Oh boy, what to say.

Bobo this is going to turn out to be a very heartbreaking experience for you. You will forever be branded as a pariah and your boyfriend will not be.

This isn't going to get better, this is just going to get worse. While he may never return to his wife your relationship will have too much baggage to be successful.

My advice to you is to break off the relationship immediately and make amends as best you can where you need to.

I'm sure this isn't what you wanted to hear, but this is what I think.

Hi :)

The son is going to blame you, if he isn't already, for his parents marriage breaking up. Expect a long, rocky road ahead of you. Your only option is to back off and let things work out on their own. Pushing yourself on him and into their lives right now is just going to cause resentment. Of course, the boy will be seeing his mother being upset and blaming you, and sorry, but she's right to be doing that.

It IS too early and that little boy has every right to be backing away from you right now. Whether that continues or not is irrelevant. Making choices means accepting the consequences. This is one of them.

My X had an affair with the SO now living with him. People like IMA will emphasize it is Xs fault for affair. My point, it is not only his fault. TOW has shown she does nto have childs best interest at heart and is not to be trusted.

Wow, what a mess.

Your boyfriend is showing an amazing lack of consideration for anyone, by introducing you to his children so soon. Of course, cheating on his wife was an even bigger lack of consideration, but the fact that he is willing to subject his children to this , says a lot.

If I were that 12 year old boy, I would refuse to have anything to do with either of you. You have to understand, the boy is going to see you as the cause for the breakup of his family (which is why, if your boyfriend had been more considerate of your feelings and of his childrens feelings, he would have waited to introduce you). IT seems as if your boyfriend wants to change the rules, and just expects everyone else to live with it.

Dont be surprised if he ends up going back to his wife, or if you were the transitional woman. THe can of worms the two of you have opened by cheating, and then openly forcing it on the kids, is going to be difficult for your relationship to overcome. You have only been together a year, not even long enough for the honeymoon phase to be over.

I suspect that, now that divorce is in progress, and his child is rejecting being near you, that you will end up being kicked to the curb down the road.

Relationships born of affairs, particularly when they are rushed, such as you and your boyfriend are attempting to do, rarely last. Enjoy it while you can, and I hope its worth the pain that you caused those kids.

You will be called many names , homewrecker etc...and you better accept those titles because even though i do understand that there are occasions that people do fall truly in love with one another and they want to be together, they should still do the right thing first.
First: divorce your significant others and do not persue anything with one another until the papers are set in stone. ANd this also includes not meeting ones kids. Cause i think that is a BIG NO NO NO.
Two: Because you have already things set in motion and you met the kids, they will not accept you. His son was nice to you because you were a friend to the family, now he will seeyou as the wedge for his family and frankly dont think things will ever work out in that end.
You are the other woman. The kids will always view you negatively. If you have never met the kids, and your divorces were clean before you started then there would have been a chance in developing a decent relationship depending also of course on the kids and their biomom.
BUt you stepped over the line and now expect things will work out? I think you better realize very fast and very soon, as in today and this very moment that there is a 99.99% chance that it will not work out . You hope that.
Daddy left my mommy because of you. Do you think his kids will ever love you or respect you?
You've made the decision to spend the rest of your life with him. That's fine. But dont count on his kids support or love or respect for you. You've sown your bed for that scenario.
I had friend who hada situation..not an affair. He has a girlfriend and she had a boyfriend. The night they met and fell in love with one another, the very next day they dropped their significant others. But you see, its not the same. They were'nt married, they didn't have kids so it wasn't as committed to me as marriage. But either way, they did the right thing. Before the balls got rolling they stopped the relationship with their others.
So the only advice i can give you is good luck with your relationship with you new love but do not count on his kids support or biomoms understanding. If i was in her place i would feel the sting and hatred of betrayal from the man i married and had 2 children with.
Its good that you encourage him to visit and be part of his kids lives. He should be and should continue to be. But you as an individual to me do not deserve that role and i honestly think as the kids get older and understand will not want to be close withyou either.

Bobo...In the words of Dr. Phil...if they will do it with you, they will do it to you. If you stick with this man, do not be suprised when you are 6 months pregnant with his child and he leaves you for another woman.

