rumors about the third girlfriend. We tried the blunt approach - I guess it was an intervention - and told her outright how she had changed. and how her lies were malicious. We had previously suggested that she see a mental health specialist. We were her only friends she had left. Her husband ignored her and spent her money. Finally after one truly vicious lie my girlfriend called her and told her that we would no longer answer her phone calls.

I felt fortunate in a way that that was the last time I heard from her. I felt somewhat guilty for a while until I finally realized that I could not help her and I didn't have the energy to even listen to her any longer. It was emotionally and physically draining to deal with her.

I hate to tell you this, but even before the trip thing, you were probably one of the people she complained about--to others (the very people she's complained about to you), behind your back. People like that generally (in my experience) complain about everyone in their lives. No one's magically immune.

When we bought this house in the country, several of the lovely neighbors around us warned us about one particular woman (whose property adjoins ours). We told them (and meant it) that we preferred to get along with everyone, and would be pleasant to the woman as long as she'd let us.

She LOVES us--since we're about the only people in the neighborhood who speak to her at all. But, all she does is complain about her children, the neighbors, her lawyer, her boyfriend(s), her house, her life. She stands at our back fence and shouts her tragic life story to us, if we're sitting on the back deck. I don't want to be mean, but it's getting to the point where I do try to avoid her, or look really busy when she turns up. Some of the stuff she tells us (we, who are at best only casual acquaintances) is downright embarrassing to hear. And we suspect that a lot of it is lies, too. We've caught her in a few, and some of the stuff we really have no way of (or interest in) checking.

Life is ever changing--even good friends who are quirk-free often drift apart. There's no reason to feel guilty for letting a little space develop between you and someone who sounds as if they're bordering upon being toxic.

I would be content with the thought that, life is too short to have someone like this, pull you down. She's making herself miserable, no one can change that, but her. So if I were you, I wouldn't think too hard about just moving on. (without her)

My best friend from college drifted away this way. She wasn't negative about everything, but work was *SO* busy and the office politics were *SO* awful and there was really *NOTHING* she could do about it ... well, you know the story.

I think you've done what you can, and it's okay to move on.

Yes, I have. It wasn't that she was so negative but she was always putting me down in some very snide remarks or condesending. I hated to let her go. We both raised koi and waterlilies and I would have loved to have continued the friendship for our common interests, and for a very long time (14 years), I let it roll off my back...and even chuckled to myself about it a lot of the time, but one day, after I moved here, she remarked that she didn't remember how to get here, and I thought, wow...there's my out. I let her go. She used to call me 3 times a day and tell me every intimate detail of her life. I know she counted on me to listen to all of that, but when it came time to be a friend in return, she didn't have time for me. One of the funny things, she was so materialistic and used to brag to me about her wealthy friends. Believe me...I am the hardest person in the world to impress with things like that. Mainly because I just don't care. She told me one time, she wished I "could have more things." LOL! I think that was a curse. I am covered up with "things". And I always had a lot more money than I let on to her that I had. She loved to brag about everything...so I just let her carry on. I missed her in some ways but she was pulling me down.

My mother was that way, and as she got older, her critical ways became more and more cruel. No one was immune, and it was EXHAUSTING to spend any time with her... I couldn't help trying to show her the brighter sides to the people in her life and her environment. So very sad....and it was a lesson I hope to not forget as old age sneaks up on me. Nanny

I had a Doctor tell me if something or someone drags you down, remove them. It is so true. Our next door Neighbour was the biggest gossip and people basher. I was in a store one day and I heard her say something very nasty about me to another lady. I was in the next aisle and she never new I was there. I never said a word, but waited until she came over for tea. I confronted her with what I had overheard and told her that, that was the last time I wanted anything to do with her. I explianed that she had done many things that had upset me and I didn't want her to drag me down anymore. I said "It's over and her times with me would never happen again." She left my house and never bothered me again. I felt like a thousand pounds had been lifted from my shoulders. Now I know what the Dr. meant. Anything in my house that I didn't feel good about was donated to Charity.
Bless that Doctor, he changed my life for the better.
Dolly

yes, I have. I just stopped contacting her. She just
drained me every time I saw or spoke with her. I
couldn't deal with it anymore. she sent a Christmas
card after many years of no contact, i sent her one
wishing her a Merry holiday, and then she started sending
cards and letters and I wasn't going to get sucked back in.
i didn't answer anything and she finally sent one stating
that she wouldn't contact me again if she didn't hear from
me after this note. Even though she had no friends,
no one understood her, ... sorry, kiddo,
but I didn't contact her. I don't even feel guilty.
I don't need the stress, the drama, the energy drain.

