First, I am glad your husband is doing better.

I think you should just focus on your husband and small children. Your husband should reach out to his daughters as he feels necessary. They are all his children equally. If he wants them in his life then you will have to find a way to bear with it.

I would strongly advise against comparing your SDs to their mom. Your opinion may not be shared by others and it will not serve you well in the end.

You and your husband must be the example for your children. We all have people in our lives that do not set a good example for any one but our behavior around them can be a wonderful learning tool for little ones. Remember it is possible that the SDs will adore their little siblings but do not want to be around you. That does not mean they should have visitation without you or your husband.

Have your husband call his daughters. Do not stand over his shoulder while he does it. If any thing I think this is a lesson in life is too short.

Hi mom-of-all-trades, thank you for the well wishes regarding my husband. A few things however I believe you misunderstood about my position in all of this. He is free and clear to spend as much time with them as he wants to, they are the ones who cut contact with us when he told them to stop lying all the time and stealing from us. They blocked us on facebook and the youngest has moved away and never let us know her contact info. The oldest refuses to tell us when asked. Husband has already extended the olive branch as it were twice without success. The ball is in their court...
The youngest never really wanted anything to do with her half siblings and is so far gone in her relationship with her father that he doubts she will ever make contact again. (long story).
The oldest still lives with her mother and her mother decided that she doesn't like me because I helped my husband not be a doormat to her and the demands for money that she would have just pissed away for herself (he wasn't required to pay child support and they are both over 18) and guilt she still tried to lay upon him regarding his older children. His oldest seems to have learned how to behave from her mother regarding the stealing, lying and manipulating.
I didn't really have a problem with her spending time with my daughter until I started noticing things missing from my house. She even stole a pair of my husband's shoes. New ones that he just bought. Stealing not just from him, but from me as well. When confronted about it, lying and acting outraged at even being accused even though some of the stuff later appeared in her house.
This is not the type of person either me or my husband want in our house regardless if she is his daughter. If she ever realizes that she needs to clean up her act and be honest and not steal, then she will be welcome again. And she has been told this. She isn't only hurting us, she is hurting her half-siblings with every item she takes that we have to replace.
I have made it clear that I value honesty highly and at this point it is too hard for her to accept. We will see what happens in the future but like I said, I have a strong gut feeling that it will not.

Regards
NadineV
PS, there is a lot more information about what led to this situation in my two previous posts if anyone is interested.

Don't worry about not wanting his kids there. If he wants to see them that is different. My husband had surgery and he told me not to tell his kids. He did not want them there. They talk to each other and laugh which wakes him up and they are adults. By pass surgery is a serious thing and he didn't want them there so I keep them out. I told them of the restrictions in CICU and his daughter's friend has worked in the medical field and she got her in. Later the friend mention it and I said, "her dad did not want any of his kids here". I got an apology from the friend.