Thanks to All of you: good or bad ;-))
Yes, we made a choice, and we are dealing with the consequences. Part of dealing with them is trying to understand. That's why I am here. I won't go into explanations on why they ended up in divorce, or why me and my ex-husband did. What I know for a fact is that the other woman and the other man were not the entire reason, or to be correct to the situation, were just the trigger to put to sleep many years of unhappiness.
Oh well... You were right, the son already knew me, so me meeting him was not forced, but innevitable. The little one I never met. Yet. I know it is hard to give genuine advices to an abominable person as myself, but believe it or not, I am at peace with myself in respect of "comming in between yada yada", I am not going to back away, because I really, maturely love this man. I don't believe that he will leave me too, I don't believe once a cheater, always a cheater, karma and all this things. I have no intention to be the kids' step mom, or best friend, or to have their respect or else. I just want to make with the cards I have in hand, the best deal for everybody: father, kids and myself.
One question: If the father shoud visit the kids. If the kids will never want to have anything to do with me since "i do not deserve that role". The man loves me, dearly. How do you think he would feel when he'll see this? Is he going to be cool with it just because it's his kids? Or is he going to visit them as often? Don't they have something to loose torturing their father?

Bobo this isn't about karma or any of that. Honestly we are genuinely giving you advice it just isn't what you want to hear.

None of us lives in a vaccum and love does not conquer all. As the years go on the practicalities of living and the questionable start to the relationship will become very wearing.

The children are not torturing him if they choose not to ever meet you. There will be many other social forces at work giving you what they see as your dues.

Is there anyone that supports you?

If he wants his children to have a relationship with the woman he loves then he needs to accept it is going to take some time. He must be sensitive to how they feel and not force you on them. Eventually, hopefully, it will be accepted all round that this is just the way things are now - that you are there, he loves you, and no one is going anywhere.

One thing the dad needs to do though is arrange a more accommodating schedule for seeing his children - not seeing them at the mothers house every day, which does not help them adjust to the new situation in any way. They need to have a relationship separate to that environment. Even if that means that when they come to your home, you stay in the background, or even go out somewhere in the beginning. But the situation as it is now with his contact with them is too confusing for children and too open to manipulation on many sides.

I also don't believe that he will necessarily cheat on you. Perhaps it is true in theory, and sure some guys are serial cheaters, but these things don't always go according to the text book, do they.

Expect that the dad may feel some resentment towards you if the children are very against you. He may even wonder if it was worth it, no matter how much he loves you. You will need to make sure you turn towards each other, not away from each other, if and when this happens.

And do the kids have something to lose torturing their father? Don't try apply adult logic to children. When children hurt, they don't understand it or know how to deal with it. They're just little people. Somehow or another, they all grow up in the end and understand things a bit more. It just takes a while ;)

My DD accepts that Dads SO, a TOW, is in relationship. That doesnt mean she respects TOW. My DD will only see her Dad outside of his house (restaurant etc.). As children get older they understand more about adult relationships.

I guess it is hope triumphing over experience when divorced people expect a second marriage to last forever. Children see the inconsistency.

Colleen it's not that you tell me what I don't want to hear. To be honest I would have expected even worse. But if leaving my boyfriend and ceasing the relationship was even an option I wouldn't be writing on forums at the other end of the world trying to do the best I can. Thank you Diva. For keeping it real. So the father will feel some resentment towards me and not his children? I hope I will feel this moment, if it'll be the case. And yes, I do feel that he should try and do other stuff with the kids than just going to their house, visiting for a few hours. I don't impose myself to be involved. My concern is (and I fear the reaction of some ppl here on that) that their mother is running them into a guilt trip, or at least the son. To give an example: the three of us did a some trips together, the kid was feeling very happy, but at home he lied about the fun he had, not about me being present, but about him feeling ok. He said: "yes, we've been eating at mcD all three of us, but I sat away from them, at another table, alone". So, I've read about so many bad things hurt bio moms are doing to their children not with bad intentions. I grant her the right to hate me, and her ex, but could she hate her child so much to do so much wrong to him?

bobo,

I have some questions for you.

Did his kids enter into either one of your minds before just jumping into all this?

Your first post is all about you. Honestly, it is. You want to know how to "invest" in this from the begining and want advice on it, really?

I'd say investing in the begining of a relationship with your partner's kids involves not hurting them emotionally. The 12 year old is old enough to be fully aware of your role in his parents divorce. There is no magic cure if he doesn't want to be around you because of this.

Everyone has an emotional bank. You withdrew way more from this little boys emotional bank than you deposited. And you're the adult!

My advice is don't force yourself. Don't try to pretend everything is okay. Make amends for what you have done and perhaps try out a parenting class to get a feel for what kids go through.

