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I am the mom aka the reforee. please help

20 years ago

I am 36 and a productive professional woman. Have never taken drugs, dont drink, a homebody basically. My parents died when I was 15. I lived with friends until I married at 18. The man I married was abusive, drunk, drugs, cheated... etc you name it. I had 2 children with him and finally divorced him after 13 yrs of hell. At that time I met someone who is 13 yrs older, not abusive, divorced, loves me completely, and loves my daughter, BUT cant get along with my son. In a nutshell, that brings me up to today. My son is now 19 and my daughter is 11. My son saw it all and he is the issue today.. The abuse, the anger, the fights, the neglect on his fathers part. I was the only one there for him. He has the biggest heart of any kid you will ever meet. He has been with the same girl for over a year and he adores her. He dropped out of school and has recently taken his second shot at his GED. He doesnt have any goal in life. He is not abusive to me, nor has he ever been a mean person to anyone. He is just lazy. No tattoes, but he did get his tongue pierced. He smokes cigarettes (we do not smoke). He may drink, he may smoke pot, but it has not ever been an issue and I have never seen him do it. He has had a few jobs. His step father says he is useless and he has no use for him. He will cut the grass but walks right past the trash can and wont bring it up from the curb. He will not empty the dishwasher. He is hardly ever home. I give him $10 pr week to cut the grass and I pay to get his hair cut, and I buy his groceries. My husband says dont buy his food or give him anything. Well I am his mother and I am going to buy food for my child when I get groceries. My ex- doesnt send any support. His girlfriend seems to support him for movies bowling, etc. My husband cant stand to come home and see him laying around after a hard day at work. I agree that he should have a job. My husband is ready to leave me. He is not capable of living on his own yet so putting him out at this point is not an option. Please give me some advice on what to do with these 2 guys. Keep in mind my husband is obsessive compulsive about everything.

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