You did everything you could and more. You have nothing to feel bad about. The selfish couple sound like they have a lot to feel bad about. Also sounds like there's jealousy there.

I imagine it'll pass. Enjoy the time with your GS. It's not his fault.

I don't see why you apologized or why they should feel slighted in the least. You had other plans. You offered to host them on alternate dates.

This is about something else. Can you find out what? If not, let it go. Certainly do not let it spoil your visit with your grandson!

Say, mind if *I* invite myself out to your place for a couple of days? You can rearrange your life to suit my plans! LOL

I agree w/the 2 previous posters.They will get over it.Enjoy your grandson.

Shelley

They asked if you had other plans. You answered honestly. You did nothing wrong. They are at fault for acting so childish.

Why couldn't everyone have been at your house at the same time? They are all related and know each other. I would have asked GS if he minded.

I've kind of been in similar situations and have felt left out. That is probably how your son and his wife feel.

Depends on how much room you have--since I assume they would all be staying with you. If you don't have room maybe they could've stayed in a motel close by and visited by day. I sure hope everything turns out and everyone comes to visit. But they shouldn't be upset if they know your space is limited--and not answering your invites to come ahead was a little childish. Don't you hate family turmoil? ((grams33))

Yes, I would have room but it does make for alot of people and I am cooking most of time. The only prob was that we went to Denver recently to visit this same grandson and again he wanted to be with us alone and another son ad family joined us when they learned we were comimg This time he wanted to visit us alone too and took those days off because no one would be here.-and this is why I didn't want to change plans.
Son's children are older , grandson's young.Same plans would not work for both.I feel so bad.We had planned a whole family reunion for earlier and the same son said he couldn't make it. He did come earlier and visit here. no family reunion cause all couldn't come.He is a good son and I had no idea he would have been hurt

I can understand your grandson wanting to spend time alone w/you.I am glad you didnt change your plans.Enjoy your grandson and be glad he still wants to visit.

Shelley

Your grandson shows how special you are to him- and he wants to spend quality time with you! You can't be expected to cook/entertain/have house set-up for everybody at the same time- it would just wear you out and then your visit with GS wouldn't be as special to him.
Forget the childish way the son was acting- maybe he had a bad day- enjoy the GS!

I totally understand that your grandson wanted to spend time alone. And he should as grandparents are special. He has every right to ask for that and being he asked long ago before your son and wife did, you have a right to ask them to come later. They are being selfish wanting mom to drop everything and let them come when they want too.

You did want them to come but at different time than they wanted too.

There is nothing wrong with that at all. You should ask family or friends first if its alright to come at such and such a time for so many days.

You should not be made to feel quilty or put out.

Also that is their loss if they don't want to come this year. Sad it is but just accept it even though you want to see them.

Yes, enjoy the time with your grandson.

I am lucky as I have my daughter and grandkids 13 & 15 years here for a month, and at the same time have my other two granddaughters with their babies in and out. My teens are great with the others and saves us from alot of lifting and playing with them. Things do work out if a person chooses to. It is hard for me to keep one kid occupied so I really appreciated more.
But that is me.

I'm so sorry this situation has arisen. I know you must feel so bad. I'm hoping it all works out and everyone is happy.

Well, I have to differ.

I expect you, like all mothers have said that you would do anything for your children. To me that would mean saying "Yes, Bobby is coming but that is fine, I know you will be glad to see each other."

Bobby is married, which means he is not a child. You said he will be disappointed if he doesn't get to see his Uncle. You mentioned there would be a lot of cooking that you would have to do, but apparently you often have large groups there. And a lot of food can be bought ready-to-eat; doesn't have to be a banquet. Asking if you had plans is pretty much of a routine question.

You asked here for opinions. Mine is that you should have said something like I mentioned above. I understand your son's feeling about changing his plans re turning their trip around. Maybe her family "had plans."

So it seems you were not willing to do anything for your children because it would mean a small sacrifice on your part.

Many families never have these kinds of get-to-gethers. You should be proud yours does. One more call to your son and his DW, whom you say is a sweetheart, just might heal the hurt.

Blessings.

Sue

Grams,
I'm in the camp of you handled this perfectly :)
Sometimes our grown children can "act out" just like a two year old having a tantrum.
It sounds as if your son and his wife refuse to believe that your world does not revolve around them when they choose to "grace" you with their presence. It doesn't mean I think they are "bad" kids, just that sometimes as parents, we're expected to drop "everything to do anything" for the children.
I think by understanding that your grandson specifically asked to have time with just you, and you honoring that request is spot on.
Your son and his wife will come to see how their actions were wrong...Apologize? No need to reward bad behavior on your part.