Here is how I see it unfolding. You are going to feel resentment first from having to sit at other tables while supposedly out together. Then your boyfriend is going to feel resentment toward you for not understanding, etc. etc. It will just grow and grow.

I don't think he will ever feel resentment toward his children, but he will eventually resent you for coming between them.

Of course BM is not thrilled about what has transpired.

Not much to add since everyone has said anything I would say, but kkny... it IS the husband's fault he cheated on his pregnant wife. but I was going to add that she doesn't deserve any respect for her part in it. No doubt, when OP met his son, she was introduced as 'my friend' and mom & dad were still together. Now, he's reeling from the divorce and dad's 'friend' wants to be accepted as his new partner and a 12 year old knows better. Perhaps if you had waited until AFTER the divorce to first meet him, he wouldn't know you were TOW. But then again, I'm sure his mom is devastated and he will sympathize and side with her. I know what it's like to be left pregnant/with a baby. Do you think or does he think he did the 'honorable' thing by staying until the baby was born?

BTW, do you have any children from your marriage and if so, how are they dealing with it?

Advice?

Get a mirror out and take a good long hard look at yourself. Think about how many lives have been hurt by yours and your BF's actions. Ask yourself if it is all worth it. Then try to think of a reason this little boy should want to be a part of your life together with his father, while his mother is at home, hurting from this.

I'm disturbed by a few things you say and maybe I'm misreading the intent, but why do YOU need to encourage your BF to see his kids??? Also, buying them stuff is NOT the same as supporting them. When your BF is writing a check out every month, THEN he is supporting them. And if he stops buying them stuff because he has to write out a check, then well, I was going to say he has no character but then I had to chuckle, he CHEATED on his pregnant wife....

Why on earth did he appeal to you??? Whatever your marital problems or his, why would a guy that is leaving his pregnant wife, appeal to you??? My best advice... Don't have kids with him.

Q1: Yes, we did, his thoughts and even mine were towards his kids and how to do it with less damage for them. Probably there is no way not to hurt a child by divorce, and I don't want to be delusional about it: kids suffer in vase of divorce either way it proceeds.
Q2: I never said otherwise. The title says it's about me, and the rest too. Me wanting to make my man happy and his kids less miserable.
Colleeen was asking abt anyone supporting me? What do you mean? Like family and friends? Of course. And my BF is the first.
The emotional hurt was unavoidable. His more than aware of my role especially when his mom spelled it out. Was it in the benefit of the child? I don't think so. Who gains from this game? BM? Naaah! Child? No way, he feels more and more in between his parents in a war.
I like the one with the bank :-)) Thats why I just want to be able to make deposits too. If they are kept away from me, forever... nothing good will come out of it. But I'm not forcing myself, as I already said. I have patience.
There are no classes of that kind in my country, but I am a former SM of my exhusband 5 to 12 years old, so I might know some stuff about kids.

So less damage to them is being introduced to his child while he is still married and pretending to be with said childs mother? The emotional hurt is/was avoidable, by refusing to acknowledge that you are only further hurting these kids and yourself.

His kids less miserable? Are you for real? YOU (and your BF) created the misery. And that's your goal, the kids less miserable. Wow, that's a doozy.

In your case, I don't think any amount of deposits is going to make up what you have withdrawn. There was no security deposit.

How do you know that anything good for the kids will come out of being around you? I assume, you mean, it will be good for you and your BF which was really your intentions all along. What is best for you.

Who gains from this game? Well, you obviously. Everyone else has lost, except BF, who gained you but lost his kids trust and his kids lost having that trust in a parent. NICE.

You state:
"I have no intention to be the kids' step mom, or best friend, or to have their respect or else"
Well that's good because you will not be any of those things to the children, ever. But how can you be at peace with it if you KNOW that your selfishness hurts these children deeply & forever?

"If the kids will never want to have anything to do with me since "i do not deserve that role". The man loves me, dearly. How do you think he would feel when he'll see this? Is he going to be cool with it just because it's his kids? Or is he going to visit them as often? Don't they have something to loose torturing their father? "

Frankly, who cares how their father feels? He obviously isn't concerned about how his children feel. I am sure they are not intentionally torturing him-they are CHILDREN, and as such shouldn't have to deal with such adult things. THey should be protected from their fathers, philandering, poor judgement, affairs and mistresses.

My advice to you would be LEAVE HIM and never subjugate yourself to a man by making yourself the "other woman" again. You are deceivng yourself if you think he will not do it to you someday..

