I'm sorry. You did see it coming, but I'm sure that doesn't make it any easier. I feel bad for DH and that he is taking it out on you and everyone else. At age 14, SS is old enough to make that decision, even if it's not in his best interest. It's been a party everyday at BioMom's this summer, hasn't it? Maybe SS will realize that gets old fast once school starts.

I'm sorry about the job, and the possibility of selling your home. I didn't practice divorce law, but can you sue BioMom for back child support in your state?

I don't know about the back CS. I was irate with DH when BM dumped the boy off to begin with and DH didn't press the issue way back then. I'm hoping that DH's atty will do the best she can to at least get DH the past three years in exchange for the next three with BM. To me, that would be fair.

As far as SS goes, he's only 12 but emotionally more like an 8-year-old. He is very childish but his parents and grandparents have allowed him to call the shots from the beginning which is part of the problem we've been having since we married. Unfortunately, DH denies it so he's just as much to blame. My parents never allowed my brother or I to dictate what adults did and I don't allow my DD to do it, so this is completely foreign to me. I don't understand how adults let a child who can barely wipe his own butt or who forgets to eat during the day to make such life altering decisions.

I want to say "I told you so" to DH but know it's only going to fuel the fire. SS has flat out told DH he doesn't want to do anything here and DH has begrudgingly forced the boy to chip in doing chores while BM doesn't make him do a bloody thing. I know BM doesn't want him but at this point, this is all part of the game that she, SS, and DH play with each other in addition to wanting the CS. SS goes where he's promised the most material goods and the least structure, which she makes good on both promises. After all, she did say that divorcing and CS was easier than working.

Unfortunately, I think this is a lost cause since DH refuses to accept responsibility for the situation.

The only way to recoup back support was if she was court ordered... no court order no back support it doesn't count.

Don't worry after a while BM will instill rules and chores or be calling dad to "deal with him" and you can sit back and say "I told ya so" again.

I tell hubby all the time I am like "cleo" remember her... the jamaican fortune teller. :-) ... I can predict the future.

Sell it and get one you can afford on your own. Since his income will be going to support.

"who forgets to eat during the day"

Has he been evaluated by an occupational therapist for sensory issues? My child would do the same thing when she was younger - I would have to call up from work to remind the older kids who were babysitting to feed her, because if they didn't remind her, she would not realize she was hungry. All of my other kids would let me know they were hungry before they could even talk. She was under sensitive to pain as well - if she fell, she wouldn't realize she was hurting for several minutes, if at all, unless it was a bad fall. She also seemed a lot younger than she was.

Now that she is approaching adolescence, she definitely knows when she is hungry. About 100 times a day.

Regarding back child support - I'm not 100% sure about this, but I think that even if there is no court order, if the custodial parent has not waived child support in the agreement, they may still be entitled to go back and sue for support that wasn't paid during the time the children resided with them.

Laurels4U, please check with a lawyer in your state.

When DH gets home from work on Wednesday, he's contacting the atty to see what he should be doing. I can call the child support agency in my town about the back support issue but I'm afraid they'll tell me that DH can't go for it then I'll be in a really, really bad mood.

TOS, SS has ADHD and no one has ever made him take his meds or become responsible. Last year after we married and moved into our home, I was floored when he asked me to make him a can of soup because he didn't know how. SS was 11 at the time. DH claims he knows how to make a lot of stuff for himself and he doesn't understand why SS is acting this way. If you ask me, it's not that he forgets, he's lazy (DH admits this too) and doesn't want to make something for himself because he'll come to me around 4 or 5 o'clock and ask when I'm making dinner because he's hungry. DH began an intake interview with a child psychologist but never took SS back because he refused to ask the BM's permission and the CP wouldn't treat w/o her permission.

cawfe, my therapist also saw this coming based upon what I've told him. Therapist wanted DH to start going to my appts. to make some headway with him but since he's always out of town, DH never made it. Maybe this could've been avoided if the therapist told him, rather than me. Therapist also said, just like you have, that SS will be calling sooner or later asking to come back, at which time, DH has to say "NO." You chose her, live with it.

I know this is going to get worse before it gets better.

It doesn't surprise me that an 11 year old wouldn't know how to make soup. I assume he wouldn't be allowed to use the stove if he has ADHD, but even using the microwave requires that someone older be present in vicinity, in our house. My child who is about that age is just beginning to heat up food for herself. On the other hand, I had one child who was canning fruit by the time she was 12 (not while she was alone in the house, though). No two children are alike, or mature at the same rate.