Yes, I did ask for opinions and yes I do appreciate them.
Sue-Our grandson asked for quality time with us which is not possible with so many of different ages etc around. Since we live 25 miles from a town I pretty much cook from scratch. However that is not the issue. I thought they too would enjoy visiting us alone as we had made plans to go to a childrens park one day and golfing the other day-none of which would interest my son and family.There for I thought another time would be better.Also her family might have plans but we did too.I did call them an apologized but they were cool.I am just sorry that I offended anyone . Thank you all for your advice.

I agree with those that say you did nothing wrong.

Kathleen44 and Debora ps put it quite well.

I raised my kids that all things are not equal nor always fair. Just because I do something with one doesn't mean the other gets the same. Some other time maybe or something entirely different. I hope they do the same if and when they have kids of their own.

Now that they are on their own with SOs it is very difficult for our schedules to allow us to get together. We've learned not to bother to try too hard. It just leads to disappointment. Sometimes even birthdays and holidays are delayed. We're all adults. We deal with it and see each other as we can. DD recently got together with her brother and arranged for us all to go out to dinner (belated mass family birthday dinner) next week. I do believe it's the first time all 6 of us will be together since Christmas. And we all live within 1/2 hour of each other.

Grandson asked first, and you agreed.

He asked for some time alone with you, and you agreed.

Your son asked to come/said he was coming ... and you said, sorry, not just at that time ... how about another?

His nose was out of joint, and it seems that he feels that you're being a pain in the patoot. To accomodate him would negate one of the major purposes of your grandson's visit.

My opinion is that he's being a pain in the patoot.

Seems to me that he has some growing up to do.

Mom is supposed to move heaven and earth to cater to his plans? When she has other plans of her own, made before he made his request? order?

Farmer Dad said something that fits, I think ...

... "Small potatoes ... and few in a hill".

Some folks find it hard to see beyond the end of their own nose.

Enjoy your weekend with grandson ... son will get over it.

If he doesn't ... give him a couple of good raps on the behind!

Best wishes for getting things straightened out ... but don't bend over backwards ... and in my opinion, you have nothing about which it is indicated that you should consider apologizing.

ole joyful

P.S. I have a feeling that there's more going on here than appears on the surface.

o j

I certainly don't think you did anything really wrong and I kind of understand that your GS may want some time alone with you... but... unless he's having some real serious issues that he needs to discuss privately with you, I'm not really seeing why only he could be there.

...maybe your door should be open to all relatives at all times. I can't imagine my mother saying I couldn't visit just because another relative is going to be there. I would probably feel slighted.

If you were going to be in your son's town on the way home from a trip and asked if you could visit, and he said he was already busy with plans entertaining his sister or your brother, how would you feel?

If you were going to be in your son's town on the way home from a trip and asked if you could visit, and he said he was already busy with plans entertaining his sister or your brother, how would you feel?

I can only speak for myself, but if I asked someone if I could visit and they said they were busy, I'd be glad I asked, and happy they told me. I certainly wouldn't want to intrude and spoil their plans. There's been times I've stopped by friends or family's places unannounced and they were busy. I didn't feel they owed me anything. I simply leave and get together another time. I don't feel the earth revolves around me.

It sounds like this is unusual behavior for the son and that makes me think there's more to it. Almost sounds like he doesn't want you to be alone with the grandson for some reason. It just doesn't sound right. Maybe sometime they'll open up and tell the whole story. Until then, enjoy your grandson. I never new my grandparents. Would have liked to have some memories with them.

I think it is wonderful that your grandson wants to keep a close relationship with you. I also understand the "alone time" because it is very different from a gathering of many. He made a request and you accepted, so I think you should stick with the original plans.

Your son and his wife, as nice as they are, and as much as you love them too, need to realize that PARENTS HAVE LIVES TOO! At this point in your life, it doesn't all revolve around the kids.

It's often hard to sort out our time in the later years because there are so many "branches" in our lives. They just don't always coordinate.

I wonder if there is some kind of friction between son and grandson. I also wonder if the communication got messed up between what you said to son, and what he siad to wife.