I feel sorry for those children, their mother and you also because I think you are delusional if you think there is any way to justify this or that it will turn out anything but ugly.

I do not feel sorry for your boyfriend AT ALL. He should have divorced prior to dating and starting a relationship and you should have become involved in someone elses marriage, it never, never, never ends up good.

~Cat

Bo it is just that sometimes you are in a "game" that is doomed for disaster right from the start.

And what about your other stepchildren? Are you still involved in their lives? This must be very upsetting for them as well.

Sometimes we can forget that children are new, little people, not adults. Their entire nervous systems and social development skills are affected by these kinds of tumultuous relationships and they carry it around for their entire lives and even into the next generation.

Do you plan to have children with this man? What are your hopes and plans for the future?

Edit to my last sentence above:
I do not feel sorry for your boyfriend AT ALL. He should have divorced prior to dating and starting a relationship and you should have NOT become involved in someone elses marriage, it never, never, never ends up good.

Sorry, not enough coffee yet..

If you want to make his kids less miserable... break it off with their father and encourage him to go back to his family and try to make it work.

He isn't being tortured by his son, he's being tortured by his guilt and the pain he's caused his son, makes him feel guilty.

He wanted an excuse to leave his marriage, his son, & his pregnant wife, & you were right there for him to use.

"LEAVE HIM and never subjugate yourself to a man by making yourself the "other woman" again. You are deceivng yourself if you think he will not do it to you someday."

& he'll tell the next woman that it was all your fault, that you enticed him when his marriage was under stress, that his children could see right through you even though he couldn't, etc etc etc.

&, just like you, she'll believe every word.

Maybe there are some special circumstances we don't understand, and you and your BF are incredibly in love, and are ready to trot off into the sunset together.

But at what cost? It sounds like there are to be three "sets" of children wounded by this relationship:

- BF's kids
- your "former" step-kids
_ potential children you would have with BF (these kids will eventually know your story. And if this relationship DOES work out, your BF's kids may have a truely hard time having a relationship with their half-siblings.)

I worry about these children who are seeing a rotating set of parental figures come and go in their lives.

There's no good advice here, but if you and BF are hell-bent on staying together, please back off the kids. And for the love of god do not make any more babies together!!

Boboems-

I really do hate to further rain on the parade but I have to agree with the other posters.
Second marriages are really hard to make work because you have to factor in the pre-existing children and then there is ALWAYS the dreaded Ex factor. Alot of people can not adjust to the blended family life and sometimes the bonds with the children just never happens. It's sad but it's true.

If you start out right off on the wrong foot (and you guys did) it's going to make it even harder on you. The kid is NOT going to like you. He won't blame his father even though I hold him moraly TWICE as responsible since he betrayed not only his wife but also his child. Kid's hardly ever blame the parent involved in affairs...neither does the Ex spouse. It's always the TOW or TOM's fault.

It is not going to be easy for you and realistically you should have seen this coming. Being 12 the son KNOWS what went on. Don't expect the son the except you into the family anytime soon. He may not ever and seriously how can you blame him? The best you can hope for is to be treated decently by the child.

I also fully agree with IMA, Dad is a "guilty parent" because of what he has put his son through and if youre expecting dad to stick up for you anytime in the future where his son is concerned you can forget it. This is all consequences of affairs...it's no good for anyone involved.

Another thing to look at is patterns in your own life. Given the ages of your stepchildren something similar must have occured with your ex.

Patterns of behavior are very revealing.

One thing to remember ... it's done. Done Done Done. Everyone can attack the OP as much as they want, and I can guarantee that just about all of it will be 100% justified, but it's done now.

NOW she has to figure out where to go from here. She screwed up. They both did. No arguments there. If I was the BM I would be feeling very betrayed, hurt, devastated - insert whatever you like here, it's all valid.

But let's help this woman at least try make some sort of peaceful ending to this whole sorry mess, okay?

To be honest, I don't think she has much of a chance of having a peaceful ending to the whole sorry mess, unless she starts over with someone new who is single.

I don't see a peaceful ending, well maybe for her and she was very clear that the post is about her and making her man happy.

There is so many problems in your relationship.

Starting with the cheating and deceit. Usually "once a cheater, always a cheater". My mom cheated on my stepdad, who raised me from 1-13. Left him for TOM and I of course had to move in with them. I HATED THEM BOTH for it. Took years for me to even be nice to her new man. Then she cheated on him! They were fighting all the time about it so I moved in with my dad to get away from them. I am much closer to my biodad and first stepdad than my mom because of it. Cheating effects the children most.

