Husbands Health and his kids.

18 years ago

This is the first time I have posted here. Been reading alot and have recieved some great info, but really need someones advice or opinion on this.

I have been married to my Husband for soon to be 6yrs. He has 3 grown children from his first marriage and I have 2 kids still at home from my first marriage.

The last 8 years or so have been ruff, as far as everyone finding their place. Somethings I still dont agree with as Im sure there are things they may not agree with.

My main issue is this....

In July my DH went to the ER with blood in his urine, we found out that night he has Kidney Cancer, and the kidney was removed 2 days later. This hit us all like a ton of bricks. He has his surgery and 1 on his children made it to the hospital to be there. The other 2 came up the day he got out of the hospital, and brought their Mom with them. Bothered me a bit, but I understand she loved him at one time and they have children together.

In late Aug. early Sept.,nodules were found on my husband lower left lobe of his lung. The kidney cancer was out and had spread to the lung, and the lower lobe had to be removed.

That was removed in Oct. None of his children showed up or called to see how their father was, if he came out of surgery nothing.

His surgery was on the 11th of Oct. he came home on the 15th and today is the 20th of Nov. and his kids have not one time came to see him. I understand they are grown and have lives of their own. But isnt this a bit much?

They have made me feel like I am such a bad person and I have been called everything by these grown children, but I have given them no reason to ever think they should or could not be around or call about their father during this battle he is facing at this time.

I am so hurt for him. It breaks my heart. I dont like the thoughts of my husband hurting anymore then he has to.

The one time that his oldest daughter called, she needed money so she could get her methadone, because she is addicted to pain meds. Well she had her mom call and ask my husband for the money. He had been out of the hospital for maybe a week or so, he was still sleeping in a hospital bed in my dinning room, and he had to go out at 4:00 in the morining to give her the money.

I just need to see what someone else would think?

Thanks for reading

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Comments (2)

imamommy
18 years ago
My heart goes out to you. My dad married my step mom 20+ years ago and about ten years ago, she suffered a brain aneurysm. She survived but has never regained consciousness, she's been in a persistent vegetative state (fed through a tube & breathes with a trach) She also has three children that don't see her. Her daughter took care of her for two years because my dad moved out of their house and allowed her family to move in rent free & paid her $2000.00 a month to take care of her own mom. After two years, she quit and my dad took over. To add insult to injury, all of her kids joined together last year to file a lawsuit against my dad to make him account for their mom's money. They are worried about an inheritance (and consider my dad's business, community property. It's not since he inherited it from my grandfather.) When he proved to the court that all of her income goes to her care (and her savings were depleted years ago) and he actually spends over $2000 per month of his income on her care, they all went away. None of them even calls or visits now. My daughter and I take care of my step mom while my dad works. (and my dad was extremely hurt that his step daughter would abandon ship because he was closer to her and treated her like a daughter, even before they were married.)

I don't know why children would abandon a parent like that except that they are selfish. They are teaching their children, through their actions, how they should treat them when they are old or get sick. It's very sad and your husband is lucky to have a loving wife. I hope he has a will.
plasticgarden
18 years ago
My heart also goes out to you...I really hope your husband will get better!
I agree with imamommy.It does sound as if the children are just being selfish here.Of course you dont want him hurting anymore then he already is.
I guess if it was me,I'd probably end up saying something to his kids.You know like,
"Your dad doesnt need any stress right now,so please try not to ask for anything or stress him in any way unless you have to.And it would really make him happy if you asked how he was doing and came to visit".
If it were my husband I'd want to protect him too.Whether it would be right or wrong,or even my place to say those things,I'm not sure I'd be able to hold back emotionally.
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Husbands Health and his kids.

Comments (2)

imamommy

plasticgarden

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