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Husband's cancer and I don't want his kids around my kids.

9 years ago

Hello everyone. I have posted here before about my husband's 2 adult stepdaughters and the huge drama that ensued regarding them.

A short recap, younger SD secretly dating a man 2x her age while underage living in our house and her nasty and vengeful treatment of me because I told her father to take a closer look after I "caught them in the act" and older SD who steals from us every chance she can get and nothing but lies come out of her mouth. A huge blowup over past issues and insults and the subsequent blocking of contact from them to us.

Now let's return to current events. Last December my Husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lymphoma. I was pregnant with my new son and we were trying to find a new place to live and weren't having much luck. So he feels like it's the "right thing to do" to contact his kids to tell them of his diagnosis. Since we do not have means to contact his youngest who is living with said boyfriend now, he calls his oldest to let her know and ask her to pass it along. She says that she refuses to tell other daughter and acts as if she doesn't care that her Father has advanced stage cancer. Now I really am not all that surprised but I know that hurt his feelings. He called her the day our new son was born and the same attitude was reflected. Again I am not surprised but it was another blow to his feelings. Husband has been going through Chemotherapy since March and is doing SPECTACULARLY by the way. Hardly any side effects and Cancer nearly in remission. All this time, no calls, no letters or cards. No contact at all from his daughters and frankly I am glad, he does NOT need their stress and negativity sabotaging his recovery. I know the only reason they will contact us now is if they want or need something and I will laugh in their faces at that point and so will my husband because he is just sick and tired of their behavior and attitude. He says they grew up to be their mother. (one
of the most nasty and selfish people I have ever met).

But anyway, life has evened out significantly since all of this. Wee man is almost 6 months old and Husband is back in college and is working weekends while I watch the kids. I however find myself occasionally brooding about the past in regards to them and worrying about the next time contact is made. I am terrible with confrontation and am afraid that I will lose control and make a fool out of myself not to mention the huge amount of stress that I and my husband will have to endure if that happens. I am working on getting with a counselor for my issues, which didn't start with them, to help me with other confrontational situations that life throws out but for now I have to deal.
Now here is the thing with my kids. When my oldest daughter who is now almost 3 was a baby, Husband's oldest daugher doted on her and loved to spend time and babysit her. Now nothing... now that we have another baby, nothing... and given how his daughters behave, I really don't want them as examples for my two kids to follow. I really don't know what I will do if one or both of husband's daughters show up in the future expecting to have a relationship with my kids but I have a strong gut feeling against it. I don't want them growing up thinking it's OK to lie casually about most everything, be manipulative and steal to get what they want. I really doubt they will ever change because that is how their mother is and she is 40 and acts the same way. The only bright spot is I know my husband will support me because he doesn't want these kids to turn out like his previous ones. He has said that maybe he can do it right this time. I really hope so.

Thank you for listening to the rant.

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