There is some info I would like to know, how old is SD? How long ago did BM pass away?

Regardless, if she wishes to live with her Grandparents, then so be it. I know it is hard, my husband is very conscience of how his kids view him but keeping a child from moving with other family members is a recipe for disaster, so long as the other family members she wishes to live with are decent.

Teens can make your life miserable if they so choose. She can begin to act out in enumerous ways, which then of course would negatively affect your relations with her, as well as your husbands relations with her. Let her move on, your husband cannot rehabilitate his position with her at this point since he is in jail. Make sure he still writes/calls/visits basically keeps in contact with her over the long hall so they can build a better relationship over time. Making her stay so her Dad can rehabilitate himself in her eyes just might make things worse.

Let her move, but stay in close contact, IMO.

SD is going to be 17 in November. BM died 2 years ago in February. Grandparents are okay. they drink a little more than I find normal and SD is only grandchild so she gets to do a lot more than we allow here. Example- staying out late, staying over at friends house with boys when parents are not home. The only reason the latter is important is because she informed us of her desire to drink, smoke, do illegal drugs that were brought to this friends home and she manipulated the situation by lying to grandparents but told us the truth after the fact. Grandma allows her to "sip" on new wines she has purchased. I am torn because she needs stability and I feel like she might spiral out of control if she is not mentally mature. BM died of drug overdose. I want what is best for her and she has the opportuniy to attend a really great school there and her grandparents will finacially care for her. I have been used to having two paychecks but under the circumstance I am supporting 4 children all together by myself. My other children are from a previous marriage and my youngest is with my husband now. I receive child support for 2 kids, none for 1, and Social Security for SD but cannot use all for bills. Any help and words of encouragement would be appreciated.

In my state, kids can make up their own mind about where they want to live at 17, the parents have no say. So even if you forced her to live with you there is no saying that when she is of 'age to consent' she won't just up and leave you guys.

I think that it is important to note that neither your or your husband are in control of whether she spirals downward or not, there are too many other factors involved here including a family history of addicts (at least on her BM side). She is almost 17 and at that age all we can do is guide, the teaching part is over. Guiding you can do from a distance if you are vigilant with it. Regardless of whether she is in your home or not, if she wants to do drugs she will find a way. She is not dumb she knows what drugs will do, they killed her BM. I have an teen addict in my house right now so I speak from experience.

You should have no guilt, let her stay with her Grandparents, but stay vigilantly in contact with her. Make sure your husband does too. You have other children to worry about who hopefully have had a more promising background than your SD. Whatever way she turns out, you both were merely a portion of the result, your share that burdon with society, druggie BM, and Grandparents alike. Live clean, stay close, and hope...hope lots. Let her know you will always be there for her but let her go.

If she stays she could end up acting up, doing more drugs, ruining you and your husbands relationship, damaging your other children. But by no means am I saying abandon her, stay close, as close as possible with a safe barrier for your household so that you can maintain a stable environment for the other kids coming up.

It is not an easy choice by any means, good luck to you.

thank you so much for your help. I received a letter this afternoon from my husband and he wishes the same as I do. Just for her to be happy. Letting go of the pain she has held deep inside her from the neglect and death of her BM. No problems here staying clean and vigilant I can be. I was once a teenage mother and wish that upon no other teenage female. It puts alot on you and I think that is why I am so worried for her. I don't want her making the same mistakes her BM made nor do I want her to end up on the lifelong trialed path such as I have. You are so gracious and I thank you deeply. May God Bless You!!!!!