No matter, you were not in the wrong, and have nothing to appologize for, except admitting that you are sorry that they are upset. Caution! sometimes when we just leave things to blow over, they brew instead. Maybe you need to talk to your son again. Tell him you want to be sure he understands the situation from your point, so there are no hard feelings. If they have a speaker phone, or two phones, you can speak to him and his wife together.

I think you need a hug!
(((Grams)))

cynic's comment on my comment made me think.

Of course I wouldn't expect my parents to cancel a night at the the opera or expect to be invited to a business dinner they were hosting...but we have always been welcomed in their home... because, well, it's our home too; it will always be our home. Our family is close knit and would always include other family members. I don't think it's about being spoiled; I think it's more about your family dynamics. When we have relatives come in town everyone always go over there to see them... not stay away to give them alone time.

I have a feeling your son would have totally understood if you were busy with something else (like a church function or a wedding, etc). I just don't think he thinks your entertaining a grandson should be something that he would be excluded from or made to feel he was interrupting. There may be more to the story, but I doubt it.

It would be like if I called my mom and told her I'd be close by and could I coome by to visit and she implied it was a bad time because my brother was coming over that night... I would be like what? ...That makes it a good time, not a bad time? I really wouldn't understand. Again, family dynamics are different but I hardly ever see a reason to exclude family members, especially your son from his own house when he is coming in town. Heck, even if you were having a work dinner party, I'd invite him.

Inclusion is almost always better than exclusion. Even amoung friends and even when people think they want to be alone. Bottom line, it never feels good to feel left out especailly amoung family and espiecially when you could have easily been included. Alone time is nice, but unless you're lovers, it's not needed at someone else's expense.

My family is pretty close and we have members who live far away. When they are able to visit, all of us who are local gather in one place. I can understand what your grandson wants, because sometimes there are so many people around that I feel as if I don't really get a chance to visit with those folks I don't see often.

Unfortunately, in larger family groups, there just isn't enough time. Maybe your grandson feels that way and just wants to really connect with his grandparents and have some time during which he doesn't have to share. That's not some terrible thing. Your son should understand and enjoy time when he gets to have time with you that he doesn't have to share.

That's not being greedy or excluding anyone, just wanting to really finish a conversation -- which can be hard to do in bigger groups.

Son wrote and told me that their plans were not made yet -only in the planning stages and did we have any plans for those days. Since we did I just asked him if they could come to our home on the WAY and to her brothers on the way home, I did not ever tell him that he was not welcome, or that he couldn't come..It never ever entered my mind that that would offend him, but do wonder why he even asked.Our family too has many gatherings and are close so I never thought that I shouldn't tell him of our plans.Someone also said that the grandchild wanted to see him but the grandson does not even know whAT IS GOING ON. Son said he wasn't coming, when he called on Father's Day so I told Gs no one was coming. I wish now that I hadn't said anything, changed my plans and hoped my gs wasn't disappointed
I do appreciate all your help and knew that the KT people would be honest.You are a great group of people and I do appreciate all the comments

grams33, please do me a favor. Stop beating yourself up over this! I'm sure your innards must be tied in knots over this, but they SHOULDN'T be! You seem like such a sweet caring person, I'm sure you're trying to find a way to make everyone happy. You had a perfect compromise IMO. I can't understand why your son wouldn't have been pleased. If they flipped their trip, everyone would be happy. It just feeds a suspicion that there's something there he's not saying. Remember you can't always please everyone. You did your best. Take a deep breath, have a beverage of choice and give your GS a call and tell him you're looking forward to seeing him. You'll have a great time together.

Nope, you did nothing wrong! You did not owe anyone any kind of explaination. You did have plans and you didn't owe anyone any explaination of what those plans were. "Yes, we have plans." That would have been sufficient. What you do is no ones business, even your family. Sounds like you bend over backwards to please everyone and they let you do it, when you want to do something for yourself or for someone when you want to do it, they want to try and play the guilty card on you. Don't go for it! Blessings to a too nice ((gramlady))!!!!!

Ok, so you cook a lot and have large family get togethers..they don't all have to be. You agreed to your grandson's request, which would mean...alone time with you.

"So it seems you were not willing to do anything for your children because it would mean a small sacrifice on your part." It sounds like she made a commmitment to her grandson. Sue, yes, almost all mothers say they'd do anything for their children. Sometimes that's not a good thing. She has grown children..and grown grandchildren. That son isn't a child anymore...he's a parent, an adult.

They'll get over it. Most of us agree...so enjoy your grandson's visit.