Plastic .....welcome back :) Did/does your sister see what she was/is doing is wrong or does she believe her own lies and Bull? In what world is it ok to make yourself feel better by stepping on others. I am having a very hard time with this. Tired of being berated by children who are repeating their mother. Hubby said today we were much happier when she only took them one day a week ... I said yes because it was only one day a week she could poison their minds. Now its constant. Ok so as long as you cheated on your spouse you can infect your children with poison about the spouse? Came to a decision today .... attitude walks in the door I will say " I do not want to hear what your mother says about me to you and I do not want you to repeat it to me ... You have no right to hurt my feelings. Because I am tired of being hurt and angry because of stuff your mother says to you." Conversation last night .... mommy said if you didn't marry daddy we could all live together again .... we have been married for 2 years. Court today.... continued new court date again..... Judge "warned" not to discuss anything related to the proceedings with the children. "it would not be in her best interest". late and rambling will add more tomorrow.

6. Allow each child to pick an activity that they want to do (both bio and SK's) so each has a chance to feel that they are being included in a decision making process. (limit's of course as to what that activity is) If a chart needs to be made so as no arguments arise as to who picked last then so be it. 7. When a decision needs to be made about a family situation both parents bio and SP should consult one another with out the children standing in front of them, then approach together. This shows unity and does not allow children to think that one parent has more "strength" in the marriage then the other. It slowly teaches the children that both parents have equal say so (within reason) about what goes on in the family. 8. When time's of the year are for gift giving occasions, bio family and SP should speak to there families about being fare about gift giving. All to many times bio families tend to give more to there flesh and blood and not so much to the SC. This cause's resentment, and more reason for the child to act out. If for some reason this is an issue (sometimes it is), make arrangements so gifts are given with other children aren't around. 9. I believe it is not only healthy for the bio parent to spend alone bonding time with the child, but also healthy for the SP to do the same. Even if it's just lunch while BP does an errand or washes the car, or something. This shows that the SP is interested in being a part of the SC's life, even without force of the BP.

MMM..i have my skids EOW and these are interesting questions. I also was a stepchild (but due to my mothers death and my father remarrying) So i've been on both fences.. My answers are as follows: As a stepmother, do you ever hold your stepchildren to a higher standard than you do your own children? I do not hold my stepkids higher in standard for the mere fact i did not give birth to them and do not and will never have that 'biomom' connection they have with their mom. My stepmom didnt put me above her kids and i will not put my skids above my child either. The key question here is whether i would put them beneath. The answer is : No. I respect them and care for them because they are my husbands flesh and blood and they are human and i've been where they have been. Being a stepchild doesnt mean you are selfcentered and selfish. That has to do with the raising done by their mother and father and the company they hold as people. I will not put them beneath my child but depending on the circumstance i believe its their fathers and mothers job to do certain things for them. like: 1. open a bank account save money for their school buy them clothes when needed etc..etc.. Do you expect your SKids to be self-sufficient and stand on their own the second they turn 18, yet have adult children who turn to you when they need support or comfort? I expect all of them to be selfsufficient and not be moochers! I will help all of them in the best way i can. I will take my sons care first and my husband can take his kids interests. I will only help if they are sincere and need the help. Same goes with my son...he must need the help with sincerity..i do not like being used by anyone..including my son or husband or anyone. Do you ever (be honest now) feel as if the stepchildren coming for a visit are "intruding" upon your happy life with you and your husband? No i dont feel they are intruding at all. I accept that they come over every second weekend to see their father. Its their right. Who am i to disagree or be unhappy for that. Unfortunately its my husband who feels they intrude! Yes ! shocker to me as well! i've noticed his behaviour is irate and just plain sour when they are over. He sees them as a reminder of his failed marriage. and what he lost materialistically. Do you ever take out your feelings of jealousy or anger over your husband's ex upon your stepchildren? I do not feel jealous of his ex. She's a piece of work and her undoing with her actions will be reflected in her kids. Unfortunate but the damage is already done. Anger...i used to feel angry at her but now i just feel its a waste of energy on my part and she doesnt' deserve the attention. Did i ever take my anger out on the kids? NO WAY ! Respect is the key. It is not right to take out your anger on any child. These kids have suffered enough because of the action of both their parents..they do not need my emotions to burden them. Do you ever wish your ex doesn't have anyone to remind him of his past life with another woman? No i wouldn't wish that. The accumulation of your past makes you the person you are today. We all make mistakes...we learn..hopefully:) Having kids from another marriage is just proof to me that they did love one another and that people changed..that's all. I guess my final question is, do you think that you do anything to contribute to the negative interactions you have with your stepchildren? Nope...because i give respect and demand it as well from anyone around me. If they dont give it to me, the door is open. Or i shut them out of my mind completely. Difficult to do but possible. I mind my business when it comes to my husbands issues with his daughter. I will give my opinion when asked but other than that...its between them and i want nothign to do with it! Lately i noticed an anger building in both skids. It has alot to do with them seeing what i do for my son...and what both their parents do not do for them. I cannot change that...i keep certain things discreet as best as i can so not to rub in salt into their open wounds but as i said before their parents are responsible. I cannot step in and take over. What i do for my child surpasses them because of my upbringing and culture. I save $ for my child , i keep him well clothed and happy. I always think of him. I also think of my skids but must keep it at bay to not insult biomom as well. Its out of respect. If she wishes to raise her children in a certain manner it is her right to do so and i will not interfere.

I don't know about the back CS. I was irate with DH when BM dumped the boy off to begin with and DH didn't press the issue way back then. I'm hoping that DH's atty will do the best she can to at least get DH the past three years in exchange for the next three with BM. To me, that would be fair. As far as SS goes, he's only 12 but emotionally more like an 8-year-old. He is very childish but his parents and grandparents have allowed him to call the shots from the beginning which is part of the problem we've been having since we married. Unfortunately, DH denies it so he's just as much to blame. My parents never allowed my brother or I to dictate what adults did and I don't allow my DD to do it, so this is completely foreign to me. I don't understand how adults let a child who can barely wipe his own butt or who forgets to eat during the day to make such life altering decisions. I want to say "I told you so" to DH but know it's only going to fuel the fire. SS has flat out told DH he doesn't want to do anything here and DH has begrudgingly forced the boy to chip in doing chores while BM doesn't make him do a bloody thing. I know BM doesn't want him but at this point, this is all part of the game that she, SS, and DH play with each other in addition to wanting the CS. SS goes where he's promised the most material goods and the least structure, which she makes good on both promises. After all, she did say that divorcing and CS was easier than working. Unfortunately, I think this is a lost cause since DH refuses to accept responsibility for the situation.