As for his children, you need to encourage that relationship and put your feelings aside. They are the most important people in the situation. Do not push your way into a relationship with the children. Do realize that your relationship started in a way which will make it hard to move forward into a "normal" second marriage.

if there is no children involved I would refrain from being too judgemental about why people cheat...but when children are involved it scars them for life.

My DD's brother gets along with his SM but he tells DD: it is all her fault that dad left mom. So I wonder that even though he gets along with her now, who knows if he will turn against her when he is grown. Plus BM (my X's 2nd wife) poisons him big time telling him to not talk to SM, do not go places wiht her, she made your dad to cheat, your dad is a cheater etc etc. It is potentially messy situation and the only solution is to get out.

They will never respect you. In their mind you destroyed their family and ruined their childhood with your adultery. They may in time forgive their father as he is their father, but they will always view you in a poor light.

Other posters are right, only thing that may heal the wounds is time, but there will always be scar tissue.

The only thing worse than "ordinary" cheating is cheating when the wife is pregnant (or undergoing chemo).

You know how, in prisons, child abusers must live in fear for their lives because they are considered the lowest of the low by the "ordinary" criminals who merely held up a bank or two?

Well, cheating when the wife if pregnant is analogous to this. Not only is it beyond morally reprehensible, but STD's, quite possibly present but undiagnosed, can put the baby's life in danger. Why would you even want to have sex with a man whose child was growing in his wife's womb?

There is no peaceful ending to this scenario.

TOS, I like the jail house analogy. That works for me.

I will agree with barefoot - the damage has been done. We can berate Op as much as we want - and we pretty much all want - but to what end?

At this point, truly, there is no remedy. There may never be no remedy. There are some scars that can not fade. At 12 there is no fooling the son, and the baby will be raised knowing just who and what you are. Unless these kids are the most understanding, forgiving and selfless children in the world, they will resent you. Perhaps one day they will learn to co-exist with you, but you will forever represent all they had and lost.

I honestly have no advice for you, as I can't begin to think of what will make anything here better. I know from experience that once selfish is always selfish, and your actions have shown that your wants come before anyone elses.

I can honestly say that type of behavior when children are involved makes me physically ill.

the only remedy is for OP to leave this relationship. even though damage to children is done, it will be more if she stays. And i agree about cheating on a pregnant woman. This is gross. If OP knew that BF's wife is pregnant, then it is twice as gross.

Boboems:

Since you asked, here's one more opinion. I certainly am not going to judge you nor your lover's morals, however, I do think the two of you created an enormous disaster for all involved. Certainly neither of you thought about the far reaching consequences of your collective actions. What's done is done and now you really need to think about what the future could possibly hold. I normally think it gets a little silly on this site when people start coming up with off-the-wall scenarios, but because of a statement you made, I think this merits one.

You state:
"I have no intention to be the kids' step mom, or best friend, or to have their respect or else"

That's fine. Let's just pretend that something tragic happens to BM and your boyfriend now has sole custody of his children. We know your position on being a SM or friend or else, BUT WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Would you bail? Will you be jealous when his children require his undivided attention (because they will repeatedly need it)? Will you be content to sit two tables away at a McD's because those kids despise you for ruining their lives.

You also state:

"If the kids will never want to have anything to do with me since "i do not deserve that role". The man loves me, dearly. How do you think he would feel when he'll see this? Is he going to be cool with it just because it's his kids? Or is he going to visit them as often? Don't they have something to loose torturing their father? "

That's right. These kids will certainly never want to have anything to do with you. You will most likely be the one to absorb ALL of the blame for this situation, even though you didn't act alone, as I doubt their father will tell them he was at fault too.

Who knows how he will feel by the way you are treated?

Let's just say that he doesn't like the way that they treat you. Do you honestly believe that he will actually feel justified to tell them that you deserve better treatment. I doubt it. I also assume from that statement that you sort of believe and expect that he should not visit them as often if they are disrespectful to you. Is it right to punish these innocent children on the moral ground of respect? If this man does have a shred of decency to him, he "will be cool with it". As far as torturing their dad and them having something to lose - THEY HAVE ALREADY LOST THE THING THAT MEANS THE MOST TO THEM, THE SECURITY OF THEIR FAMILY.

