been there, done that, paid for everybody's tee shirts.

He's using you like a kleenex.
When you're too worn out to perform your function, he'll throw you away...

unless, as Colleen said, he needs you more than you need him, such as if he has a stroke.

Colleen's advice is on the button.

I think that your husband needs a wake up call about your relationship. The best way to do this is to take a weekend or week long trip by yourself without giving him a lot of details in advance. This will be your first step in asserting your independence.

For a while, you need to treat him like he has treated you. Act like you don't care what he does, as long as you have a chance to truly enjoy yourself without him. Become hard to reach while you are away and just tell him you don't know exactly what time you will be home. Come home late.

If this guy is too dense to get the message and make some changes, then he's hopeless. He married you for the wrong reasons. You have to be his first priority now, and 3/4 weekends with his adult kids are far too much.

He's practicing relationship avoidance, and he's not likely to change, unfortunately. You are the adult in this relationship, so have your exit strategy well-planned.

I think that giving him a taste of his own medicine is what this jerk deserves. Maybe then he will realize his mistake.

I can understand how you are feeling. I have three adult stepchildren that constantly have issues that only "Dad" can resolve. Their mother is worthless so who do they run too? We have no privacy or very little time alone and when we do, the phone rings constantly. I am in the same boat, maybe not as severe, but I sympathize with you. Tell how you feel and give him time to work on it, no result, cut your losses and leave. You have tried.

My goodness - did I read this correctly - that his adult son shared a hotel room with you and your DH on a "romantic" getaway? I would have liked to have seen your reaction to this?! It sounds as though, unfortunately, your DH is as dependent on his children as they are on him. What does he SAY when you talk about your need to spend time as a *couple* without his adult children? I am an adult stepdaughter, and although I enjoy spending time with my dad and SM I would *never* presume to intrude upon every one of their vacations - and neither of them would stand for it, either. I am sorry you are going through this. I am a firm believer in the saying "We teach people how to treat us." This is not to blame you, but to empower you - it's time to open a different lesson book. If this is intolerable, and his only response is to preserve the status quo, you have a difficult decision to make.

No, the son in the room during a "romantic getaway" would of been the final straw.

It's cool that he has a tight relationship with his children but HELLO...you have needs too. You need to make your feeling known loud and clear. Norcal is right when she said "you have a difficult decision to make".

Just because you are not the mother of his children does not been you are a lower life form. You are a human being with feelings and emotional needs. If he can't understand this you may want to decide why you are with him.

I wonder why these grown up men want to spend all their free time with their dad. Don't they have their age friends or girlfriends? And if they do not have any friends, why don't they spend time making some connections so they can have friends? it is not healthy to spned all of their time wiht dad. if your DH enjoys their compnay better, then maybe as sick as it sounds he should live with their sons not with you.

I also suggest that if you do not feel ready to leave, then take weekend trips by yourself, go see your kids or go wiht girlfiends or go with your skuba diving group or by yourself. 3 weekends out of 4. see how he reacts to it.

What about asking him straight out how much time he thinks he should be spending with his kids versus with you? Tell him you feel like things have gotten out of balance, and that while you certainly don't want to "tie him down", you don't want to be left home alone all the time either.

So what does he think is fair? If his suggestion is one you think you can live with, haul out a calandar and mark off "your" weekends.

Do I honestly think this will work?
Actually, no. I suspect there's some "relationship avoidance" going on, as an earlier poster so astutely mentioned.
But even if it doesn't work, it's certainly worth a try -- if only to illustrate his reluctance. It'll give you a good starting point for marriage counseling...

"When I have complained, he told me I needed to find friends to do things with..."

It seems to me, Artsielady, you have attempted to discuss your wants and needs with this fellow and he has given you his solution for your problem.

After my first husband died, the first man I seriously dated agreed we would tell each other if we were becoming disenchanted with some facet of our relationship...to give ourselves the opportunity to modify our behavior to address the needs/wants of the other...well, after a year or so, I was not happy with some things and had approached him on several occasions in an effort to discuss issues of concern. One time, I made the mistake of dropping by his home during the telecast of a NASCAR race. I told him I really wanted to try to sort through some things with him and his response was to suggest I needed to find someone I could "chat" with. He was not suggesting I find an online friend; he was making a condescending remark about my relationship with my first husband (I am & he was a mental health professional)...

I took him seriously and decided to be open to other relationships...within a few months, I met the man to whom I have been married for nearly 11 years. He did me a huge favor when he made his mean, hurtful remark.

I don't know if your DH suddenly began spending 75%+ of his time with his children only after you married; if so, perhaps you are a victim of "bait & switch." If your DH's behavior is nothing new & you simply hoped things would be different & his choices would change once you married (making you higher on his priority list), well, then, you may be a victim of your own naivete.....

Either way, I hope you and your husband find a way to discuss your wants and needs; that these discussions between you are based in mutual concern and respect; and that you find your way to accommodating one another in a way that satisfies you both.

Unfortunately, you have become a victim of what happens in too many marriages.

You are now the figure in the wax museum of your husband's life. He did everything to get you there, and you probably had the time of your life for a while. Then he found just the right spot for you, and this is where you are supposed to stay while he goes out and has a life.

As with any wax figure, he's not going to care about your feelings or make any plans to do things with you.
If he does anything with you, it will be at your insistence, and he will do it grudgingly. Then it will be back to his regular routine without you.

Contact a good attorney about filing for a divorce. Then have him served with papers during one of his weekend getaways.

You don't have to live in the museum the rest of your life.

I have about the same problem but it's not quit as bad, mine has an only son

I was told a man thinks of his woman in the bedroom but needs to think of her in all rooms or parts of his life because if he doesn't. It distorys the intamacy that he has with this woman, wife of girlfriend

Dad is probably finding all these trips no doubt and there's probably drinking and young girls involved

Maybe the wife should make s surprise visit to one of these destinations where Dad and his brood are living the high life and just see what is going on.

At this point the situation could be completely changed as 9 years have elapsed.

I liked the suggestion of having a divorce notice sent to him while he was with the sons.