Yes, that happened to me, and I moved on without her. I had too much going on to listen to that kind of stuff. It's just a downer and nobody needs that. Move on--you'll be better off.

Yes. I feel really bad for having drifted away but it was for my own good. Sometimes you have to for your own well-being.

Oh heck yeah. I guess I look at friendship differently than a lot of people. Just because I've known someone a long time does not make them a friend. If someone craps on me, they're not my friend. Of course they get chances, but probably my closest friend and I have not spoken for some time. He got into a variation of a cult and I can't, rather won't deal with it. I've given him chance after chance and warning after warning but more of the drivel about politics and probably direct quotes from Fox "News". For a while, I'd prove him wrong and laugh in his face. I asked if he had the opportunity to choose the flavor of the Flavor Aid he's going to drink. I'd reply with videos of his diety du jour and prove him wrong but he'd continue to spout the rhetoric. I suspect much was an enticement to an argument. He loves a good debate. I like an intelligent discussion and don't mind if there's disagreement, that can make for a good debate. But there's limits. I finally had to go no holds barred and then he got all upset, asking why I was attacking him and insulting him. Well, I'm getting off track here, but people change. Interests change. And just because you don't see someone doesn't mean they're not a friend. Life is full of acquaintances, some closer than others and all subject to change.

I think too many people are hung up on having "friends" and/or worry about losing them, rather than having quality, or at least non-toxic relationships with people. Life doesn't have to be a bowl of cherries, you can disagree with a friend and still be friends. But "friend" is more than a word to me.

When I was in my late teens my Mom made a friend that was very negative. She had been married briefly, gotten pregnant, but, her husband left her before her son was born. It wasn't hard to figure out why. Her son was in his early teens at this time. I'd pick David up and we go hiking or fishing just to have an excuse to get him away from his mother for a few hours. I really felt sorry for the kid. No matter what he did it was never good enough. On the other hand, he knew just how to push her buttons, too. David was pretty messed up by his late teens and early twenties. By his mid-twenties he was getting it figured out though. He graduated from college, landed a good job in a field that he enjoyed working in, and was able to move out on his own to get away from his Moms negativity. I was really proud of him. Then he was killed in a car accident. This drove his Mom into an even deeper well of blackness. 30 years later and she is still wallowing around in her pity party. Please don't get me wrong; I'm not belittling the death of a child, but, at some point don't you have to get on with your own life?
To finally answer the question: Yes, my family has very little contact with her anymore. She's just too draining to be around.

Ron

Unfortunately, I do know someone like this. I'm married to him. I tell him all the time how I hate his negative ways. I just go away in MY room. Seems the older he gets the worse IT gets.

Well, I guess I'm not alone with this kind of situation - which is reassuring. I think I will continue to just not reach out to her. If I hear from her fine, if I don't I'm not going to agonize about it. I really haven't been because I've been so busy but DH asks me about it now and then (he knows her well too) and then I wonder if I should be doing something different. You all seem to be unanimously in favor of moving on and not worrying about it.

It happened to me about 6 years ago. I had been friends with this person for 30 years. We had raised our kids together and went antiquing every other week, always gave each other gifts and ate out a lot, not to mention all the phone calls. But she was toxic to everyone... There were periods of time when she didn't speak to her daughter, sisters, and threatened once to push her mother down the steps. She came from a very wealthy family but didn't marry well so she never had a house and the things she grew up with. She was bitter. Filed for divorce five times from husband number 2. She was very impulsive. Threw friends under the bus for the slightest reason. One was too needy, one drank too much, . The final straw for me was she accused me of taking a small item from a yard sale we had years ago. I have a very good memory and there were some old blocks which I gave her five dollars for..It was just too odd for her to bring this up out of the blue when we had the sale so many years before. I knew I had paid her for it , and for her to suggest I didn't was the last straw. I never called her again nor has she called. We occasionally every few years run into each other and speak but that's it. She a toxic mixed up lonely person who has NO friends anymore and I am relieved to be rid of her, although I do miss the early days.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has tried to purge their life of toxic people,
no matter how long you've known them. I used to stay in the relationships because we were related or had a history of years, but no more, it's not worth it.

Good for all of you who have managed to do it !!

I too live with a negative partner...very draining!

I have a "friend" that called me the week after I asked my husband to move out. She was very sincere and caring...
When we were ready to part she asked that if I consider/need help selling my house to give her a call -she is a realtor. ( can you feel the LOVE???) I never once mentioned selling my house and own it still today.
That was 3 years ago and I have not spoken to her since.