Sorry for sounding so harsh, but one of you needs to do some damage control and end this mess. It's a no win situation and it will probably be no more than years of grief for all of you.

"One question: If the father shoud visit the kids. If the kids will never want to have anything to do with me since "i do not deserve that role". The man loves me, dearly. How do you think he would feel when he'll see this? Is he going to be cool with it just because it's his kids? Or is he going to visit them as often? Don't they have something to loose torturing their father? "

Bobo,

Do not under any circumstance sugar coat this for your husband. NOT at all! If his kids do not want to see him because he destroyed their sense of family and security because he fell in love with another woman and left their mother, its their right. He is fully 100% responsible and so are you for this relationship that you have done for yourselves.
Do not place the blame on the kids and turn it around and say they are torturing their father.
1. They're father left them for you
2. You maybe fine with that they will not have contact with you.
3. If they want to hate their father for it, they have every damn right to do so
4. How will he feel? Since when does his feelings come into consideration when he did not consider the feelings of his kids and wife at the time when he started something with you????
Like i personally stated before. You both should have not started something until the paper work was done. You are humans not animals that you cannot control your urges to do the right thing for not only yourselves but for others involves. His kids and your married partners at the time
You've sown your bed together so dont start viewing this as torture for your new boyfriend from his kids. Your boyfriend went down the path of deception and betrayal and if his kids never want anything to do with him or his love, they have the right for what he has done to them.
Dont make your boyfriend look innocent. Dont sugar coat his actions and then turn about saying you accept being waht you are.
The description that most people are saying also includes your husband and his character by his actions.
So bottom line, his kids were tortured by him. Not the other way around.
GEt your story straight and dont defend your relationship by twisting it and turning it about on hurt feelings and using these children.
Both of you are adults and you will be held accountable for both your actions in how you went about this.
Do not cry wolf and stop sugar coating your cheating boyfriends actions.
He may love you sincerely. doesn't mean he wont change his mind. Doesn't mean the love he has for his kids will excuse his actions for what he as done to them to be with you.

Girl I was in your shoes not too long ago!! lol
Me and my husband were in a relationship way before either one of us were legally divorced or seperated. For a long time I worried that it was not going to work out because he wanted wait till she left because he did not want to lose his kids! well fast forward 8 years we are now married raising his 3 kids my 2 kids and our new grandson!! if you really want to stand by your man I suggest standing up for what you belive is good for the both of you and don't let the ex run the show. Sure the kids might resent you for a while at first but if you are loving and caring to them it will turn around. But you do have to be paitient!!! its was a hard road but in the end if he is the man you think he is he will do whatever he can to show you how much he loves you. Mine did and we couldn't be happier. Granted we do have the normal ups and downs but nothing we can't over come. Our motto is best friends first. No matter what.

Uh Oh.....Standing down......

Well this is a doozy!

Considering that you did not ask us what we thought of your and your bf's actions I will leave that out, besides it appears there have already been some opinions given that I tend to agree with.

I first want to say that you have to understand that your bf's son is 12. Therefore, he is old enough to understand a lot of what is going on and it may have nothing to do with his mom. IF his mom has not said anything bad about you it is still very possible, if not probable, that he would have these feelings about you anyway. It is hard for kids to watch their parents split and they will often have sour feelings for the first person their parents move on with. You seem to have a few things against you in building a relationship with your bf's son. 1. You are factor in his parent's split so there is going to be an amazing amount of bad feelings towards you from him. 2. He is older and understands what is happening. 3. Yeah the BM may very well be saying negative things about you and even if she is not he sees that she is torn up about it and you are naturally who he will blame.

If you really want your relationship to work you should probably go for some counseling. I mean, lets be honest blended families start out with their share of obstacles from the start. If you add in that there is an older child that knows the situation and is angry you have a really big uphill battle on your hands. I have no idea how you and your bf can make ammends to the children for what has been done or how you can try to fit into the kids' life, in the eventual sense, you have a lot of cards stacked against you and it is going to take time, patience, and understanding to be a family with this man. I would definitely consider counseling.

boboems wrote: "I need to invest in this from the very begining, and I want to do so. How should I proceed with this, any advice, please?"

yes, there is something you can do, U CAN ROT IN H3LL! And be sure to take that worthless BF you desire with you!

Nothing anyone has to say will matter to your type because as a cold hearted self center witch, you care only for yourself. May the pain you two have cause to all those close to you haunt you both for eternity. Of course you have no feelings so this curse will be moot.